Fiance admitted to cheating during drunken argument

[lovelina]

At the moment I told him if he had any idea what he was saying and he nodded and again repeated that he did it once. As I was obviously devastated and trying to digged more but he didn't say much anymore.

 

However, on the following day he claimed that he was only drunk and didn't mean what he said. He kept saying that it wasn't true what he said and that he wasn't himself at that moment.

 

I'm still devastated. even more because I never suspected him of cheating. He has never given me a reason to distrust him until what he said two nights ago.

What type of person that gets drunk would admit twice to something like that if it weren't true?

[Poppyolive]

Have these drunken conversations happened before? Does he have a,problem with alcohol? What was the right about? Whether he cheated or not that was a shjitty way of bringing it up. Has he shown this lack of respect, empathy before?

 

 

This all sounds a bit toxic.

[lovelina]

Have these drunken conversations happened before? Does he have a,problem with alcohol? What was the right about? Whether he cheated or not that was a shjitty way of bringing it up. Has he shown this lack of respect, empathy before?

 

 

This all sounds a bit toxic.

He's a social drinker but usual in control of his drinking limit. Nope, this conversation and lack of respect have not happened before. This was so unlike him.

 

He has tried apologizing for the way he acted and been reassuring me that he didn't cheat. But I can't help it. I still feel hurt.

[PegNosePete]

What type of person that gets drunk would admit twice to something like that if it weren't true?

No type of person.

 

Alcohol is an inhibition remover. Chances are you got the truth when he was drunk, but when he sobered up, his defensive walls went back up.

[Space Ritual]

He's a social drinker but usual in control of his drinking limit. Nope, this conversation and lack of respect have not happened before. This was so unlike him.

 

He has tried apologizing for the way he acted and been reassuring me that he didn't cheat. But I can't help it. I still feel hurt.

 

 

 

In vino veritas....In Wine there is truth.

 

So very sorry that you were subjected to that.

 

I am afraid he has shown you who he is. Please believe him. I am a recovering alcoholic and addict with 18 years of sobriety. I would like to be able to tell you that he was just being stupid but I would be remiss if I did not put out there that usually when I was rip roaring drunk and high as a kite was when I was at my most brutally honest. I had a real knack for spilling my guts when I was loaded to the point of literally alienating every single person around me.

 

I would surmise that you have every right to fear that he has cheated on you. If he said it once it was one thing. But saying it twice? Yeah I would take him at his word.

 

So very sorry. Please do a lot of thinking as to whether or not this is somebody you want to continue in a relationship with.

[stupidkittten]

I don't know what you could do to prove if he's telling the truth but at least for me, alcohol makes me say things that aren't true. I get really drunk and just am easily influenced by any little emotion or thought and think that it's true when I know for a fact it isn't. It's possible he was angry and wanted to hurt you (because alcohol made him rage) so he just said it. I'm usually a social drinker too but a couple of times I got too drunk. Always results in random made up stuff

[d0nnivain]

First things first: protect the money. Put all wedding plans on hold, get back as much of any deposits as you can because the earlier you cancel the more likely you get the money back & do not spend any more money.

 

 

Second, if you are not prepared to outright end this, sign up for serious premarital counseling to find out why this lack of respect continues. You can't marry someone you think is disrespectful of you.

 

 

As for what he said, in the heat of a fight some people say stuff not because it's true but because it's designed to cause the maximum amount of pain. Is it possible he told you he cheated because he knew saying that would hurt you? How long have you been picking at him about this particular subject / OW? If this has been a thorn in the side of your relationship for a while it is not unheard of for him to finally say Yes, I cheated because even though he didn't you have never believed him. If that is the case, your relationship is fundamentally unhealthy. Marrying somebody you don't trust or you not having the ability to trust means there is no solid foundation for the marriage

 

 

If he did cheat, when was it & for how long? A ONS a few weeks into your dating relationship can be overcome more easily then him cheating after he asked you to marry him

[Lois_Griffin]

It's highly unlikely he lied about cheating just to hurt you.

 

Alcohol is the world's best truth serum. I've found myself sharing things I'd NEVER say while sober and always lived to regret having said them the next day. Nothing horrific or earth-shattering, just things I've always chosen not to share and then stupidly DID under the influence.

 

I think that's what your boyfriend did. And now he's trying to do damage control and pretend it was the alcohol talking.

 

You know how to solve the problem? Have him take a polygraph test. If he really didn't cheat, he'll pass it with flying colors and get to prove to you that he's being honest and was a complete dumbass for claiming that he cheated when he didn't.

 

But if he refuses to take it, you'll know exactly why.

