I feel like I am broken

[Realitycol]

Don't worry about being ready to date or dating. Just enjoy life. See beautiful sights. Eat amazing food. Enjoy yourself and other's company. Have fun! When you are healed and ready your emotions/heart will carry you through the rest. Did I mention having fun?

Edited August 10, 2015 by Realitycol

[LivingDeadGrl]

I won't lie, thinking along these lines does give me a lot of comfort. I figure he can't just magically change overnight. Even if he does though, my goal is to get to the point where I am honestly just indifferent to it all and can wish him the best ( WAY easier said than done lol )

 

You're right, they don't just change overnight. You think to yourself, well what if he changes for her? What if he is good to her the way I wanted him to be for me? It hurts to think they'd change for someone else and not you, but they will always resort back to who they are. My ex treated me really good at first but in the end he ended up doing the same things to me that he did to all of his other exes. Take comfort in it, nothing wrong with that. It helps me to think this way too

[Sunshine09]

Good to hear you've been doing better! I'm glad you got to hang out with someone and felt close to normal again Hearing you sound positive makes me feel somewhat positive too.

 

 

I'm happy that it can help you as well

 

It definitely has helped to hang around other people, even just friends. Distraction is a huge thing for me now. 14 days into NC tomorrow. I am pretty good most days if I don't have time to sit alone with my mind. That's when I seem to have the most trouble and the annoying thoughts come back.

[pillowpuffs]

I'm happy that it can help you as well

 

It definitely has helped to hang around other people, even just friends. Distraction is a huge thing for me now. 14 days into NC tomorrow. I am pretty good most days if I don't have time to sit alone with my mind. That's when I seem to have the most trouble and the annoying thoughts come back.

 

Yes, being alone can be disastrous to progress. However, with that being said, after one and a half months of NC, I needed to be alone. I kept forcing myself to jump through hoops and be normal and I wasn't at all ready. Took a bit of a breather for a good 2 to 3 weeks (just met some friends for coffee here and there) and it was what I needed. I just spent time with family and my grandmother for those 2 to 3 weeks and really allowed myself to grieve.

 

Making it 2 weeks is great, be prepared for moments where it might hit you all over again. That's what happened to me and I kept wondering how keeping up with NC made me worst. I hope that doesn't happen for you. I feel better now but I still have some regrets here and there I guess :/

[Sunshine09]

Yes, being alone can be disastrous to progress. However, with that being said, after one and a half months of NC, I needed to be alone. I kept forcing myself to jump through hoops and be normal and I wasn't at all ready. Took a bit of a breather for a good 2 to 3 weeks (just met some friends for coffee here and there) and it was what I needed. I just spent time with family and my grandmother for those 2 to 3 weeks and really allowed myself to grieve.

 

Making it 2 weeks is great, be prepared for moments where it might hit you all over again. That's what happened to me and I kept wondering how keeping up with NC made me worst. I hope that doesn't happen for you. I feel better now but I still have some regrets here and there I guess :/

 

I had a tough time again last night. I am thinking that I will still have some days or nights that it will hit me all over again but hopefully they keep lessening with time and eventually he won't cross my mind anymore.

 

When I do think about him I still miss him a lot and the good times we had, the times were he was very "charming" so to speak. But I force myself to remember all the ****ty things he put me through and how much it sucked. I find it a lot easier not to miss him once I start remembering how crappy he made me feel a lot of the time.

[pillowpuffs]

Im sorry you had a tough time. Completely get it. I'm having a tough time now. I think what you said: forcing yourself to remember the bad times is a really useful tool. I have been missing my ex all day, thinking of all the nice things we'd do together and how I feel so crazily alone now.

 

I think I'm focusing on the wrong things right now which is why I am feeling so down and lousy. It does get better with time but happiness is so hard to attain I've realised.. That seems like a long way off.

[Sunshine09]

You're right, they don't just change overnight. You think to yourself, well what if he changes for her? What if he is good to her the way I wanted him to be for me? It hurts to think they'd change for someone else and not you, but they will always resort back to who they are. My ex treated me really good at first but in the end he ended up doing the same things to me that he did to all of his other exes. Take comfort in it, nothing wrong with that. It helps me to think this way too

 

I really hope so, lol. I still get the nagging WHAT IFS in the back of my head which is why it's good that I have all the social media blocked so I can't see any pictures of them looking happy which would further feed this illusion, lol.

