Would sexual variety be healthy for much younger wife?

[oldshirt]

I have never been with a man sexually over the age of 35. Now that I am looking at men in their 40's (possibly older), I am deeply DEEPLY afraid of the sexual issues that may arise with an older man. I really want an active and normal sex life.

 

 

 

I'm 51 and I have a normal and active sex life.

 

 

I don't recharge as fast as I did in my 20s and I rarely want to do it multiple times a day any more, but I would be good for once a day if the opportunity would be there.

 

 

Just because there's a little snow on the roof, doesn't mean there isn't still a fire in the furnace.

[xxoo]

My h is mid 40s (I'm also in my 40s), and daily is not a problem. We often have sex 5 days in a row before a day without sex, and that off day is just because we need sleep The interest and function is still there, poking into my back as we drift to sleep

[olderhusband]

I agree. Just come out and admit you are turned on by the thought of her hooking up with this dude and perhaps even want to watch and maybe even join in at some point.

 

There are lots of men that have the same fantasys and feelings.

 

Just because you have the fantasy/feelings doesn't mean that you/she has to act them out, but at least get it out in the open and on the table so it can be delt with in a healthy manner.

 

Every single last man and woman on this planet encounters people every single day of their lives that they find attractive, but that doesn't mean they run off and get it on with them behind their partners back.

 

This is YOUR fantasy here. It's not about her in the slightest. There's nothing shameful or bad or dark and sinister about your fantasy in and of itself. We all have kinky fantasies. Some day if you want to read 8 hours worth of sick, perverted fantasies, I'll share the ones I have before breakfast in the morning.

Wow! You seem to be quite the expert on people's fantasies. You must be licensed. I'm not sure what your kinks are, but whatever they are, feel free to enjoy them. As for myself, I know what my desires are. I have an extensive sexual history and I am not afraid of experimenting and exploring new ideas and if I indeed wanted my wife to fool around with other men, I would just do it and would not be asking for advice here, so with all due respect, perhaps you should try and take people at their face value, try not to impose your own ideas and desires on them and trust in someone's word. I know it is difficult to believe these days, but there are some people in this world who still have integrity. At any rate, thanks for your "input".

[xxoo]

She needs sexual excitement. Why are you thinking she needs another man for that? Why not find excitement together? Hopefully, you'd want to excite her. Ultimately, if you can't excite her, that's a problem for your marriage.

 

It does seem odd that you'd choose introducing a new man over exploring sexually with her. The most obvious explanation for that is that it excites you.

[BrianZA]

This is probably one of the best and most relevant - to this situation - posts I have ever seen on LS.

 

 

I am north of 50 (55 ok) and I can finish my wife off 4 x per day. She is 8 years younger than me, and I am in fairly good shape physically and mentally.

So I would advise that this person gets their head right and do what needs to be done. Send her to another guy? I call BS on that. A marriage is all about two people who are committed to each other only, and letting anyone else in in any way at all reduces the marriage to shambles and a hollow shell of what a marriage should be... Call it something else, it in NOT a marriage then.

Real men do not share...

[BrianZA]

My post was meant in response to Old shirts and none other...

[oldshirt]

Wow! You seem to be quite the expert on people's fantasies. You must be licensed. I'm not sure what your kinks are, but whatever they are, feel free to enjoy them. As for myself, I know what my desires are. I have an extensive sexual history and I am not afraid of experimenting and exploring new ideas and if I indeed wanted my wife to fool around with other men, I would just do it and would not be asking for advice here, so with all due respect, perhaps you should try and take people at their face value, try not to impose your own ideas and desires on them and trust in someone's word. I know it is difficult to believe these days, but there are some people in this world who still have integrity. At any rate, thanks for your "input".

 

 

 

I accept people at face value when what they are saying adds up. What you have said thus far in your thread adds up to this being about you and not her. All that you have said about her is that there is some guy that YOU seem to think she finds attractive.

 

 

That's really not rocket science or a reason to stop the presses. All women find a variety of men they encounter during the course of a day attractive, that's part of being human.

