Hope Shimmers Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 I didn't attack anyone; I expressed my opinion. And as for ignoring advice, probably 95% of the advice posted on this forum ultimately gets ignored. The point is, it is HARD to do these things sometimes, and when someone (OP) is here posting it means he's at least trying to do the right thing. People struggle with trying to do the right thing; it's the main topic of tons of posts here at LS. OP, I agree with the content of most of the posts here if not the tone. YOU are the only one who can change things. No one here can step in and fix this for you. As someone said in an earlier post, if you keep this up you WILL lose both women. Right now the thought of losing your wife is not reality to you, but I promise you, if and when it happens you will wish you had followed through. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheOneYouHate Posted August 2, 2015 Author Share Posted August 2, 2015 As many of you have indicated, I have had the same advice over and over and won't end it. I will not post another thread until things change. Thank you for your advice and help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katielee Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 I have actually even thought about going to my wife and saying look you have helped me through the hardest things in my life and can you help me through this and just telling her what is going on. Exactly why I confessed. Suddenly, AP wasn't all that important anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 The point is, it is HARD to do these things sometimes, and when someone (OP) is here posting it means he's at least trying to do the right thing. People struggle with trying to do the right thing; it's the main topic of tons of posts here at LS. Normally I agree with this point. But there's a small number of posters who's motivation seems solely to be validation, a search for someone who will agree with what they're doing. These folks ignore a landslide of consistent advice and post the same question repeatedly. Not sure that's "trying to do the right thing"... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 TOYH, You sound like my exH. He cheated on me with a girl from work. On DD I told him it had to end, he refused saying he loved her. The next day I asked him if he'd made a decision yet about what he wanted to do. He sat in the lounge and blubbered like a baby " Don't ask me to choose, Arieswoman, I can't choose! I can't choose!" he wailed. I saw him for what he was, a spineless, conflict-avoiding, cake-eater. He got the divorce papers the next week and was out of the house in 3 weeks. As soon as he was free OW didn't want him and continued seeing her fiance who she had been cheating on. I told her fiance what was going on, and her dumped her. She ran back to my exH. After various too-ing and fro-ing they got together. The question is OP, do you want to take control of your life or let others do it for you? You may be a confirmed cake-eater, but one day you'll go to the plate and someone will have taken it away. Think about it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
DIFM Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Actually my IC recommended it it would definitely end it for good. Not so fast. There many, many cheating spouses that, even after it becomes known, do exactly what you are doing now when it is not known. Some of the biggest challenges a betrayed spouse faces are the lies from the cheating spouse about how it is over and there is no contact, when if fact contact has continued. If you cannot end it without disclosing, I would bet you will not end it once it is disclosed. Or, giving benefit of the doubt, you may be able to end it after it is disclosed, but not until you have likely drug your feet so long that the marks are indelibly etched into the shreds that are left in your marriage. You can end it. No one says it is easy. You can. Whether you do or not is just a decision process and a character reflection. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
the_artist_1970 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I have actually even thought about going to my wife and saying look you have helped me through the hardest things in my life and can you help me through this and just telling her what is going on. As a former BS, I think this is an excellent idea. Your W and you have been through very tough times together after being M so long. Actually, your W will respect you more if you did this rather than her finding out by accident. You and your W can work through this together if you are honest with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 As a former BS, I think this is an excellent idea. Your W and you have been through very tough times together after being M so long. Actually, your W will respect you more if you did this rather than her finding out by accident. You and your W can work through this together if you are honest with her. I have to agree- I think its a good thing that you are thinking of your wife as a potential partner in getting out of this-that says something- stay on that line of thinking and you will probably see a clearer path- Link to post Share on other sites
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