Do the ex's who left us for someone else ever come back?

[aliroser]

with these new details -- go straight NC. no response to his last message.

 

no response at all, block him everywhere. send him his things through a mutual friend or mail and call it a day.

 

Agreed, I don't even feel like my things back now or care about them at the moment. maybe at a later date I can always reach back out and since he was the 'bad guy' in this who'd hurt me, I don't think he would deny my proposal to meet to get things back in the future. Worst case I can exchange via mutual friends as you say

[minimariah]

Agreed, I don't even feel like my things back now or care about them at the moment. maybe at a later date I can always reach back out and since he was the 'bad guy' in this who'd hurt me, I don't think he would deny my proposal to meet to get things back in the future. Worst case I can exchange via mutual friends as you say

 

of course.

 

if you happen to meet him & he asks about not responding - tell him you got busy and forgot to reply, LOL.

 

as far as Instagram goes... can you mute him there? i'd mute him rather than block.

 

just forget about him. act like he doesn't exist. and i'm not talking ignoring... FORGETTING.

 

that's one thing folks cannot stand - the realization that they weren't special or remarkable in someone's life. hurts much more than ignoring and blocking on purpose.

 

do not respond but do not block him either. post some awesome Insta pics and act like you don't even remember that you follow him there.

[aliroser]

of course.

 

if you happen to meet him & he asks about not responding - tell him you got busy and forgot to reply, LOL.

 

as far as Instagram goes... can you mute him there? i'd mute him rather than block.

 

just forget about him. act like he doesn't exist. and i'm not talking ignoring... FORGETTING.

 

that's one thing folks cannot stand - the realization that they weren't special or remarkable in someone's life. hurts much more than ignoring and blocking on purpose.

 

do not respond but do not block him either. post some awesome Insta pics and act like you don't even remember that you follow him there.

 

 

 

Curious to know if I did this, would he not just think 'phew, I got away with that, she doesn't even care!' Surely if an ex knows he's highly disliked for that he's done, it would effect him more? Am I getting this all wrong?

 

 

Also, yesterday was a surprisingly good day for this, today I'm having the thoughts of 'She's better than me, more successful, of course he will be head over heels. He must think I was useless in comparison.' He was in between homes when I was with him and he now stays with her in a beautiful part of the city, he has his life made up being with her. Makes me feel terrible about myself.

[lana-banana]

First off, you have to stop trying to plan your actions based on what will affect him the most. You have absolutely zero control over his feelings. It sounds like he pities you at this point and feels bad for hurting you. He is probably not sincere or is at best ambivalent about meeting in September; it's just a vague date in the future for him to check up and see you're okay. Any response on your end would just be to reassure himself he's not such a bad guy.

 

I think your best bet is to block him on Instagram or unfollow him. It is much healthier to cut the cord altogether than to let it persist as a source of pain. My boyfriend's ex insisted on pretending she was fine when he dumped her, even though she suffered a lot. She told everybody she was doing great but then would snipe at him via Facebook. (She also did a lot of seriously unhinged things, but you don't seem to be at risk of that.) More than a year later and she's STILL being snippy and passive-aggressive on social media. I can't help but think she might be in a much better place if she'd just blocked him and focused on her own healing.

[minimariah]

Curious to know if I did this, would he not just think 'phew, I got away with that, she doesn't even care!' Surely if an ex knows he's highly disliked for that he's done, it would effect him more? Am I getting this all wrong?

 

truth be told -- he probably won't care. he moved on.

 

when i talked about the impact - i was talking about you and your healing, not what would make him wonder. he probably won't wonder at all.

 

you have to accept this - he moved on. you had a nice time and it came to an end. do not think about her and do not compare yourself with her. i know it's horrible and painful but it is the only way.

 

just focus on you and your healing. for that - move him out of your love. ignoring or blocking... doesn't care. as long as he is gone.

[elaine567]

truth be told -- he probably won't care. he moved on.

