i guess no one wanted to respond to my post.

[hurting mom]

????

[Tony T]

I have read your post numerous times and felt more like you were venting than you wanted any kind of response. I don't really like to give unsolicited opinions.

 

But, since you seem to have solicited it in a 'round about way, I am really pissed that you are so sorry about opening that bank statement. Your daughter flat screwed you out of money she promised.

 

Instead of taking some of the money from her big tax refund and paying you back, she decided to just go around you and do whatever she wanted with the money.

 

She owes her own mother, the lady who spent nine months cooking her butt and the lady who watched over her ever so lovingly for many years, and instead of paying her back she loans money out to worthless, no good crackheads who will buy stuff to stick up their nose and NEVER pay her back.

 

I'm really sorry but until you promise me you won't feel sorry for what you did, I will give no further comment. Your daughter needs a swift kick in the arss. From now on, if anybody...including your own relatives...want a loan from you and you are able to make it, insist on triple collateral.

 

I'm pissed.

 

Now, at least you got a part answer. If there are specific questions you have, I'll be back in a bit. But for now, I have to go outside and kick some trees...and pretend they're your daughter.

 

I'll bet I made you sorry you asked for comment.

[hurting mom]

tony, i'm sorry maybe i did not make my story straight: my daughter did not "owe" me the money, she was going to loan it to me and i was going to pay her back but then it got used up before she even gave it to me.

 

as for the crackheads, do you have any idea why someone would make so many trips to withdraw money from an atm? do you think my boyfriend is right?

 

my boyfriend has been off cocaine for over three years after a ten year addiction, i know he will never go on it again.

 

i do value his opinion about this but i can't stand the thought to think my daughter could be using drugs other then the pot.

 

i have cried so much today for guilt and grief at hurting my daughter because of my nosiness. yet i still feel slighted by her actions and even if she was never going to loan me the money, i still am angry as $2000.00 is alot of money to blow and on what?! that is what i am more angry about.

 

i know there isn't much one can say about this mess, but i did need to vent and i also was hoping someone would respond and ease my guilt that i was right or am right or that i should do something to get her out of there, but she is 19 and legally i can't do anything and she would hate me if i made her come home, but i think she would if i threatened her.

 

what a mess! my heart breaks for the loss of her money, she is very generous and maybe reluctantly borrowed it to them, i just don't know to, she was vague about it all.

 

thanks for the support i needed that!

 

i have been wanting to kick a few trees myself all day too, and i did not even go to work from depression over this whole mess, i don't even know if i still have a job, but that is my own problem and my own stupidity.

I have read your post numerous times and felt more like you were venting than you wanted any kind of response. I don't really like to give unsolicited opinions. But, since you seem to have solicited it in a 'round about way, I am really pissed that you are so sorry about opening that bank statement. Your daughter flat screwed you out of money she promised. Instead of taking some of the money from her big tax refund and paying you back, she decided to just go around you and do whatever she wanted with the money. She owes her own mother, the lady who spent nine months cooking her butt and the lady who watched over her ever so lovingly for many years, and instead of paying her back she loans money out to worthless, no good crackheads who will buy stuff to stick up their nose and NEVER pay her back. I'm really sorry but until you promise me you won't feel sorry for what you did, I will give no further comment. Your daughter needs a swift kick in the arss. From now on, if anybody...including your own relatives...want a loan from you and you are able to make it, insist on triple collateral.

 

I'm pissed. Now, at least you got a part answer. If there are specific questions you have, I'll be back in a bit. But for now, I have to go outside and kick some trees...and pretend they're your daughter.

 

I'll bet I made you sorry you asked for comment.

 

[Tony T]

I am still very angry that your daughter chose to loan money to her trashy crackhead friends over you. I am really pissed.

 

It's great that you went into her bank statement to see just where her loyalties are. That has to be the most painful thing for you. I know your love for her is unconditional but I wouldn't feel guilty for a split second for doing what you did.

[sparkle]

She's 19 and she lives on her own...no one is forcing her to go around and spend her money or use drugs. No one is making her stay where she's at. Remember that she is in charge of her own life. She is doing all this out of her own free will.

 

Let her live her life and let her screw up and let her realize her mistakes on her own. That is really the best way a person learns anything. Yes she's your daughter and I can't begin to imagine how much you love her and care for her. I know you want the best for her. Maybe you could talk to her calmly and let her know you're worried about her and ask if there is anything you can do to help. If she says she's fine on her own and doesn't need your help, believe her and don't ask her about it again.

