Husband just got fired for stealing

[Tiger Lily]

After I told him how helpful I find my appointments with my therapist, I convinced him to call her and make an appointment. I thought it may be helpful for him to see her since she already has all the background and some understanding of what's going on with us. He seemed skeptical but actually made the appointment, which is a pretty big accomplishment all by itself.

 

I am kind of worried about him, but things seem to be slowly improving...

 

Hope things continue to move in positive directions.

 

I do feel like there is potential for some difficulty if your therapist is working with both of you, separately. You're not being seen as a couple, and I feel like your therapeutic experiences would be altered by the fact that your therapist sees both of you.

 

Just my opinion. Your therapist would make the professional opinion whether or not to take the case. If not, maybe the therapist could make a good referral.

[Arabella]

Well, the thing about that is that my therapist thought I shouldn't see her anymore, at least for the time being. She feels that I have my head on straight about my issues with my husband (which was the primary reason I was seeing her) and at this point, it's a matter of time to see if he gets better or not and therefore, whether I leave or not. No sense to keep billing me in the meantime to keep talking about that.

 

So, I asked her if she would be willing to see him and see how it goes. She has expressed many times how she thinks that he is in dire need of therapy (which I think we all here would agree). Her only qualm with this was that he might go to see her because I ask, and not because he really wants help.

 

That might be partially the case, but I just asked him to go see her a few times and see if it helps. If he doesn't find it helpful, I won't pester him about it again.

 

He has his first appointment next week. We'll have to see how that goes...

[kenmore]

That's all very positive news Arabella! I wish you two well.

 

I must agree with Tiger lily though, no matter the circumstances, it's a bad idea for him to see your therapist for IC. It's just a bad idea. Sure she promotes the idea, that doesn't mean it's in your best interest.

 

I think it's great that your husband has many interviews, but I can't help but feel a little angry that nobody ever bothered with me when I really needed work (the *ssholes!) Nice work on his resume. Or is it God's handiwork? Nah. It's just a bunch of *ssholes.

 

I hope it works out for you. You're here, so I relate to you. Best of luck!!

 

Ken

[pink_sugar]

When my husband and I sought couples counseling, we were actually directed to individual counseling at the time...however, my husband was referred, because a lot of psychologists will not IC each person separately in a relationship due to conflict of interest. Might be better for him too to have his own personal therapist.

 

Glad interviews are going well. Make sure he puts "no" to contact on his applications for the previous employer. Do you know what he says for reason for leaving? If he puts down terminated...they might want details, so he definitely needs to have a good reason that also isn't considered lying.

 

I know my husband went through depression during the job hunt...however, it was because he was discouraged at the lack of results of finding a job. The resume was going into a black hole where we were previously living. However, he was much more motivated once we moved when he got so much interest from employers in our new area. Try to help your husband see the positive in the situation...it could have ended up much worse. What's done is done, but he should be able to forgive himself for his mistake and move forward as long has he has learned his lesson.

[kenmore]

When my husband and I sought couples counseling, we were actually directed to individual counseling at the time...however, my husband was referred, because a lot of psychologists will not IC each person separately in a relationship due to conflict of interest. Might be better for him too to have his own personal therapist.

 

Glad interviews are going well. Make sure he puts "no" to contact on his applications for the previous employer. Do you know what he says for reason for leaving? If he puts down terminated...they might want details, so he definitely needs to have a good reason that also isn't considered lying.

 

I know my husband went through depression during the job hunt...however, it was because he was discouraged at the lack of results of finding a job. The resume was going into a black hole where we were previously living. However, he was much more motivated once we moved when he got so much interest from employers in our new area. Try to help your husband see the positive in the situation...it could have ended up much worse. What's done is done, but he should be able to forgive himself for his mistake and move forward as long has he has learned his lesson.

 

For my current potential employer, they pre-filled the screening form which is done by a third party. It was pre-filled "do not contact" my current employer, and the first thing the third party did was ask me for permission to contact them and ask for contact information. I have nothing to hide (after all, they're the dicks, not me) so I gave it to them.

