Is she serious or am I just getting breadcrumbs?

[dg2302]

Here's my story, sorry for the length in advance.

 

My ex and I have been good friends for 2 years. I'm 31 and she's 29. We started dating shortly after New Year's this year and were together until the end of May. Things were great. We spent pretty much every weekend together as we work different shifts at the same company. I was (and still am) head over heels in love with her. I adore her son (10 mos) and my son (6 yo) adores her.

 

We had a pretty ugly, out of the blue, breakup. Words were exchanged that were very hurtful from both sides, but mostly from her. I found out from her best friend that less than a week later that she started seeing a guy who's 21 and had told her they'd never date because she has a kid. I started NC that day, which was on 6/4. I had also found out that day that her roommate had been talking badly about me to her because she was spending more time with me than her.

 

I left the following week on vacation, to the middle of nowhere where I could be away from all social media and cell service. I did a lot of soul searching that week and by the end of my vacation, I had, unbeknownst to her, forgiven her. I hold no grudges for her actions and words. Her new bf and Her broke up on 6/21, 4 days later she sent me a text message apologizing for how badly she treated me and how she acted in the final days of our relationship.

 

I remained in NC until 7/17. I decided to write her a letter explaining myself to her and explaining how I felt and that I had forgiven her. I left it in her car and She messaged me the following day. She was at a loss for words. She said that she missed how great things were and how close we were. She missed me and thought about me a lot. Since then, we've been back to messaging as frequently as we did when we were together, we've talked every night on the phone except for yesterday. and she stops to talk to me at work daily.

 

Yesterday, our sons, her, and I went on a road trip to take them to the aquarium, which we had planned on doing this summer before we split up. We had a great day. We laughed, talked, and enjoyed each other's company. The only bad thing that happened was her roommate texting her and basically yelling at her for spending time with me instead of her. After we got back I got a big hug from her that let like she didn't want to let go. I wanted to kiss her but I didn't want to push too much and mess up my chances.

 

Last night, after we got him from our trip, she ended up going for a walk with her son and her dog and ended up at my house, which is 3 blocks away. They all ended up staying here bc she came down with a migraine about an hour after she got here. When they left this morning, I got another long hug from her and I sweetly kissed her forehead. We've messaged back and forth today but she's seeming really distant after I made a comment about taking the boys to do some more things.

 

What is like to ask is, should I continue on what I'm doing or should I slow down and allow her feelings for me to come around at her own pace?

[loveiswar101]

Thee old up and down of a breakup ! If you really want her back slow right the f# down. You only have had a small time apart really after breaking up. But if u are texting the same, calling the same, nothing has changed. Not good in my eyes.

 

Need to really slow it down, its not a game but let her come to u and go from there.

 

Totally ignore her gf, never argue about her bring her up etc. If your girl takes her gf advice over your then it just is not worth the hassle, in my eyes. Basically need to go back to dating and start fresh, yes nice kids hang out but all is new dating cycle now, let it develop and go from there.

 

Best of luck.

[aloneinaz]

I agree with slowing down as well. It's a bit concerning to me that you'd break up and she'd immediately starting dating another guy, especially someone so much younger. Is she a "tree swinger", meaning she HAS TO have a guy in her life? Where's the father of her baby? What happened to that relationship?

 

 

There's several red flags here about her in my mind. You guys ended suddenly and exchanged ugly words while doing it. That's not an indication of a healthy, mutually respectful relationship.

 

 

Personally, I think you should step away from her and really think about getting involved with her full time again. Explore her past relationship history to see if there are patterns here.

[dg2302]

She and her son's father split up because he moved an hour away and she wasn't willing to leave her family, especially her elderly grandmother. They broke up shortly after she got pregnant and had only dated 1 other guy in the year before we got together. She's not a "tree swinger" in my opinion. I'm was the first relationship she was in that time frame.

 

As far as her gf, she jumped her Saturday because she missed her engagement to spend time with me and again Sunday because she stayed at my house. Me ex actually stood up to her and said that she was going to live her life by her rules not her gfs. I saw the messages to back that story up.

 

I pretty well am letting her initiate things now, and so far so good. She messaged me first thing this morning and even went as far as to ask me on a date Saturday. She knows I'm hesitant on picking things back up as I stated to her the day we started talking again. I made it clear to her that she would have I prove herself to me if I am to trust her again.

[CalvinM]

I'm in a similar boat, but it's her sister and my ex and I still live together.

 

I agree with the other posters. Slow things down, let her plan things with you and the kids and stay calm/avoid talking about her friend.

 

Just take it a day at a time and build on the good moments you share together. Having kids the same age is a definite plus, so let her plan activities at her convenience, stress free.

[dg2302]

So we went out last night. I took her to a nice dinner and we went out and played mini-golf (I know, it's corny but she had a blast). Things seemed to be going well until I took her home. I asked her what we were doing, are we reconciling and starting over from the start and she said that with all the things she's got going on right now, she wants to stay friends and still talk and hang out occasionally. I told her that if we're going to reconcile then I'll give her time and space if not, then I think we should go our separate ways.

 

She's in the process of moving in the next month, has been having some health issues from surgery she had at the end of last year and has been stressed from organizing a fund raiser for a mutual friends brother that died in a motorcycle accident.

 

I don't want to lose her because I do love her with all my heart still, but at this point, if she's not wanting to start fresh at all, then I want to walk away.

[Cephalopod]

DG you have been friend zoned. Don't even go there. You circling around her like Mercury around the sun is exactly what she wants. You feed her ego. She dumped you for another guy. A younger guy, and when he had his fill of her BS he dumped her. Only then did she seek you out in order to get her fix. You fell for the trap. You exist only to feed her ego while she strings you along while looking for her next victim.

 

This is the kind of chick who has to have multiple men constantly feeding her ego or she literally cannot function.

 

She knows good and well she screwed you over, but now you have forgiven her and now you are back to feeding her the ego kibble so she craves. She's not a tree monkey...she's a flake. She's a fickle ego junky.

 

My ex wife was just like this. Please, please don't fall for this. Walk away brother. Just walk away and find a woman you deserve. A woman who will give back to you much as she takes. This gal is just a taker.

[BC1980]

I see no indication that she wants a relationship with you. In fact, she has told you the exact opposite. She's probably going to pull back sooner or later, and I'm guessing sooner since you asked her to define what you are doing. You have every right to ask that, but she showed her true intentions when you did. It's a good thing you asked up front. I'd let her go and move on.

[dg2302]

Since I posted earlier, I've pulled myself out of the equation. I'm going in my own direction now. I'm going to just focus on my son, my work, and my music to get through it. I honestly don't have the time for the games with all of that. She tried to call me a few minutes ago and I just sent it to voicemail.

 

Its funny, you think you really know someone after being best friends and knowing everything about them, but then they do a complete 180 on you. Not to worry though, I've been through hell and back with my ex-wife before she was ever around and I'll always come out on top.

[Cephalopod]

Good man. You seem like a decent guy, too decent to waste your life on a flake.

[dg2302]

Thanks...all my friends, one of which has known her for over 20 years, have been telling me that I deserve better because I'm better than that. I guess I just needed an impartial view on this.