In it again...

[Star lights]

I am probably not the best person to answer this question at all but I have seen a few of your posts and i want to be honest with you...

 

Everything I say is purely tough love and not judgemental at all because let's face it, I'm in no position to judge you...

 

 

I think (and please ignore me if you feel I don't grasp your situation or am to in experienced to offer advice)...

 

A) you need to tell your wife and let your wife decide if she would like to be with you once she finds out who you really are. She will be devastated but trust me she will live ...with you or without you, but if you tell her without getting caught out then you may have a chance of holding onto her. Your IC gave you OKAY advice but I think you have NO right to ask that of your wife after you've done this to her. Yes be honest with her and let her know that you would appreciate her helping you forgive yourself but don't directly ask her to clean up your mess because she sounds like a nice woman and I would hate for her to feel obliged to help you. Don't be that spineless, be an adult. I am unsure whether you have children or not but you chose this life so you need to own it and I'm afraid that your children will sadly be affected by this but will also live (my dad cheated and I survived, it was actually the least of my problems) I'm sorry but that excuse 'my poor children' just won't cut it.

 

B) maybe you need to actually be alone, to discover you and get over your past.

 

C) whether you leave your wife or your lover you need to find a way to work through losing your mother and the other issues you may have had with your mother. You need to do this because I think your IC is correct and you are using this other woman as a substitute.

 

D) grow up and stop being so selfish, you have done wrong...own it! You will never be happy if you don't

 

E) now E is the toughest answer I'm going to give and really it's not E, it's A,B,C and D combined...let me explain myself first... I have had quite a tough life, harder than most of the norm but not as hard as others...there comes a time when we have to understand that we can't use our pasts and our issues with our parents to 'okay' a wrong situation. Your wife is an innocent bystander and YOU are the one that is wronging her not all of the bad things that have happened in your life. You may have abandonment issues and closure issues, but your an adult now it's time to out your big boy pants on and grow up, stop using your mother as an excuse for your awful behaviour. you are a grown adult and you need to accept that you are destroying your wife's life. You have lied and cheated your way through your marriage subconsciously blaming every wrong that has happened to you in your life, believing that this justifies your actions when it doesn't.

 

Your lover will not fix you and neither will your wife, you probably won't fix yourself because you are too ready to pass that problem onto your wife. You need to be alone before you can fix yourself and you need to be honest with your wife, not so she will hopefully fix you or even forgive you in the distant future but so you can give her some respect and prove to yourself that you won't let this affair and the issues you have define you. Own up to your feelings and own up to yourself and you will find the answers.

 

Be strong and be brave and I promise you that you will find true happiness eventually. I am only saying this because I have wronged someone to but I owned my mistake because I wouldn't let my partner live a lie.

 

I am a hypocrite in a sense because I still cheated and I was still deceitful but I was true to myself and I really feel that you need to be. Look inside and you will know what to do.

 

I wish you all the luck and I know that one day you will find true happiness but only when you let this situation go.

[TheOneYouHate]

I am probably not the best person to answer this question at all but I have seen a few of your posts and i want to be honest with you...

 

Everything I say is purely tough love and not judgemental at all because let's face it, I'm in no position to judge you...

 

 

I think (and please ignore me if you feel I don't grasp your situation or am to in experienced to offer advice)...

 

A) you need to tell your wife and let your wife decide if she would like to be with you once she finds out who you really are. She will be devastated but trust me she will live ...with you or without you, but if you tell her without getting caught out then you may have a chance of holding onto her. Your IC gave you OKAY advice but I think you have NO right to ask that of your wife after you've done this to her. Yes be honest with her and let her know that you would appreciate her helping you forgive yourself but don't directly ask her to clean up your mess because she sounds like a nice woman and I would hate for her to feel obliged to help you. Don't be that spineless, be an adult. I am unsure whether you have children or not but you chose this life so you need to own it and I'm afraid that your children will sadly be affected by this but will also live (my dad cheated and I survived, it was actually the least of my problems) I'm sorry but that excuse 'my poor children' just won't cut it.

 

B) maybe you need to actually be alone, to discover you and get over your past.

 

C) whether you leave your wife or your lover you need to find a way to work through losing your mother and the other issues you may have had with your mother. You need to do this because I think your IC is correct and you are using this other woman as a substitute.

