Teknoe Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 Thought I create a new thread focused on it rather than potentially derail the other poster's thread. I got so sick of the "sure, we can do something" then when I ask it was "oh, sorry, busy that day" bullsh*t. It was a mixture of pity and antipathetic pacifism that it just made me retreat too. Ken Ken, I hear ya. I get so much of the "Let's hang out" or "That sounds fun! Totally let's get together this summer" then when it comes time to invite them out, some BS crops up, whether legit or not. I like to give ppl the benefit of the doubt but it's so annoying when they act excited about plans, then when it comes time for action, they become very wishy washy. I hate this one the most: "Maybe. I'll check my schedule. Let you know by ____." That 80% of the time leads to a no. Sure enough you get their text later 'Hey sorry I can't make it. But have fun! Thanks for organizing!' It's such BS, and I much rather you tell me than make me wait and cling onto some small hope that you might make it. Don't waste your time or mine. Maybe I just need to find some new more true friends to hang out/make plans with. I just feel like everyone's so wishy washy and willy nilly these days. A lot of soft commits and eventual back outs. So Dan, I completely hear what you're saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 I'll tell you why I do it. Because in the moment, when I'm being asked, I'm 100 percent up for it. When the later time comes, usually when I'm at home or doing something else or planning on doing sleuthing else, I'm not in the mood for the original activity anymore. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 It's such BS, and I much rather you tell me than make me wait and cling onto some small hope that you might make it. Don't waste your time or mine. Maybe I just need to find some new more true friends to hang out/make plans with. I just feel like everyone's so wishy washy and willy nilly these days. A lot of soft commits and eventual back outs. I agree with the you that this is a bad thing to do, but you have to realize something: things like this happen because at the end of the day, people are acting in their own interest, handling the situation in a way that's most comfortable for them, not for you. Your mistake is assuming people care how you'd rather blown off, the reality is that people will blow you off in the way that they feel the least bad about. Saying "I can't make it, sorry!" is a lot easier for a person to give as an excuse as opposed to "I just don't want to go because I don't care." They want to avoid looking rude and feeling bad about that. They'll falsely think they're doing you a favor by sparing your feelings, when in actuality they're just wasting your time. Sadly, it's just the way a lot of people are these days. Learn to accept wishy-washiness as a decline. If someone wants to do something, they will. Focus on the firm commitments. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 Yep, I'm gonna agree with Keenly on this one. Once in a while is perfectly fine and maybe even expected. We're all entitled to change our minds for whatever reasons. Unless some type of investment has been made that can't be recouped, that's just life. You gotta learn to relax and roll with it. That's not to say that it can't get supremely annoying if it is a constant occurrence with the same friend(s). If that is the case then you may need to rethink your friendships because that is not good-friend-behavior. Besides, I'm willing to bet that if you think long and hard I'm sure you'll recognize yourself in some of these situations. I doubt you're completely immune to pulling the same punches at least once in your life Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teknoe Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 Besides, I'm willing to bet that if you think long and hard I'm sure you'll recognize yourself in some of these situations. I doubt you're completely immune to pulling the same punches at least once in your life Oh no, I freely admit I do soft commits and maybes too... so I probably am a hypocrite. However, I try to be more of "let your yes be yes, and let your no be no." I do occasionally fall into the "Maybe, we'll see" while knowing 90% I probably won't attend, then later decline. Sorry I was just venting when I started this thread lol. I know I do it myself. Basically, if I think an event or gathering might end up being (highly) awkward, I decline. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Oh no, I freely admit I do soft commits and maybes too... so I probably am a hypocrite. However, I try to be more of "let your yes be yes, and let your no be no." I do occasionally fall into the "Maybe, we'll see" while knowing 90% I probably won't attend, then later decline. Sorry I was just venting when I started this thread lol. I know I do it myself. Basically, if I think an event or gathering might end up being (highly) awkward, I decline. I think when it is cut and dried, most will decline, "Sorry we are on holiday that week.", "Sorry, I am going to my friend's birthday party." But when it is not cut and dried, most do not want to say no, outright, because they know they "might" want to go and do not want to decline out of hand, in case nothing else pops up or they change their mind and they DO want to go. They also do not want to be the person who said they were definitely NOT going, to later find out everyone else is going. Link to post Share on other sites
sportygirl89 Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Best is when they go onto saying where have you been...haven't seen you in forever. I want to be like pick up the phone and ask me to hang out (you know I've been in grad school summer classes and sometimes can't make it to certain group outings due to the class). I would probably lose friends that way. Haha Link to post Share on other sites
Iron Bubba Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 If it's consistent then they don't like you and don't want to be around you but don't want to hurt your feelings. That's why. Because there is a fear of a bad and/or unreasonable reaction from the person. For example, Mel Gibson and his blow up at his girl friend. Link to post Share on other sites
ITw Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 I'll tell you why I do it. Because in the moment, when I'm being asked, I'm 100 percent up for it. When the later time comes, usually when I'm at home or doing something else or planning on doing sleuthing else, I'm not in the mood for the original activity anymore. What Keenly said Link to post Share on other sites
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