Dating evangelical Christians

[LookAtThisPOst]

I recall bringing up a conversation and may be even a follow-up to the "Spiritual but not religious" thread.

 

A while back I came across a woman in my area, 50 years old, never married, no kids, etc. Said she was looking for a Christian man...didn't say what type of Christian specifically.

 

We got to talking with each other , online as we were both into kayaking and hiking activities. Talked about our favorite areas to go kayaking like at the freshwater springs, etc.

 

Then she asked me what I church I go to and I said I grew up Catholic, but attend a non-denom church.

 

She pretty much cut me off right there and there was no debating or continuing to get to know each other further as that's a deal breaker for her.

 

Now, I never met too many Christian that gave a rats behind what kind of Christian you are...so as much as long as you were Christian.

 

That was the end of that.

 

Later she popped up online, this time she lived in a different city a couple of hours away, apparently relocated for a job opportunity. She mentions a few years ago she almost died, so this could attribute her religious convictions.

 

This time, she gave VERY specific instructions as to what kind of "Christian" she was seeking.

 

In the "You should contact me if..." box she said... You should contact me ONLY if you cannot describe yourself without mentioning God. That you must not be Catholic and an evangelical Christian. She specifically mentions she is not interested in Catholics nor even "spiritual" types. (Which brought up the aforementioned thread.)

 

She says she does "love" her spiritual brother and sisters, she prefers someone with the same lifestyle.

 

Now, most Christians I've met are pretty much open to dating anyone that's under the "Christian" umbrella....heck, it's not even a requirement for their future mates to attend church with them either.

 

But, I'm wondering why there are a rare few that have these specifics mentioned.

 

I once went out with a woman (as a friend also 50) who was a...I think...a 7th Day Adventist. And she said she won't date anyone who is of any other religion.

 

I said to her, "Honestly, how many men do YOU encounter in your age bracket are 7th Day Adventist that are SINGLE?"

 

She says none so far.

 

So I suggested she might want to ease up on her criteria. This is likely why these people are 50-something and never married.

Edited July 29, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[guest569]

Had any dates lately?

[LookAtThisPOst]

Had any dates lately?

 

Please stay on topic.

[xxoo]

Visit one of these churches and ask the pastor's thoughts on Catholicism. It might explain a lot.

[DaisyBug]

There are a small number of hardcore evangelicals that see Satan in everything, including Catholicism. Sad that she wouldn't even hear you out - after all, you only said you grew up Catholic, but are now attending a non-denominational church.

 

Next!

[salparadise]

ONLY if you cannot describe yourself without mentioning God. That you must not be Catholic and an evangelical Christian.

 

Yea, Catholics and protestants still have some animosity going back to 1517 and that whole Reformation thing.

 

Ah, yes - those evangelical hotties! How do you feel about growing out your beard and wearing a white robe and sandals?

[Michelle ma Belle]

It's hard to really know why she has such strong feelings about Catholicism without actually asking her and letting her speak. I've encountered similar prejudice myself in the past whilst on a Christian dating site. The irony that exists on there is mind-blowing by the way!

 

If I had to guess, maybe it has something to do with what seems to be a never-ending stream of molestation charges against the church??

 

I too am a Catholic or at least raised as Catholic my whole life until I decided to open myself up to other, more spiritual and less religious alternatives that fit with my soul better. Despite the fact that I'm no longer a practicing Catholic, in my heart I think I will always be Catholic. It's just one of those things that can't seem to shaken off as easily as other things I guess.

 

I think Catholics have gotten a really bad rap over the years. The molestation charges certainly don't help matters and the blatant cover-ups that have been reported time and time again by the Vatican. That alone is enough to turn many people against us.

 

Or maybe she hates the fact that Catholicism is a very patriarchal institution. I know this is a very big issue for me personally.

 

Having said that, corruption, deceit, violations, intolerance, bigotry, hatred, judgement, sexism, racism etc. can pretty much be found in many (if not all) mainstream religious institutions yet somehow Catholicism often appears as the poster child for delinquent faiths.

 

Again, pure speculation.