 

D) grow up and stop being so selfish, you have done wrong...own it! You will never be happy if you don't

 

E) now E is the toughest answer I'm going to give and really it's not E, it's A,B,C and D combined...let me explain myself first... I have had quite a tough life, harder than most of the norm but not as hard as others...there comes a time when we have to understand that we can't use our pasts and our issues with our parents to 'okay' a wrong situation. Your wife is an innocent bystander and YOU are the one that is wronging her not all of the bad things that have happened in your life. You may have abandonment issues and closure issues, but your an adult now it's time to out your big boy pants on and grow up, stop using your mother as an excuse for your awful behaviour. you are a grown adult and you need to accept that you are destroying your wife's life. You have lied and cheated your way through your marriage subconsciously blaming every wrong that has happened to you in your life, believing that this justifies your actions when it doesn't.

 

Your lover will not fix you and neither will your wife, you probably won't fix yourself because you are too ready to pass that problem onto your wife. You need to be alone before you can fix yourself and you need to be honest with your wife, not so she will hopefully fix you or even forgive you in the distant future but so you can give her some respect and prove to yourself that you won't let this affair and the issues you have define you. Own up to your feelings and own up to yourself and you will find the answers.

 

Be strong and be brave and I promise you that you will find true happiness eventually. I am only saying this because I have wronged someone to but I owned my mistake because I wouldn't let my partner live a lie.

 

I am a hypocrite in a sense because I still cheated and I was still deceitful but I was true to myself and I really feel that you need to be. Look inside and you will know what to do.

 

I wish you all the luck and I know that one day you will find true happiness but only when you let this situation go.

 

Thank you.. I needed to hear all of that.. Someone above called me whiny and pathetic, and I guess I really am looking for excuses and someone else to fix my problems when I need to own them.

[TheOneYouHate]

I do think you should tell your wife what is going on, but to expect her to help you get out of an A is what I first reacted to. Once you tell your wife she is probably going to need help and expecting her to empathize with your situation is futile.

 

Fair enough.. I do need to end it myself.. I do want it to be easy and I want someone to fix it for me.. and no one is going to except me.

[Star lights]

We all get lost and we all do stupid things but it's how we choose to fix them that makes us the person we are and the person we want to be.

 

Just remember to own it, it's your mistake to put right.

 

I really do wish you luck and I wish luck to your wife.

[qubist]

l she is giving you is a relationship without the hustle of a day-to-day marriage life, allow me to say that you are also selfish and week, please don't take as an insult, it's just the obvious truth, think about it you really want your wife to help cry about your your lover? Imagine your wife ask you to help her grieve over her lover what would you do?

Know you weakness and move on from the A don't cry to your wife she doesn't deserve it

[TheOneYouHate]

If they really are seperated in house or otherwise , why would he throw her out? If they're seperated why all the questions?

Do you really believe what she's telling you on this one?

 

Your risking your marriage for a woman you don't know that well , which doesn't make sense at all.

 

Now if you want to seperate, it doesn't matter if your wife is keen or not , it's what you need to do. You find a place and move out after you've discussed it.

 

Of course you risk her saying she's going to file for D, if you don't give a good enough reason for wanting a seperation, otherwise she might decide she's not leaving her future for you to decide. Obviously you know her best and may know she'd never leave you no matter what you did.

 

Confession is better than being caught.

 

I have asked the same questions of her, of course there are always answers that well he would take her kids or whatever. I think it is a crock of crap too, and I think she tells me what I want to hear to keep me at ease.

[TheOneYouHate]

l she is giving you is a relationship without the hustle of a day-to-day marriage life, allow me to say that you are also selfish and week, please don't take as an insult, it's just the obvious truth, think about it you really want your wife to help cry about your your lover? Imagine your wife ask you to help her grieve over her lover what would you do?

Know you weakness and move on from the A don't cry to your wife she doesn't deserve it

 

I agree and was just wanting her to help me end it for good, but I see that is not the right thing to do, I made the mess and I have to be the one to get out of it.

[TheOneYouHate]

l she is giving you is a relationship without the hustle of a day-to-day marriage life, allow me to say that you are also selfish and week, please don't take as an insult, it's just the obvious truth, think about it you really want your wife to help cry about your your lover? Imagine your wife ask you to help her grieve over her lover what would you do?

Know you weakness and move on from the A don't cry to your wife she doesn't deserve it

 

I see that.. and I was wrong to think that. All of you are correct and I just need to own it and no matter how badly it hurts just fix what I have broken. I whine a lot and I know it, I have massive anxiety issues and they put me on med after med and when I am anxious I really cling to the OW, and I need to learn to cling to my wife like I used to. Or better yet stand on my own two feet.

