So my ex contacted me asking for cash

[dreamingoftigers]

If that's how you feel.

 

Again it goes back to what I said previously. You know nothing about me. So of course you'd assume I'm a "bad person".

 

Any way my initial thought was to pay him back. However I thought about it and he told me not to worry about it. So...I'm not worrying about it.

 

Any way it's fruitless to try and change my mind. I've already decided.

 

Thanks any ways !

 

See, now you are just taking what I said totally out of context and acting persecuted by me. Which isn't uncommon on here.

 

I didn't say that you were a bad person. I even put little quotes around it to show that is obviously what your ex would think.

 

I don't even really care about "changing your mind." That's up to you to do, or not. What I care about is sharing my perspective, because you asked for perspectives. No need to go around acting like I am trying to "behaviour mod" you.

 

Again, it's evident what you came into the thread with. It doesn't seem as though you actually wanted perspectives, as much as you wanted even just one person to confirm your highly-emotional reaction to do what you wanted to do, and even provide you with the "moral justification" (<-----see the quotes) to do so.

[aloneinaz]

OP, you simply need to pay him back. To use the fact that he owes you for the "emotional damage" he inflicted on you is pretty lame. The courts would be clogged with lawsuits if you could sue a douche bag ex for emotional damage.

 

 

Have some integrity and core values and pay him what you owe. If you chose not to, you're going to only reinforce his decision of why he's not with you. You'll also further damage your own psyche, knowing you took the coward way out.

[Mrin]

Mail him a check or money order via certified mail with at least a tracking # so you know he got it. Write Paid In Full in the memo portion.

 

 

Block him after that.

 

This. Pay him the money. It is the right thing to do. And it frees you of any obligation or connection to him forever. Do the right thing. Otherwise, you're just seeking drama pure and simple.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Just give him the cash. Tell him that you don't wanna hear from him again.

 

 

[Simon Phoenix]

Actually I'm not obligated to do anything I offered to pay he declined the first time...His fault not mine.

 

He cleared me of it. So... nope there isn't a reason for him to contact me any further.

 

Yeah, that's not how it works. You break something, you provide the money to fix it. Just because he declined initially doesn't get you off the hook for paying for something you broke.

 

Don't be cheap, send him the cash, and be done with it.

[quattrob]

If that's how you feel.

 

Again it goes back to what I said previously. You know nothing about me. So of course you'd assume I'm a "bad person".

 

Any way my initial thought was to pay him back. However I thought about it and he told me not to worry about it. So...I'm not worrying about it.

 

Any way it's fruitless to try and change my mind. I've already decided.

 

Thanks any ways !

 

You're right no one here knows you, but it seems like even you dont know yourself. Because not paying him back for the reasons you tried to justify it with makes you a "bad person". This is not assuming anything, this is a fact. If you know yourself you wouldnt need advice from us, you'd know the answer and just do but you doubted yourself.

 

The way you're dealing with the situation is childish and you're being too prideful.

[Tobin]

You asked if you should pay him back, everyone says yes including me now.

 

All you do is give reasons why you shouldn't give the money back!

 

Then don't!

 

But then why ask?

[mrldii]

...Now he's a liar...A habitual liar. That's why we're broken up.

 

I can't believe anything he says...

 

 

If you don't pay him back, you two may be closer to getting back together than you realize, since you now will have something in common:

 

you're both liars.

 

 

Since others' lack of integrity is important enough to you to break up over it, you should probably be sure to have some of your own. It would be awful if he came back to settle the score and broke something of yours...like a window pane in your glass house.

 

Pay the man back, regain your clear conscience, and be done with him...since you say that's what you want.

 

 

 

Good luck to you...

[Phoenixashes]

Wow. Judging from your posts, I could see why you broke his property. Attitude galore.

 

Are you mad we didn't say his request "meant something" beyond simply wanting payment? Did you expect "he clearly wants contact?" People only react like that when they get an answer they don't like.

 

You asked. We answered. Pay him.

[Lolita_Sky]

Lmao... This conversation is STILL going on?? WOW.

 

Actually legally...him declining my offer to repay him for damages would absolve me of it.

