Am I overly jealous with my husbands behavior??

[ck123096]

My husband and I (married almost 3 yrs) went on vacation together with one of 2 children (it was work related for him). I had to leave to go home a day earlier then him. The other people we were with: one married couple, two single people, no kids! So every night they went out partying while my husband and ! stayed in the hotel. The night I left he went to a "club". My husband hasn't been to a club in over 10 yrs. He tells me he doesn't even like going to clubs. He doesn't go out to the bar or clubs when hes home with firends or even with me. I do not to go the bar or clubs either. I feel like he waited until I was gone in order to go have fun. He knew I didn't want him to go but he went anyway and that really bothers me. This is a big issue with me b/c for about 8months now our marriage has been slowly falling aprt in every aspect. I feel like going to a place with all those "temptaions" (which seem so good now that things aren't god at home) is just setting him, me, us up for failure. He tells me I am being jealous and childish and that its not his problem I have low self esteem. I feel like part of me is totally overeacting. But I believe that my feelings should matter to him and if he went out knowing it would bother me, then why did he go???

 

By the way in order to try to show him that I was going to be strong and not get mad about him going out...when I came home and he was still away.....I cleaned his car in and out and bought him one of his fav. cookies. He didn't thank me and when I mentioned later that day if he noticed hi car he said oh yeah I did thanks. And I asked why when we talked like 5 times earlier that day he didn't thank me then he said he just didn't think about it. So I feel like my efforts maybe didn't go unnoticed but just weren't important to him.

 

 

 

Please help us! Any advice is helpful.

[Moose]

As far as him waiting for you to leave to go out, do you trust him, or don't you? I realize that your marriage is a little shakey right now, but don't make things worse by shortening his chain. You'll only drive him further away from you.

He tells me I am being jealous and childish and that its not his problem I have low self esteem.

This isn't a good sign. I don't know what's going on with the marriage, but it's apparent that you need to communicate your feelings more effectivley towards him.

[ck123096]

I do trust him! But it has been hard to know that there "might" be temptations b/c things are not good. I figured that I was prob flying off the handle.....i just think its a build up of everything.

 

As far as commuincating...we don't! We went to counseling for a few months and I just poured it all out. (we went together and individually) I worked really hard for a while after about communicating effectivley my feelings. I'm not real sure the prob is my feelings...u see when I talk to my husband (I mean good talks) his responses are totally defensive. Like the fact that I just laid my feelings out for him doesn't matter as much as not admitting he wrong! Our counselor even pointed this out to him and he got mad.

 

Example from a session: C: "What negative behaviors do you bring in to the relationship that u think is cauising some of these problems u and your wife are having?"

H response "She is moody and mean"

 

He never answered the question.

 

My point: I have shut down, not sure y, maybe I am tired of feeling like we should talk to resolve things and all he does is bitch that we don't have sex! I don't know "how" to talk to my husband anymore!