[TheOneYouHate]

She is doing another called her husband, if she's doing it to him she's gonna do it to you. She kows you wont leave you are a play thing to her, i bet you sent her money too she is no good

Just stop you are doing this to yourself if you love yourself stop if not your body will give you a reality check ,

 

BTW my body/mind is already giving me a reality check.. I am a wreck.

[Mr. Lucky]

If my H told me this I would not be one tiny bit impressed. I'm not going to help him get out of an affair , if he can't figure it out himself - then I really have to question if I still want him.

 

In fact I'd insist we seperate because there's no guarantee I'd still want this marriage depending on how long it has been going on and other details of the affair.

 

Having said all this, telling your wife will certainly be life changing however you spin it.

 

You're right and I should have been more clear.

 

I meant just the act of telling his wife would probably set events in motion that would solve many of the problems the OP doesn't seem to want to address. Decisions would be made for him...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Mr. Lucky]

I think it is a crock of crap too, and I think she tells me what I want to hear to keep me at ease.

 

Wait a second - an AP that's not truthful ???

 

I am shocked, having thought affairs were soulmate islands of love, passion and honesty...

 

Mr. Lucky

[dreamingoftigers]

I do always go see her, because her in house separated husband asks too many questions and would figure out where she was going.. and then throw her out. I know lame.

 

Sounds stable.

 

So why don't you want to make your own decisions?

 

Is it because it's easier to have someone else make them and then you can sit back and critique things if they don't work out?

 

Most men are pretty able to pick where they want to put their penises or not.

[TheOneYouHate]

Wait a second - an AP that's not truthful ???

 

I am shocked, having thought affairs were soulmate islands of love, passion and honesty...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I know hello Captain Obvious here..

[TheOneYouHate]

Sounds stable.

 

So why don't you want to make your own decisions?

 

Is it because it's easier to have someone else make them and then you can sit back and critique things if they don't work out?

 

Most men are pretty able to pick where they want to put their penises or not.

 

No actually it is kind of my MO... I always had someone to bail me out.. I am seeing that through this discussion.. Can't blame it on parents, but that is what I had always someone to fix things for me and didn't have to take responsibility

[dreamingoftigers]

Wait a second - an AP that's not truthful ???

 

I am shocked, having thought affairs were soulmate islands of love, passion and honesty...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Have you reported her as a fraud yet???

 

OH, the Humanity!

[truncated]

I see that.. and I was wrong to think that. All of you are correct and I just need to own it and no matter how badly it hurts just fix what I have broken. I whine a lot and I know it, I have massive anxiety issues and they put me on med after med and when I am anxious I really cling to the OW, and I need to learn to cling to my wife like I used to. Or better yet stand on my own two feet.

 

 

It sounds like what you have for the ow isn't love, it's dependence, almost like an addiction. She has become your way to cope with the world, and I can see how that would be hard to give up.

 

The problem is that she is toxic for you. She is lying to you ( come on, do you really believe her sob story about her "in house separation"?), and feeding your addiction.

 

It sounds like the best thing for you would be to be on your own for a while and to find better ways of dealing with the anxiety than meds. or another person. Both are "band aid" solutions that don't give you the personal skills you need to stand on your own.

 

You also say your wife isn't too keen on you being on your own for a while. I would suggest that you tell her why and also what you have been doing. She may well make the decision for you to be on your own.

 

If you do decide to take some time by yourself, keep in mind that is NOT an opportunity to be with your ow. That will not help you at all, and will just make things worse. I would suggest that you explain to her why being with her is bad for you, and that you need time without her in your life in any capacity. no emails, phone calls , texts , nothing. If she can't respect that, then she really doesn't care much about you at all.

[dreamingoftigers]

No actually it is kind of my MO... I always had someone to bail me out.. I am seeing that through this discussion.. Can't blame it on parents, but that is what I had always someone to fix things for me and didn't have to take responsibility

 

I bet that your marriage is practically a foundation of this behaviour.

 

My husband was much the same way.

 

It gets old very fast.

 

And your wife has probably felt overwhelmed for years.

 

I mean, you are expecting her to help end your affair for you?

 

Does that not raise any flags? Seriously?

 

Learned helplessness is one of the best ways to ruin relationships.

It is also a highly unattractive quality. I am somewhat amazed that you managed to get a wife and OW. But then again, some women like to be "needed" by their men. It makes them feel secure.