[Gus Grimly]

I had a tough time again last night. I am thinking that I will still have some days or nights that it will hit me all over again but hopefully they keep lessening with time and eventually he won't cross my mind anymore.ss him once I start remembering how crappy he made me feel a lot of the time.

Hey, you're not alone. I've been having awesome days where I could care less about my Ex. The next day, BOOM, back to a miserable pile of sadness. Though the bad days are getting less frequent as time moves along. I find focusing too much on the "good" memories is very bad for my morale. In the relationship, I blocked out a lot of the negative things about my Ex. Now I'm starting to rediscover them and it's been helping me cope and dislike this person a great deal.

 

I really hope so, lol. I still get the nagging WHAT IFS in the back of my head which is why it's good that I have all the social media blocked so I can't see any pictures of them looking happy which would further feed this illusion, lol.

Those thoughts are gonna come and go for a while. Good thing you've gone full Media blackout. I did this as well. I'm moving to a new city in October and getting my Phone number changed just to make sure the Ex can't contact me using someone else's phone. Better safe than sorry.

[Sunshine09]

Im sorry you had a tough time. Completely get it. I'm having a tough time now. I think what you said: forcing yourself to remember the bad times is a really useful tool. I have been missing my ex all day, thinking of all the nice things we'd do together and how I feel so crazily alone now.

 

I think I'm focusing on the wrong things right now which is why I am feeling so down and lousy. It does get better with time but happiness is so hard to attain I've realised.. That seems like a long way off.

 

I've been focusing on the wrong things today as well

It seems that night time is the devil for me

 

It;s funny how your mind can seemingly block out the negative so easily to focus on the good, even when the bad out numbered the good. I guess that's what absence does ? lol

 

It's weird though, I can't even cry anymore I just feel kind of numb thinking about it, like the pain is there but sort of at an arms length? I am hoping this is part of the healing process and not going backwards.

 

What gets me is I'll remember a specific memory of us doing something super fun and getting a long SO WELL. And in that moment it was perfection ( so my mind tells me lol ) and then I wonder how he could just walk away from that feeling we had so easily without looking back. Or if he ever felt it at all.

 

 

Today is day 15. Here's to another two weeks

[Realitycol]

Hey Sunshine, glad you're holding out okay. I'm sure others like myself find inspiration.

 

Sounds like you're past the grieving phase as you can't cry anymore.

 

I used to have hard time sleeping or laying in bed thinking about exs whenever I broke up. To remedy that I did a lot of things that personally worked for me. I made sure I was physically exhausted by the time my sleep time rolled around and/or listened to self-improvement or relationship related podcasts or videos from my phone. Sometimes even religious sermons.

 

Laying in bed listening to love songs or watching TV shows or movies just reminded me of my ex so I moved away from those.

 

As for memory holding onto the good ole' days, scientifically we tend to miss things 2-3 weeks after something ended.

 

I'm glad you hit day 15. Everybody is different in tackling this, but ask yourself this:

 

Is your ex-bf counting the days since you two broke up?

Does your ex-bf care if you've even moved on?

Will you ever stop the NC?

 

I stopped counting, because I know she's not sitting there counting. She doesn't care if I'm with someone or if I've one-night-stand a different girl every night since the break up. I won't stop NC, because it's for me and also a little bit for her. Hence I stopped counting.

 

You don't have to hold hatred or grudge to move on from someone. I feel that is just burying your pain underneath a carpet that'll rise again some day. You've got to let go of ALL emotions attached with this being. Being able to forgive is more powerful than thinking you're high and mighty holding onto somebody else's mistakes and being able to remind someone that they have this and this issue and messed up this and this way. Being unable to let go of that is pitiful and weak compared to someone who can look past human faults and truly let go THAT's power and self-control.

Edited August 13, 2015 by Realitycol

[pillowpuffs]

I've been focusing on the wrong things today as well

It seems that night time is the devil for me

 

It;s funny how your mind can seemingly block out the negative so easily to focus on the good, even when the bad out numbered the good. I guess that's what absence does ? lol

 

It's weird though, I can't even cry anymore I just feel kind of numb thinking about it, like the pain is there but sort of at an arms length? I am hoping this is part of the healing process and not going backwards.

