I feel like I am broken

[Sunshine09]

Don’t be so hard on yourself Sunshine, these things happen especially when you are in a bad emotional state. It was too early, only 20 days, it’s reasonable that your feelings took over and you hoped it would be different.

I’m more angry with the fact that guys like your ex get away with it, as they screw with someone that they know is in love with them and in a bad state, and in the same time they are hanging with some other girl. Talk about selfish. But they just go anyway and do these kinds of things, even though they know they are hurting people badly.

 

I also sort of broke NC because I didn’t manage to resist to check my ex’s Instagram once and I saw he has been partying all summer (and has possibly found someone else), while I have been crying my eyes out every night trying to figure out why he was so nasty and was calling me worthless and other mean things etc.

 

But it the end I can’t do anything. Some people are just insensitive pigs, I guess, we just have to accept that. How they do it, I don’t know.

So you could resume NC once again and if he ever comes back make it clear you ‘re only interested in something serious and nothing less (although the case seems hopeless because of who he is). I guess I always wish for happy endings because I am a hopeless romantic, but then again that’s exactly why reality proves me wrong every time.

So take care of yourself and I hope next time you will be stronger..

 

 

 

 

 

I'm sorry for what you 're going through, I also can relate.

Being still in love with them sounds so ridiculous, but I also can't seem to do anything about it. It feels like I'm stuck and only some kind of divine intervention can get me out of it, honestly, it's so wierd.

 

 

I hear you

I feel like I need AA but for him lol

 

Honestly though, I;ve even had his own friends and other people come up who me and ask me why I settle and that I deserve so much more than that.

 

Deep down I know I do. Half the time I don't even understand my reactions. After I react the way I do, a few days later I cringe at myself. And do I really want someone who treats me so horrible? He even said that he treats me like ****. SO why on earth. And yes I love him, which is clear but is love worth all that?

 

I need a serious shake to my head. I can't keep letting my emotions run the show. I need to put on my big girl panties and throw 150% of all my energy into improving my life. I know he will be back around and because he's like a leech. He doesn't want me but he keeps me around whenever he needs an ego boost. He'll mess with my head just to try and make sure that I still love him.

 

I need to stop letting him do this. He isn't even that great of a catch. That's the silly part. He's not going anywhere in life and has no motivation whatsoever. Yet I feel special when he contacts me and hopeful. It's so damn frustrating because I know I deserve so much more if only I could take a pill to forget my EMOTIONAL attachment to him.

 

He's not even nice to me for god sake lol -_- I feel really pathetic because what kind of girl lets someone do that to him? I really hope I can stick to it this time and kick his ass to the curb for good.

[Sunshine09]

You'll get over it, it just takes time, NC, and to focus your attention on yourself.

 

Is that you in your avatar? From what I can tell you're an attractive girl.

 

Don't beat yourself up over what you did. Take it as a lesson learned. Don't contact him again because emotionally you haven't let go (obviously). Plus do you really want to be with a guy who's sleeping with someone else?

 

NC is really hard but when you look back you'll see it was worth all the effort. Don't think about it, delete his number, text convo and any social media you're on with him. If you don't you're just prolonging your agony.

 

Yes it's me in the avatar. I don't think im anything special but I don't think im too bad...until he messes with my head. He makes me feel like the ugliest, most worthless person in the world. How a person can have such a huge effect on me is insane.

[Sunshine09]

Oh sunshine I feel exactly the same as you do about my ex, it sucks! I get angry at myself for feeling this way, cos as you said, logically you know it couldn't work, logically I know he was completely wrong for me and realistically the future prospects for our relationship probably would've never worked, I have no doubt we most likely would've broken up eventually cos we're just too different. But at this point in the relationship I was still so happy and crazy in love so completely blindsided when it happened. And I feel the same, like I am just going to be alone and in love with him forever. I too have heard he has already gotten drunk and slept with someone else, he's not dating anyone, which is almost worse, cos then I think he could be going out and sleeping with countless other women :/ and none of that changes how I feel about him though! He has been downright nasty to me at times, completely focused on how he feels and showing no regard for what this has done to me, and yet I am still so in love with him, its just ridiculous!!

 

I have been in a bit of contact with my ex-husband (my sons father) and on paper he is SO much better for me in absolutely every way, and in the 5 years we've been apart he hasnt moved on, my friends reckon he was waiting for me to come back to him lol. He is genuinely lovely and wants to take me out next week, but I was literally just in tears talking about it with my friend! Cos as lovely as he is and I KNOW without a doubt if we got back together we could make it work, he is not my ex, and all I can think about is that I wish it were my ex taking me out, I dont want to go out with anyone else if its not him, etc. The thought of being intimate or anything like that with someone else makes me feel sick. I don't feel like I am EVER going to move on from him.