 

You are even repeating the pattern with your OW. She'll just "shelve the kids with her ex if they get in the way."

 

I mean, really. You are having a fledgling (although totally disrespectful and illegitimate) relationship with this OW, who is a mother and expect her to bail you out from having to deal with her children before you are even serious on any counts, except for the bedroom.

 

If you really don't want to deal with your relational mess. I gladly volunteer my services to do it for you.

 

My suggestion is that you will be far more happy with the results (regardless of the outcome) if you do it yourself.

 

For the record, your self-esteem may be so incredibly low and you have developed this dependence because you DON'T do things to take care of yourself and your feelings etc.

 

The same way that addicts dive for their drugs instead of facing life and the challenges it brings.

 

None of these things is too late to change regardless of the state of your marriage or relationships.

 

Learning to be mindful and developing the skills of self-care can only ADD to any future (or current), healthy relationships.

 

I suspect that a lot of your pain or doubt comes from not having developed a good sense of your own values, nurturing them and standing by them regardless of the consequences. Your OW sounds the same.

[TheOneYouHate]

I bet that your marriage is practically a foundation of this behaviour.

 

My husband was much the same way.

 

It gets old very fast.

 

And your wife has probably felt overwhelmed for years.

 

I mean, you are expecting her to help end your affair for you?

 

Does that not raise any flags? Seriously?

 

Learned helplessness is one of the best ways to ruin relationships.

It is also a highly unattractive quality. I am somewhat amazed that you managed to get a wife and OW. But then again, some women like to be "needed" by their men. It makes them feel secure.

 

You are even repeating the pattern with your OW. She'll just "shelve the kids with her ex if they get in the way."

 

I mean, really. You are having a fledgling (although totally disrespectful and illegitimate) relationship with this OW, who is a mother and expect her to bail you out from having to deal with her children before you are even serious on any counts, except for the bedroom.

 

If you really don't want to deal with your relational mess. I gladly volunteer my services to do it for you.

 

My suggestion is that you will be far more happy with the results (regardless of the outcome) if you do it yourself.

 

For the record, your self-esteem may be so incredibly low and you have developed this dependence because you DON'T do things to take care of yourself and your feelings etc.

 

The same way that addicts dive for their drugs instead of facing life and the challenges it brings.

 

None of these things is too late to change regardless of the state of your marriage or relationships.

 

Learning to be mindful and developing the skills of self-care can only ADD to any future (or current), healthy relationships.

 

I suspect that a lot of your pain or doubt comes from not having developed a good sense of your own values, nurturing them and standing by them regardless of the consequences. Your OW sounds the same.

 

I do see it as an addiction.. and I know you don't know the back story but this has been going on for well over a year... and talking for two years. She sells herself as so innocent and never would do this but found someone she has never loved like this.. see how I got addicted.

Edited July 29, 2015 by TheOneYouHate

[dreamingoftigers]

I do see it as an addiction.. and I know you don't know the back story but this has been going on for well over a year... and talking for two years. She sells herself as so innocent and never would do this but found someone she has never loved like this.. see how I got addicted.

 

Yes,

 

you did what all addicts do.

 

Took in something that was an obvious false promise.

 

Just like someone will drink or do drugs "just do it this once to have a good time. Lose my inhibitions. Won't be an all the time thing. Not a big deal. People need to understand that I need to have fun."

 

That's the real thing: you are playing like you are innocent as well.

 

You both play innocent and "this passion is so all-consuming we just 'can't help ourselves' 'we didn't know that it would turn out this way.'"

 

Yeah, you did. You really did. In fact, I bet your brain was buzzing and with the noise and excitement from taking the risk that it might.

 

Big thing in adulthood: looking ahead at the consequences. That's why adults that seem "boring" or "controlling" or "no fun at all" to addicts are actually often more well-adjusted. They see the future of base-jumping without a parachute.

 

Why don't we all get blasted every weekend and snort a bunch of whatever? Because, we know what the day after and the week after look like. We know what happens to our brains as a result. One night of "mega-fun" that we can barely remember can become the first step to a radical dependency. And those can be a bitch to break. And the thing with a high from any addiction is this: the "high" comes from somewhere. Often you are borrowing against your own future and self-esteem. In the meantime, before that high-interest loan makes you insolvent, those closest to you pay the steep price. Like in this instance, your wife.

 

So here it is, the bill has come.

 

What now?

 

Who pays?