[d0nnivain]

Polygraph tests are incredibly expensive. If you actually have to go to that extreme there is no point. Just break up.

[lovelina]

d0nnivain,

No, I had no reason to distrust nor did I ever even suspected him of cheating. In fact, our argument was so unrelated to cheating. He just admitted to it all of the sudden while drunk.

 

To others,

I think I'm considering breaking up. I don't want to get married to someone that I don't trust and that supposedly cheated.

[smackie9]

Even if he didn't cheat....he wanted to hurt you in a way that would make you feel devastated....that's emotional abuse. You don't need to be in a marriage with someone who loses control like that. Toss him to the curb.

[Diezel]

To others,

I think I'm considering breaking up. I don't want to get married to someone that I don't trust and that supposedly cheated.

 

Considering?

 

There's nothing to consider. Is this what you want your married life to be like?

End the engagement.

[elaine567]

Too many come this forum and say, my husband cheated on me before we got married and I forgave him, as I loved him and wanted to marry him, but now he is cheating again, what do I do? I have kids/I am pregnant...

 

He has shown you who he really is, believe him.

You are still single, do not stumble headlong into a mess.

Walk away with your head held high, before he lets you down again and you have a mortgage and kids to worry about.

[d0nnivain]

d0nnivain,

No, I had no reason to distrust nor did I ever even suspected him of cheating. In fact, our argument was so unrelated to cheating. He just admitted to it all of the sudden while drunk.

 

To others,

I think I'm considering breaking up. I don't want to get married to someone that I don't trust and that supposedly cheated.

 

 

If it had never come up before the disclosure is probably true.

 

 

If you don't trust him you can't get married

[LivingDeadGrl]

What is that saying?

 

"A drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts"

 

If by some fat chance he was making it up, why choose to say something so devastating to a relationship? Is he that stupid?

 

No matter what you choose, that little voice in the back of your head no longer trusts him. I'd move on.

[No Limit]

Don't marry him. Whatever you want to do, just don't marry him or have kids with him.

[Vercetti]

Social drinker...have you seen how many people are around : P anyhow my take is trusted you when drunk to confess....Then rethought such when sober. No one unless a head case is going to confess such things for random fun.

[Tobin]

You've been given a chance to get out of this before you get in so deep that you're almost stuck having made the biggest mistake of your life.

 

Don't pass on this opportunity and get out while the going is good.

 

He won't make it easy. He'll beg, cajole, tell you that you're crazy for believing it was true, etc. You need to stay strong.

[lovelina]

I just broke off the engagement and this time, he said I'm a fool for believing nonsense, that he was just drunk and how he never cheated. I then suggested him to take a polygraph then and not only did he refused but he call it bs and that if I don't trust him it's my problem, literally making me feel like the bad person.

[lovelina]

Thank you all

You know how to solve the problem? Have him take a polygraph test. If he really didn't cheat, he'll pass it with flying colors and get to prove to you that he's being honest and was a complete dumbass for claiming that he cheated when he didn't.

 

But if he refuses to take it, you'll know exactly why.

He refused and got upset and I suggested it, said it was my problem if I don't trust him. Needlessly to say I broke off the engagement.

[No Limit]

I just broke off the engagement and this time, he said I'm a fool for believing nonsense, that he was just drunk and how he never cheated. I then suggested him to take a polygraph then and not only did he refused but he call it bs and that if I don't trust him it's my problem, literally making me feel like the bad person.

 

Not only a liar, but also a coward. Don't feel bad, blaming you is a classic cheater move.

Take some time to heal and then find a good guy, they're out there.

[Amalyn]

Alcohol is truth serum.

 

I've admitted some things about myself while intoxicated that I would have never, ever told people when sober.

 

I'm with you, OP. I would be devastated if my soon to be husband told me when he was drunk that he cheated on me

[Vercetti]

Gee so believing what he said would be nonsence...a polygraph is bull.....and your at fault for not creating a comfortable fantasy after he makes conterdictary statements. I'm happy you're getting away. I know a few women that did not heed the signs...their lives and marriages went to very dark places. Go figure liars and cheater got worse after had them legally locked down. If I said something stupid that could ruin my relationship, I would set up the bloody polygraph test.

[smackie9]

The focus should have been on the fact that he said something with the intention of hurting you bad......that is behavior that will repeat itself down the road and will cause more damage. Alcohol can just make people turn ugly and mean.

[Space Ritual]

Thank you all

He refused and got upset and I suggested it, said it was my problem if I don't trust him. Needlessly to say I broke off the engagement.

 

Thankfully for you, his answer right there was literally all the answer you would need. Sorry it had to come to this, but happy for you that you made the right move and broke off the engagement.