Random vents by OW...sorry

[Shinebrightforever]

Yeah, it's odd. And infuriating a little.

Traveling out of the country the next few days...hope that helps keep my mind off him some and that will help keep me from replying.

Blocking is a good idea DKT3. Just did it on all social media.

Yes...I'm serious about it being over...in my mind.

My heart wants him still.

If I can't update during my travels...know I'll be updating when I return.

Holding strong!!!!!!!

[qubist]

Yeah, it's odd. And infuriating a little.

Traveling out of the country the next few days...hope that helps keep my mind off him some and that will help keep me from replying.

Blocking is a good idea DKT3. Just did it on all social media.

Yes...I'm serious about it being over...in my mind.

My heart wants him still.

If I can't update during my travels...know I'll be updating when I return.

Holding strong!!!!!!!

 

Enjoy your trip, is it a vacation with family? It would be nice if you can have a family get away. It will help you. Focus on being a good mother too. I hope your first post after you come back from overseas would be WTF I was thinking :cool:

[66Charger]

The most important thing for you to do is to change your focus to YOU. Not the APs text. Look in the mirror, straighten your back and say that is no longer who I am.

 

Focus on what you want.

Focus on how you want to live your life

Focus on you, 5 years down the line, the turmoil has settled.

See yourself living a better existence, loving again, Free from drama and Happy

Focus on what is best for you

 

Do not ignore this

The AP is a threat. A threat to all you want to be.

Dont expect him to stop. This is not a test. He will try for you again.

You maintained his secret for 4 years. He will want to continue his life of deceit. You must see him for who he is. Unworthy. He needs to be silent.

 

Your happiness and future comes first, no matter how hard the road you have to take to get there. Remember who you are now, and always have Hope

[66Charger]

Dont be trying to duck us. We are going to ask you a lot of questions once you return.

[66Charger]

By the time you read this, I hope you have still maintained NC.

Here is something I would like you to think about.

 

Very few people have the opportunity to turn back time and change their future.

 

Very few people know of the moment when their lives change.

 

You have been given a gift. The gift of knowing the exact moment, the exact time when you become aware of your strength or your weakness. You have joined this forum. We pushed you to send the NC letter. The AP has pushed back.

 

This is your moment.

 

Picture yourself at 80 years old. You will look back on these days. These are the days when you can change your destiny. Will you look back and say, why didnt I listen to those guys (and gals) or will you forever remember how you were able to switch gears. Dig deep, hold on and end up wiser, happier and content.

 

This is a HUGE moment in your life. You are away from home, by yourself. It is easy to reach the OM. Hold on. Make it back to us. DONT FALL DOWN.

[understand50]

By the time you read this, I hope you have still maintained NC.

Here is something I would like you to think about.

 

This is a HUGE moment in your life. You are away from home, by yourself. It is easy to reach the OM. Hold on. Make it back to us. DONT FALL DOWN.

 

Shinebrightforever

 

If you do, resolve to do better next time. If you contact, just keep telling him it is over, please do not call or contact me. Remember, one day at a time.

 

Tell yourself, I will not respond or reach out to him - Today. Reward yourself when you keep to this. Soon it will be a lot easier, you may slip, but not "fall" back into the EA, but getting out again will not be as hard.

 

The following thread may help you:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/518645-3-months-later-where-i-am

 

It is by Noirek, who also struggled with No Contact. She showed guts, and is doing much better. Give it a read.

 

You can do this.

 

Best of luck.

[Shinebrightforever]

I could never duck you guys.

Traveling actually didn't help liked I hoped. It's acting like a trigger...as that's when I would send him pics, share the experience with him.

 

Holding strong still. Every time I want to reach out to him in an email...I just send it to myself instead. I currently have (too embarrassing to say) emails from myself in my inbox. Some are lighthearted, some are full of anger, some are sappy and awful. I draft them instead of sleeping. But I haven't sent him a one.