 

That is about all I would do if I were you. Ask once, if she doesn't want my help, I would back off and let her learn the hard way.

 

As for the $2000, just be glad that it wasn't your money. She will realize it on her own one day and learn to be more careful with her money and about lending it to people.

 

She's young and she still has a lot to learn--about not being so naive, about trusting others, drugs, responsibilities, and finances. But she is an adult and is responsible for making her own decisions.

 

You have nothing to feel guilty about. You did nothing wrong.

 

I'm not sure if I read wrong, but if she's got a child (?) and is raising her baby in that type of environment with drugs and those type of people in a place that's not supposed to house that many, that is the only thing I'd be worried about.

[hurting mom]

the girl that she lives with is on low income housing. the thing about the drugs is speculation only but i know they all smoke pot.

 

my daughter is a very sensitive, giving girl and the thought they may of taken advantage of her and took her money is what really gets me!

 

i called her a while ago and she said she has been afraid to call me. i did not mention the whole incident nor do i intend to unless she brings it up.

 

she has a job interview tomorrow and may be getting help from the county for day care.

 

i hope to God she can get out of there 'fast"! i know she is there on her own accord, that she wanted to get away from me cause i always tell her what to do out of the goodness of my heart and out of love.

 

i guess it is time to let go......."snif" it saddens me deeply to see her being taken advantage but hopefully this will be a learning experience.

 

i'm thinking when and if she get's her money back that i will turn the girl in to the housing program. the only problem is she is just helping them out and putting herself on the line to help them out. in the end it is the kids who will end up getting hurt and having no home anymore. a decision i will have to make.

 

his own mother kicked them out cause he don't want to work, so this is going to be no different. maybe if they find themselves homeless "again" they will do something like work to get their own place!?

 

anyway, thank you for all the good advice and support. this has been a truly hard day for me. having talked to my daughter tho made everything in my life rosy again....i love her dearly...thanks again.

She's 19 and she lives on her own...no one is forcing her to go around and spend her money or use drugs. No one is making her stay where she's at. Remember that she is in charge of her own life. She is doing all this out of her own free will. Let her live her life and let her screw up and let her realize her mistakes on her own. That is really the best way a person learns anything. Yes she's your daughter and I can't begin to imagine how much you love her and care for her. I know you want the best for her. Maybe you could talk to her calmly and let her know you're worried about her and ask if there is anything you can do to help. If she says she's fine on her own and doesn't need your help, believe her and don't ask her about it again. That is about all I would do if I were you. Ask once, if she doesn't want my help, I would back off and let her learn the hard way. As for the $2000, just be glad that it wasn't your money. She will realize it on her own one day and learn to be more careful with her money and about lending it to people. She's young and she still has a lot to learn--about not being so naive, about trusting others, drugs, responsibilities, and finances. But she is an adult and is responsible for making her own decisions.

 

You have nothing to feel guilty about. You did nothing wrong. I'm not sure if I read wrong, but if she's got a child (?) and is raising her baby in that type of environment with drugs and those type of people in a place that's not supposed to house that many, that is the only thing I'd be worried about.

[Laurynn]

Forgive me if I come across as rude and uncaring, but I'm going to give you my opinion on your current situation, and if you think I'm 'way off', then feel free to just ignore it.

 

#1...(yes, I know it's you jennie, I think most of regulars here recognize your writing style, the situation, etc).....I think it's a damn shame that a 43 yr old mother has to borrow $850 from her daughter who's a single mother. I realize she didn't actually lend you the money (because she blew it, or whatever)....but you are old enough to get out there, get off your duff and get a job and pay for your own car repairs....don't you think? It's not like you live alone, you have your boyfriend that you live with. Where's the incentive to get out there and work to pay your way if you have your boyfriend who pays for things/your daughter who you can borrow money off of?

 

#2...you said that you were so stressed by all this today, that you skipped out on your first day at work at a new job. What's with this?? How do you expect to get a job and make money (so you don't have to come back to this board complaining that you don't have money, that your boyfriend makes you feel guilty because he pays for everything/you don't contribute, etc etc) if you let little problems in life get in the way, and become excuses not to work? As an outsider looking in, it looks to me like you really don't WANT to work....and you either have 399 reasons why you can't find a job (or your boyfriend doesn't want you working a cleaning job, bla bla..bla bla)...or you are too depressed to start a job. Excuses, excuses.