 

 

Yes, his main concern now is himself and his new gf.

He doesn't care if you are angry, if you are sobbing your eyes out, if you are indifferent, or if you are pining away for him.

 

He wants to be seen as a good guy, the friend, the adult here, but if you see him as that or not, he will not be overly fussed, as he has already moved on, he has his gf as his support now.

 

If you start ranting at him or send bitter or loaded messages, he will dismiss you as the crazy ex who just isn't adult enough to accept that relationships sometimes do not work.

 

Whatever you do or say, he is not likely going to turn into some sobbing mess desperate to get back with you or hating on himself for being so stupid - that I guess will only happen if his gf happens to bin him and he is then desperate for attention.

[Mittens]

truth be told -- he probably won't care. he moved on.

 

I've also quoted this for truth.

 

When I split up with a guy I'd been seeing for a year - a guy who had refused to acknowledge me as his 'girlfriend' that whole time - I started dating my now fiance (who I'd known as a friend for 3 years previously). The ex had always said that if either of us met someone else we felt was more 'suitable' that we should feel free to pursue it

 

Of course, when I actually did, the ex suddenly decided that he loved me etc. I didn't buy any of it. He then spent a good 3 months emailing and texting me, telling me that I was making a mistake, I'd have a better life with him, etc

 

And my reaction? I DIDN'T CARE. I'D MOVED ON. His constant uninvited contact actually made me hate him in the end.

 

All this guy wants is to not be the bad guy, to know that you aren't mad at him. He doesn't want you back, or really want to be friends. Ignore him and move on.

[minimariah]

All this guy wants is to not be the bad guy, to know that you aren't mad at him. He doesn't want you back, or really want to be friends. Ignore him and move on.

 

^^ THIS.

 

he just wants to save face, really. & he wants to end it on good terms so he wouldn't feel bad. & i doubt he wants the OP in his life - no matter what he says.

 

i told the same thing to my X - let's stay friends, you are such an amazing person and i want to keep you in my life.

 

that's like a general idea folks like to tell but don't really mean it seriously.

 

OP - i know it's hard but please, try to move on for YOU. one day at a time.

Edited August 1, 2015 by minimariah

[Zapbasket]

I guess i'm just wondering what would be the most powerful thing to do after having been sent that message. Me not responding to it - ever -and leaving him wonder? Thanking him for the honesty, saying I'm glad he's happy and I wish him the best but August is a no, or?..

 

If you've not done anything yet, don't respond. He is not expecting a response, though your silence might make him wonder. What reaction he has, whether to your silence or to something you conjure up to say, is not important. Your feelings are all that matter. You are grieving from loss and a tremendous blow to your ego. He knows you are hurt and so any polite well-wishing you manage just rings false as anyone with a heart knows that beneath your words, you are crushed. So rather than spend one second worrying about what to say, pull all of your focus on your healing. Silence isn't rude in this case; rather, it shows you respect yourself too much to spend one more moment in a scenario where you are "second best."

[Zapbasket]

And one more thing: trust me that as time passes and you ride the roller coaster of grief and your ego trying to piece itself back together, you will be GLAD you didn't respond. I know this first-hand as I responded to severing emails from two exes with polite well-wishes and thanks for the time we spent together. Of course neither responded, and though neither time did I expect a response, still the "last word" of their silence hurt. Also, both ended things in a cruel and petty way, and as months passed I wished I had just let their betrayal hang there, unresponded to. It would have given me one piece of "power," such as it was, in situations where I felt completely devastated and powerless.

[aloneinaz]

truth be told -- he probably won't care. he moved on.

 

when i talked about the impact - i was talking about you and your healing, not what would make him wonder. he probably won't wonder at all.

 

you have to accept this - he moved on. you had a nice time and it came to an end. do not think about her and do not compare yourself with her. i know it's horrible and painful but it is the only way.

 

just focus on you and your healing. for that - move him out of your love. ignoring or blocking... doesn't care. as long as he is gone.