 

What gets me is I'll remember a specific memory of us doing something super fun and getting a long SO WELL. And in that moment it was perfection ( so my mind tells me lol ) and then I wonder how he could just walk away from that feeling we had so easily without looking back. Or if he ever felt it at all.

 

 

Today is day 15. Here's to another two weeks

 

Yes! When you're without the person, you're really only focusing on the good times and wishing to have it back. It really sucks that we're going through this while our exes probably don't give a sh*t or do not even think of us with the same sort of fondness.

 

I'm sure he felt what you felt when you remember a certain memory of the two of you but he just became too selfish a person and that's really all that there is to it. He put his "needs" before yours and maybe one day he'll regret doing that.

 

You have to remember how he broke you. You have to remember that he knew he was sort of destroying you and yet he went on to do what he wanted. It's sickeningly painful when I think that someone I loved and who I thought loved me, really sort of checked out of the relationship and ended up doing what they wanted without any care or concern for me. But I guess that really is the pure truth.

 

My nights sort of kill me too, mornings as well. It seems like I can only be happy in my dreams (literally).

[Sunshine09]

Yes! When you're without the person, you're really only focusing on the good times and wishing to have it back. It really sucks that we're going through this while our exes probably don't give a sh*t or do not even think of us with the same sort of fondness.

 

I'm sure he felt what you felt when you remember a certain memory of the two of you but he just became too selfish a person and that's really all that there is to it. He put his "needs" before yours and maybe one day he'll regret doing that.

 

You have to remember how he broke you. You have to remember that he knew he was sort of destroying you and yet he went on to do what he wanted. It's sickeningly painful when I think that someone I loved and who I thought loved me, really sort of checked out of the relationship and ended up doing what they wanted without any care or concern for me. But I guess that really is the pure truth.

 

My nights sort of kill me too, mornings as well. It seems like I can only be happy in my dreams (literally).

 

It is definitely a hard truth to swallow. Maybe our minds try to deny it any way possible, ie grasping on to the good memories and amplifying those because the truth is so painful to face. The fact that they did destroy you and that you weren't even worth a goodbye in their eyes.

 

The fact that I clearly meant so little to him is I guess a huge ego hit? Its one of the worst feelings in the world, that's for sure. Especially when you would have done anything and everything for them. It also makes you feel kind of pathetic knowing that you loved someone so much that clearly never felt the same way towards you. It makes me feel like a huge fool. I guess accepting these things and realizing that it doesn't mean I'm not worth it or that there is something wrong with me because he could just discard me and be on with life is the hardest part.

[LivingDeadGrl]

It is definitely a hard truth to swallow. Maybe our minds try to deny it any way possible, ie grasping on to the good memories and amplifying those because the truth is so painful to face. The fact that they did destroy you and that you weren't even worth a goodbye in their eyes.

 

The fact that I clearly meant so little to him is I guess a huge ego hit? Its one of the worst feelings in the world, that's for sure. Especially when you would have done anything and everything for them. It also makes you feel kind of pathetic knowing that you loved someone so much that clearly never felt the same way towards you. It makes me feel like a huge fool. I guess accepting these things and realizing that it doesn't mean I'm not worth it or that there is something wrong with me because he could just discard me and be on with life is the hardest part.

 

It is the hardest part! Also getting used to not texting them good morning or hello, trying to break the habit of them being your go to person. It's very hard to adjust to everything

I try to hang onto that I know it was the right thing to do, even if my heart didn't want to leave. I know he is not the right person for me and even if I love him still after everything, he is not compatible with me anymore. I just have to get my heart to catch up with my mind and I think I will be okay. Each day is one day closer to being healed.

[pillowpuffs]

It is definitely a hard truth to swallow. Maybe our minds try to deny it any way possible, ie grasping on to the good memories and amplifying those because the truth is so painful to face. The fact that they did destroy you and that you weren't even worth a goodbye in their eyes.

 

The fact that I clearly meant so little to him is I guess a huge ego hit? Its one of the worst feelings in the world, that's for sure. Especially when you would have done anything and everything for them. It also makes you feel kind of pathetic knowing that you loved someone so much that clearly never felt the same way towards you. It makes me feel like a huge fool. I guess accepting these things and realizing that it doesn't mean I'm not worth it or that there is something wrong with me because he could just discard me and be on with life is the hardest part.

