I need to tell my parents of my Online LDR.

[Caseeezy]

Recently- very recently, my boyfriend of almost 4 months (We've known each other for about 3 years prior) has been having issues (doubts) on his part, concerning our relationship. We don't argue and this thing, having doubts, is normal and understandable and we are always able to talk through them. However, as mentioned above, recently the issue of the "distance" between us- which is normal for every LDR, has come up and quite harshly. The way we had talked about it this time (I won't go much into detail), but just know that well, the distance is starting to really get to him.

 

Our situation in summary: Well, unlike most online LDRs, we were lucky that we only live two hours apart and on the same coast. (U.S) Currently I am 17 years old and will be turning 18. He on the other hand is 16, going on 17, quite soon (Note, age does not define love, nor maturity; It's not much of a difference anyhow, except for the fact that he'll be a senior in HS, while I'll be a freshman in College). We have skyped and all that other social media stuff, so I am certain that he is a valid person and not a "catfish." We both have had to grow up at an early age, so our mindsets and the way we think, how we perceive things is similar. So, I think was worth giving a chance too (He had fallen for me the 3 years prior to us dating, we were close friends at the time). We had met on an MMO game.

 

Anyhow, to the point of this, I really need some sort of guidance/advice on how I should go about telling my parents. I'm still 17, living under my parents' roof and still depend on them financially- and will continue to do so while attending community college for 2 years or until I can transfer to a Uni (hopefully closer to where my bf is located). Since my boyfriend is almost 17 and will still be attending HS, I think it's more appropriate for me, "the adult" figure in the relationship to go see him (to meet up and visit regularly when I can) , since his parents might think he's too young to visit me (We both come from asian households, so this makes it a bit more difficult). I really think getting to meet him will ease his worries (Just once, under my parents approval and financial support). I plan to drive soon and work part time, so I can come see him regularly, on my own accord. But all that won't be appropriate without my parents permission.

 

Fun fact: My parents were actually pen pals before meeting each other/getting married (They dated through snail mail, haha). So I feel like my relationship is just a modernized version, so hopefully they'll understand me through how they're relationship was formed.

 

However, they're still both really hard to talk to, since, especially with asian parents, speaking of things such as love and relationships, can be a really gritty topic to discuss. You all don't really know of my past or his past and what we've been through, but I know that this guy, is an amazing individual and I really do see a future with him as he does with me so, the first step in our future- telling our parents (I'll tell mine first, then he'll tell his).

 

Thank you all in advance for your advice and hopefully this is enough info to get me a thorough well-thought out answer. (:

[Els]

Ooof. If you come from a traditional Asian household, it will likely be quite difficult to convince your parents about the validity of online LDRs, and even more difficult to explain to them why you (the woman) are traveling to see him instead of vice versa.

 

I don't really know how to help you, since the only solution I have found to actually work (I come from an Asian household, too) was to move out and become independent from them as soon as I could, and just do whatever I wanted regardless of whether or not they approved. But, if your parents are more open-minded than mine were, it's possible you might be able to talk to them about it. Start gently, maybe just talk about your LDR for a couple months first, let them talk to him on Skype, then sloooowly ease them into the possibility of you traveling to see him. Perhaps they can come with you the first time if your bf agrees to that.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, serious and honest question: how are you saying if you've never gone on a date?

 

Beyond the concern about your parents is your boyfriend's hesitation. Are you sure he wants to meet in person? I would first make sure he's still on the same page as you about that. The truth is that he is very young and might not want to commit to anything right now, especially if distance is involved. What has he said about the distance? You said this came up "harshly" -how so?

[d0nnivain]

Tell them you have been talking to a boy. Couch it as modern pen pal. Ask them if they would like to Skype with him & then give them all that chance.

[Caseeezy]

If you come from a traditional Asian household, it will likely be quite difficult to convince your parents about the validity of online LDRs

 

My parents are strange. They're probably the most chill asian parents out there (Not that strict, etc) however, they do hold some traditional beliefs- especially my father. My mother might be a bit open, since she has been getting on the online scene, so if I were to tell them, I would tell my mother first.

 

just talk about your LDR for a couple months first

 

I don't really have a couple of months. The thing is I've known him for so long- I've mentioned he's waited for me for 3 years, now he has me, and now that he has me, he really wants to be with me- in person that is. I want to at least meet him in person to reassure him that we can do this.

 

Perhaps they can come with you the first time if your bf agrees to that.

 

I'm sure he would. Like any other understandable individual, he cares for my safety. Otherwise, if I can't get my parents on board for traveling plans, I have friends who drive and other means of transportation (There's this thing called Amtrak, kinda like a train, we only live like 2 hours away). I only really need my parents support, trust, and financial support (I do have a savings account, but they never speak of it, I do know of how much I have within that account and it'd be enough for even two trips! But, how do bring that up as well... I don't want this all to be about money).

