gtiboy Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Hi all, I am currently experiencing a problem with a girl I met online 2 and a half months ago. I'm 32 and she's 23. In that time we spoke virtually everyday via text but never over the phone. Problem is we never actually met in that time. She told me when we first met that she wasn't a confident girl with guys and dating in general, she was always worried how first dates would go e.g. not knowing what to expect, if the other person will like her etc. She told me she didn't like guys of her own age or a few years older than her as she thought they seemed way to young for her and immature. She liked the idea of dating an older guy but never had. She says she has the mind set of a 28 year old and thinks of herself as very mature for her age which I think she is. During this time of speaking, she seemed very interested in me, always telling me she liked me and found me attractive. Always had a lot to talk about to each other and having a laugh together, telling me she always enjoyed talking to me. Saying I always made her smile and made her feel nice. When I spoke to her about the subject of meeting up, she would always tell me she wants to meet me but doesn't know when due to feeling so nervous, she felt she couldn't relax and go with it, which held her back. We did managed to arrange a date two weeks in to which she cancelled on me due to feeling so nervous, We rearranged for the following week only for her to cancel again for the same reasons. This was the last time we actually arranged a date to meet up together, in which the same line of excuses continued up to the present time 2 and a half months later. What I thought was strange is that she did meet 3 other guys online before we started talking. Going out with them on first dates that didn't work out, one was her age at 23, one was 25 and the other was 28. She said they all seemed immature and put her off dating as she found the those dates awkward. She said she felt she needed to go a bit older than 28 to find a guy that wants what she wants a relationship where a guy doesn't mess her around. Just recently she was on a holiday abroad in Cyprus. Which she spoke to me virtually every day while out there, where she told me again the same things, that I made her smile, made feel nice and that we should meet up. When she came back I asked if we could meet up as I started to feel frustrated that things wasn't progressing to a meet up. So to I pressed her about it, being more firm with her than usual. This is where the problem started, I said "When are we going to meet? You keep saying you'll meet me but don't know when? It's been two and a half months now, If you can go on holiday with your friend to another country and pose in pics with guys in selfies in clubs then why can't you meet me"? (if this girl wasn't confident then how can she do that is what I was trying to elborate) This point she started to get abit quiet on me, didn't really text back much. I asked what's up with her in which she replied "Nothing your the one that keeps going on at me". I couldn't understand why she was being so quiet on me as during the same day before I brought the subject up she was totally fine with me chatting and flirting with me as usual. I did end up sending one to many texts that night when she didn't reply in this period. As I was getting frustrated with her for not being straight forward with me and why she couldn't really answer my question. I was quite worried as I thought I annoyed her. So the next morning I sent her a text asking her to speak to me as I thought it wasn't fair for her to ignore me as I had been nothing but nice to her the whole time and treated her with respect. In which she replied "You're being abit to full on, like way to much". I was taken back by this as the only reason I was like that was due to her being weird with me. This was the first time this happened during the 2 and a half months of speaking. So the next day I sent a text saying Hey, how are you? and a few hours later she replied "Hey, I've changed my mind, I've been thinking" I knew then exactly what this meant. She told me She didn't want to meet up and as the conversation progress said I was to old for her and that we're at completely different stages in our lives. Which I disagreed with as we both wanted a relationship. So I don't understand where she was coming from. After trying to convince her to stop she told me to "Just leave her alone as she cant be dealing with this" The question is why talk to me for all that time, act like she was so interested in me. Wanted to be with an older guy because I was more mature. only for her to change her mind 2 and a half months later and say I'm to old for her...Talk about contradicting herself. I mean all this only started when I pressed her to meet me. If I didn't things would have been fine and we would still be talking now. What do you guys think what happened? Some people I've spoken to say's she was after attention, but again that makes no sense as she already met 3 guys before me? Is this situation salvageable? Can I get her back on talking terms? Just seems really weird and strange.