 

Wanted to scream at the lovely couple on the park bench next to me who, thanks to karma, said similar terms of endearment to one another. Even thought of stealing their ice cream and running away like I was four years old. (Digression is ugly) But settled for an eye roll and finding another bench.

 

He has not contacted me again. Thank GOD. I know I would have prob cracked.

 

Am at the stage of pointing out MM flaws to help. I really never liked his black work shoes and he packs the same fruit snacks in his lunch that I send with my kids. Which...come on, that's weird.

 

Obsession and preoccupation with thoughts of him have increased as you can tell. Tough to focus on my H. All food is like gravel in my mouth. But hanging in there.

 

Not at wtf yet.

 

66Charger, some day I'd be interested in hearing your story...what brought you to LS. I couldn't find a thread that you started.

 

Thanks for sticking with me guys. Seriously. You all are amazing to me. Home soon. Thank goodness.

[Shinebrightforever]

Confession: blocked him on all social media...except Facebook as I'm rarely on. Went on today to block him...before I did I went to his page. That was dumb, dumb, dumb!!! And again I say....dumb!!

[DKT3]

Confession: blocked him on all social media...except Facebook as I'm rarely on. Went on today to block him...before I did I went to his page. That was dumb, dumb, dumb!!! And again I say....dumb!!

 

One step at a time.....

 

You're doing fine, stay focused on not contacting him. Remember you've been a tripod for years get use to two legs before you risk only having one.

[Shinebrightforever]

Taking advantage of some down time here.

 

At some point, I have to pick my a$& up and move the heck on. This guy...although I invested 4 years of time and emotion into him...has moved on. Therefore, I need to as well. As you all have said...this is my time to start a new life. I have wasted so much energy, time and emotion grieving him. It truly is ridiculous. I can't keep holding on..and I almost feel by grieving it...I am. And I'm disrespecting a ton of my new friends on LS in the process. I know I can vent here...but is he even worth THAT?? No. Do you guys deserve to hear it? Heck no! I deserve to feel like crap. I don't deserve nice strangers to listen to it.

 

Feel free to get your frustrations out on me...I deserve this...none of you deserved it happening to you I'm sure.

Qubist, 66charger, understand50...I'm talking about you. ❤️

[Shinebrightforever]

Thank you, DKT3.

 

The above comment (last line) can include you too.

Edited August 10, 2015 by Shinebrightforever

[66Charger]

HURRAH!!!!!!! I was really worried about you.

 

Only 1 woman here, knows my complete story. It was triggered a few days ago. I almost swore off LS, but a good weekend of surfing, a little hope and YOU brought me back.

 

A toast to a successful week for you.

 

2 beers tonight!

[DKT3]

Thank you, DKT3.

 

The above comment (last line) can include you too.

 

When I first came here I would say "I was a ****ty husband and I deserved to be run over by her car as she backed out of the driveway leaving me, but I didn't deserve this" since that time its really helped to know she didn't intend on what it did to me, and for me intention is everything.

 

Unlike so many other wayward wives here, you seem to own your sh*t and for that you've gained a lot of respect. None of us are perfect, we can all find ourselves in these situation. You can't expect to be perfect coming out of it. Just stay on course, its not linear, nor can you wish for the finish line. Do the best you can today then do better tomorrow. Its the best way to get there.

[Hope Shimmers]

HURRAH!!!!!!! I was really worried about you.

 

Only 1 woman here, knows my complete story. It was triggered a few days ago. I almost swore off LS, but a good weekend of surfing, a little hope and YOU brought me back.

 

A toast to a successful week for you.

 

2 beers tonight!

 

Don't you dare swear off LS. I was worried about you this weekend. Glad the surfing helped. I just answered your PM.

 

Shinebrightforever, I came back here to check on you too. You're doing fine. If it helps, make that list of "bad vs good" things about this guy. I did that, and on the "good" side were maybe one or two things, but the "bad" side went on and on and ON.

 

A few years ago I went through what you are going through now. You will get through it, I promise.