 

 

This^^^

 

 

Also, by doing this and vanishing from his life, it will still bother him on some level, even if he's over you. Dumpers like to know their ex is pining over them and when they vanish, it's knocks that chip off their shoulder.

[walkingonair]

I'm in a bit of pain, my ex and I were happy for 2 years and towards the end we were long distance, he met someone new who had the same job as me but a little more successful in it and suddenly he wasn't sure about the relationship using lines such as 'I think I just want to be alone' etc. So with dignity I set him free and only a few weeks later I saw photos of them together, I asked him about them and he denied it all saying I had nothing to worry about, they were just friends etc. Then his friend who I still follow posted a photo of them in his familys home. It hit me pretty bad and I asked for some honesty, that I wanted some closure on everything so I can move on and stop questioning what we had.

 

Last night he sent me a message that hit me right in the gut. He apologised, said he was actually seeing her and he should have been honest with me, he feels terrible for it all happening so soon but he was now 'honestly, very happy' then said he would understand if I never wanted to see him again but 'you're too great of a person not to have in my life' and since we were meant to meet in September for a drink and swap things before this he said he would still like to see me if I was ok to.

 

The message killed me, I knew what was happening already but the reality was much harder to take in coming from him. I know that at least I got my answers etc and I'm trying to to relay the past in my head but I have so many questions.

 

I feel so quickly disregarded and my self-esteem in the dumps. He's on his Honeymoon period with her and I feel left in the dust whilst he's blissfully 'in love' it seems.

 

Why did he say he still wants to meet in September, would it be just out of politeness? Surely his new woman wouldn't like this? Do ex's that do this ever end up returning to their original love?

 

I have a few options of what to do next and I'd like the thing that causes the best lasting impact and hopefully leads him to wonder about me, if this is even possible?

 

-No response to his message. Go radio silence and delete him off my social networks in a few days and let that be that

 

-Respond politely a 'Thank you for your honesty. I wish you the best in the new relationship' and let that be the ending

 

-Say I could see him one last time, meet up in September, look good, act cool about everything, get my things, say how well I'm doing, wish him the best and leave

 

 

I know right now he won't be coming back to me but I wonder if NC or being civilised and 'friends' is the best way to get someone back in the long run?

 

 

Any help would be appreciated, I'm feeling pretty down right now

 

They do come back.But he has taken you for granted in the relationship because he knew all along he had you and he couldn't realize his true feelings for you.Go completely no contact.If he texts, ignore!He will realize what he's lost.Guys have the grass is greener syndrome and then when their gf stops talking to them completely,they realize they love her and need her.Only know you love her when you let her go....

[Emma1a]

Please just go NC for yourself NOW! Don't reply and cry it out. He left you for someone else... WHY do you want someone like that back? WHY do you want to be the backup plan/option B/second best? He left you for her, so there were probably cracks in the relationship and he probably already had her waiting in the shadows while in a relationship with you. The trust is broken and even if he did come back around, you will be in constant fear that he will do this again. How would you feel if he came back to you after you KNOW he has already been with someone else?

 

Please go NC for your own sake. It is hard now, but you are at a state where you are in desperation to get him back. He is having second thoughts and wants to keep you as the backup plan, but its really too late. He is in the honeymoon period with the new girl and probably not leave her anytime soon. You will look back on this in several months and realize what a fool you were pining over someone who obviously did not deserve your time.

 

I was in the same situation you were and I wish I had went NC from the very start.[/quote

 

 

Hi,

 

I read your story, how are you doing now? Same as yours; he left me a month after starting his new job for a coworker. It's been five weeks of NC and a little over four months post bu.

 

We were together for 8 years I'm 27 now. Just wondering how you are now after a year? Has he ever contacted you, do you have any advice for me? Thank you ☺️

[Emma1a]

Please just go NC for yourself NOW! Don't reply and cry it out. He left you for someone else... WHY do you want someone like that back? WHY do you want to be the backup plan/option B/second best? He left you for her, so there were probably cracks in the relationship and he probably already had her waiting in the shadows while in a relationship with you. The trust is broken and even if he did come back around, you will be in constant fear that he will do this again. How would you feel if he came back to you after you KNOW he has already been with someone else?