 

Yeah, I went through depression during my unemployment / job hunt too. This year marks five years of depression (coincidentally, the same years I was married.) One learns to live with it and it becomes a way of life. Depression that is...not marriage. Not that marriage doesn't.

 

I'd learn my lesson but it seems the lesson is I screwed up decades ago and just have to pay for it for the rest of my life. It would be nice if there was a way of fixing it, but no dice.

 

Here's hoping for as many happy endings as possible! Mine included.

 

Ken

[Maxtor]

I read the first page and i was very amused. The guy stole some old cellphones. Yes, he did wrong. Specially cause he sold them, in my country thats a crime and he would be prossecuted like a terrorist (stealing with the intent to sell).

 

BUT

 

Why is everyone judging him? "He is an assh0le" "He is a loser" "Dump him".

 

The guy made a stupid mistake, but he didnt harm anyone, didnt kill anyone, does he deserve to be judged for the rest of his life? He is not a rapist or a murdered as far as we know.

 

What a stupid world.

[Trishern]

I do agree that there has been a great overreaction to this, even though he did wrong.

 

 

He hasn't killed anyone, he hasn't cheated on his wife, he isn't an armed robber and marriages survive all these things.

 

 

In my professional experience, people have done stupid things at work and many of those are dishonest as well. Forging mileage, false or racked up expense claims and incorrect sign in times are basically theft as well.

 

 

I'd sooner forgive my H for this, than having a 10 year affair, or even a 1 month affair for that matter. One may be illegal, but the other is a direct betrayal to me.

 

 

He just needs to know that this was very wrong, that he risked his job foolishly and that he needs to think through to the worse case scenario whenever he does something. he's let himself down, but it could have been much worse.

 

 

OP, good to her things are getting better.

 

 

Mrs T

[Arabella]

I can see why casual posters might believe that my husband was judged too harshly if this post is the only thing they have read about us.

 

As others have pointed out, there are a number of threads you can find searching under my profile if you want some background.

 

But, to sum it up, my husband was abusive (both physically and emotionally, but mostly the latter) for pretty much our entire marriage. It was only in more recent times that he got better and acknowledged that what he was doing is wrong. While there has been progress, he still has bad days every week when he becomes unduly frustrated and angry at me.

 

That said, he spent the entire weekend moping around the house. No motivation or desire to do anything. He still agreed to go out with me and our daughter but he wasn't in a good mood.

 

He has three more interviews this week, so the anxiety is at an all-time high. When he's anxious, he gets very short-tempered which usually leads to him taking out his anger and frustration on me.

 

Again, I am no longer seeing my therapist, so she felt that it would be ok for her to see him. Plus, I believe that the only reason why my husband agreed to book that appointment is that she was my therapist and I approve of her. He keeps saying how he doesn't want to have to deal with explaining everything to a new therapist and establishing trust, etc. Reading between the lines of what he tells me, she's already a couple steps ahead of the curve in that regard.

 

I'll continue to update as things develop...

[BlueIris]

I can see why casual posters might believe that my husband was judged too harshly if this post is the only thing they have read about us.

 

As others have pointed out, there are a number of threads you can find searching under my profile if you want some background.

 

But, to sum it up, my husband was abusive (both physically and emotionally, but mostly the latter) for pretty much our entire marriage. It was only in more recent times that he got better and acknowledged that what he was doing is wrong. While there has been progress, he still has bad days every week when he becomes unduly frustrated and angry at me.

 

That said, he spent the entire weekend moping around the house. No motivation or desire to do anything. He still agreed to go out with me and our daughter but he wasn't in a good mood.

 

He has three more interviews this week, so the anxiety is at an all-time high. When he's anxious, he gets very short-tempered which usually leads to him taking out his anger and frustration on me.