[Shinebrightforever]

Glad you're back 66Charger....I hope I didn't trigger anything in you. If so, I'm sorry. I'll have 2 beers in a bit too..but on YOUR behalf tonight. No need to share with me, but if you ever want...I'm all ears. Thanks for sticking around and checking on me! Please don't leave LS.

 

Hope Shimmers....I have been reading your threads, and your persistence and steadfastness with the MM is nothing short of inspiring. You are a strong lady who has persevered through some tough times girl. Here's a hug from me. *

 

DkT3 and Qubist...sorry you were on the other side of things, and thanks for not completely calling me every name in the book after what I posted about my life.

You guys and your perspectives are appreciated.

 

I'm actually having more than 2 beers tonight.

[66Charger]

It wasnt you, Sister. But it turned out ok. There are good people here and you are one of them.

 

Cheers!

[Hope Shimmers]

Glad you're back 66Charger....I hope I didn't trigger anything in you. If so, I'm sorry. I'll have 2 beers in a bit too..but on YOUR behalf tonight. No need to share with me, but if you ever want...I'm all ears. Thanks for sticking around and checking on me! Please don't leave LS.

 

Hope Shimmers....I have been reading your threads, and your persistence and steadfastness with the MM is nothing short of inspiring. You are a strong lady who has persevered through some tough times girl. Here's a hug from me. *

 

DkT3 and Qubist...sorry you were on the other side of things, and thanks for not completely calling me every name in the book after what I posted about my life.

You guys and your perspectives are appreciated.

 

I'm actually having more than 2 beers tonight.

 

Thank you for the kind words SBF and for the hug. My goal here is to be honest about everything that I have gone through, and about every bad decision that I made - and not just focus on the parts that make me out to be a victim while ignoring the rest. I am no one's victim.

 

I can tell you are strong too, and that you believe in what you are doing. It took a lot of guts to do what you did with the no contact, and it also took TONS of guts for you to stand up to everything that happened, take responsibility, and not minimize your role in it. Minimizing is common, and it is one of the most hurtful things in my experience.

 

Hang in - life gets SO much better.

 

Hope

[qubist]

And I'm disrespecting a ton of my new friends on LS in the process. I know I can vent here...but is he even worth THAT?? No. Do you guys deserve to hear it? Heck no! I deserve to feel like crap. I don't deserve nice strangers to listen to it.

 

Feel free to get your frustrations out on me...I deserve this...none of you deserved it happening to you I'm sure.

Qubist, 66charger, understand50...I'm talking about you. ❤️

 

Shinebrightforever, I have absolutely nothing but respect and love for you, I admit you were a mess but I would never call you a cr**, we are all human and I have studies human behavior enough to realize that we ALL have personality flaws that could easily put us in all sort of different mess. you are just a human being that was taken advantage of her weaknesses. you should be proud of yourself being able to turn the page, it was all you all we did here is point to the door, you had to go through it. your post made my day lady, HUGS

[World's.Edge]

The feelings you're experiencing with ending it with the married man you've been cheating on your husband with is normal for any break up.

 

What's extremely saddening to me though is that none of your thoughts that you write of relate to your husband. You don't seem to consider, think or talk about him.

[understand50]

Taking advantage of some down time here.

 

At some point, I have to pick my a$& up and move the heck on. This guy...although I invested 4 years of time and emotion into him...has moved on. Therefore, I need to as well. As you all have said...this is my time to start a new life. I have wasted so much energy, time and emotion grieving him. It truly is ridiculous. I can't keep holding on..and I almost feel by grieving it...I am. And I'm disrespecting a ton of my new friends on LS in the process. I know I can vent here...but is he even worth THAT?? No. Do you guys deserve to hear it? Heck no! I deserve to feel like crap. I don't deserve nice strangers to listen to it.

 

Feel free to get your frustrations out on me...I deserve this...none of you deserved it happening to you I'm sure.

Qubist, 66charger, understand50...I'm talking about you. ❤️

 

Shinebrightforever,

 

What happened between by wife and I was a long time ago. 40 plus years for her ONS, her financial stuff, about 7 years. I came on LS to write about other issues, and found myself posting and trying to help others. Also being able to actually write down what happen has been somewhat helpful.