 

#3..If your daughter DID lend her money to her 'loser friends', don't feel so sorry for her. I highly doubt they put a gun to her head and forced her to give them money. Your daughter is 19 yrs old, she's also a mother. If she can't get her sh*t together and be responsible with money, be a responsible Mom, find living arrangements that are proper to raise a child in, well you can't blame her friends. She's an adult now, and she has to grow up and get with the program.

 

#4..you admit that she does weed, and the way you say it, you act like you think it's no big deal. It is a damn big deal. What the hell kind of environment is that to be raising a child in? What the hell kind of mother can a woman be if she's stoned? It's no damn wonder that we have kids growing up today who are so screwed up, come from crappy homes, are mixed right up. Your daughter doesn't deserve to have a child if she can't do so SOBER. Does she realize that she could have CPS take her child if they find out she does drugs/lives in a place with 5 adults and all those kids, where drugs are being done? I pity her poor child.

 

#5..if you think for one moment that she's living in a place where they're doing coke, and she's involved in that, if you care at all about her or her baby, you do your best to find out for sure.....and then you'll take action. No baby deserves to grow up with an irresponsible crack/cokehead for a mother.

 

#6...as this child's grandmother, you have every right to sit her down and confront her about all the money she's spent/the frequent ATM withdrawals.

 

Does your daughter realize that she's a Mother?? Does she realize that she's responsible for providing a GOOD, SAFE, SECURE home for her child? Sounds like she needs to get a major grip. Like I said, I pity her child.

 

Laurynn

[to lauryn]

laurynn, i responded to your post see above...

Forgive me if I come across as rude and uncaring, but I'm going to give you my opinion on your current situation, and if you think I'm 'way off', then feel free to just ignore it. #1...(yes, I know it's you jennie, I think most of regulars here recognize your writing style, the situation, etc).....I think it's a damn shame that a 43 yr old mother has to borrow $850 from her daughter who's a single mother. I realize she didn't actually lend you the money (because she blew it, or whatever)....but you are old enough to get out there, get off your duff and get a job and pay for your own car repairs....don't you think? It's not like you live alone, you have your boyfriend that you live with. Where's the incentive to get out there and work to pay your way if you have your boyfriend who pays for things/your daughter who you can borrow money off of? #2...you said that you were so stressed by all this today, that you skipped out on your first day at work at a new job. What's with this?? How do you expect to get a job and make money (so you don't have to come back to this board complaining that you don't have money, that your boyfriend makes you feel guilty because he pays for everything/you don't contribute, etc etc) if you let little problems in life get in the way, and become excuses not to work? As an outsider looking in, it looks to me like you really don't WANT to work....and you either have 399 reasons why you can't find a job (or your boyfriend doesn't want you working a cleaning job, bla bla..bla bla)...or you are too depressed to start a job. Excuses, excuses. #3..If your daughter DID lend her money to her 'loser friends', don't feel so sorry for her. I highly doubt they put a gun to her head and forced her to give them money. Your daughter is 19 yrs old, she's also a mother. If she can't get her sh*t together and be responsible with money, be a responsible Mom, find living arrangements that are proper to raise a child in, well you can't blame her friends. She's an adult now, and she has to grow up and get with the program. #4..you admit that she does weed, and the way you say it, you act like you think it's no big deal. It is a damn big deal. What the hell kind of environment is that to be raising a child in? What the hell kind of mother can a woman be if she's stoned? It's no damn wonder that we have kids growing up today who are so screwed up, come from crappy homes, are mixed right up. Your daughter doesn't deserve to have a child if she can't do so SOBER. Does she realize that she could have CPS take her child if they find out she does drugs/lives in a place with 5 adults and all those kids, where drugs are being done? I pity her poor child. #5..if you think for one moment that she's living in a place where they're doing coke, and she's involved in that, if you care at all about her or her baby, you do your best to find out for sure.....and then you'll take action. No baby deserves to grow up with an irresponsible crack/cokehead for a mother. #6...as this child's grandmother, you have every right to sit her down and confront her about all the money she's spent/the frequent ATM withdrawals.

 

Does your daughter realize that she's a Mother?? Does she realize that she's responsible for providing a GOOD, SAFE, SECURE home for her child? Sounds like she needs to get a major grip. Like I said, I pity her child. Laurynn