girlfriend left me for another guy and sent me photos day after breakup

[aloneinaz]

The obvious question is why are you engaging with her? If you ignore her she will eventually take the hint. Also, stop playing the "what if" game about her next move.

 

 

You have to have the strength to ignore all her attempts at getting you to engage w/her. Plain and simple.

[mano1982]

I'm sad I guess, Im feeling a little weak, I miss holding her but I know she's not well. I guess this is just a down day. I know I need to toughen up but I can't help moments when I miss her. I'm sorry, you guys are right I need to let go

[Chi townD]

When she sent you those "closure" emails, PLEASE tell me you didn't respond to that crap!

[aliveagain]

I'm sad I guess, Im feeling a little weak, I miss holding her but I know she's not well. I guess this is just a down day. I know I need to toughen up but I can't help moments when I miss her. I'm sorry, you guys are right I need to let go

 

You dogged a bullet, think yourself lucky. Change your number, run in the opposite direction if you see her on the street. Let her be the other mans problem because there is no cure for that kind of crazy. You need to toughen up real good because if you go back to her your life will be a living hell. Take it from someone who knows. Seriously, run.

[mano1982]

Hello everyone, hope all is well. Have a little update. Things have been going well, starting a new job today with an attorney, i think it will be good for me. The guy is eager to train me. As far as the other issue goes, the wacko is back, she left her new bf overseas. I think i told u guys a couple weeks ago the mother found me, asked me to forgive her, buy her a ring immediately and knock her up. She told me that would fix her. She blamed herself for her daughter's conduct, bc she abandoned her when she was 3. I told her it wasnt an issue of forgiving her i simply could never trust her or love her again. A week later genius shows up and finds my uncle, specifically telling him she decided its over btwn us. Im pretty sure shes trying to get a reaction out of me, or in the least get me to beg her to come back like i did last summer.

Not going to deny it, i was upset for a few hours after i heard that but im better now. Every day gets a little easier. Thank you all again for helping me through this. Your support and guidance was critical.

[Chi townD]

Congrats on the new job, dude! Feels good when things start going your way, doesn't it?

 

 

Keep making positive changes! Save up a lot from those paychecks and get a down payment on a new place. IKEA should be your friend for a little while. But, set yourself up with certain short term goals and achieve them! Hardest part is done You got employment, now go get the rest.

[mano1982]

Thank you chi town, youve given me some great advice. I appreciate it

[Downtown]

Mano, I want to join ChiTown in congratulating you on getting the new job with the attorney! Congratulations also on your success in maintaining NC and dealing with the bad news from your uncle. I really appreciate your returning today to give us an update on your progress. It feels so good just to hear it.

[mano1982]

Thank you guys, ironically enough I deleted my Facebook today and within moments I received an email from an unknown account. What do you think was in it ? Pictures of her and the guy. Is she that crazy ? What the hell is going on, I want to be left alone. Why is she doing this to me? It's evil and doesn't make any sense to me. I don't get it. I was so good to this girl and she is trying to torture me. Ugh I wish she would go away and let me live my life

[mano1982]

Hi guys, things have been going well, no real complaints but one thing I wanted some input on. I keep having these damn dreams where I relive the feeling I had when I found out she was cheating. Why is this happening ? I feel like I miss her still but why? I still haven't been with a girl since her, maybe I'm not ready yet. I'm afraid in a sense. What's wrong with me? Why does it still hurt at times. This wasn't a normal break up and I remember you telling me about the emotional roller coaster. It makes me sad though, I miss her at times, it hurts quite a bit but I know she's a train wreck. Maybe I'm still wondering why she doesn't see what she's done. I think about her tears at the airport and then the knife in the back. I'm still confused. I'm sorry I'm venting like this but it hurt so much and I loved her so much. I don't understand how she could simply discard me like garbage. I know a lot of you have been through this but getting rid of this feeling of neglect and abandonment and trust is weighing on me. I am so dissapointed in her but I can't help the sadness I feel at moments. It tears me up. I loved that girl so much, why did she destroy us the way she did.

