the oow

[norudder]

I was going to update another thread but it was a hybrid topic that mostly focused on something else so I'm starting this one. About boundaries.

 

So he always told me most things that happened. He told me the coworker showed him a pic. He didn't tell me he asked for more maybe he did I forget. He told me he took her to lunch and everything they talked about. He didn't tell me he texted her sometimes. When I pointed out he was kind of cheating with her too (or at least how I would define it if he was 'my man') he apologized to her if he has come across the wrong way. I found this out from both of them separately. If anything physical had happened he wouldn't have done that. But he apologized to her, not me.

 

I talked to him about what cheating is and asked how he defines it, he said he wasn't sure, just anything physical. I asked if he sees its a slippery slope. He said he does. I said it's good to define that stuff if people care about respecting their relationship. He never talked about it with bw. He said it promotes anxiety and insecurity to be worried about what someone might be doing/texting. I disagreed but understand he said that because he cheated his wife cheated and they are both ignoring it and staying married (for however long).

 

He really doesn't see he did anything wrong with coworker like bill Clinton didn't see a bj as cheating. And that's fine, every couple sets their own rules. But I didn't want to be setting our rules as a couple because it was an affair and setting rules by my values would mean no more affair.

 

I realize we may want nothing to do with each other if we are both single because I WILL want to talk about boundaries.

 

Ive learned and grown a lot through therapy. Ive been hoping/trying to "help" him too but I know its not healthy for me. I can't teach a man to be good for me just because I loved him. I need to love an already good man who wouldn't want to be flirting with and taking other women to lunch.

 

I can't get over that he apologized to her though and not me. That he cares more about how she sees him than how I do (that's how it feels anyway). And if he truly was going to stick to his guns that it wasn't anything, why apologize to anyone at all?

[xxoo]

I can't get over that he apologized to her though and not me. That he cares more about how she sees him than how I do (that's how it feels anyway). And if he truly was going to stick to his guns that it wasn't anything, why apologize to anyone at all?

 

In what context did he apologize? Because he's with you? Or because he's married?

 

He has you hooked. He's still trying to impress her.