[autumnnight]

Interesting that she ruled you out even though you now attend a non-denominational church. Although that also might be a problem. Sometimes very conservative, strict, and "fundamentalist" type Christians don't like non-denom either because they think it's too feely and progressive.

 

I wanted to marry a dedicated Christian who believed the Bible and took his spiritual life seriously. And I did. I don't regret that standard.

 

It's just like anything else. If it is fine to want an attractive partner, a thin one, a tall one, a smart one, a funny one, one with a job, etc. then there really isn't anything wrong with wanting to share your life with someone who lives out their faith in the same way you do.

 

Look at it this way: if she is that serious about the Bible and her faith, chances are you were not going to be having sex unless you married her anyway.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Exactly, it wasn't until much later in life when I started to explore away from the local Catholic church (as most are married people with families) and started commuting to a larger city that had singles functions at Non-Denom. church stating "All faiths welcome!" I would attend those like once every couple of weeks while I would just go to Mass and nothing more else as that's what small churches in small towns do...and having a "singles" group in these small town churches is quite a turn off to many.

 

I think someone suggested in the Catholic church about having a singles group and of course it was a married woman who objected to such an atrocity of turning her church community into a "pick-up" community. lol And...her idea of a "night out" was seeing a local high school football game. Yeah, high school football games are big deal even among adults around here.

 

Thus my exploring other places where singles do exist...but a lot of those singles ministries are usually Protestant in nature. So its like a lose/lose situation. lol That's why I enjoy Meetup. :-) Actually, I've seen those claiming to be Christian on those personal sites, popping up on Meetup, but as of yet attended events.

 

 

 

 

It's hard to really know why she has such strong feelings about Catholicism without actually asking her and letting her speak. I've encountered similar prejudice myself in the past whilst on a Christian dating site. The irony that exists on there is mind-blowing by the way!

 

If I had to guess, maybe it has something to do with what seems to be a never-ending stream of molestation charges against the church??

 

I too am a Catholic or at least raised as Catholic my whole life until I decided to open myself up to other, more spiritual and less religious alternatives that fit with my soul better. Despite the fact that I'm no longer a practicing Catholic, in my heart I think I will always be Catholic. It's just one of those things that can't seem to shaken off as easily as other things I guess.

 

I think Catholics have gotten a really bad rap over the years. The molestation charges certainly don't help matters and the blatant cover-ups that have been reported time and time again by the Vatican. That alone is enough to turn many people against us.

 

Or maybe she hates the fact that Catholicism is a very patriarchal institution. I know this is a very big issue for me personally.

 

Having said that, corruption, deceit, violations, intolerance, bigotry, hatred, judgement, sexism, racism etc. can pretty much be found in many (if not all) mainstream religious institutions yet somehow Catholicism often appears as the poster child for delinquent faiths.

 

Again, pure speculation.

[LookAtThisPOst]

 

Look at it this way: if she is that serious about the Bible and her faith, chances are you were not going to be having sex unless you married her anyway.

 

 

That's fine with me. I'm open to that. :-) But you do say that under the assumption that only evangelicals don't have sex before marriage. lol But, that's getting on to another topic altogether.

Edited July 29, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[autumnnight]

That's fine with me. I'm open to that. :-) But you do say that under the assumption that only evangelicals don't have sex before marriage. lol But, that's getting on to another topic altogether.

 

True, other people wait for marriage as well. My point was that most of the people I know who would be that explicit before even going on a date might not even KISS you till marriage lol.

 

That's probably not a ferris wheel you wanna ride.

[preraph]

I grew up in a community dominated by evangelical "hellfire and damnation" Christians. Of course, there are young people just along for the ride, but the serious ones, in my opinion, are an unstable fringe element of very narrow-minded "if you're not like me, you should at least want to be" people who I can no longer tolerate in my life. Fundamentalists of any ilk, I find pretty intolerable. So IMO, be glad you got the warning and can avoid dating one for even a day.

[MissBee]

The evangelical Christians I know tend to date other evangelical Christians...it's not strange.

 

The stricter your religion is or the more important it is to you it makes sense why you'd prefer someone else of the same faith or seriousness. If you are nominally Christian then it doesn't matter, but if you are very serious about your faith you'll want someone who believes similarly and who takes it as seriously as you do. All Christian denominations don't believe the same things, as you know. And some of the differing beliefs are make it or break it things so it makes perfect sense why someone with a stricter faith would prefer another whose lifestyle is like theirs.