 

Please go NC for your own sake. It is hard now, but you are at a state where you are in desperation to get him back. He is having second thoughts and wants to keep you as the backup plan, but its really too late. He is in the honeymoon period with the new girl and probably not leave her anytime soon. You will look back on this in several months and realize what a fool you were pining over someone who obviously did not deserve your time.

 

I was in the same situation you were and I wish I had went NC from the very start.

 

 

 

Hi, I read your story, how are you doing now? Same as yours; he left me a month after starting his new job for a coworker. It's been five weeks of NC and a little over four months post bu.

 

We were together for 8 years I'm 27 now. Just wondering how you are now after a year? Has he ever contacted you, do you have any advice for me? Thank you ☺️

[mightycpa]

If we're still voting, I'd like to put in my support for a short message to announce your NC stance. That way, you won't get/expect birthday messages, congratulations or condolences, reach outs to touch base, etc. Do it for you, something along the lines of:

 

OK, I understand. Rather than met in September, how about if we just exchange things by mail and close things out. I'll send your stuff in a few days, and I'd appreciate if you do the same. I'm going to need some time, so other than the item swap, please don't contact me for any reason. I'll be in touch when I'm ready.

Then you vanish, with no intention of getting in touch.

 

You could simply vanish, but then he may reach out to say hello, or to return your things, or to get his when you're least prepared for it. My way, you eliminate the uncertainty on your end, and you prevent the agony about wondering why he sent you some random, meaningless message one day out of the blue. Trust me, you don't need that. Your announcement will have little effect on him. I can't imagine the circumstances that would make him wonder about you the way you'd like him to. He's busy with that new girl, and if it doesn't work out, he'll get busy with another one. Once you've lost feelings for someone, it's awfully tough to get them back. He's gone, so you might as well get used to thinking in those terms.

[HeartinPain]

Hi, I read your story, how are you doing now? Same as yours; he left me a month after starting his new job for a coworker. It's been five weeks of NC and a little over four months post bu.

 

We were together for 8 years I'm 27 now. Just wondering how you are now after a year? Has he ever contacted you, do you have any advice for me? Thank you ☺️

 

Its been two years since the BU and I am really happy with where my life is at now. I'm relieved and glad that I did not end up with him or even continuing on with the relationship. I know that he is still with the girl he left me for, but that is okay with me now because I am at a point where I do not care. Good riddance to someone who would easily leave you for someone else. I realized that I cannot be with someone who is confused and not certain of his feelings for me. Even if we did get back together after he was with someone else, I would no longer be able to trust him and there would be constant insecurity/jealously. Plus knowing that I was his second option would always be something that would be in the back of my mind. We dabbled in low contact for 2-3 months after the BU and I wish I went complete NC because it did prolong my healing with him stringing me along. He has not contacted me since 3 months after the BU and I was able to finally grieve the BU properly.

 

After you are left for someone else, think really hard if you would even be able to get over them being with someone else. You may think you can because the BU is still fresh for you and you are in desperation. If you think clearly, you will realize you probably won't be able to get pass the betrayal and that you deserve better than being someone's second option. I hope to never hear from him, because even tho I am over it, the residual hurt from it does run deep. I know the only reason he would probably contact me at this point is if his new relationship didn't work out and I am not a backup plan. I invested a lot of my life in him and the sad part is that I know I can never be friends with him, but its the best life choice for me.