 

He couldn't sue me about this if he wanted. Because he said himself NOT TO WORRY about it.

 

That isn't how things work. Where he told me not to worry about it then comes back and tells me to repay him. Huh?? If that's the case many people out there would be getting sued at random.

 

 

So what if I'm being prideful? That's MY business. Being humble certainly hasn't gotten me any where. People still screw you over regardless if you're good or bad.

 

But...you already know this. And for the record I already have a clean conscious about this.

 

I ORIGINALLY asked because I wasn't sure IN THE BEGINNING. I had some time to think on it and I've decided I'm not going to repay him since he told me not to. I am CONFIDENT in my decision because it's a decision I have to ultimately live with not you. Why you guts feel so strongly about a decision a complete stranger is making baffles me. It's not YOUR LIFE.

 

Plain and simple.

 

You can judge me all you want. I don't care you don't know what he's put me through and I won't be bothered to explain to you people since...well.

 

All you've been doing is judging my actions. None of you have any place to judge anyone.

 

We've all done wrong to others. If you're free of such a charge...cool judge away. But I doubt it. We've all hurt someone. Some of you more likely than not hurt someone and was too much a coward to admit your wrong and seek forgiveness. I DID. I've put that chapter of my life behind me.

 

Again you don't know me. This will be the last time I post in here because clearly it's pointless to even talk to any of you.

 

If you want someone to see your point of view the lasting thing you want to do is cast judgement. It makes an individual that much more reluctant to listen.

 

UNDERSTANDING is key you guys. But none of you get that.

 

Any way take care.

[Fleur de cactus]

Your attitude explains why you have an ex. and he was probably right to end the relationship!

[Simon Phoenix]

Lmao... This conversation is STILL going on?? WOW.

 

Actually legally...him declining my offer to repay him for damages would absolve me of it.

 

He couldn't sue me about this if he wanted. Because he said himself NOT TO WORRY about it.

 

That isn't how things work. Where he told me not to worry about it then comes back and tells me to repay him. Huh?? If that's the case many people out there would be getting sued at random.

 

 

So what if I'm being prideful? That's MY business. Being humble certainly hasn't gotten me any where. People still screw you over regardless if you're good or bad.

 

But...you already know this. And for the record I already have a clean conscious about this.

 

I ORIGINALLY asked because I wasn't sure IN THE BEGINNING. I had some time to think on it and I've decided I'm not going to repay him since he told me not to. I am CONFIDENT in my decision because it's a decision I have to ultimately live with not you. Why you guts feel so strongly about a decision a complete stranger is making baffles me. It's not YOUR LIFE.

 

Plain and simple.

 

You can judge me all you want. I don't care you don't know what he's put me through and I won't be bothered to explain to you people since...well.

 

All you've been doing is judging my actions. None of you have any place to judge anyone.

 

We've all done wrong to others. If you're free of such a charge...cool judge away. But I doubt it. We've all hurt someone. Some of you more likely than not hurt someone and was too much a coward to admit your wrong and seek forgiveness. I DID. I've put that chapter of my life behind me.

 

Again you don't know me. This will be the last time I post in here because clearly it's pointless to even talk to any of you.

 

If you want someone to see your point of view the lasting thing you want to do is cast judgement. It makes an individual that much more reluctant to listen.

 

UNDERSTANDING is key you guys. But none of you get that.

 

Any way take care.

 

Dear lord. Take a lap for posting this.

[pidgeon1010]

What a piece of work! So you post on here asking for strangers' opinion and when you don't get the answers you want, you throw a fit and cast yourself as the victim.

 

I don't know which law school you want to where you learned that when someone initially declines to accept money from you for damage you caused, that means going forward you are absolved of all responsibility. Was this an accredited law school? In which state are you licensed to practice law?

 

I hope you are able to heal emotionally from whatever you allege he did to you because if this is what has caused so much anger and mean-spiritedness in you, that would be such a sad outcome. Good luck!

[Tobin]

Some poor guy is going to be her next boyfriend.

 

I bet he'll forgive her for breaking his stuff in anger, and tell her don't worry about it.

