Simon Phoenix Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Guys, you are definitely more experienced than I am but...second chances happen. People change, people make mistakes and much more! However, it is likely that she is toying with him. Of course second chances happen. But they rarely have staying power when it's a situation like the above. The second chances that stick tend to happen when there's considerable time completely apart from each other, growth by both sides, and a realization by the dumper that maybe they truly screwed up. The OP is taking a premature victory lap. They haven't even separated from each other yet, so it's way too early to call scoreboard. A lot of dumpers do wean themselves off dumpees, and the situation the OP is in is perfect for such a scenario to occur, especially since he's been trying so hard to stay on her radar and acting like they are still a couple. He would have been better off moving out immediately -- or at least spending as little time around the apartment as possible until he could move out for real -- and let her really get a taste of life without him while also detaching a bit on his own. He hasn't detached at all -- if anything he's clinging to her more now. And through all of this, she's not exactly asking for him to reconsider moving out, is she? Could this work? Maybe for a temporary amount of time. But he might have just been roped into give her confidence, ego boosts and support. Either way, he needs to chill on the "we've reconciled" bit. The battle hasn't even begun yet. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 The idea was to show her that we can be around each other and have fun. To build the spark and make her feel the way she did when we first started dating. She's giving sex and wants to go on dates/take holidays together. Tomorrow I disappear. ? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 The idea was to show her that we can be around each other and have fun. To build the spark and make her feel the way she did when we first started dating. She's giving sex and wants to go on dates/take holidays together. Tomorrow I disappear. ? Yeah, that's an idea that rarely works out. And words are cheap. I hope I'm wrong, but your strategy usually fails. I'm not sure you were building "spark" -- you might have just allowed her to close things off with a pretty little bow once you leave. Since you weren't going anywhere anyway and you were bent on hovering, she enjoyed some benefits from that. Time will tell if those benefits turn into something else or they served as a severance package. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
quattrob Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 What a misleading topic, I'm kind of disappointed as I thought there would be some insightful reconciling with ex advices from TC.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Yeah...This is not "reconciled"..This is you being a placeholder and her making the best out of you still living there. I wouldn't be celebrating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted August 1, 2015 Author Share Posted August 1, 2015 I disagree. We talked tonight. She said she definitely wants to see where things go with us. She takes holidays next week (for two weeks), and I take mine starting the week after. She has asked if I want to spend time together, and has made plans to join me for a concert in August. There's still a lot to work on, but she's willing to communicate with me and find common ground. I suggested we start fresh, take it slow, go on dates and rebuild trust. She's open to that as well, and said she's excited to see where things go. Link to post Share on other sites
Morphine Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Perhaps the title is misleading. But maybe they are on the way to reconcile. There is no magic trick to reconciliation - if two people are trully in love with each other they will get back with each other. Yes, if you use NC etc. You will het back quicker. There is no point getting back together if there is no love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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