 

My advice to you is to go NC completely and start to move on with your life. I took the BU very badly and begged and pleaded which I am not proud of. Don't make the same mistakes I made and go NC so you can leave with dignity. Being left for someone else is the worst way to be broken up with, but it is also the best way because there is NO coming back from it on your side. There will never be a 'what if I made a mistake' on your part. They made their decision to break your heart in the worst way possible, so they will have to ultimately live with the guilt and decision of being with the person they left you for. You will go through waves of emotions, but ride it out and I promise you life will get better. You need to work on every part of your life and move toward self improvement. Everything will eventually fall into place, but you have to do the work.

 

I grieved the BU very hard and hardly ate for about 4 months. I was depressed and no one wanted to be around me. I set a date for myself to force myself to snap out of it and start to move on. I focused on work, worked out, and most importantly, I did a lot of things outside of my comfort zone. I met so many new people and made so many new friends that would have never happened without the BU. I stayed very busy. I can honestly say the BU was the best thing that could have happened to me because I was able to work on myself and find my independence again. I am a different person now and my life is completely different compared to two years ago.

[drseuss]

Back to the op ,my current ex and I broke up 6 months ago ,her ex came back from abroad to try and get her back , she met him the next day we broke up

 

A week later she said she missed me and was back with me , fast foward 6 months and this lingering ex is still in the picture and our relationship wasn't the same after the first break tbh, we have been broken up for 5 week now , with nc at all from the day we broke up ....

 

I wish we never got back together because I was truly indifferent back then and us getting back together made me feel like she must have really cared about me .

 

No I'm acting like a weak looser not the guy I ust to be , partying and care free ...

Edited August 30, 2015 by drseuss

[Emma1a]

Its been two years since the BU and I am really happy with where my life is at now. I'm relieved and glad that I did not end up with him or even continuing on with the relationship. I know that he is still with the girl he left me for, but that is okay with me now because I am at a point where I do not care. Good riddance to someone who would easily leave you for someone else. I realized that I cannot be with someone who is confused and not certain of his feelings for me. Even if we did get back together after he was with someone else, I would no longer be able to trust him and there would be constant insecurity/jealously. Plus knowing that I was his second option would always be something that would be in the back of my mind. We dabbled in low contact for 2-3 months after the BU and I wish I went complete NC because it did prolong my healing with him stringing me along. He has not contacted me since 3 months after the BU and I was able to finally grieve the BU properly.

 

After you are left for someone else, think really hard if you would even be able to get over them being with someone else. You may think you can because the BU is still fresh for you and you are in desperation. If you think clearly, you will realize you probably won't be able to get pass the betrayal and that you deserve better than being someone's second option. I hope to never hear from him, because even tho I am over it, the residual hurt from it does run deep. I know the only reason he would probably contact me at this point is if his new relationship didn't work out and I am not a backup plan. I invested a lot of my life in him and the sad part is that I know I can never be friends with him, but its the best life choice for me.

 

My advice to you is to go NC completely and start to move on with your life. I took the BU very badly and begged and pleaded which I am not proud of. Don't make the same mistakes I made and go NC so you can leave with dignity. Being left for someone else is the worst way to be broken up with, but it is also the best way because there is NO coming back from it on your side. There will never be a 'what if I made a mistake' on your part. They made their decision to break your heart in the worst way possible, so they will have to ultimately live with the guilt and decision of being with the person they left you for. You will go through waves of emotions, but ride it out and I promise you life will get better. You need to work on every part of your life and move toward self improvement. Everything will eventually fall into place, but you have to do the work.

 

I grieved the BU very hard and hardly ate for about 4 months. I was depressed and no one wanted to be around me. I set a date for myself to force myself to snap out of it and start to move on. I focused on work, worked out, and most importantly, I did a lot of things outside of my comfort zone. I met so many new people and made so many new friends that would have never happened without the BU. I stayed very busy. I can honestly say the BU was the best thing that could have happened to me because I was able to work on myself and find my independence again. I am a different person now and my life is completely different compared to two years ago.

 

Thank you very much! I just posted something today - i also did the begging and stuff back then but i went NC two months ago and i was feeling really great until I ran into him three nights ago and now i feel sad again. I hope I can be where you are soon! Thanks for your message