 

If you're an evangelical Christian it's likely that your soul's salvation is more important to you than getting a date...so you'll have no problems being single until God sends you someone who is a good match.

 

 

Also...in lots of your threads you critique people's preferences and wager that "these people" are 50 and never married because of them or what have you. However, wouldn't the same be able to be put back on you from someone looking in? It seems you have a hard time accepting other people's preferences and spend more time trying to convince them why it is wrong or why they should have no preference and just date whomever/you...but that also doesn't work. In terms of this particular preference it makes sense. In fact, I have never understood people who want to date people who don't want to date them based on their lifestyle. It makes sense. That's the point of dating...you aren't looking for the many or to be as compatible with as many as possible, but you're looking to find one person who is a match for you. I for example am not religious, I specifically avoid dating religious men because I know that will be a HUGE source of incompatibility. If a religious man doesn't want to date me, I am not offended and won't say he's single because he chooses to only date religious women/women of his faith. I have relatives who are Seventh-Day Adventists and lots of their tenets are specific: there are food taboos, Sabbath keeping rules etc...it stands to reason that living day to day life with someone who understands this or believes it too is FAR simpler and easier than dating someone and having to explain your beliefs, why you can't do this or that or don't believe this or that and go through all that trouble. Like I said, from my understanding if you are Evangelical you have a strong belief in the power of God to act in your life and you believe in prayer, therefore, the attitude may be that you can just pray for a good match and stick to your faith rather than loosen your convictions to find a man/woman.

Edited July 29, 2015 by MissBee

[LookAtThisPOst]

Actually, I've been speaking with a single woman, though she lives out of the country, is looking for someone who believes in God and nothing much more than that. She is a prayerful person as well.

 

She asked me why I had been single for so long and I stated that it's hard to find someone that share the same beliefs as I do.

 

She said, "Not everyone's beliefs are a 100% and everyone is going to have something different about them."

 

I wasn't really referring to that specifically, but more so about loose morals and so on. But I suppose she even attributes those who have been single for so long are "holding out" for someone that's a "keyhole" match when it will never come.

 

I mean, you can come CLOSE to the mark and some couples have stopped there and had come to being realistic.

 

In the earlier days, back when my generations of parents match , no one had a super long list of criteria that everyone MUST meet for it to be a perfect match. Like "She/He must have blonde hair in order for me to date him!" Or some other situation.

 

It was more like "He's a nice guy, she's a nice girl." There were no specifics back then and life was simple then.

 

Now alot of people have these silly list of unrealistic expectations in a mate as if they are sure they will ONLY be happy if they meet EVERY single bullet or number on that list.

 

It's kind of like a little kid who is never happy with the toy that he wants, always gets bored of it. It's "I want, I want, I want!" Nothing's ever good enough.

 

 

People go into marriages these days like, "If it doesn't work out, we can always get a divorce."

 

 

Some people have wiggle room in their criteria while others don't

 

 

 

The evangelical Christians I know tend to date other evangelical Christians...it's not strange.

 

The stricter your religion is or the more important it is to you it makes sense why you'd prefer someone else of the same faith or seriousness. If you are nominally Christian then it doesn't matter, but if you are very serious about your faith you'll want someone who believes similarly and who takes it as seriously as you do. All Christian denominations don't believe the same things, as you know. And some of the differing beliefs are make it or break it things so it makes perfect sense why someone with a stricter faith would prefer another whose lifestyle is like theirs.

 

If you're an evangelical Christian it's likely that your soul's salvation is more important to you than getting a date...so you'll have no problems being single until God sends you someone who is a good match.