 

Again, I am no longer seeing my therapist, so she felt that it would be ok for her to see him. Plus, I believe that the only reason why my husband agreed to book that appointment is that she was my therapist and I approve of her. He keeps saying how he doesn't want to have to deal with explaining everything to a new therapist and establishing trust, etc. Reading between the lines of what he tells me, she's already a couple steps ahead of the curve in that regard.

 

I'll continue to update as things develop...

 

I hope he overcomes his wanting to avoid looking at what he did and explaining it because owning it is the route to change. Until he can deal with the harsh truth of his own actions, he's not going to change.

 

I don't think it is judging someone too harshly to say the truth, and the truth is that he stole. I find it even more disturbing that he thinks there was a grey area in that. Sure, people can be forgiven when they hold themselves accountable and actually change. But he doesn't seem to even want to do that. He seems most concerned that he's not earning money any more.

 

Arabella, it sounds as though you are an ethical and hard-working person and that you’re married to someone who lacks a basic moral core. Life with someone like that will be perpetual drama.

[pink_sugar]

I just thought I would mention that after this thread was created, it just so happened my CFO at work asked if I could sell some old office supplies and we could split the sale 50/50. He happened to see my ebay shipments going out with the mail at work and decided to ask if I could sell some stuff for him. Maybe the OP's husband could do something like this. If he wants to make a little cash, it wouldn't hurt him to talk with his boss about earning the company a little side cash by selling old supplies and splitting the earnings. It's a win for all.

[applej4]

If he wants to make a little cash, it wouldn't hurt him to talk with his boss about earning the company a little side cash by selling old supplies and splitting the earnings. It's a win for all.

When he gets a job and a boss, sure, but I wouldn't make such an offer until well-entrenched in the job. Also likely that prospective employer will already have established arrangements for disposing/reselling old supplies. There are companies who perform those services.

[Arabella]

When he gets a job and a boss, sure, but I wouldn't make such an offer until well-entrenched in the job. Also likely that prospective employer will already have established arrangements for disposing/reselling old supplies. There are companies who perform those services.

 

It depends on the size of the company. Smaller ones don't really have a thousand bucks to spare for the proper disposal and recycling of a room full's worth of computer equipment.

 

The funny (or rather, sad) thing is... after he was fired, the director actually said that he wished he'd said something and they could've gone 50/50 and sell all that stuff.

 

And by the way... the reason why I talk about my marriage despite this being a purely work-related matter is because it's relevant. My husband is not in a good state of mind and that is likely one of the reasons why he did this in the first place. I find that the people here, especially those who have read my prior threads, have a wealth of advice to offer... and this advice often encompasses many areas, not just the one specific issue I happen to be posting about.

 

He feels today's interview went okay. He has another tomorrow, and we just got another voicemail from a major US company interested in discussing another role with him.

 

Sure, there are lots of opportunities appearing... but he seems completely unmotivated. It's hard to respect him after all that's happened, but his behavior right now is the most off-putting thing ...

[William]

While I think that if someone is going to make judgments on the validity of other people's posts in a certain thread they should have read most if not all of it first. That is true. I screwed up and I admitted that right away. I see no reason why in order for my posts to be valid I should have to research someone's entire history though.

 

Also, there have been many instances where I will read an original post and wish to make a comment on it specifically, and if there are many pages of replies already, don't feel I need to read all of the pages in order for my comment to be valid. Sure I may repeat what someone else has already said, but if I make it known right out of the gate that I have not read all of the comments, that can be taken into account when reading my response.

 

 

 

That was from page 7 (I knew I had read it somewhere), if their past lives and problems are to be discussed and taken into account here, actual quotes and references should be put in, not random comments like (you idiot, don't you know their history?) Since I chimed in at page 9, obviously there was an issue before I came along.

 

And yes, I believe there is a kinder way of pointing it out to someone.

Since a member quoted a moderation post and we seem to have some issues with following it and/or topic content and location, I'm going to close this up while I take a look at things. Thread starter, the 'alert us' link is at your disposal if you have any requests to make. We'll take them into consideration. Thanks everyone for your input so far!