ShatteredLady Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Misty. I've gone back & read some of your posts. It seems like this has been coming for a long time. Can I ask....was it your H affair which truly 'broke' your M in the first place? You posted this a while ago (quote) "So I dropped the bomb. He said he was completely in shock. How? I have been sleeping in a separate bedroom, and refusing sex, for about 8 months, and had 2 EA's. He had cheated as well, before I did. I feel so horrible. He is so committed to making our marriage work and saying I'm throwing it all away all because I'm not attracted to him, that it's a stupid reason. I don't know what to think right now. I'm tired of being in this limbo for 3 years, agonizing over what decision to make, and having my counselor listen to indecisiveness ad nauseum. Tired of the stress of feeling like I am closing myself off to better opportunities, and not making the most out of life. How do you deal?" I think this is true crunch time. You've been procrastinating for a long time. This is salvageable but I don't know that it would be the right thing to do. You seem to of been so sad & so lost for a very long time. Hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 What is the point of getting married in the first place if you're just going to give up without trying every option to fix things? I don't want to be naïve, divorces happen of course. But really no marriage is perfect, every marriage is going to have ups and downs, but if you aren't going to fight for it, why even start it in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Pretty much this. I remember when I was raised I was told a man is only as good as his word. I've always held myself to this standard. This sounds so simple on its face....but is it. When we marry, we make more than just the promise to be legally tied to each other until one of us kicks it. There are words like love, honor, cherish, cleave. When one spouse keeps the legal part going, but they break the other promises....what then. If my H makes sure the legal end is checked off, but he won't love, cherish, touch, be intimate with me, keep a job, help with things, etc. etc. etc. Am I really the one "not being true to my word" when I am just so dead inside from the neglect I can't take it anymore? It's very easy to sit upon the ivory throne and say "because vow." But some people live in marriages that are soul-killing. Link to post Share on other sites
starpower Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Well.. He just told me he's hiring a mediator and moving out and the decision is final. Nothing for me to decide anymore Sorry to hear this, maybe it's for the best. It can't be that surprising to you. It seems you wanted this, that you felt your marriage was holding you back in life. On top of that, you not finding him attractive anymore, and him knowing this, sleeping separately and finding that you recoil anytime the thought of you sharing the same bed, is going to take a toll. Looks like he did what you were unable to do. Link to post Share on other sites
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