RoseVille Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Didn't even need to read all of that over-analysis/description. She's young, pretty, blowing you up with complimented, you talked for two months in writing, never talked on the phone even... Catfish. 1
yxalitis Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 dude, forget her...why are you here.. You have NEVER MET HER... Don't get hung up on people you don't know. I have no idea what her problem was, perhaps she's simply to polite to tell you she's not interested. Move on, find someone who WILL see you. I give it 3 weeks, (unless they are genuinely busy, like on holiday), if the person is still hedging their bets about catching up, I just stop texting them. 1. If they are that cautious about simply meeting, they aren't the right personality for me. 2. If they are too busy in their hectic lives to spend 15 minutes over a coffee/wine, how can they conduct a relationship? 2
yxalitis Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 Didn't even need to read all of that over-analysis/description. She's young, pretty, blowing you up with complimented, you talked for two months in writing, never talked on the phone even... Catfish. Catfish? What does that mean?
fitnessfan365 Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 To be honest, I doubt she was ever truly interested. I think she just liked having someone to talk to, and kept buttering you up so you'd stick around. The best thing to do is focus on a woman's actions. She can text how much she likes you all she wants. But if she's not actually talking to you on the phone or meeting you within a week tops, I'd forget about her. 1) Get a woman's number the first day you meet her after 2-3 emails. 2) Send one text so she has your #. Then call her on the phone that same day 3) Arrange to meet ASAP. 1
Author gtiboy Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 Catfish? What does that mean? It means someone that fake's an online identity and pretends to be someone else.
LateLastNight Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Catfish. Google some of her information. I bet you find it isn't her. 1
Author gtiboy Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 Well she does have Facebook and Instagram. she has pictures of her and her friends on her friends Facebook. She is definitely real. We had an argument since, she gets very rude to me, if I say she wasn't worth my time, and Thanks for leading me on, she'll accuse me of being pathetic for saying sorry to her and then being an arsehole. Even though she's the one being rude after I've said sorry to her, it seems she wants to deflect the issue away from her and make me look bad. She also said I was way to desperate. Is she making excuses? or is she being for real? I just don't know if it was me that pushed her away and that maybe she was genuine after all?
LateLastNight Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Well she does have Facebook and Instagram. she has pictures of her and her friends on her friends Facebook. She is definitely real. We had an argument since, she gets very rude to me, if I say she wasn't worth my time, and Thanks for leading me on, she'll accuse me of being pathetic for saying sorry to her and then being an arsehole. Even though she's the one being rude after I've said sorry to her, it seems she wants to deflect the issue away from her and make me look bad. She also said I was way to desperate. Is she making excuses? or is she being for real? I just don't know if it was me that pushed her away and that maybe she was genuine after all? Sorry but this screams catfish to me. If you know where she lives or works I go to see if it was a real person. I could make you believe me and my best friend were anything just by setting up fake social media accounts with stolen pictures. 1
Author gtiboy Posted August 7, 2015 Author Posted August 7, 2015 Yeah this does sound disconcerting. She did tell me where she lived which is opposite the same gym we both go to. I'm pretty certain I saw her in there before we started talking online a few months back. And I did see her car parked outside her house which is the same car in her pictures. Lets assume she is real....Why play these games? She gets very defensive when I tell her how it is, she doesn't like it at all when I put it to her that she wrong for what she's doing to me and how she's treated me etc.
RoseVille Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Well she does have Facebook and Instagram. she has pictures of her and her friends on her friends Facebook. She is definitely real. Do you know how easy that all is to fake?? Have you seen Catfish? Your story is the premise of every single episode... 1
LateLastNight Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 Yeah this does sound disconcerting. She did tell me where she lived which is opposite the same gym we both go to. I'm pretty certain I saw her in there before we started talking online a few months back. And I did see her car parked outside her house which is the same car in her pictures. Lets assume she is real....Why play these games? She gets very defensive when I tell her how it is, she doesn't like it at all when I put it to her that she wrong for what she's doing to me and how she's treated me etc. If she is real she either really likes the attention, have you ever gotten her anything? Or she has a boyfriend and she's taking her time deciding which one of you she wants. Everything you've said is what women do when they want to make men feel bad and make them believe they are at fault when its really the woman.