 

Accepting that you have worth and that nothing is wrong with you is definitely the hardest part of all of this. It's especially hard because someone who held so much value to you looked back at you and basically saw no value. You definitely have value. You definitely are a person of worth. We all have greatness in our own way. It's just that he couldn't see it. Do not feel like a fool. I once saw a quote which said "If you love hard, never apologise for your super power." Because that's truly what it is. It sounds cheesy but I do believe that the love I possessed for this one guy was beyond human capabilities and I believe sometimes we all get struck with such a love and unfortunately, while some get that love reciprocated, it isn't for some of us.

 

I have been struggling today. It hit me that I will never hear from my ex again because he has well moved on and that I genuinely didn't mean anything to him (based on his past actions - I've been focusing on all the bad) and that he will never see my worth. It really hurts to be forgotten by the one person you can't forget.

 

Sorry to be such a downer!!

Edited August 13, 2015 by pillowpuffs

[LivingDeadGrl]

Accepting that you have worth and that nothing is wrong with you is definitely the hardest part of all of this. It's especially hard because someone who held so much value to you looked back at you and basically saw no value. You definitely have value. You definitely are a person of worth. We all have greatness in our own way. It's just that he couldn't see it. Do not feel like a fool. I once saw a quote which said "If you love hard, never apologise for your super power." Because that's truly what it is. It sounds cheesy but I do believe that the love I possessed for this one guy was beyond human capabilities and I believe sometimes we all get struck with such a love and unfortunately, while some get that love reciprocated, it isn't for some of us.

 

I have been struggling today. It hit me that I will never hear from my ex again because he has well moved on and that I genuinely didn't mean anything to him (based on his past actions - I've been focusing on all the bad) and that he will never see my worth. It really hurts to be forgotten by the one person you can't forget.

 

Sorry to be such a downer!!

 

He will see your worth eventually, but try not to dwell on that. Once it starts going downhill with his current, you will hear from him.

When that happens, just be ready to tell him where to go. You are worth so much more than he is. You'll find someone who will return your love the same. <3

[Sunshine09]

Accepting that you have worth and that nothing is wrong with you is definitely the hardest part of all of this. It's especially hard because someone who held so much value to you looked back at you and basically saw no value. You definitely have value. You definitely are a person of worth. We all have greatness in our own way. It's just that he couldn't see it. Do not feel like a fool. I once saw a quote which said "If you love hard, never apologise for your super power." Because that's truly what it is. It sounds cheesy but I do believe that the love I possessed for this one guy was beyond human capabilities and I believe sometimes we all get struck with such a love and unfortunately, while some get that love reciprocated, it isn't for some of us.

 

I have been struggling today. It hit me that I will never hear from my ex again because he has well moved on and that I genuinely didn't mean anything to him (based on his past actions - I've been focusing on all the bad) and that he will never see my worth. It really hurts to be forgotten by the one person you can't forget.

 

Sorry to be such a downer!!

 

 

No worries about being a downer at all! I totally get the feeling. I hope that it gets easier for you as more time goes on <3

[Sunshine09]

17 days now.

 

If I;m honest, I kind of thought he would have attempted to contact me by now. It definitely blew any fantasies I held onto that he cared at all or was even remotely affected by the breakup.

 

I guess 17 days NC is a pretty good accomplishment for myself though, so there's that:p

[Sunshine09]

Broke no contact after 20 days

 

all I have to say is for anyone debating on whether not to. Please don't for your own hearts sake.

 

I am back to square one and dealing with a broken heart all over again:(

[Speirling]

Hi sunshine.

 

So sorry to hear you're struggling. If you read around you'll see that most people don't manage it the first few times, you're absolutely not alone in this. I hope that you will find more conviction when you start again, and that this will help you to stay strong. You've come so far in such a short time, and I'm sure it feels like it right now, but I hope that in a few days you'll feel like you didn't go all the way back to square 1.

 

If you don't mind talking about it- what happened?

 

I have to see my ex after 6 weeks NC this Friday at a work event. I'm absolutely dreading it and I know the fallout will be awful because I'm just not healed enough yet. I'm hoping that the first paragraph above will hold true for me too - it will be awful but it will validate the pain and struggle of NC and help me to keep it afterwards.

