SummerDreams Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 I spent days reading both of OP's threads and the things discussed in them were really interesting and kept me on edge cayse I was finding myself simultaneously agreeing and disagreeing with everyone. But, without wanting to offend the OP and while I sympathise with her pain, I cant not notice that many things in her story dont add up. Especially in the other thread she was constantly avoiding to reply to any questions that would make people create a better opinion of the story and she was leaving everyone speculating and wasting time while she could just help people who were kind enough to answer their questions. Anyway, I agree with many posters who noticed that all this sudden anger, almost hatred towards his wife was bizarre from the husband's side. Something must have trigerred this and the OP doesnt want to share. In her whole thread I see a woman who feels entitled to her husband's love, loyalty and understanding while the only thing she had to offer, according to her, was what everyone would expect her, she loved her husband. Other than that I sadly saw no remorse from her after the discovery of her affair. She never revealed what her affair was like, whether she was considering to leave her husband, how he discovered her etc. She seems to degrade her husband's pain due to her affair and she concentrates on how to free her own self from a bad position she doesnt take responsibility for. She seems to me like a driver who kills someone with their car and all they care about is how to get away jail free. No emotion for the victim. After all these frustrating posts where she seemed to never reading any posts and replying to any questions, and after all this dramatic hatred from her husband's part, she suddenly ..... has sex with him. Well I never saw that coming but posters here are smart and they can have their own opinions. And above all a poster advises her he should try to win her husband back by becoming his .... F$%* buddy. Is this true advise? I am astounded.... Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 (edited) I spent days reading both of OP's threads and the things discussed in them were really interesting and kept me on edge cayse I was finding myself simultaneously agreeing and disagreeing with everyone. But, without wanting to offend the OP and while I sympathise with her pain, I cant not notice that many things in her story dont add up. Especially in the other thread she was constantly avoiding to reply to any questions that would make people create a better opinion of the story and she was leaving everyone speculating and wasting time while she could just help people who were kind enough to answer their questions. Anyway, I agree with many posters who noticed that all this sudden anger, almost hatred towards his wife was bizarre from the husband's side. Something must have trigerred this and the OP doesnt want to share. In her whole thread I see a woman who feels entitled to her husband's love, loyalty and understanding while the only thing she had to offer, according to her, was what everyone would expect her, she loved her husband. Other than that I sadly saw no remorse from her after the discovery of her affair. She never revealed what her affair was like, whether she was considering to leave her husband, how he discovered her etc. She seems to degrade her husband's pain due to her affair and she concentrates on how to free her own self from a bad position she doesnt take responsibility for. She seems to me like a driver who kills someone with their car and all they care about is how to get away jail free. No emotion for the victim. After all these frustrating posts where she seemed to never reading any posts and replying to any questions, and after all this dramatic hatred from her husband's part, she suddenly ..... has sex with him. Well I never saw that coming but posters here are smart and they can have their own opinions. And above all a poster advises her he should try to win her husband back by becoming his .... F$%* buddy. Is this true advise? I am astounded.... SummerDreams, I see your point, and in Remorseful's defense, it is not unusual for divorcing spouses to sleep together. I know my parents did for several years after they divorce. I asked my Mom once about it, and she did not have a good answer for it. In Remorseful_tab's case, she is hoping to somehow, someway, keep her marriage, and if she cannot have that, to keep the man she does love in her life. I understand it, hoping against hope. I would only advise her not to let this destroy her, and to keep in mind that she has worth, and can find love again, despite her past mistakes. At this time, her hart wants the father of her child. Maybe, after seeing what he is losing, he can finally forgive her. It is a long shot, but she is going to play it. I would advise, her to keep her hart open if another man comes along and sees her as a loving faithful woman. In reality, this happening has better odds then her getting back with her SBEX. As for her not taking responsibility, I am not sure, but again you have a point. I do not think a blow by blow of what happened after the affair and how she tried to make amends during the 8 years would be helpful now. Of course, if she can get her SBEX to talk, they may be able to work something out. All I know is she is hurting, and I try to offer advise on moving forward for her. What she takes from it is up to her, as with all posters on LS. My opinion of her husband is that he did this in a way to cause the most pain and hurt to her. I can see breaking up after 8 years because you can not come to terms with what happened, but she is the mother of your child, and for his sake, a much better and kinder way could have been found to start the break up and divorce. I do not think he looked at the whole picture and the collateral damage he has wrought an his son, and extended family. Cheating on one side does not give the other spouse the "right" to be unnecessary cruel, and with the passage of time more so. Yes, he can leave and divorce, but he should know that how he treats the mother of his son will impact his son. In any case, I wish her good luck and peace of mind for herself and her son. Edited August 28, 2015 by understand50 Link to post Share on other sites
SummerDreams Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 @understand50 While I disagree with you on most of what you wrote, I am really happy that there is here a person like you with such compassion and caring towards other people. You are a better person than I am. I guess I am too suspicious sometimes. My best wishes to you. ? Link to post Share on other sites
m.snow Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 you mentioned in another thread that your bh is getting some huge inheritance. i believe that could be the true reason for the divorce and not your infidelity decades ago. i have been through some threads wayback. usually when a spouse is going to get some kind of big inheritance they are quick to divorce. most try to hide it with an "exit affair". Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 you mentioned in another thread that your bh is getting some huge inheritance. i believe that could be the true reason for the divorce and not your infidelity decades ago. i have been through some threads wayback. usually when a spouse is going to get some kind of big inheritance they are quick to divorce. most try to hide it with an "exit affair". I think she stated he will get it when his grandfather passes away. C Link to post Share on other sites
Andy L Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 ... I fell sick. But I am ok now. Divorce proceedings is still going on. But it was after the sex that things became awkward. He left the room and said to me to sleep. I asked him to sleep beside me. I really wanted to talk to him. But he refused and said he should sleep on the couch... I am sorry for you... Sorry for the end of your marriage.. Men don't accept the infidelity, its hard for them.. I see you made bad choices.. And the price is high. But i would like he could forgive you. Link to post Share on other sites
m.snow Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 I am sorry for you... Sorry for the end of your marriage.. Men don't accept the infidelity, its hard for them.. I see you made bad choices.. And the price is high. But i would like he could forgive you. her affair was unraveled 8 yrs ago. 8 years of R. the marriage may be over but family is still there. those are two separate things. most likely he has forgiven her along time ago. it is his current circumstances that are affecting his decision. husband has already been seen intimate with another woman during this divorce process. Link to post Share on other sites
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