 

Beyond the concern about your parents is your boyfriend's hesitation. Are you sure he wants to meet in person? I would first make sure he's still on the same page as you about that. The truth is that he is very young and might not want to commit to anything right now, especially if distance is involved. What has he said about the distance? You said this came up "harshly" -how so?

 

Last night was just a rough night for him personally. I don't want to delve too deep, because the circumstances will make this already complicated question a lot harder to answer. I wouldn't be dating him if we weren't on the same playing field and if he didn't want anything serious. He new from the start, that I am not one to play games and he's aware of my past, he knows that I'm tired of false hope for a decent relationship. Anyhow, that's really all I could say on that. Just know main priority, is that I need to see him and soon.

 

Tell them you have been talking to a boy. Couch it as modern pen pal. Ask them if they would like to Skype with him & then give them all that chance.

 

Haha, I'm sure they've somewhat been wondering who I've been speaking to so late or who I'm on the phone with/skype with. I think it's best for me to tell them straight, however I don't know what points to bring up exactly. And I don't want to just hit them with this- like, my main motivation is simply just to be able to meet him, especially while we're both on break. Sigh, and we both go back to school soon, so this timing just sucks.

[ExpatInItaly]

My parents are strange. They're probably the most chill asian parents out there (Not that strict, etc) however, they do hold some traditional beliefs- especially my father. My mother might be a bit open, since she has been getting on the online scene, so if I were to tell them, I would tell my mother first.

 

 

 

I don't really have a couple of months. The thing is I've known him for so long- I've mentioned he's waited for me for 3 years, now he has me, and now that he has me, he really wants to be with me- in person that is. I want to at least meet him in person to reassure him that we can do this.

 

 

 

I'm sure he would. Like any other understandable individual, he cares for my safety. Otherwise, if I can't get my parents on board for traveling plans, I have friends who drive and other means of transportation (There's this thing called Amtrak, kinda like a train, we only live like 2 hours away). I only really need my parents support, trust, and financial support (I do have a savings account, but they never speak of it, I do know of how much I have within that account and it'd be enough for even two trips! But, how do bring that up as well... I don't want this all to be about money).

 

 

 

Last night was just a rough night for him personally. I don't want to delve too deep, because the circumstances will make this already complicated question a lot harder to answer. I wouldn't be dating him if we weren't on the same playing field and if he didn't want anything serious. He new from the start, that I am not one to play games and he's aware of my past, he knows that I'm tired of false hope for a decent relationship. Anyhow, that's really all I could say on that. Just know main priority, is that I need to see him and soon.

 

 

 

Haha, I'm sure they've somewhat been wondering who I've been speaking to so late or who I'm on the phone with/skype with. I think it's best for me to tell them straight, however I don't know what points to bring up exactly. And I don't want to just hit them with this- like, my main motivation is simply just to be able to meet him, especially while we're both on break. Sigh, and we both go back to school soon, so this timing just sucks.

 

What does "dating" entail for you, OP? I ask because it appears as though you've never gone on a date with him. By your definition, what is a boyfriend?

 

Understand that your (and his) parents may very well ask the same questions of you. I am only 34, and I have difficulty understanding how/why people who have never met consider themselves to be boyfriend/girlfriend. I imagine your parents are older than me - how will you explain this to them? Try explaining it to us first. We can then help you with the wording...because I can almost guarantee that simply telling them that age doesn't define love and that he's been in love with you for three years (without having met) is not going to be enough.

[justwhoiam]

I don't know how to handle this topic, especially without offending anyone.

 

1. I didn't like how you defined yourself the adult in the relationship. This made me cringe a bit. Please think about the whole situation a bit more, like an adult would.

 

2. He started falling in love with you when he was 13. Now 16. A lot will happen in his life, he's still in high school. You can ignore this all you want, but it won't change a thing.

 

3. I don't know much about Asian culture related to dating, but, do you want to date him OR have a serious relationship with him, commitment, have him as your official fiancé? Because if it's about dating, I'd say: go for it. If it's the latter though, it's a no-go.

 

4. If he really wants something, he needs to give his best to get what he wants. That's how it goes. He should talk to his parents and arrange something, like a one-day trip with them, a trip by train with friends, something like that.

 

5. In your mind, it seems to me that you have it all figured out already. But it's one-sided. With all the effort upon you (practical and financial), at least for the next 2 years, and possibly that will set the pattern for your future interaction.

 

6. On here, I've read hundreds of posts from students in college, and not having time to meet up is quite common, especially when exams are up. You are making it all easy, but it's not. And if you end up together, which you aren't now, being separated won't be the same anymore. I'm not sure if you realized about that. Talking from a distance as friends is one thing, being bf/gf and not physically together is a totally different thing. More frustrating. It's very likely that you'll experience conflicts.