Still feeling awful

[SammySammy]

No. I don't believe in leagues. I've never felt any woman was out of my league.

 

There are certain women I won't date, but it's due to compatibility not that I think I'm better than them.

[jay1983]

I dated one girl who was more objectively attractive than myself. That was the worst 3 month fling I ever had. Chick was just, IDK if she was that way towards guys who were more up to par with her, but she was a piece of work when dealing on me.

[finalendeavor]

It sounds to me that you maybe sensing someone who may treat you well or poorly ... contingent on where you are in your life journey. ? I dated guys who thought they were superior and dated guys who placed the persons at ease. Had zero to do with leagues so much as how they valued a person no matter the environment. What are you struggling with? How did this person treat you and vice versa?

 

He treated me really well, and then did a complete 180 at the end. Literally fine one day, dumping me 2-3 days later.

 

I keep thinking that it ended up not working out in the end because he was somehow out of my league. I know these thoughts are so damaging, but it's so hard for me to not take all of this personally, how I got dumped, how suddenly, etc. That I wasn't attractive enough to keep him, that I wasn't supportive enough, happy enough. I'm feeling conflicted because I have confident moments where I know I was the best girlfriend I could've been. I treated him like gold, but still was dignified and logically communicated if I ever had a problem, I wasn't a doormat. I gamed with him, supported him through anything and provided insight- I was his best friend. The why is killing me. I don't know why he got rid of me. I felt like we were such positive forces in each other's lives, and then, when commitment began to really enter the picture, it just... ended. I keep feeling like if I was good enough, he would've went through with it. I don't know why I need validation through his actions because I care about him, when he obviously doesn't give a damn about me.

[BriNyc82]

Sometimes I read your comments and think you are inside my head I wonder "what if he really was this great catch and he just didn't think I was good enough". Well even if that was the case these guys are not out of our leagues bc a great guy would never let you go. Don't let this one guy hold the key to your self esteem. He doesn't determine it or deserve that much power. If he's capable of doing a 180 overnight what does that say about him? Don't let him take away all the + attributes that you bring to the table. It sounds like you were a great gf and the next guy will appreciate it! So be who you are.

 

It's so hard not to take it personal. I am struggling with that part too bc the decisions they mAke impacted us. So naturally it had to be something about us. Maybe. And maybe not. Sometimes we get just get stuck in the crossfire. I'm sorry you are still struggling. Sometimes crappy things happen to good people.

[LeslieKnope]

Bri beat me to it: he's not out of your league. A good guy makes himself worthy of you by treating you right and properly putting the time in, no ambiguity, no sudden turns. End of story. If anything, you're probably out of his league!

 

I get that you're feeling sad and rejected by someone you love - that's been me on/off for 3 months. But truly, and this may sound like an impossible thought right now, he wasn't good enough for YOU, not the other way around.

[Yummm]

Sweetie you're not alone! I felt the same way for a couple of months about my ex GIRLfriend that blindsided me and shoved me in the dumps.

 

I showered her with love, treated her like a princess, built her ego way too much (and people used to call me the looker in the relationship) - yet as soon as I got sick for a couple weeks and real life kicked in? I got dumped.

 

I kept asking, I treated her so right, I wanted to build stability for her and make a family with her (she was pushing for this) yet what could I have done so wrong that she left me like she did? Nah sweetie, you just weren't compatible. You deserve better, you deserve somebody who will appreciate all that love you KNOW you can give.

 

It's been 3 months post BU for me and this last month has been a big eye opener, we ALL have things we can work on for ourselves, but there's nothing wrong with us

 

Stay positive xox

[finalendeavor]

I'm having really bad denial; as if I could just text him and everything would be normal. It feels almost like everything happened just yesterday, or not at all. I'm feeling kind of crazy because its been two months and I haven't even spoken to him at all, I shouldn't still be feeling like everything isn't real. This is really unsettling for me, I need advice on how to cope with this.

