Long time lurker and I'm three weeks into NC

[lemondrop21]

No contact is about two things, and two things only:

 

 

1. It protects you from further hurt.

 

2. It allows you to heal without being distracted by the ex.

 

 

Thats all it is, and all it does.

 

 

In itself, it does no healing, but it does set a condition conducive to healing.

 

NC is only the beginning of recovery.

 

This is very insightful, and unfortunately hard to read. It would be nice to think that if NC went on for long enough, things would get better. But there is other work you have to do on yourself as well, I suppose.

[Satu]

This is very insightful, and unfortunately hard to read. It would be nice to think that if NC went on for long enough, things would get better. But there is other work you have to do on yourself as well, I suppose.

 

I think that if the only thing that someone does is NC, they will still heal to some extent, because we do have innate self-healing resources, but they will heal relatively slowly compared to someone who avails themselves of therapy, etc.

[Starbright78]

 

Thank you for your comments, Dutchman. I respect you for them.

 

I see your point Dutchman, but I think the delivery was unnecessarily cruel. Just because I don't mention anything about my H, doesn't mean the guilt isn't there. I have spoken about it in other threads. That is something completely separate I need to work on but how can I work on it when my mind is still on the AP when I most certainly don't want it to be.

 

I want to be over the AP and forget he ever existed. I want to have a marriage like I had 15 yrs ago when I was oblivious to my H's many many affairs. It's complicated for sure but I think there is a fighting chance if I can get my head straight and go in without thoughts of the AP consistently on the brain.

[Dutchman1]

Yes I do understand that my words could have been less cruel and still would have the same impact.

My fury took over. I apologize.

I was cheated on 30 + years ago.it changed my life completely and someone I dearly loved took her own life because of the guilt.

That I forgave at the time didn't stop her.

 

I do hope you will find your peace and be happy again.

 

Dutchman 1

[NewLeaf512]

Yes I do understand that my words could have been less cruel and still would have the same impact.

My fury took over. I apologize.

I was cheated on 30 + years ago.it changed my life completely and someone I dearly loved took her own life because of the guilt.

That I forgave at the time didn't stop her.

 

I do hope you will find your peace and be happy again.

 

Dutchman 1

 

Sometimes the WS takes their own life sometimes the BS. I'm so sorry

[Popsicle]

Sometimes the WS takes their own life sometimes the BS. I'm so sorry

 

And sometimes it's the SOM/SOW. I heard a story a few weeks ago about the SOW taking her life. So sad and tragic.

[Starbright78]

Yes I do understand that my words could have been less cruel and still would have the same impact.

My fury took over. I apologize.

I was cheated on 30 + years ago.it changed my life completely and someone I dearly loved took her own life because of the guilt.

That I forgave at the time didn't stop her.

 

I do hope you will find your peace and be happy again.

 

Dutchman 1

 

I'm sorry Dutchman. That must have been horrible. I do hope to be happy again without this mess I have gotten myself into. I just keep posting here as this forum board has helped me keep my sanity. Instead of writing to him, I now write here instead.

[aliveagain]

There is an old saying, "When you row another person across the river you get there yourself." Your problem may be that your rowing the wrong person. Hope you can fix this and if you decide you really want to try get the professional help you need to do it.