 

And so on..

[ganbare]

I hope you take the high road and pay back for the damages that you incurred. I hope you find peace in the long haul.

[aloneinaz]

Some poor guy is going to be her next boyfriend.

 

 

LMAO! Can you imagine the relief of the guy who dumped her?!?! He's probably walking around screaming "free at last, free at last, dear lord I'm free at last"..

[Chi townD]

 

 

 

 

You can judge me all you want. I don't care you don't know what he's put me through and I won't be bothered to explain to you people since...well.

 

All you've been doing is judging my actions. None of you have any place to judge anyone.

 

 

 

Uh huh...I'm starting to wonder what YOU put HIM through...willfully destroying his property (probably because you threw a temper tantrum) and then refusing to pay him the damages.....yeah.

[mtnbiker3000]

People feel one way while in the process of a BU, then after some time has passed, feel a different way. This is exactly what happened with my ex. I originally told her to keep the engagement ring when we were both emotional and she was crying (after dumping me), but a day or two later realized that was ridiculous and I wanted my ring back.

 

According to your logic, if I took her to court, the judge would say "Well you told her to keep it, so..."?? No way. Besides all he has to do is say you never said that. It's his word against yours. Unless you had him sign a release. And, I'm guessing your attitude in court would seal the deal. So, go for it. Go to court. Hopefully it would be one of those ones on TV cause it would be fun to watch...

[LeslieKnope]

Lmao... This conversation is STILL going on?? WOW.

 

Actually legally...him declining my offer to repay him for damages would absolve me of it.

 

He couldn't sue me about this if he wanted. Because he said himself NOT TO WORRY about it.

 

That isn't how things work. Where he told me not to worry about it then comes back and tells me to repay him. Huh?? If that's the case many people out there would be getting sued at random.

 

 

So what if I'm being prideful? That's MY business. Being humble certainly hasn't gotten me any where. People still screw you over regardless if you're good or bad.

 

But...you already know this. And for the record I already have a clean conscious about this.

 

I ORIGINALLY asked because I wasn't sure IN THE BEGINNING. I had some time to think on it and I've decided I'm not going to repay him since he told me not to. I am CONFIDENT in my decision because it's a decision I have to ultimately live with not you. Why you guts feel so strongly about a decision a complete stranger is making baffles me. It's not YOUR LIFE.

 

Plain and simple.

 

You can judge me all you want. I don't care you don't know what he's put me through and I won't be bothered to explain to you people since...well.

 

All you've been doing is judging my actions. None of you have any place to judge anyone.

 

We've all done wrong to others. If you're free of such a charge...cool judge away. But I doubt it. We've all hurt someone. Some of you more likely than not hurt someone and was too much a coward to admit your wrong and seek forgiveness. I DID. I've put that chapter of my life behind me.

 

Again you don't know me. This will be the last time I post in here because clearly it's pointless to even talk to any of you.

 

If you want someone to see your point of view the lasting thing you want to do is cast judgement. It makes an individual that much more reluctant to listen.

 

UNDERSTANDING is key you guys. But none of you get that.

 

Any way take care.

 

None of what you said makes particular sense, except for two things: you will ultimately have to live with your actions and we know nothing about your relationship, including what property you damaged.

 

Truly though, unless this guy was abusive and is a threat to your well-being I don't see why you shouldn't pay him the money that you owe. You shouldn't be surprised by people saying as much either - you asked and that was always going to be one of the potential answers. The thread is still going because you responded defensively to a number of people here who do not agree with your statements or actions. Such is life on a message board.

[Poutrew]

Well, if he takes you to small claims court and the judge tells (orders) you to pay him for the property damage, you can tell the judge to go f**k himself. You know better and feel perfectly justified to ignore the court order - after all the guy made you cry...

Be sure to tell your tale of woe to all the ladies in the county lock-up. I'm sure they are all in the slammer for choosing looser boyfriends as well.

[veggirl]

Still dying to know what you destroyed.

 

I mean did you rip up a t-shirt or did you throw a vase through his TV? Like what scale of damage and $ are we talking here...?