XNemesisX Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 You would also be mad if your wife or girlfriend was ignoring you to go masturbate to porn.... Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 I don't see how she is nagging at him or demanding love from him. She has never hinted at that whatsoever You live with them? Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Some women have no problem with porn, and some do. I honestly don't see how anyone could be fine with their partner using porn instead of being intimate with them. If it wasn't affecting my sex life, I'm not sure that I would be fed up...but if it came to the point where the man was actually ignoring me and my needs to go to porn instead, I have a very good feeling I would tell him that he can go have a relationship with his right hand since he obviously has a better time in fantasy land with his right hand than with a real human being... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX I have a very good feeling I would tell him that he can go have a relationship with his right hand since he obviously has a better time in fantasy land with his right hand than with a real human being... a relationship w/ his right hand, that's hilarious XNX Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 You live with them? No, I should have put in that all I know is from what was written so obviously none of us know what the relationship is really like. I guess I just didn't get the feeling that she was nagging...particularly because it sounds like she has been pretty calm about the whole situation. How would I know though...I guess that is something she will need to explain. I just don't think it's very nice to automatically assume that its the wife or girlf's fault for their husband or boyf's problem with porn. It's about like blaming the woman for a cheating husband. A lot of women do blame themselves, and maybe sometimes it is but I would say most of the time it isn't. This man surely loves the poster enough to propose to her and get a house together. They aren't even married yet! What will it be like then??? If he has this much of a problem with her, and doesn't want to be intimate with her anymore because of her assumed nagging, then he should get out of the relationship before they get married!~ Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX It's more than she just found him masturbating. Their sex life is actually affected by it. She explains clearly the problem they are having with having sex less and less. This is a major problem!! There is no proof that their sex life is being affected because of his masturbating. I'm sure it isn't. I'm sure the guy has been masturbating for a good long while, and the woman never noticed this until she walked in on him jerking off. Stop for a moment and think. You must admit that this is interesting. It seems likely that sex has dropped off because this man was walked in on while masturbating, made to feel guilty about it, and then rejected when he attempted to initiate intimacy with this woman. That is a major problem. Who knows if it has anything to do with a "nagging wife" or her husband being angry and hostile. I don't see how she is nagging at him or demanding love from him. She has never hinted at that whatsoever Maybe not nagging, but her initial reactions certainly didn't help the situation any. One should also realize that nagging wife would not hint that she was a nagging wife. I think that some men do develop a problem with porn to where it takes over their functioning in real life. I have never read about this happening, unless it was speculation. I'd be very interested to see some type of medical study on this. Monday is a great example of how this works. I can't believe that some of you are blaming her for this! No. Monday is a great example of what happens if a person insists the cause for one, or many problems, lies with something completely unrelated. I mean, maybe sometimes it is partly the wife or girlf's fault where the man does not want to be intimate with her, or whatever - but Monday doesn't seem to be that sort of wife, and neither does this lady. If some of Monday's posts on this forum are an accurate representation of her, I would understand it if her husband would hide, run away, cower, and otherwise attempt to avoid Monday by any means. I am convinced that her behavior and way of thinking only perpetuate her problems. What bothers me is that I have attempted to say this before to try and help, as have others, and she goes back to "porn is evil", and nothing gets solved. As a man, I can see something this woman admitted to which would make me avoid her, cause me to think she was upset with me and wanted no intimacy. Being walked in on has an impact, for one. Being pushed away while trying to initiate intimacy has another affect. Having my partner ask me if I found her undesirable, or if something was wrong with the relationship also has an affect. It might very well make me think that the woman wants nothing to do with me for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by faux There is no proof that their sex life is being affected because of his masturbating. I'm sure it isn't. I'm sure the guy has been masturbating for