katiegrl Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 (edited) Yeah this does sound disconcerting. She did tell me where she lived which is opposite the same gym we both go to. I'm pretty certain I saw her in there before we started talking online a few months back. And I did see her car parked outside her house which is the same car in her pictures. Lets assume she is real....Why play these games? She gets very defensive when I tell her how it is, she doesn't like it at all when I put it to her that she wrong for what she's doing to me and how she's treated me etc. She's wrong for what SHE is doing to you and how she is treating you? Dude, YOU are (and have been) the one "allowing" her to treat you this way ...by mere virtue of you continuing to communicate with her! And no offense but you do sound a bit desperate tbh ....I mean come on you have not even met in person yet, you have not even had one date, and you are making *this* much of a commotion? Really???? You should have moved on from this chick a LONG time ago, when she refused to meet you the first time. She's nervous, my rear end ..... either she's catfishing like others suggested, or playing you, an attention-whore, who cares? The only thing you need to know is she did not want to meet you and move on. This is all on YOU dude, sorry. So just forget it, stop analyzing this to the nth degree...and let it go. Again, put things in perspective. This is a chick you have never even met. Learn from this , and as fitnessfan said, if they refuse to meet you within the first week, stop communication and move on. Edited August 7, 2015 by katiegrl
reeseyummy Posted August 7, 2015 Posted August 7, 2015 I spoke to a guy online for about 4 months till we met! During that time we msged sometimes frequent, other times less. I didn't pay much attention to it because it was just nice to have someone to talk to. After 4 months of msging we met and it went well. We are now dating and it's going pretty steady. I don't know where it will lead me, but I like it so far. My suggestion is not to put too much effort in it, and DON'T OVERTHINK!! Just let it flow naturally. You'll feel less needy that way.
xcupid Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 You were her chat buddy, nothing more. She never intended meeting you. Move on. There's nothing there and you're wasting your time.
Author gtiboy Posted August 8, 2015 Author Posted August 8, 2015 (edited) But if she only wanted to chat, why did she come across so genuine. She seemed really down to earth and normal. Even her online dating profile description said she was looking for someone serious and that anyone looking for 'casual dating/no commitment' don't bother to message her. She even said to me at one stage after questioning her don't you want to turn all this into reality and she said yes I want to make it real too just need to bare with me. Edited August 8, 2015 by gtiboy
katiegrl Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 (edited) But if she only wanted to chat, why did she come across so genuine. She seemed really down to earth and normal. Even her online dating profile description said she was looking for someone serious and that anyone looking for 'casual dating/no commitment' don't bother to message her. She even said to me at one stage after questioning her don't you want to turn all this into reality and she said yes I want to make it real too just need to bare with me. You mean why did she *appear* to come across so genuine, and down to earth? Because she enjoyed all the attention you were giving her and the fact you were/are so into her. She's an attention-whore, and it was an ego boost. If you learn anything here, it''s this. WORDS mean jack shyt unless followed up by ACTIONS. She *said* all the right things to keep you hooked in (and thus satisfying her need for attention and ego boosting) ... but she was full of crap as her actions spoke a different story (she made no effort to meet you and actually had NO desire to do so, and never did). It was all a game to her - an ego boost. Once you called her out, and put on the pressure, she got bored, annoyed, irritated, repulsed, it was NO fun anymore, so she bailed. I'm sorry. Lesson learned and move on. Edited August 8, 2015 by katiegrl
Author gtiboy Posted August 12, 2015 Author Posted August 12, 2015 Update: After being blocked on her Whatsapp for 6 days, she's decided to unblock the next morning after seeing each other for the first time in the gym. I completely ignored her while in there. What I don't get is why unblock me? Is she playing games again?
phineas Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Update: After being blocked on her Whatsapp for 6 days, she's decided to unblock the next morning after seeing each other for the first time in the gym. I completely ignored her while in there. What I don't get is why unblock me? Is she playing games again? What I don't get is why you care. seriously. but by all means keep obsessing about this girl because it can only end well for you.
spicegang1234 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 maybe its normal because some of them still in shy feeling.
salparadise Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 She was indulging a fantasy, the same as you were. When it came time to get real she folded. She's a waste of time. Chalk it up to "lessons learned once." Don't make the mistake of investing in women who are hesitant to meet. I thought at first that you lived far apart, but then you said you saw her at the gym and I realize that you invested all of that time in someone you could've met sooner rather than later. Do what fitnessfan said... make'em put their cards on the table, and if you get nothing but excuses then move on without a second thought. You should be the one in control, and you should be the one to cut it off if they're just looking for attention and unwilling to meet. 1
jay1983 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 It's normal. Half, maybe more of the women online just like to talk and flirt and have no intention to meet up, or maybe had intentions, but found out they were too nervous to go through with it.
Jame22 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 (edited) There's a very easy way to avoid this; Never send more than ~20 text messages (preferably less) to someone without asking them out. If they don't give out their number or dodge your invitation...walk. If they are really feeling you, they'll come back. I once had a girl use the "but I don't even know you" line. I responded with "That's the point, we should meet up and fix that lol." The conversation ended after that but she came back to me two weeks later and I arranged a date! Never allow anyone to be your pen pal if that's not what you're interested in. Learn from your mistake and move on. Edited August 13, 2015 by Jame22
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