[mano1982]

I legit really hurt at times. I've never been through something like this. This girl was my world and she beat me down yet I still miss her, I miss the person she pretended to be. I haven't let myself date anyone and this nut was cheating on me when I was having surgery. I can't grasp how I believed her, how I fell for it again after last summer. It hurts so much sometimes. Obviously less frequently but it still hurts

[Downtown]

She beat me down yet I still miss her, I miss the person she pretended to be.... It hurts so much sometimes. Obviously less frequently but it still hurts

Mano, as I noted in my August 4 post, walking away from a BPDer is extremely painful -- particularly for us caregivers. We are so empathetic that we can see the frightened, vulnerable, little child in her. Because BPDers have the emotional development of a young child, they exhibit a warmth and emotional purity of expression that young children exhibit.

 

In that respect, they are very childlike -- an endearing quality that makes us feel like we are abandoning a young child when we walk away. Although young children throw temper tantrums and split people black or white -- just like BPDers do -- nearly all adults have a natural tendency to want to shelter and protect them. It therefore is not surprising, if your Ex is a BPDer, that you still miss her even though she often beat you down.

[mano1982]

Now that I look back at some of these posts, I can see what you were all saying much clearer. I have been speaking to someone for the past couple months now a professional about all the stuff and its evident that she is a good candidate for BPD. although none of us can confirm that without her seeking treatment the various incidents and behavioral examples are very strong examples of what someone with BPD would do and act like. even more so the mother blaming herself for the daughters behavior because she abandoned her at the age of 3 as well as a myriad of other issues that took place during her childhood it's fairly evident that there is something going on in that girl's head. the mother again approached me with some weird story about someone putting a sign on the car and what if someone's out to get her and silly stupid things childish things and that's exactly what I said to her but towards the end of the conversation she was trying to engage me to chase her by asking me what am I going to do if she brings the boyfriend down here and that she might go there to see him over Christmas break etc etc I told her that was no longer my concern. to be honest I think the daughter was listening to the conversation but again I'm just glad to be getting out of this tangled web of insanity let someone else deal with it. starting to think that mother has it too with the whole trying to get me to marry her her, knock her up and forgive her, and that will fix her while in the same breath telling me that she does this to them too and she only does it because she loves us.

 

anyways finally enough with that I'm feeling a lot better everything is going well with the new job and I'm grateful I have your posts to look back on and to reflect and also learn from what you all taught me. you are all a tremendous amount of help through this and I will always send people to this site if I can't help them myself with the tools you've given me

Edited October 22, 2015 by mano1982
spelling

[mano1982]

and I also I'm a little surprised this post has generated so many views . I hope it helps others in the way it helped me

[Downtown]

Mano, thanks for the update. I'm glad to hear you still like the new job with the attorney and have successfully removed yourself from that toxic relationship. You've sure come a long way since July 26. Congratulations!

 

I'm a little surprised this post has generated so many views . I hope it helps others in the way it helped me

Yes, as I noted three months ago, "by sharing your own experiences, you likely will be helping numerous other members and lurkers. Your thread has already attracted nearly 300 views in just the past seven hours." Now your thread has nearly 3,000 views. Your decision to share your experiences likely has helped many people, Mano.

[mano1982]

I'm glad at least this issue has helped others. I feel so much better now. I remember how sad I was on my birthday and then a few days later trying to take the bar exam. I was in tears. I still think about her, but I now see her as the heartless, self centered person she truly is. It feels like this has been a bad dream. For anyone reading this, if you are ever involved in a relationship such as the one I wrote about, please consider going to talk to someone about it because no matter how strong you think you are, you have likely experienced some trauma and damage which needs to be addressed. Trust me, the emotional abuse and sadness always leaves it's mark. I feel bad for anyone in a similar situation because the pain is real, the sleepless nights are real, the racing thoughts etc but time will heal. Don't look for closure, accept the fact that they are damaged and you cannot fix them, especially when they think they are fine. The days will get better and someone normal will come along and you will realize quite a bit when that happens.