a good long while, and the woman never noticed this until she walked in on him jerking off. Stop for a moment and think. You must admit that this is interesting. It seems likely that sex has dropped off because this man was walked in on while masturbating, made to feel guilty about it, and then rejected when he attempted to initiate intimacy with this woman. That is a major problem. Ok, well yes that is one way of looking at it. Either the sex life is suffering from the porn, or the sex life is suffering because of her discovery of the porn. It could go either way I suppose. But wasn't there a "dry spell" problem before she walked in on him masturbating to it? I have never read about this happening, unless it was speculation. I'd be very interested to see some type of medical study on this. I'm no expert on the topic, but I have read many posts talking about "porn addiction" If some of Monday's posts on this forum are an accurate representation of her, I would understand it if her husband would hide, run away, cower, and otherwise attempt to avoid Monday by any means. Wow. And what has she said to make you feel this way? Because she has destroyed porn dvds? She destroyed them because it seemed to help the problem at least temporarily. I don't understand what you mean, but I think you should elaborate what she is doing that is so wrong As a man, I can see something this woman admitted to which would make me avoid her, cause me to think she was upset with me and wanted no intimacy. Being walked in on has an impact, for one. Being pushed away while trying to initiate intimacy has another affect. Having my partner ask me if I found her undesirable, or if something was wrong with the relationship also has an affect. It might very well make me think that the woman wants nothing to do with me for a while. Well, I am not a man so I have no idea how these things can affect a man's POV. What you said there did make sense. BUT I thought the dry spells were happening prior to her walking in on him? What would you say then? Or did I misread her posts? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brandi Renee Posted May 10, 2005 Author Share Posted May 10, 2005 I finally spoke with him regarding his private parties. We are not married - but we will be. I for one am examining left and right all actions and reactions he has until then. I do not nag him and have never spoken of masturbation until I walked in on him doing it to porn while I was asleep. This jerk off things was a shocker for me to walk in on. I have spied on him several times in the shower and loved it had no problem with it. Him viewing porn while I am asleep and me always willing to hit the sheets with him, and not co,ing to me ,is what scares/hurts me. The second problem I have is that he will disappear in his office at night, around 9pm and play world of warcraft online gaming and play his guitar, watch TV, beat off ect. I clearly understand he is the type of person that has to have (X) amount of personal time a day. I knew it going into the relationship and now its to hard on me. I can deal with showing up in bed aourn 1 am or so. But 3,4 5,am in just so hurtful for me. I love him dearly and love to feel his warm man arms in bed. Our sex life is in a pattern due to him not me. We have regular amounts of sex for two weeks, then noting for 7-13 days. EVERY MONTH. It is a weird pattern I have noted. If there was regular sex all the time, I could care a damn less about how much he jacked off. We went out to a pre- mothers day dinner with the family and I enjoyed SEVERAL glasses of wine. We got home and I guess i was too touchy on him , ( I don't remember) and then we hashed it out. I told him we are not compatible because I am not okay with being left alone all night in bed while he plays in his office till 4 am. I told him I am more of a love on you type of person than he is. I got it my car and tried to take off, he ran after me and I came back in. But damn it. I felt so hurt. I can stand my own ground and can change my life the very next day if need be. he told me to go to ed and we will talk about it in the morning. (mothers day). Yes - that was very dramatic, and probably not the right thing I should have done and I do not intend on doing that ever again. I totally felt like we were having a fight and that is scary. Mothers Day - i woke up to a cheerful son telling me happy mothers day and a hell of a hang over. I also got two dozen roses , spa treatments and jewlery from my man and my son. I felt better. i felt like he really did love me. we talked it over what happened the night before. I was calm , rational and exspressed that I loved him but have been feeling so hurt and that it took a bottle of wine for me to have guts enough to speak up for myself. We addressed the jacking off to porn while I am asleep. So - he got mad a tme and told me it was normal - I agreed, COMPELTLEY. He retorted with "you do it too". I told him that it was only when he was not at home. He then proceeded to tell me then he should be mad because I don't have the courtesy to wait till he gets home. The truth is - he was just trying to defend himself. He has told me to go masturbate before and approves of it ( obviously). He told me he did not