 

Lots of love,

Sxxx

[Sunshine09]

we ended up texting and then went out for supper. I really tried not to but I finally caved

 

and slept together. and he called me baby and all the typical bull**** and then turned around and told me a few days after that things would never change and that he "couldn't do this again" because it would all just end up the same and that he wants to be friends.

 

I understand how dumb I am. It just hurts so much. I don't understand why I love him so much, I'd do anything for him. He's already slept with another girl and was seeing her. But no matter what, I still love him so much, its ridiculous

 

I guess I have to come to terms with the fact I will never stop and that I am jus t going to be alone for the rest of my life watching the love of my life with someone else.

 

I know logically all the reasons and what nots but nothing seems to matter. I just love him, regardless of anything.

 

 

I don't feel like my life is ever going to get any better at this point because I can never escape what i feel for him...ever

[Oregon_Dude]

Getting under him isn't gonna help you get over him.

 

Time to make your own recovery a priority and go fully NC, for-f*cking-ever.

[Learningtowalkagain]

I don't feel like my life is ever going to get any better at this point because I can never escape what i feel for him...ever

 

You'll get over it, it just takes time, NC, and to focus your attention on yourself.

 

Is that you in your avatar? From what I can tell you're an attractive girl.

 

Don't beat yourself up over what you did. Take it as a lesson learned. Don't contact him again because emotionally you haven't let go (obviously). Plus do you really want to be with a guy who's sleeping with someone else?

 

NC is really hard but when you look back you'll see it was worth all the effort. Don't think about it, delete his number, text convo and any social media you're on with him. If you don't you're just prolonging your agony.

[aloneinaz]

we ended up texting and then went out for supper. I really tried not to but I finally caved

 

and slept together. and he called me baby and all the typical bull**** and then turned around and told me a few days after that things would never change and that he "couldn't do this again" because it would all just end up the same and that he wants to be friends.

 

I understand how dumb I am. It just hurts so much. I don't understand why I love him so much, I'd do anything for him. He's already slept with another girl and was seeing her. But no matter what, I still love him so much, its ridiculous

 

I guess I have to come to terms with the fact I will never stop and that I am jus t going to be alone for the rest of my life watching the love of my life with someone else.

 

I know logically all the reasons and what nots but nothing seems to matter. I just love him, regardless of anything.

 

 

I don't feel like my life is ever going to get any better at this point because I can never escape what i feel for him...ever

 

 

Stop beating yourself up Hun.. Everyone screws up during a break up. Put a positive spin on it. You got laid!

 

 

You have to stop putting him on a pedestal. He's your ex. If you stop engaging with him, you'll move past this. It's just going to take time.

[nellbell86]

we ended up texting and then went out for supper. I really tried not to but I finally caved

 

and slept together. and he called me baby and all the typical bull**** and then turned around and told me a few days after that things would never change and that he "couldn't do this again" because it would all just end up the same and that he wants to be friends.

 

I understand how dumb I am. It just hurts so much. I don't understand why I love him so much, I'd do anything for him. He's already slept with another girl and was seeing her. But no matter what, I still love him so much, its ridiculous

 

I guess I have to come to terms with the fact I will never stop and that I am jus t going to be alone for the rest of my life watching the love of my life with someone else.

 

I know logically all the reasons and what nots but nothing seems to matter. I just love him, regardless of anything.

 

 

I don't feel like my life is ever going to get any better at this point because I can never escape what i feel for him...ever

 

Oh sunshine I feel exactly the same as you do about my ex, it sucks! I get angry at myself for feeling this way, cos as you said, logically you know it couldn't work, logically I know he was completely wrong for me and realistically the future prospects for our relationship probably would've never worked, I have no doubt we most likely would've broken up eventually cos we're just too different. But at this point in the relationship I was still so happy and crazy in love so completely blindsided when it happened. And I feel the same, like I am just going to be alone and in love with him forever. I too have heard he has already gotten drunk and slept with someone else, he's not dating anyone, which is almost worse, cos then I think he could be going out and sleeping with countless other women :/ and none of that changes how I feel about him though! He has been downright nasty to me at times, completely focused on how he feels and showing no regard for what this has done to me, and yet I am still so in love with him, its just ridiculous!!