 

 

Also...in lots of your threads you critique people's preferences and wager that "these people" are 50 and never married because of them or what have you. However, wouldn't the same be able to be put back on you from someone looking in? It seems you have a hard time accepting other people's preferences and spend more time trying to convince them why it is wrong or why they should have no preference and just date whomever/you...but that also doesn't work. In terms of this particular preference it makes sense. In fact, I have never understood people who want to date people who don't want to date them based on their lifestyle. It makes sense. That's the point of dating...you aren't looking for the many or to be as compatible with as many as possible, but you're looking to find one person who is a match for you. I for example am not religious, I specifically avoid dating religious men because I know that will be a HUGE source of incompatibility. If a religious man doesn't want to date me, I am not offended and won't say he's single because he chooses to only date religious women/women of his faith. I have relatives who are Seventh-Day Adventists and lots of their tenets are specific: there are food taboos, Sabbath keeping rules etc...it stands to reason that living day to day life with someone who understands this or believes it too is FAR simpler and easier than dating someone and having to explain your beliefs, why you can't do this or that or don't believe this or that and go through all that trouble. Like I said, from my understanding if you are Evangelical you have a strong belief in the power of God to act in your life and you believe in prayer, therefore, the attitude may be that you can just pray for a good match and stick to your faith rather than loosen your convictions to find a man/woman.

Edited July 29, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[xxoo]

It's hard to really know why she has such strong feelings about Catholicism without actually asking her and letting her speak. I've encountered similar prejudice myself in the past whilst on a Christian dating site. The irony that exists on there is mind-blowing by the way!

 

If I had to guess, maybe it has something to do with what seems to be a never-ending stream of molestation charges against the church??

 

I too am a Catholic or at least raised as Catholic my whole life until I decided to open myself up to other, more spiritual and less religious alternatives that fit with my soul better. Despite the fact that I'm no longer a practicing Catholic, in my heart I think I will always be Catholic. It's just one of those things that can't seem to shaken off as easily as other things I guess.

 

I think Catholics have gotten a really bad rap over the years. The molestation charges certainly don't help matters and the blatant cover-ups that have been reported time and time again by the Vatican. That alone is enough to turn many people against us.

 

Or maybe she hates the fact that Catholicism is a very patriarchal institution. I know this is a very big issue for me personally.

 

Having said that, corruption, deceit, violations, intolerance, bigotry, hatred, judgement, sexism, racism etc. can pretty much be found in many (if not all) mainstream religious institutions yet somehow Catholicism often appears as the poster child for delinquent faiths.

 

Again, pure speculation.

 

I was raised in an Evangelical church. I was taught that the Catholic church worships idols, in the form of praying to Mary and other Saints. That was enough reason to not date Catholics. It's a pretty extreme view, yes, but Evangelicals aren't known for being open-minded

[bluestealth]

I've always attended a non-denom church and only seek women who attend similar churches. I avoid practicing Catholics because there would be a conflict later on with what church to attend and how the kids would be raised. I'm pretty sure Catholics require the wedding to be at their church as well. I actually just started dating a girl grew up Catholic and attends both a Catholic and non-denom church. I've never heard of this before so we'll see how it goes!

[LookAtThisPOst]

I've always attended a non-denom church and only seek women who attend similar churches. I avoid practicing Catholics because there would be a conflict later on with what church to attend and how the kids would be raised. I'm pretty sure Catholics require the wedding to be at their church as well. I actually just started dating a girl grew up Catholic and attends both a Catholic and non-denom church. I've never heard of this before so we'll see how it goes!

 

Kids are a non-issue at my age as I don't want children.

 

I'm pretty sure Catholics require the wedding to be at their church as well. I actually just started dating a girl grew up Catholic and attends both a Catholic and non-denom church. I've never heard of this before so we'll see how it goes!

 

Funny thing. I knew of a Catholic woman in our local parrish that was heavily involved in the church at a representative level. She met a local deputy who was of course, a different religion. I think Presbyterian or something.

 

After they both sat down with the priest and listened to the parameters of marrying in a Catholic church, it involved quite a lot of rules to follow. So she left her church and married at her now husband's church....apparently there wasn't many hoops to jump at his church.

 

Path of least resistance and all that.

 

Anyhow, where I live, SINGLE Catholics are few and far between...even in the neighboring large city. Most are married or involved seriously a non-Christian they met at some secular function or a protestant function. lol So as a luke warm Catholic we're pretty much open to any Christian-based faith. I tend to not ate Jewish or atheists of course. Or American Buddhists

Edited July 29, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[anika99]

As someone raised by a hardcore fundamentalist Christian stepfather (he was crazy but that's another story) I think I can shed some light on why some Christians do not approve of Catholicism.