 

I'm also feeling extremely arrogant, like I can't accept the fact that be would've rejected me and that he surely has to miss me, when he probably hasn't thought about me in weeks. It's a very odd way to feel and I don't know how to deal. Everything was just so out of the blue

Edited August 13, 2015 by finalendeavor

[Satu]

There is nothing abnormal or unusual about the way you are feeling.

 

At two months, you are still in the acute phase of recovery.

 

All you can do is take good care of yourself.

 

Eat healthy

Drink enough water

Do some easy exercise

Get enough rest

Spend time with the other people in your life

Get out of the house everyday

 

The discomfort will slowlly get less, and eventually you'll be absolutelly fine and enjoying life again.

 

It just needs some time.

 

 

Take care.

[NopeNah]

I'm also feeling extremely arrogant, like I can't accept the fact that be would've rejected me and that he surely has to miss me, when he probably hasn't thought about me in weeks. It's a very odd way to feel and I don't know how to deal. Everything was just so out of the blue

Accept it! It's happened. The sooner you accept that fact,the sooner you'll get past it.

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

I'm also feeling extremely arrogant, like I can't accept the fact that be would've rejected me and that he surely has to miss me, when he probably hasn't thought about me in weeks. It's a very odd way to feel and I don't know how to deal. Everything was just so out of the blue

 

I go through this too sometimes. I don't look at it as arrogance, I look at it as knowing my worth, and if my ex can't see that then that is her problem. I work hard, have fun and I'm generally in a positive state of mind (at least til recently). I know what I put into the relationship and if that wasn't what they wanted then it's out of my hands.

[Chin Up]

A month isn't a long time. I can be tossed onto that pile of people that are able to get over someone quickly, and it was about a month after I got dumped that I even joined this site.

 

I felt sad reading your posts, cuz I felt all the same things when I got dumped out of the blue. Hurt, rejected...very confused. Still have no idea why he broke up with me, but I'm at a place where I totally don't care anymore and I'm glad he did lol

 

Its def a mind eff when someone drops you like a hot rock without so much as a backwards glance. I felt really bad about myself for a bit. One day I wanted to scream at him for answers, the other I'd pine for him to call me and tell me he'd made a huge mistake.

 

Felt like I was a blob of crap stuck to his shoe and he couldnt scrape me off fast enough.

 

Youre doing better than I did in the beginning! I made an arse of myself quite a few times. I know its the last thing you want to hear, because right now youd give anything to hear from him..but in the not so distant future, you will be glad he went ghost on you. The only thing worse than not talking to someone you love, is talking to them and them reminding you that they dont love you back. Nobody got time for that kind of hurt!

Edited August 13, 2015 by Chin Up

[finalendeavor]

Did you hear from your dumper? Does gender have an impact? How long did it take for them to reach out? I did nothing but treat him like gold, I was his best friend. We talked every single day. He didn't leave for another girl, he left very impulsively and out of the blue. We haven't talked since he ended it.

[lana-banana]

If the break-up wasn't too acrimonious, and at least a few months have gone by, I sometimes contact guys I dumped---just to say hello, let them know about an upcoming event in the city they might like, or whatever.

 

People reach out for at least one of three reasons:

 

1) to alleviate any lingering guilt

2) to be friendly

3) to reconcile

 

I would never assume 3) unless the person made a concerted effort to see you and talk it out. But honestly, it all depends on perspective. It's natural to sporadically contact someone you liked if they cross your mind. If the person feels the chapter of their life involving you is over and complete, they aren't ever going to reach out.

[sedgwick]

My breakup happened in '07, after a year-long relationship. I haven't dated since and am still not entirely over it. I never saw him again; he left and was gone. However, it doesn't hurt every day like it used to. The longing may not ever go away, but the acute pain does. I would never, ever contact him, though -- that would just start it all up again. I'm absolutely still in love with him; I'm just not in agony over it anymore.

 

Block him from all your social media. Don't just unfriend; BLOCK. Block him from your email and phone. Then you've made the decision and taken some control. That's what I had to do. If you don't want me, you don't want me. Done.

Edited August 16, 2015 by sedgwick