 

Isn't it insane how it all works? I have a guy that's interested in me. Keeps bugging me to hang out but there is just no attraction there. No, my mind decides to stay in love with an *******, lol. It's like WTF MIND W.T.F.

 

Its true you cant choose who you love but at the same time, you'd think that after someone treats you as bad as it can get ( emotionally at least ) that you would take a hint and move on. But no, you still seem to love them regardless. Unconditional love is NOT a fun time at all. I am sorry you are going through this as well. It's not fair and its so frustrating

 

The thought of him with her makes me sick too. And I had to watch her freak out on him in front of me and say nothing. Its all so messed up. I had people come up to me after and ask me why I put up with that and not to settle and that I was way too good for that crap.

 

And yep, someone could be so nice, but they just aren't them...which I guess is a GOOD thing and the point lol but it just doesn't seem to matter.

 

He obviously moved on and found this girl, told me he likes her and dicked me around for a week before stating again that he just wants to be friends. He disrespected me so hard and treated me like ****, even he admitted it. yet I still love him somehow?

 

I need to try and just ignore it the best I can. I don't want to cry over someone who could care less about me and has made that so crystal clear it isn't even funny. I need to get a backbone and stop acting like such a pathetic loser. Easier said than done but Im sick of being "that girl".

 

I would have never ever thought I'd have put myself in the positions I have with him. it makes me sick to my stomach to know I let go of so much of my self respect and dignity for him..

 

I only hope I can reclaim it and show him what HE lost and that's its HIS loss.

[Seth0194]

17 days now.

 

If I;m honest, I kind of thought he would have attempted to contact me by now. It definitely blew any fantasies I held onto that he cared at all or was even remotely affected by the breakup.

 

I guess 17 days NC is a pretty good accomplishment for myself though, so there's that:p

 

Yesterday made 21 days for me, and trust me when I say it is better with NC, she still lives in the house (finances and all) we do not speak much but when we do she is so nice and calm as if everything is fine, like there is no trace of pain or anything. (I still have not shared my story yet but maybe it is about time)

 

Stay strong, the hurt will pass us all only death is permanent, well that and taxes.

[Learningtowalkagain]

Yes it's me in the avatar. I don't think im anything special but I don't think im too bad...until he messes with my head. He makes me feel like the ugliest, most worthless person in the world. How a person can have such a huge effect on me is insane.

 

You didn't feel that way while you were NC though right?

 

And if you don't think you're anything special how can you expect someone else to? Granted there's more to attraction than looks but looks are the initial spark.

 

I lucked out my parents both have beautiful eyes so I inherited them. Girls dig them...it's all good. But when I was younger I used to tell myself I was average looking. Then I dated a few girls I 'thought' were out of my league. That became more regular and I slowly accepted I didn't give my looks enough credit. You need to have an epiphany like that. But that all starts with knowing you deserve better. Your ex sounds like a complete loser. The rational part of you knows this you just have to convince your heart to let go. I guarantee you'll find someone better.

[BriNyc82]

Sometimes the guys who treat us the worst or we know are wrong for us are the hardest to get over! You are doing just fine sunshine. I think it's time you forgive yourself. Stop beating yourself up! I've been there too. I also know it's his loss, whether he knows it or not. I will be happy in life, he won't. And I'm realizing that is good enough for me. I get to be happy. He, has to live with the ugly person he is. I imagine the same for your ex.

 

They say happiness is the best revenge.

[Sunshine09]

thanks for all the encouragement and support

you guys rock and make it so much easier to cope

[Sunshine09]

Sometimes the guys who treat us the worst or we know are wrong for us are the hardest to get over! You are doing just fine sunshine. I think it's time you forgive yourself. Stop beating yourself up! I've been there too. I also know it's his loss, whether he knows it or not. I will be happy in life, he won't. And I'm realizing that is good enough for me. I get to be happy. He, has to live with the ugly person he is. I imagine the same for your ex.

 

They say happiness is the best revenge.

 

 

He is always on about how bad of a person he is and such so I guess you are right. He has to live with that the rest of his life. I know that I am a good person with a good heart. I have made mistakes but I would never intentionally hurt people the way that he has.

[Sunshine09]

You didn't feel that way while you were NC though right?

 

And if you don't think you're anything special how can you expect someone else to? Granted there's more to attraction than looks but looks are the initial spark.

 

I lucked out my parents both have beautiful eyes so I inherited them. Girls dig them...it's all good. But when I was younger I used to tell myself I was average looking. Then I dated a few girls I 'thought' were out of my league. That became more regular and I slowly accepted I didn't give my looks enough credit. You need to have an epiphany like that. But that all starts with knowing you deserve better. Your ex sounds like a complete loser. The rational part of you knows this you just have to convince your heart to let go. I guarantee you'll find someone better.