 

For the most part Christians believe that Jesus is the son of God and that he died on the cross for our sins. When Christians pray they pray to members of the trinity. That being God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit. When we sin we pray and ask forgiveness and we believe that if we are truly remorseful and we have repentant hearts forgiveness will be granted.

 

In contrast Catholics have rituals and idols that Christians don't understand or approve of. For example we do not pray to Mary and in our minds it's blasphemous to do so. Mary is not God, she was given no Godlike powers to answer prayers or bestow forgiveness. Likewise Christians do not believe in saints and again it is almost downright sinful to us to elevate anyone outside of the trinity to a status higher than a regular human. We do not believe in religious or magical items like crucifixes or rosaries. Once again we believe it is sinful to assign any status or power to anyone or any object outside of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

 

Christians do not believe in doing penance or saying Hail Mary,s for our sins because it is not biblical and contradicts the philosophy of repenting and forgiveness. Fundamentalist Christians believe that Catholics are ritualistic, and that they don't truly believe or understand Jesus as the saviour because if they did they wouldn't have all these other figureheads, objects and rituals that Christians consider sinful.

 

As an adult I can't say that I really have any judgements on anyone's beliefs or religion. I believe that God knows our hearts and our minds regardless of where we go to church and it's not for us to judge people on God's behalf, so I hope I didn't offend anyone. I just wanted to explain why many Evangelical Christians do not approve of the Catholic beliefs.

[LookAtThisPOst]

As someone raised by a hardcore fundamentalist Christian stepfather (he was crazy but that's another story) I think I can shed some light on why some Christians do not approve of Catholicism.

 

For the most part Christians believe that Jesus is the son of God and that he died on the cross for our sins. When Christians pray they pray to members of the trinity. That being God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit. When we sin we pray and ask forgiveness and we believe that if we are truly remorseful and we have repentant hearts forgiveness will be granted.

 

In contrast Catholics have rituals and idols that Christians don't understand or approve of. For example we do not pray to Mary and in our minds it's blasphemous to do so. Mary is not God, she was given no Godlike powers to answer prayers or bestow forgiveness. Likewise Christians do not believe in saints and again it is almost downright sinful to us to elevate anyone outside of the trinity to a status higher than a regular human. We do not believe in religious or magical items like crucifixes or rosaries. Once again we believe it is sinful to assign any status or power to anyone or any object outside of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

 

Christians do not believe in doing penance or saying Hail Mary,s for our sins because it is not biblical and contradicts the philosophy of repenting and forgiveness. Fundamentalist Christians believe that Catholics are ritualistic, and that they don't truly believe or understand Jesus as the saviour because if they did they wouldn't have all these other figureheads, objects and rituals that Christians consider sinful.

 

As an adult I can't say that I really have any judgement on anyone's beliefs or religion. I believe that God knows our hearts and our minds regardless of where we go to church and it's not for us to judge people on God's behalf, so I hope I didn't offend anyone. I just wanted to explain why many Evangelical Christians do not approve of the Catholic beliefs.

 

Right, it's what's in the heart. Our personal relationship and such.

 

In contrast Catholics have rituals and idols that Christians don't understand or approve of.

 

See, Catholics don't get this misinterpretation of Catholics...this is simply NOT true.

 

I recall our priest making remarks about the Evangelicals on how Catholics are being misinterpreted by the Evangelicals and that we're really both one in the same.

 

For some reason the Evangelicals think we're worshiping "false gods" (the saints)....and we do NOT acknowledge them as such. But, for some reason...evangelicals are steadfast in whatever they've judged us as "worshiping false gods". Not sure where they even got that idea. But they keep on insisting Catholics worship "false gods" *Shrug* and I guess they'll continue to believe that.

 

And Catholics do no such thing. There are a few other myths about Catholics that evangelicals seemed to have concocted.

 

Ironically, the Catholic religion was the pretty much the first Christian religion...protestants basically spawned off Catholics simply because they wanted the freedom to worship their own way.