 

I have been in a bit of contact with my ex-husband (my sons father) and on paper he is SO much better for me in absolutely every way, and in the 5 years we've been apart he hasnt moved on, my friends reckon he was waiting for me to come back to him lol. He is genuinely lovely and wants to take me out next week, but I was literally just in tears talking about it with my friend! Cos as lovely as he is and I KNOW without a doubt if we got back together we could make it work, he is not my ex, and all I can think about is that I wish it were my ex taking me out, I dont want to go out with anyone else if its not him, etc. The thought of being intimate or anything like that with someone else makes me feel sick. I don't feel like I am EVER going to move on from him.

[Felicite]

we ended up texting and then went out for supper. I really tried not to but I finally caved

 

and slept together. and he called me baby and all the typical bull**** and then turned around and told me a few days after that things would never change and that he "couldn't do this again" because it would all just end up the same and that he wants to be friends.

 

I understand how dumb I am. It just hurts so much. I don't understand why I love him so much, I'd do anything for him. He's already slept with another girl and was seeing her. But no matter what, I still love him so much, its ridiculous

 

I guess I have to come to terms with the fact I will never stop and that I am jus t going to be alone for the rest of my life watching the love of my life with someone else.

 

I know logically all the reasons and what nots but nothing seems to matter. I just love him, regardless of anything.

 

 

I don't feel like my life is ever going to get any better at this point because I can never escape what i feel for him...ever

 

Don’t be so hard on yourself Sunshine, these things happen especially when you are in a bad emotional state. It was too early, only 20 days, it’s reasonable that your feelings took over and you hoped it would be different.

I’m more angry with the fact that guys like your ex get away with it, as they screw with someone that they know is in love with them and in a bad state, and in the same time they are hanging with some other girl. Talk about selfish. But they just go anyway and do these kinds of things, even though they know they are hurting people badly.

 

I also sort of broke NC because I didn’t manage to resist to check my ex’s Instagram once and I saw he has been partying all summer (and has possibly found someone else), while I have been crying my eyes out every night trying to figure out why he was so nasty and was calling me worthless and other mean things etc.

 

But it the end I can’t do anything. Some people are just insensitive pigs, I guess, we just have to accept that. How they do it, I don’t know.

So you could resume NC once again and if he ever comes back make it clear you ‘re only interested in something serious and nothing less (although the case seems hopeless because of who he is). I guess I always wish for happy endings because I am a hopeless romantic, but then again that’s exactly why reality proves me wrong every time.

So take care of yourself and I hope next time you will be stronger..

 

 

Oh sunshine I feel exactly the same as you do about my ex, it sucks! I get angry at myself for feeling this way, cos as you said, logically you know it couldn't work, logically I know he was completely wrong for me and realistically the future prospects for our relationship probably would've never worked, I have no doubt we most likely would've broken up eventually cos we're just too different. But at this point in the relationship I was still so happy and crazy in love so completely blindsided when it happened. And I feel the same, like I am just going to be alone and in love with him forever. I too have heard he has already gotten drunk and slept with someone else, he's not dating anyone, which is almost worse, cos then I think he could be going out and sleeping with countless other women :/ and none of that changes how I feel about him though! He has been downright nasty to me at times, completely focused on how he feels and showing no regard for what this has done to me, and yet I am still so in love with him, its just ridiculous!!

 

I have been in a bit of contact with my ex-husband (my sons father) and on paper he is SO much better for me in absolutely every way, and in the 5 years we've been apart he hasnt moved on, my friends reckon he was waiting for me to come back to him lol. He is genuinely lovely and wants to take me out next week, but I was literally just in tears talking about it with my friend! Cos as lovely as he is and I KNOW without a doubt if we got back together we could make it work, he is not my ex, and all I can think about is that I wish it were my ex taking me out, I dont want to go out with anyone else if its not him, etc. The thought of being intimate or anything like that with someone else makes me feel sick. I don't feel like I am EVER going to move on from him.

 

 

I'm sorry for what you 're going through, I also can relate.

Being still in love with them sounds so ridiculous, but I also can't seem to do anything about it. It feels like I'm stuck and only some kind of divine intervention can get me out of it, honestly, it's so wierd.