 

 

But where are you coming up with her wanting to have sex with another man????????????????

 

 

If you want anyone here to believe this is not about you, please answer a few questions about her.

- has she made any statements or shown any indications through her actions that she is dissatisfied with her marital sex life?

 

 

- has she ever shown any indications of being unfaithful?

 

 

- has she ever shown any indications of yearning to be with someone else?

 

 

- has she ever initiated any discussions about pursuing an open marriage or entering the swinging lifestyle or any kind of polyamorous lifestyle?

 

 

- has she reacted positively if you have initiated any discussions about open marriage/swinging/polyamory?

 

 

- has she ever made any comments about having a personal ideology that people are not innately monogamous and must have multiple sex partners to be happy and content in life?

 

 

- did she have a highly promiscuous lifestyle prior to marrying you?

 

 

- has she had previous involvement with open marriage/swinging/polyamory?

 

 

- if the question to that question is yes, has she given any indication that she would like to experience that lifestyle again?

 

 

- has she cheated on previous spouses or exclusive partners before in her past (and since she's 35 years old, let's waive her first couple years of college and ask has she cheated since her 25th birthday?)

 

 

So in essence has she said or done ANYTHING that indicates an actual nuts and bolts interest in pursuing a nonmonogamous lifestyle in any real world manner in the actual physical world??????????????

[MyEvilTwin]

She's going through the mommy phase. For sure since there is a toddler in the bed. She's focused on the child, she has met her purpose in life. Your sexual desires come second, or third.

 

Get the kid out of the bed to re-prioritize the purpose of your bed besides sleep.

 

Does she want this other man?

Most of that is in YOUR HEAD, not so much hers.

 

Men...always complicating sex but rarely seeing the complications in everything else.........

[Panda9080]

I think you are wise to think of open marriage. It might be not suitable for the time being, but it may be necessary in the long run, depending how your marriage evolves. The reality is if she is not happy, nothing can prevent her from having an affair or leaving you. If she still loves and respect you, she would not leave you while having a sexual relationship with another man.

 

It will take a while for you and her to get to an agreement of open marriage, but that could be a good option. I have seen successful open marriages.

 

I would suggest you read about it and prepare yourself.

 

The best is to keep yourself open.

[xcupid]

Thank you for your insight. I just want to be sure that she doesn't become resentful in thinking she has given up her youth and has wasted precious time with an old man. I have heard the jokes about our age difference from her, her family and friends Perhaps I am taking it all too seriously and you are correct in saying I should just appreciate where we are and leave it be. Thanks again. I'll try not to worry about it so much. After all, she did make the commitment, young or not, she knew what to expect with our age difference. I'll just try and make her as happy as I can. Cheers!

 

As long as she loves you as you say she does she will never resent you. Remember, she chose you.

 

 

When you bring other "lovers" into the picture you add another dimension to the relationship. What if she falls in love with a lover? And what if one of her new lovers brings a disease into the mix?

 

 

I agree with you. Concentrate on making her happy. Better to spend your time learning how to please her sexually, being romantic, and spicing up your love life than bringing another man (or men) into the relationship. A toddler in your bed probably isn't helping your love life either.

Edited August 4, 2015 by xcupid

[fireflywy]

Thank you for your insight. I just want to be sure that she doesn't become resentful in thinking she has given up her youth and has wasted precious time with an old man. I have heard the jokes about our age difference from her, her family and friends Perhaps I am taking it all too seriously and you are correct in saying I should just appreciate where we are and leave it be. Thanks again. I'll try not to worry about it so much. After all, she did make the commitment, young or not, she knew what to expect with our age difference. I'll just try and make her as happy as I can. Cheers!

 

What do you mean by given up her youth? She MARRIED you. You are right in asserting that.

 

If she were to become resentful, then tough **** and you married the wrong person if she were to become resentful for not letting her play around sexually after chossing YOU in marriage.

 

But, that will be up to you as already advised here in this thread. Best of luck friend.

Edited August 5, 2015 by fireflywy