 

Catholics aren't allowed to divorce, and thusly some Christians thought, "You know, I'd like to divorce my spouse, I'm tired of him/her...let's create a religion that allows divorce!"

 

(That's just an example.)

 

Anyways, I was kind of surprised a 50 year old, being as worldly and experienced as they are and had experienced enough back stabbing in their churches to think "not all Christians are good, so I'll have to maybe consider dating guys that are..well..good to me as opposed to taking into account a strict, evangelical belief system."

 

I've known so many Christians that had experienced the reality of having been married to spouses that had cheated on them and some of these spouses were active members and led prayer in their congregations.

 

So people get to the point, "Well, my 'Christian' pastor husband cheated on me, so the next man I meet doesn't HAVE to be necessarily evangelical, because being evangelical doesn't a person make."

 

It's not a reflection of their character.

Edited July 31, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[anika99]

Right, it's what's in the heart. Our personal relationship and such.

 

 

 

See, Catholics don't get this misinterpretation of Catholics...this is simply NOT true.

 

I recall our priest making remarks about the Evangelicals on how Catholics are being misinterpreted by the Evangelicals and that we're really both one in the same.

 

It is common for people to have misconceptions about different faiths, including Christianity so I understand your frustration

 

For some reason the Evangelicals think we're worshiping "false gods" (the saints)....and we do NOT acknowledge them as such. But, for some reason...evangelicals are steadfast in whatever they've judged us as "worshiping false gods". Not sure where they even got that idea. But they keep on insisting Catholics worship "false gods" *Shrug* and I guess they'll continue to believe that.

 

I didn't say that Catholics worship the saints, I said Christians don't believe in them. I don't understand their significance to Catholics but generally Protestant Christians do not recognize them at all. I don't understand having a saint to signify safe travels or a saint to signify good health. I look to God to keep me safe and happy so I don't get it. Perhaps you can explain it to me. Also I do not understand praying or talking to Mary. I asked a Catholic friend to explain that to me many years ago and to the best of my recollection he said something about Mary delivering our prayers to God which is not biblical, nor is praying on rosary beads or saying Hail Mary.

And Catholics do no such thing. There are a few other myths about Catholics that evangelicals seemed to have concocted.

 

Ironically, the Catholic religion was the pretty much the first Christian religion...protestants basically spawned off Catholics simply because they wanted the freedom to worship their own way.

 

That is what Catholics claim and it may be true but the church started by Christ did not include Hail Marys and rosary beads. Those things became rituals later on and they are not biblical. The bible instructs to pray to our father in heaven.

 

 

Catholics aren't allowed to divorce, and thusly some Christians thought, "You know, I'd like to divorce my spouse, I'm tired of him/her...let's create a religion that allows divorce!"

 

And now you are distorting Christianity. Christians generally do not believe in divorce either and years ago most did not divorce. Definitely divorce has become widespread amongst Christians recently but nobody believes divorce is okay and Christians are encouraged to make every attempt at reconciliation before divorcing. On the infidelity boards I've seen more than one wayward spouse say they cheat on their spouse instead of getting a divorce because they are Catholic and so divorce is not allowed. Is that better? Christians do not believe in excommunication so when people mess up and end up divorced or single parents or whatever they are still welcome in the church.

(That's just an example.)

 

Anyways, I was kind of surprised a 50 year old, being as worldly and experienced as they are and had experienced enough back stabbing in their churches to think "not all Christians are good, so I'll have to maybe consider dating guys that are..well..good to me as opposed to taking into account a strict, evangelical belief system."

 

I've known so many Christians that had experienced the reality of having been married to spouses that had cheated on them and some of these spouses were active members and led prayer in their congregations.

 

So people get to the point, "Well, my 'Christian' pastor husband cheated on me, so the next man I meet doesn't HAVE to be necessarily evangelical, because being evangelical doesn't a person make."

 

It's not a reflection of their character.

 

 

Well overall I agree with you but it's good for people to state right up front what they want and don't want so nobody wastes their time

[Rejected Rosebud]

But, I'm wondering why there are a rare few that have these specifics mentioned.

.

Because that is what's important to them!!! :bunny: That is a very easy answer, you probably could have figured that one out!