 

If you were not trying to do what was right, we would not be here. You are doing a "hard" thing, and you have a long road to travel, but it helps to have "friends" to talk to. So do not think we have issues talking to you. Vent, if this helps, folks will comment, some posts you maybe able to use, other not so much. But read every post, as each will give you some insight. Take it day by day. Have a goal for where you want to be in the end. Read what we say and then take what you need, and apply it to your situation. Remember, it is your life and you are the one in control. Keep in mind the impact on your husband and kids.

 

In many ways, what you are trying to do is to regain control over your life from the OM and your past actions. Getting your life and marriage back will be hard, but in the end it will be worth it, to yourself and your soul. There is no guarantee, on how your husband, and kids will react, you cannot control them, but getting back "yourself", your control over your life, getting to liking who you are again, will be worth it.

 

As Always, I wish you luck.

[Shinebrightforever]

Oh my word, thanks everyone. I am humbled by all the posts today. How even when I opened the door for you guys to "let me have it"...you were still gracious and encouraging.

 

Know I care for each one of you and wish you all peace in your life and resolve in your circumstances. And hope I can repay you all someday.

 

Worlds Edge...what you have noticed is true. To be straight...the MM is the last thing I think about when I go to bed, first thing I think about when I get out of it. Though out the day, I am exhausted by forcing myself to NOT think about him...NOT reach out to him. NOT obsess and ruminate. I never thought I could expend so much energy trying to NOT do something. My H is noticing I'm not myself. My H works long hours though, so he seems content with the answers I provide because he only sees me maybe an hour or two a day.

 

To summarize... it took me 4 years to get this fd up, it's going to take a long while to undo it.

[DKT3]

Oh my word, thanks everyone. I am humbled by all the posts today. How even when I opened the door for you guys to "let me have it"...you were still gracious and encouraging.

 

Know I care for each one of you and wish you all peace in your life and resolve in your circumstances. And hope I can repay you all someday.

 

Worlds Edge...what you have noticed is true. To be straight...the MM is the last thing I think about when I go to bed, first thing I think about when I get out of it. Though out the day, I am exhausted by forcing myself to NOT think about him...NOT reach out to him. NOT obsess and ruminate. I never thought I could expend so much energy trying to NOT do something. My H is noticing I'm not myself. My H works long hours though, so he seems content with the answers I provide because he only sees me maybe an hour or two a day.

 

To summarize... it took me 4 years to get this fd up, it's going to take a long while to undo it.

 

As I see it you never wanted to end the affair, so that's the first step, truly accepting that it is OVER. Second you have to let go of the fantasy of there being a future with MM. Once you get there then you can start to turn your focus toward your husband.

 

From several examples I've seen here accepting its over won't be hard, but letting go of the fantasy future is, I've seen women here go a year or so still holding on to the hope that he will come back, or reach out.

 

Here is the problem, your husband is on to you now. Soon he will start putting together the pieces. He may not suspect an affair, but he knows something is off.

 

Here is something that I've noticed, WS's are never as good as they believe at carrying on an affair. After four plus years you likely got sloppy, now that he knows something is wrong he will go into fix it mode which means he will investigate the source. Be careful, contact with MM is dangerous now. His trust in you will only buy you so much time.

[66Charger]

I am not letting this slide to the bottom of the page. Our help is still needed here. Post your struggles for ALL to assist.

[Hope Shimmers]

Ha! SBF, you aren't going to escape 66Charger...

 

Hang in there!

[Shinebrightforever]

Thanks....

Had to take a breather from the thread for a couple days. I wasn't liking how hard this hit me. But I'm getting stronger. Still want to reach out and do the "bare my soul"...stuff to MM. Thinking that will give me closure, but closure lies within myself, not him.

 

Doing my best to invest into H. Trying to be more present, attentive, giving. More than what I could be when eye high in A.

 

Just keep swimming....