Karma/Kamma = VOLITIONAL action...

[Justanaverageguy]

I guess I am projecting negative energy onto them? I've tried to stop speaking about my ex as much because I think my friends (as sweet as they are) have gotten tired of hearing from me. Regardless, even if I don't talk, my general demeanour because I am so down is a reflection of negative energy isn't it?

 

This is totally normal - you really should not feel bad about this. While option 3 is what you are aiming to get to its a bit of a journey you have to take to get there. You will have to do some of option 1 and 2 as well. Its inevitable no one is perfect. You don't click your fingers and forgive. The pain from these type of experiences has to be felt, experienced and released. Crying, venting to friends etc are release valves on the body and they are a good thing. If you need to do it .... do it. They are not what I was talking about with "reflection". What I meant by that and what you want to avoid is getting directly angry at others and projecting your pain onto them and lashing out. So its a good thing to lean on your friends but if you feel you might be leaning a too hard the best solution is to get a shrink you can vent and let things out with. That way you don't have to dump everything on friends and family and you can use your time with them more positively. Don't feel bad for letting negative energy out. Just do it in the right way. If you don't it ends up becoming absorbed and repressed.

 

As for no.2, I think my negative energy is taking a toll on my body. I have been sick since day 1 of the break up and even though 2 months on, I am better to some extent (still on some anti-biotics though), I generally have no energy to do a lot of things. Going out for simple chores, going to school, going out to meet friends, is a HUGE effort. I contemplate not going constantly because I feel so drained and just tired.

 

Again this is normal so don't panic. I completely agree with TaraMaidens advice here. I'm big on the mind body connection and holistic healing. Western Medicine is a very important tool for healing and I would never speak badly about it but it has a specific focus on treating the physical symptoms - not the underlying emotional cause. Eastern medicine focuses more on the emotional energy's which cause the physical symptoms. So using them in tandem I find is the best solution to any health issue. Treat both the cause and the symptoms.

 

When I said earlier that people absorb negative energy - I meant this literally. You hold it in your body. You end up with what eastern medical practitioners refer to as "blockages". Where the negative energy has been held and stored by the body. Not sure if you have looked at any eastern medicine before but they focus a lot on the energy pathways in the body. When these become blocked the specific areas of the body then present physical issues because the energy doesn't flow. I would highly highly recommend taking up some sort of body work which you do on a daily basis (Qigong, Joga etc). You can find classes for these at most gyms ... and if you are a little shy you can even find beginner videos on youtube. These are great for getting your energy moving again. Then also like Tara suggested look into the different Eastern medicine options and find something that works for you. Acupuncture and Massage are two very simple and very common treatments that again focus on releasing blocked energies. There are many others TCM treatments you can look into. The more of these negative energies you unblock the easier step 3 becomes.

 

One other thing on health I would say specifically - Is pay attention to your digestive system. In any high stress situation it is one of the first to be affected. It controls 70% of the bodies immune system and is highly dependent on blood flow. Stress tends to reduce this and so results in people getting sick when stressed. We also don't tend to eat as well. Then taking anti-biotics can throw out the flora in your digestive track. If you have been taking a lot of these ask your doctor about getting a good quality pro-biotic and make sure you focus on eating good healthy foods

Edited July 31, 2015 by Justanaverageguy

[Justanaverageguy]

As for point 3... I am rather confused by it. What do you mean by forgiveness? Are you saying that if I forgive on my end (I'm not contacting my ex at all because he really wouldn't give a ****) that slowly this negative energy dissipates?

 

I wanted to put this in a separate section because it is the most important. Forgiveness is truly the hard one. It sounds easy in theory. Oh no problem I forgive them. But it doesn't really work like that. Saying you forgive someone and actually forgiving someone are two totally different things. I support what Tara said - meditation helps and realizing that not forgiving is punishing yourself is key because you end up diverting the negative energy to others or into your body. Also yes it generally does get easier with time but it depends how long you want to hold onto the anger ? Because a lot of the pain comes from refusing to "let go". Let go of the attachment you have to your ex but also the idea of the life and future you envisioned for yourself.

 

If I could use a metaphor from my own breakup - basically I looked at it as if I was floating down a river and I had a very clear and distinct path I and my former partner had planned to take. Everything was on track, life was good, I knew exactly where life was going then - suprise ! Life intervened and took me down a completely different path to what I planned. So there I was on what I considered to be the "wrong path" not willing or able to embrace the new one and holding a huge amount of resentment for my ex and also myself. Essentially I was stoically "holding on" refusing to let the rivers current take me down the new path it had chosen. I didn't want change and was focusing on how much I had lost, how the future now didn't look as bright, how I would never find love again - I felt like I had been done wrong and I needed someone to blame. It wasn't even that I wanted to get back with my ex (although I did still have strong emotional ties to her) it was that I didn't want to let go of that future I had envisioned. I felt like I had failed. Letting go meant admitting defeat. Meant letting go of someone I had loved and accepting that life was gone. The body "holds onto" the pain, the anger and the blame .... simply because it is resisting the reality of what is happening right now. It is trying to hold onto the past - it wants things to be the way they were. Essentially because you are scared of the unknown, you see the past as somehow "better" or at the very least "safer" then where you are. But think about it ... would you really want to be back with your ex ? Really ? Or is it just that you are scared and think you might not find love or happiness again? Non forgiveness is basically a way avoid "accepting" what is happening head on. To avoid experiencing the negative emotion we have to externalize it onto others or store it in our body.

 

So if "not forgiving" is simply "holding on and resisting" then what is forgiveness ? Letting go and accepting what is. That's all - letting go fully and completely and experiencing what is - that includes experiencing the pain you are holding onto. You're not reflecting it back out .... you're not repressing and avoiding facing it by absorbing it into your body. You let it come up and You feel it. Thats the magic trick the human body has. It feels emotions and can transform them. When we refuse to feel them (through reflection or absorption) thats when issues happen. But its easier said then done and it can be very intense if the wounds are fresh. But as soon as you let go and feel it yyou are able to embrace a new future and a new life and start letting the current take you where you are meant to go.

 

That idea of letting go is an incredibly scary idea for most people. I've heard some people literally say "they can't forgive and let go". But you can ... its in there like a release button if you look hard enough. You have to allow yourself to do it and release. Believe me when you find the button you will know. Maybe you are not entirely ready to do that right now. I find most people it takes time. For some they may only really be able to let go and truly forgive your ex and yourself when you have started to build the new future for yourself - your mind and your heart will allow you to let go of the past more easily and forgive and forget once you can see the future is still incredibly bright and you understand you don't actually want to go back to the past life you envisioned.

 

No matter how bad something is .... good will come from it if you chose to let it. Keep moving forward and let time work its magic

Edited July 31, 2015 by Justanaverageguy