want to hear any more about it. He told me it had nothing to do with me not being attractive, noting to do with lack of anything in or relationship, he says he is 100% happy and would tell me right way if he wasn't. I told him I feel hurt when he stays in hi office till 3 or 4 am every night and lonely. I reminded him that when we dated it was not this way. He then proceeded to tell me that he was disappointed that I felt like this. That night he came to bed at 1am after giving me a suprisingly great mothers day and he held me. Last night he started canvas painting a huge abstract I wanted for our art collection in our new home. I believe he is trying to mend the situation and I hope he remembers how I feel when he is gone away in his office. Overall - the problem was me feeling hurt he was not voing to be d until 4 or 5 am and the stupid sex pattern and me walking in on him having a great ol time at 3am. We shall see what happens but I really do appreciate everyones input. Link to post Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 You need to calm the hell down, Brandi. All the way through reading your original post, I was thinking to myself: "The guy told her the reason he was beating off. Why does she keep thinking that it's something terrible?" I'm telling you this as a man, a nightowl, and a logical human being. YOU ARE OVERTHINKING THIS. Stop worrying. Your boyfriend was telling you the truth when you asked him. Trust me, alright? You should be glad that he even could do so. Some guys wouldn't know what the hell to say if caught cock-in-hand. I would think that'd be pretty embarrassing. Why do you automatically assume he's lying? Think about this logically. Which scenario is more likely: A) Your boyfriend has suddenly come to the realization that you are an ugly cow and would prefer to avoid sex with you whenever possible. B) Your boyfriend got horny during the middle of the night, but knew you had to get up early the next morning. So, he decided to let you get your rest and just have a quick wank. If you're leaning towards "A", someone needs to smack you upside the head. Seriously, if I were dead dog-tired and had to get up early, I wouldn't want my SO waking me up, even for sex. If someone's tired as hell and I know it, I wouldn't even expect them to be in the mood to have a shag. To me, it sounds as if your boyfriend was trying to be considerate! And here you are, getting all paranoid and thinking he doesnt want you anymore. Geez... What do you want from the guy? The situation is a gamble in the first place. Sure... *after* the fact, and certainly in comparison to the thought of him beating off, you were willing to have a go in the sack, but as far as he knew, you could have just as easily been pissed off at him for waking you up. In another universe, you'd be here posting a thread saying how selfish and inconsiderate your boyfriend was for ruining your night's sleep because he wanted sex. Don't take this the wrong way, but your situation is by far the most low-risk I've ever seen on LS...and believe me, I've seen a lot of these threads. You really need to calm down before you drive yourself crazy over nothing, and end up ruining what sounds like a good relationship. Don't let these ladies scare the **** out you. Your boyfriend was being honest and I'd bet anything on that. So how about you listen to what he's telling you and just trust him, instead of assuming it's the end of the world? -GM Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brandi Renee Posted May 10, 2005 Author Share Posted May 10, 2005 You made me feel better - but what about me finding the shirt all balled up beside his sofa with plenty of other episodes on it? I know its normal to jack off - but really , please wake me up anytime. I did tell him that. And there was another lady on here that posed that he is imaging the porn women when he is behind me. That sticks in my head now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brandi Renee Posted May 10, 2005 Author Share Posted May 10, 2005 Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 I know its normal to jack off - but really , please wake me up anytime. I did tell him that. I'm betting he doesn't want someone who's exhausted driving children around. And he's right about that. And there was another lady on here that posed that he is imaging the porn women when he is behind me. That sticks in my head now. Why oh why do women choose to believe ill of the men they claim to love? Link to post Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Brandi....stop it. You are well on your way to ****ing up your relationship out of paranoia. I was pretty certain *before* that I had the right impression of what was going on, now I have no doubt at all. Originally posted by Brandi Renee I for one am examining left and right all actions and reactions he has until then. I do not nag him and have never spoken of masturbation until I walked in on him doing it to porn while I was asleep. This jerk off things was a shocker for me to walk in on. I have spied on him several times in the shower and loved it had no problem with it. Him viewing porn while I am asleep and me always willing to hit the sheets with him, and not coming to me, is what