 

If you are looking to actually lead more of your own life, you'll lead. You'll be honest with yourself that something in this situation isn't working. You'll get realistic about what situation you actually want, and set a goal to go and get it.

 

Everyone can weigh in, but only you live your life.

 

If you want OW, go and get her. Lay down the relationship you want with the boundaries you want. Let her husband know. Cut the crap.

 

If you want your wife. Drop the OW, be honest with your wife and start doing a crapload of repair work IF she will even have you at this point. Expect her to drop you, because you've just....really sh*t on her. You did. You did that. Crapped all over your wife of over 25+ years because someone with a younger ass seemed "innocent."

 

Please. Does that sound mature or responsible to you?

 

Sure you ended up addicted. See how that happened? You felt a rush and you fed it. And fed it again. And came up with reasons and excuses to feed it more and more. Now you are blaming your OW, your wife, your "addiction," your lack of your Mom being around anymore.

 

Wake up. There's only one person that lead you to OW. That was YOU. And until you say, "I did this. I don't want to live my live screwing others around and letting myself get screwed around so I AM NOT GOING TO ANYMORE." You will sit on LS and whinge about lost love and hurty feelings.

 

It hurts to give up something/someone you love. Especially when they are like a bad drug. But endings are sad. Loss is sad. Even when you know it has to happen. GO THROUGH THE GRIEF. It gets better and it isn't a constant self-esteem slam to go around lying to everyone all the time.

[fellini]

Do nothing. Because that is what you do best. That is what you are good at.

 

The fact is you will not leave either of these women, so don't.

It's not that you are being selfish and childish, it's that you are those things. Why bother struggling to do something that is against your nature.

 

It is obviously in your nature to be in this precise predicament. Stop talking about fog, addiction, fantasy. This is who you,are and where you,want to be.

 

Naturally you are deceiving your wife, but that is who you are. Stop feigning that you care. I'm not judging you, really. You are doing yourself no service pretending that you know that this is going to cause immeasurable grief down the road. You clearly already know and fully understand, so accept it.

 

This life you lead has consequences. You obviously know what they are, so stop trying to find a solution for something you actually do not currently wish to solve. You are not that person. You will see this affair through the mud and beyond. Que sera, será.

 

You are clear,y not going to do what most of us would do before things get worse. There is nothing unusual about this. You obviously came into LS too soon and for the wrong reasons. Get back to you daily life, enjoy your affair, and return here when someone bites you in the backend and it actually hurts. You don't need to post 6 times you can't stop being a entitled cheat. You have it under control. Come back when you want real change.

[Hope Shimmers]

Do nothing. Because that is what you do best. That is what you are good at.

 

The fact is you will not leave either of these women, so don't.

It's not that you are being selfish and childish, it's that you are those things. Why bother struggling to do something that is against your nature.

 

It is obviously in your nature to be in this precise predicament. Stop talking about fog, addiction, fantasy. This is who you,are and where you,want to be.

 

Naturally you are deceiving your wife, but that is who you are. Stop feigning that you care. I'm not judging you, really. You are doing yourself no service pretending that you know that this is going to cause immeasurable grief down the road. You clearly already know and fully understand, so accept it.

 

This life you lead has consequences. You obviously know what they are, so stop trying to find a solution for something you actually do not currently wish to solve. You are not that person. You will see this affair through the mud and beyond. Que sera, será.

 

You are clear,y not going to do what most of us would do before things get worse. There is nothing unusual about this. You obviously came into LS too soon and for the wrong reasons. Get back to you daily life, enjoy your affair, and return here when someone bites you in the backend and it actually hurts. You don't need to post 6 times you can't stop being a entitled cheat. You have it under control. Come back when you want real change.

 

This is unbelievably rude.

 

At least the OP is here trying to sort this all out. For every one of him in the world, there are God knows how many others out there who are NOT here, who don't give a damn, and who aren't even TRYING.

 

Naturally you are deceiving your wife, but that is who you are. Stop feigning that you care. I'm not judging you, really.

 

Yes, you are absolutely, totally, judging him. Your entire post is composed of that. Who are you to decide that he (or anyone) "doesn't care"?

 

You don't need to post 6 times you can't stop being a entitled cheat. You have it under control. Come back when you want real change.

 

He posted here that he wants change and is trying. Who are YOU to judge how long that takes? Who are you to tell people when and how to post on this site?