Edited October 30, 2015 by mano1982

[LostOnes05]

Wish I had seen this about 3-4 months ago, especially that list about the BPD. Holy crap!! Dealt with a woman who could legitimately fit all of those characteristics Downtown. That's actually kind of scary. Thanks for those threads and thanks for sharing mano.

[mano1982]

Hey guys update.

 

The sheep herder flew In a couple days ago, he's staying with her about a mile away from me, well, apparently she's been trying to reach out to my friends gf to rub in my fave that he's here.

Tnight I received three missed calls from her. I refuse to answer. I know she is trying to antagonize me. I'm afraid this will get worse. The kid hadn't even arrived before she reached out to my buddies gf. Shes obviously been waiting for this. I couldnt believe my eyes when i saw her number but i knew she was up to something.

 

The first summer when she dragged me to Greece she did the same thing with her other ex and send me back in pieces, after i flew down there to be with her.

 

What are your thoughts?

[Marc878]

Block her on everything and do not ever respond to her in any way. Time will fix the rest.

 

The biggest mistake you made was going back for seconds.

 

Do not try and understand her. No one can.

 

Move on with your life and consider yourself very lucky!!!!!!

[mano1982]

Thank you for your guidance, I finally am able to see things for what they are . I can't believe I allowed this much to happen, it's astonishing how the mind works. Being strong enough to ignore her is a gift I've been waiting for

[Chi townD]

At this point, I would change my phone number if I were you. If you blocked her from every other form of communication and she knows that your phone is the only one left, it's obvious that she's going to abuse it.

 

 

 

 

Change your number, dude.

[marky00]

 

Sooner or later, she will probably reach out to you. Guilt is going to get to her and she will want to explain that what she did to you was entirely your fault somehow.

 

 

LOL.... this is so true. How ironic haha.

[aliveagain]

Put a recorded message on your phone that says "If this is Looney Tunes you can no longer take calls from her, your girlfriend doesn't like it." After a week, change your number. Get a restraining order on her and her mother. I have been unpublished for almost ten years because of a crazy ex. No family, friends or my place of employment are allowed to give her or anyone else my contact information.

[mano1982]

Hi guys and girls hope all is well have a little update for you. First thanks for all the advice I'm doing great and feel great I'm preparing to retake my test I have been doing a lot better working on myself my career and my goals.

Now let's get the juicy stuff.

She called a few more times I ended up changing my number I never spoke to her or answered any of the calls the people she was trying to triangulate told her to leave me alone and approximately three weeks later she notifies them again and tells them she's decided to get married. And sure enough she did. My guess to keep this guy in the country and she made sure to put all her pictures on public so obviously I would see them at some point. So four months after our break up she married this kid who doesn't have a job, never went to school , or a dollar to his name and like I said my guess is to keep him here. Turns out he is also an ex-boyfriend I knew nothing about from years ago.

Anyways I'm Not going to lie, it did bug me a little bit but it shows how, I believe, how completely insane she is. It's all just crazy

[mano1982]

I think the thing that affected me most of all this was trusting someone who told me how much she cared hours before she left me for someone else and I think it's because I let myself trust her again after the first summer and I started to believe she really meant what she said. I'm mad at myself for allowing her back in and for trusting her again but all the things that happened from the beginning show there is something deeply wrong with this person and I'm lucky that the damage I incurred is repairable even though it Took time and still is taking time I'm almost back to my original self a more improved original self .

 

So the first summer she dragged me down there (overseas) and dumped me this guy apparently lived there too and he was with another girl at the time so it could've been her way of trying to get him to leave whoever he was with by showing him that she could drag me down there and send me home on a whim. She made it very clear that I had to escort her there and she had to be seen being escorted . I don't know why I'm looking for answers maybe it's my nature but either way I dodged a bullet. The mother knew there was a threat with this guy even though I knew nothing about his existence that's why a few months ago she tried to convince me to forgive her knock her up immediately and buy her a ring thank God I never responded to her.

 

One thing I found interesting was both times her personality changed it was over the summer in Greece her home village and both times she tried to come back to me was here in the US the month of November. The timing is a little odd but maybe there is some connection there with something.