scares/hurts me. This is the problem. You're examining things too closely and aren't seeing things clearly. Can we stop and think about this? You love it when he decides to beat off in the shower, but when he's beating off while you sleep it's a terrible problem?? When he's in the shower, you're hiding and watching him, so obviously you're awake and availiable. He could get out of the shower or call you in there, right? By your logic, shouldn't you be getting mad at him for not sexing you up? Do you realize how little sense you are making right now? When he's beating off with you awake and eager for some action, you're cool with it....but when he's beating off while you're asleep, it's a suddenly a bad thing? Am I crazy or is that completely backwards? You're getting mad at him for taking care of himself when he assumes you need a good sleep, but you're cool with him jerking when you're actually awake...why? Because you get to watch? This is ridiculous. Originally posted by Brandi Renee The second problem I have is that he will disappear in his office at night, around 9pm and play world of warcraft online gaming and play his guitar, watch TV, beat off ect. I clearly understand he is the type of person that has to have (X) amount of personal time a day. I knew it going into the relationship and now its to hard on me. I can deal with showing up in bed aourn 1 am or so. But 3,4 5,am in just so hurtful for me. I love him dearly and love to feel his warm man arms in bed. When you say it's hard on you *now*, do you mean that, as in, after walking in on him that night? If so...it might be because you now associate his alone time with something that fills you with jealously and fear (for baseless reasons). The two aren't really related. Do you want to end up with the notion that every time he looks at you wrong it's the eeeevil porn? That doesnt sound fun. Originally posted by Brandi Renee We went out to a pre- mothers day dinner with the family and I enjoyed SEVERAL glasses of wine. We got home and I guess i was too touchy on him , ( I don't remember) and then we hashed it out. I told him we are not compatible because I am not okay with being left alone all night in bed while he plays in his office till 4 am. I told him I am more of a love on you type of person than he is. I got it my car and tried to take off, he ran after me and I came back in. But damn it. I felt so hurt. I can stand my own ground and can change my life the very next day if need be. he told me to go to ed and we will talk about it in the morning. (mothers day). So you get drunk and suddenly tell him you two aren't compatible...yeah, that'll surely go well. Geez. Not only that, directly afterwards you pull the runaway routine instead of maybe *listening* to him. This is like reading some staged example of things *not* to do in a relationship. Chill out will you? This is like watching a train wreck in progress. I almost dont want to bother with the rest since it only gets worse...but come on. Pull yourself together, please. Or at least don't blame porn if the guy ends up leaving you down the line, if this trend continues...you're doing a pretty good job of putting a wedge in things from what I'm seeing. Originally posted by Brandi Renee Yes - that was very dramatic, and probably not the right thing I should have done and I do not intend on doing that ever again. I totally felt like we were having a fight and that is scary. No, no, no...I thought it was pretty calm and rational. *ahem* By the way...the reason it felt like you were having a fight...is because you were. The sad part is that your boyfriend is probably as dumbstruck by all this as I am. I'm only reading it and I'm wondering if you live in Bizarro-World...this guy's living it. Yeesh. Originally posted by Brandi Renee We addressed the jacking off to porn while I am asleep. So - he got mad at me and told me it was normal - I agreed, COMPELTLEY. He retorted with "you do it too". I told him that it was only when he was not at home. He then proceeded to tell me then he should be mad because I don't have the courtesy to wait till he gets home. The truth is - he was just trying to defend himself. No Brandi, I'm sorry. The truth is...you're just ignoring the truth. He made as valid of a point as you could probably get...and you just brushed it off. You aren't making any sense with this, ok? You masturbating when he's not home. Reason? He's not availiable to screw. Him masturbating when you're asleep. Reason? You're not availiable to screw. IT'S THE SAME THING, BRANDI. THE SAME FREAKING THING. Yeah, you don't mind him waking you up...but there's no way he can know that for sure. He can't read your mind to know if he's cleared for shag time. Therefore...to HIM, you are not availiable to screw! You're asleep! Path of least trouble...jerk! I'm amazed that this was actually an arguement. In any case, you lost. Ok? He has a point. It hasn't been the first time from what I see. You on the other hand, keep contradicting yourself. Let the emotion go. Originally posted by Brandi Renee He told me it had nothing to do with me not being attractive, noting to do with lack of anything in or relationship, he says he is 100% happy and would tell me right way if he wasn't. Please please please