[Sandy43]

I'm not sure what kind of advice you are looking for? In your past threads you have pretty much been given the same advice over and over, tell your wife everything and go NC for good. What do you think it is actually going to take for you to stop living a double life, that can't be easy and it is obviously not making you happy to be in this A.

[VeryBrokenMan]

Okay so I sent a NC to my AP and back out of it a few weeks ago. We are full on chatting now, and I can't even think of ending with her now. I mean I have sent a couple of NC letters and they would mean nothing at this point in time. We have some long talks about making a decision to do what is right or what we want. I just look back at all of this and I can't believe I have gotten in this deep. I have never had a problem letting someone go, but with her I can't do it. I get so anxious and panic, and just horrible feeling. I don't know what to do anymore. I do not want to live this dual life, it is exhausting and so stressful, I think I want to work it out at home. My wife loves me to death, and would do anything for me, and has stuck with me for 27 years. I have pushed us apart and yet she stays around. Why can I not end it with this OW, why does she have such a hold on me. She is certainly not more attractive than my wife, and I can't figure out what she gives me that I can't get at home. I am just still struggling, I know I am a cake eater. This is a LDR so we only see each other every few months. We have talked about forever together you name it, everything that would indicate we will always be together. I get so jealous over her, and so controlling it drives me crazy. My IC said she replaced the affection of my mom after she passed away, and kind of left me with nothing. I don't know, all I know is I can't let go, and I don't even know how now. I need a reason, I need an excuse. I almost wish she would piss me off so I could get mad and leave.

 

I don't know people... I am looking for a solution. Anyone been in a situation like this and gotten out that can help

 

I'm going to be brutally honest because your post really triggered me. How about you just f&*king step up and be a man? Either end it with your wife or end it with your AP. Your not some f&*king 16 year old kid, you are a f&*king adult man that should have some compassion at your age. If you have a son that was doing this what would you advise him to do? Be a f&*king man and do the right thing and end one or the other.

[RightThere]

Do nothing. Because that is what you do best. That is what you are good at.

 

The fact is you will not leave either of these women, so don't.

It's not that you are being selfish and childish, it's that you are those things. Why bother struggling to do something that is against your nature.

 

It is obviously in your nature to be in this precise predicament. Stop talking about fog, addiction, fantasy. This is who you,are and where you,want to be.

 

Naturally you are deceiving your wife, but that is who you are. Stop feigning that you care. I'm not judging you, really. You are doing yourself no service pretending that you know that this is going to cause immeasurable grief down the road. You clearly already know and fully understand, so accept it.

 

This life you lead has consequences. You obviously know what they are, so stop trying to find a solution for something you actually do not currently wish to solve. You are not that person. You will see this affair through the mud and beyond. Que sera, será.

 

You are clear,y not going to do what most of us would do before things get worse. There is nothing unusual about this. You obviously came into LS too soon and for the wrong reasons. Get back to you daily life, enjoy your affair, and return here when someone bites you in the backend and it actually hurts. You don't need to post 6 times you can't stop being a entitled cheat. You have it under control. Come back when you want real change.

 

I have to say I usually shout this exact sentiment to my screen reading the OPs multiple posts.

 

There is no desire to actually change anything. There is only a desire to mope and keep asking the universe to clean up this mess by morning so the OP can resume his normal life without any effort of his own.

 

If you're not going to change your life, then please at least stop creating multiple posts with the same topic. Just keep filling this post up so I don't see a new one hoping you've actually made a change in your life.

[fellini]

It is not rude. I was quite clear I don't care about the OP.

 

What is obvious is he is intelligent enough to read good advice and stubborn enough TO ignore it.

 

He is an adult male and he doesn't WANT to change. That you cannot see that is not a good enough reason to attack me.

 

Im telling him to enjoy his affair SIMPLY BECAUSE HE HAS not sufficient self MOTIVATION TO GET OUT.

 

If he did, he would. He doesn't want to. Nothing rude in that.

I would think he might as well try to be HAPPY while he refuses to change.

 

If he cared he would stop taking and making calls. it's not rocket science.

 

 

This is unbelievably rude.

 

At least the OP is here trying to sort this all out. For every one of him in the world, there are God knows how many others out there who are NOT here, who don't give a damn, and who aren't even TRYING.

 

 

 

Yes, you are absolutely, totally, judging him. Your entire post is composed of that. Who are you to decide that he (or anyone) "doesn't care"?

 

 

 

He posted here that he wants change and is trying. Who are YOU to judge how long that takes? Who are you to tell people when and how to post on this site?