has anyone ever gone through this?

[lissab113]

So, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. We've been planning to move in together and he recently got a job as a restaurant manager which will take us out of town to live. Problem is that the training for the new job, me working 2 jobs, and all of the future planning we have to do right now mean we dont see each other very often and were both pretty tired and edgy when we do see each other which is about once a week at this point. I really do love him and I know he loves me, but is it normal to doubt a relationship that you've come to count on? Am I just being emotional and needy? How the hell can I get through this? Any advice would be appreciated.

[Horse]

I think that is what brought me here in the first place. My wife and I both work and got to school. During the semester life gets stressful and sometimes the relationship takes a back seat. After a while I kind of felt like we were drifting apart, so I have been putting more time and effort into our marriage and I have been trying to get my wife to do the same (with some success).

 

It's hard sometimes the situation makes me feel emotional and needy, even though I have always considered myself to be extremely independent.

 

sometimes, I also get pessimistic and focus on how our relationship is compared to how it was. It seems like it on a gradual decline into just being roommates. When I am feeling pessimistic, I have doubts about my future resolve to be faithful if our relationship loses the deeper connection of intimacy, passion etc. The those thoughts put everything into doubt and all my thoughts get stupid.

 

Then. we get some time together and reconnect, all is good and I become more optimistic. I focus on how great my wife is and how well we get along. And I realize that it is silly to spend so much energy worrying about things that will most likely never happen.

 

OK.. So what helps.

 

1. Priorities: Your relationship is more important than your job. You guys need to make time to get away together at least once a month. I mean get away from home, go do something somewhere where there are no day to day distractions. Make whatever sacrifices that are necessary to do this.

 

2. Read some of the posts on this site. I appreciate my wife, and our relationship, a lot more after reading some of the horror stories that other people have posted. Reading about the consequences of other peoples mistakes makes me think twice about my behavior. And...the way that some of the people have struggled through a lot more stuff than I would ever deal with, inspires me to be a better man/husband (thanks devildog).

 

3. Acknowledge the situation. Recognize that you are feeling this way because you are both working your arses off, not because you are less lovable or less in love.

 

4. Talk to your man. Reassure him that you love him and want to spend more time with him and make him happy. Tell him that things are going to get better when you get back to a normal schedule. Ask him to do the same for you. It doesn't take much and it is amazing how much a few words can change your attitude.

 

5. Give him a BJ at least every other day. I only say this because If someone was giving my wife advice it's what I would want them to tell her to do. Who knows it may even help. He might be a lot more relaxed and less irritable.

 

If anyone else has been here and has advice, I'm all ears too. My wife still has three more years of school.