be the ONE WOMAN ON LOVESHACK who can calm down and accept this simple truth. Just shock me, I'm begging you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brandi Renee Posted May 10, 2005 Author Share Posted May 10, 2005 Well - i guess i will write back then in a few days. For now - I aksed him if he wanted to play while he was busy painting in the other room - he said no, I am painting. Then , he said let me finish and take a shower. He is showering and I am sneaking in this note. Yes - I am insecure. At least I can admit it. Link to post Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by Brandi Renee And there was another lady on here that posed that he is imaging the porn women when he is behind me. That sticks in my head now. I was afraid of that happening. Listen to me for a minute...Monday's a nice lady...but that's a load of crap. It has no basis in reality and if you let that kind of stuff stick in your head, you're looking at nothing but trouble down the road. It'd really be a shame. I pointed out not long ago in this thread that she's a little nutty for thinking that. There's no way she can know what her husband is thinking about during sex. There's no way any woman, or any *human being*, can possibly know that...so how can anyone come to that conclusion? Paranoia and hurt feelings, nothing more. I'm sorry, but for all Monday knows, her husband could be thinking how much he really loves her. Yet she's pissed off about the porn, so suddenly, the guy is *clearly* imagining Jenna Jameson while they're having a shag. Right. Those two have some problems for sure, but sticking to that kind of irrational nonsense is going to cause nothing but harm. Please don't think it's a good thing. You're probably not going to like hearing this, but you're probably not going to get good advice on something like this from other women. Sad fact, but a lot of women seem to have problems with this. Harsh as it may sound, think about it. If you're flipping out about this situation, what good will it do you to listen to a bunch of chicks who don't have a handle on it themselves? Its the blind leading the blind. You might as well ask someone with arachniphobia to calm you down about spiders. Later. PS: Hey, every step counts. Good luck getting some "playtime". Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Hey! Hang on just one dang minute! I'm a woman and I don't go with this 'porn hurts me' BS! Hmph. Link to post Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 LOL! This is true. Mind you, I said "a lot" of women flip out about this, not all of you. You're the rational sort. *goes back to drawing before he loses much more sleep* Link to post Share on other sites
krbshappy71 Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by Brandi Renee Well - i guess i will write back then in a few days. For now - I aksed him if he wanted to play while he was busy painting in the other room - he said no, I am painting. Then , he said let me finish and take a shower. He is showering and I am sneaking in this note. Yes - I am insecure. At least I can admit it. I'm confused. If you SAW he was busy painting in the other room, WHY are you choosing that moment to interrupt him and see if he wanted to play?? Is this a "am I more important than painting?" game or WHAT? Ma'am, timing is everything, I do not interrupt my husband's projects whether it is working on the car, lawn work, etc because I would not want him popping in when he sees me involved in something. That is insecure AND insensitive, in my opinion. Yes, you are allowed to be horny, but everyone deserves respect and for the moment to be right. Sex on demand wont work, my friend.....because it's like a test you are giving him over and over "am I sexy enough to take you away from THIS? how about THIS?" So were you sneaking in to enjoy him or to see if he was taking care of himself instead of doing you? Just wondering to what extent you are taking this. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Not only that, but wasn't he painting a painting YOU asked him to paint???????? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brandi Renee Posted May 10, 2005 Author Share Posted May 10, 2005 krbshappy - You are right now that I think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 I cannot believe you are even for a second thinking that simply because a man masterbated instead of getting YOU for sex, that things are in TURMOIL!!! OH KNOW!!!! WHAT WILL SEXUALITY AS WE KNOW IT DO?!?!?! Im suprised this didnt make the FRONT PAGE! "MAN LOOKS AT PORN ONLINE,.....RUBS ONE OUT!" ALert Dear Abby! Call Dr. Phil! What will America do? Jesus. Its masterbation. He wasnt,.. like, hogging a pizza. Take it easy. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 God forbid something serious should come along. You'll probably take hostages. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brandi Renee Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Hey Scarly - taking hostages sounds like a good idea - you have past experience??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brandi Renee Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Link to post Share on other sites
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