 

The heart is so damn stubborn lol

[alexbaby16]

Yesterday made 21 days for me, and trust me when I say it is better with NC, she still lives in the house (finances and all) we do not speak much but when we do she is so nice and calm as if everything is fine, like there is no trace of pain or anything. (I still have not shared my story yet but maybe it is about time)

 

Stay strong, the hurt will pass us all only death is permanent, well that and taxes.

 

 

How do you do no contact while living together? I am still having to live with my ex fiance due to finances for at least the next month or so and it's a living hell!!

[LoveIsMyReligion]

When we love someone we tend to get this "tunnel" vision where we only focus on that one person and how they think and feel about us.

 

It's hard to break out of this mindset but once you come to the realization that there are other beautiful, intelligent, caring, and loving people out there you will look back at this as a wonderful learning experience that allowed you to grow as an individual.

 

We rarely grow in the good times, people grow during adversities such as this one.

 

Keep pushing forward and I'll do the same, deal?

[Sunshine09]

When we love someone we tend to get this "tunnel" vision where we only focus on that one person and how they think and feel about us.

 

It's hard to break out of this mindset but once you come to the realization that there are other beautiful, intelligent, caring, and loving people out there you will look back at this as a wonderful learning experience that allowed you to grow as an individual.

 

We rarely grow in the good times, people grow during adversities such as this one.

 

Keep pushing forward and I'll do the same, deal?

 

 

It's so true. I know once I kick this mindset for good that it will be so much easier. I just need to get over that hurdle. Hopefully this time was enough of a blow for me to start smartening up.

 

it's a deal

[BriNyc82]

When we love someone we tend to get this "tunnel" vision where we only focus on that one person and how they think and feel about us.

 

It's hard to break out of this mindset but once you come to the realization that there are other beautiful, intelligent, caring, and loving people out there you will look back at this as a wonderful learning experience that allowed you to grow as an individual.

 

We rarely grow in the good times, people grow during adversities such as this one.

 

Keep pushing forward and I'll do the same, deal?

 

Totally true. When you are with someone they occupy so much space in your brain. And they are constantly validating us, making us feel good and then when it's over we are alone without that.

 

Dealio!

[BriNyc82]

It's so true. I know once I kick this mindset for good that it will be so much easier. I just need to get over that hurdle. Hopefully this time was enough of a blow for me to start smartening up.

 

it's a deal

 

 

You had a moment of weakness. We all do. But your mind knows better. This man is hardly the love of your life!

[Seth0194]

How do you do no contact while living together? I am still having to live with my ex fiance due to finances for at least the next month or so and it's a living hell!!

 

Well its not a real NC but as best as I can do. She works a different shift then I do (we both do shift work at different agencies) When we are off or when there is a chance that we may be around each other, I head to the gym, go to the store anything that will get me out of the area she is going to be in.

 

Example last night, I got home from work and she was not there, before heading to bed I closed and locked my door but when I woke up and left for work her car was not there. Simply put avoid the other as much as you can and only speak when necessary.

[Sunshine09]

Woke up today feeling awful. I wish they had a pill you could take to forget someone and wipe the memory of them from your mind.

[LoveIsMyReligion]

Woke up today feeling awful. I wish they had a pill you could take to forget someone and wipe the memory of them from your mind.

 

That would be nice, but then you wouldn't learn anything from all of this.

 

Appreciate the fact that you're alive.

Appreciate the fact that you're able to experience the high and low moments in life.

 

What would happiness be if sadness didn't exist...

[Zapbasket]

Woke up today feeling awful. I wish they had a pill you could take to forget someone and wipe the memory of them from your mind.

 

If only wiping your memory clean of a sh*tty ex were an option! But since it's not, you have to live for a while in the stew of your pain. Think of it as a petri dish in which will grow a much, much stronger you. Avoiding or trying to minimize pain never works in your favor in the long term. Darkness is as much a part of life as the light, and you have to trust that if you embrace the dark times, you will emerge the richer, wiser, more empathic and more authentic person for it.

 

It may not feel like it now, but it really does get better. There was a time in my most recent breakup when I considered ending my life because the sadness, confusion and pain was so overwhelming and all-encompassing that I feared it would never abate. But gradually, it did. Very gradually. And when I was dangerously low where I felt I only wanted to die, I went on a low dose of antidepressants so that I could cope. I also have been seeing a therapist regularly to help me restore myself to myself and start reaching some life goals, and that has helped immensely in my healing process--it's worth every dime.

 

I agree with what another poster said, that sometimes the relationships where we were treated badly are harder to get over than those that were generally healthy. Be patient with yourself, feel what you feel, trust that it gets better, and pay attention to any insights that come with the grief process.

[pillowpuffs]

Woke up today feeling awful. I wish they had a pill you could take to forget someone and wipe the memory of them from your mind.

 

Gosh, I wish too.

[alexbaby16]

It's so true. I know once I kick this mindset for good that it will be so much easier. I just need to get over that hurdle. Hopefully this time was enough of a blow for me to start smartening up.

 

it's a deal

 

Isn't frustrating when you 'know' you should do something....'know' that it has to be done, but are unable to make yourself do it?

[Sunshine09]

Gosh, I wish too.

 

<3

 

you'd think by now with all the advances in everything that they would have made something along those lines. They'd definitely make a killing in profits lol

[pillowpuffs]

How have you been? I hope you've been better.

[Sunshine09]

I'm doing okay!

 

Today is day four of NC attempt #2

 

 

I'm not feeling too bad. I actually haven't cried since day 1 this time. I am more so angry at myself for allowing him to treat me so disrespectfully...again. I deserve so much better than that.

 

If I can keep my focus on my future and improving myself and my life.

 

 

It's when I start to let my mind wander in regards to how he wants to stay single and just wants to be "friends" ( after discarding me again ) yet is still seeing this girl. That hurts a whole heck of a lot because I feel like I must be pretty damn worthless if he will still consider her as a candidate? Everyone around me tells me that she isn't anything special, he even admitted he wouldn't have even pursued it but it was just handed to him by his friends as a means to get over me, yet it still bothers me so bad. I guess its because of the sense of rejection. Because why else would I waste my time with someone who isn't worth all my tears. And someone who DOESN'T CARE if I'm in his life or not?

 

I'm a good person with a good heart and there are plenty of people in this world. To be stuck on one person, who can't even appreciate me, is pretty absurd. It's weird how our hearts seem to guide us, lol. If I think about everything with my emotions detached, it seems insane yet part of me is so stubborn in the fact that I love him and that we are meant to be together, regardless.

 

This internal battle isn't going to be ending anytime soon, I just hope logic can prevail in the end and that I can be strong enough to let go of him and get on with my life.

[Sunshine09]

How have you been? I hope you've been better.

 

how have you been my friend?

[pillowpuffs]

I'm doing okay!

 

Today is day four of NC attempt #2

 

 

I'm not feeling too bad. I actually haven't cried since day 1 this time. I am more so angry at myself for allowing him to treat me so disrespectfully...again. I deserve so much better than that.

 

If I can keep my focus on my future and improving myself and my life.

 

 

It's when I start to let my mind wander in regards to how he wants to stay single and just wants to be "friends" ( after discarding me again ) yet is still seeing this girl. That hurts a whole heck of a lot because I feel like I must be pretty damn worthless if he will still consider her as a candidate? Everyone around me tells me that she isn't anything special, he even admitted he wouldn't have even pursued it but it was just handed to him by his friends as a means to get over me, yet it still bothers me so bad. I guess its because of the sense of rejection. Because why else would I waste my time with someone who isn't worth all my tears. And someone who DOESN'T CARE if I'm in his life or not?

 

I'm a good person with a good heart and there are plenty of people in this world. To be stuck on one person, who can't even appreciate me, is pretty absurd. It's weird how our hearts seem to guide us, lol. If I think about everything with my emotions detached, it seems insane yet part of me is so stubborn in the fact that I love him and that we are meant to be together, regardless.

 

This internal battle isn't going to be ending anytime soon, I just hope logic can prevail in the end and that I can be strong enough to let go of him and get on with my life.

 

I share your sentiments. Your ex is just incredibly selfish. I genuinely think he doesn't really know what he's doing himself and because of that, he's messing up not only his life, he messed with yours and possibly even with this other girl. Some part of me hopes he'll mature soon but another part of me knows guys like that don't ever really mature at all.

 

I wish I could tell you why it bothers you. I guess it's because we're possessive beings or I guess it's the idea of being replaced that bothers us. I'm not too sure entirely. Maybe it's also the fact that we're not able to let go; we're not able to see ourselves with others yet for them its been done and they seem to be just moving along fine.

 

You are definitely a good person with a good heart. And yea, sometimes this universe is just funny. We pine over people who couldn't give 2 ****s about us. I don't know when it'll end. I hope every morning I'll wake up feeling stronger and being able to completely let go but through the day I realise that I've spent more thought on my ex than I'd like to admit. It's a constant battle.

 

Everyone has NC struggles btw, don't be hard on yourself. You're going to be just fine. He showed you his true colors again - hopefully this time you'll remember what happened the last time you broke NC, if you feel tempted again, and you'll see that you genuinely deserve better.

 

I've been alright. I've had my struggles to be honest. It's up and down. I was fine for the last few hours but then I was driving somewhere alone and something reminded me of my ex and I started crying because I missed him so much. Silly me.