I'm sabotaging my temporarly LDR!

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

My bf of 7 months has been working on the road for just over a month in other provinces - the job is going to be 4 months long. The original plan had the two guys flying home every 2nd weekend, and he also said something about flying me and the other guy's wife to their location as well.

 

Well, so far my first planned trip had to be cancelled because they had to throw in a location that wasn't on their original plan. They are now about 4 days behind so have not planned any trips home as of yet. We talk a little on msn but he's not really "into" that and his partner hogs the computer to fight with his wife online. He calls me but after 5 minutes says "Ok love I'm gonna let you go" as if he's keeping me from something. I try to sound happy to hear his voice, and usually I am, but he can tell when I sound down and I did tell him that I need more in the way of email and phone calls. He said he would try to email me more.

 

I was disappointed about the trip, and let him know it because this isn't the first time we cancelled our plans to be together due to his work. We seem to have different ideas of what part of his work is a priority (he does equip maintenance). It was the reason we tried to break up b4 he left, but got back together and I decided to wait for him, taking the break I need from my marriage separation that happened 3 months ago (are u good at math?)

 

I try to keep busy but I miss him so much. I love him but this is getting very hard. I went online for conversation purposes when we were broken up for that week, and met someone with whom I became friends. We met once while broken up, and again while bf was away. And yeah, I slept with him and feel terrible about it. Once a cheater always a cheater, right? We agreed to end the friendship and have no contact (he's the one with holey undies).

 

I try to give my bf the warning signs but he doesn't seem them. He thinks we will be fine and knows I love him. He has made me feel every kind of emotion out there but now I'm starting to think that he was the rebound and was what I needed at the time. I don't want to break his heart. I want to be with him, but I don't see how I can - he's far away for the next couple of months, and I can't plan very well on spur of the moment as I have kids, a job, and other resp. It's just so frustrating!!!!! I am having a hard time believing he will have time for me even when he gets back and as selfish as this seems, my summer will be RUINED!

 

A male coworker/friend gave me his opinion - that he thinks it's hypocritical that I want my bf to be here with me so bad, but in the next breath I say that I'm doing this online stuff because maybe I'm not ready for a relationship. So why am I sabotaging my relationship? I don't want my ex back even though I miss him sometimes. I have a new male prospect who wants to meet me (actually lots of them but I don't want to meet all of them lol). This guy sounds really nice (and loaded $$$ hehehe) but really, we have alot in common. But I already know where it may lead.

 

Do I meet this new guy and have a drink and some conversation knowing full well where it may lead? Who knows I may be totally turned off, then feel so guilty that I will devote the rest of my life to the boyfriend who is away.

 

I need patience, I know that. Actually I probably need a whole lot more than that right now...anyone got the number of a good therapist?!

 

Thanks for listening. Criticism/juudgement will be taken as it is well deserved.

[laRubiaBonita]

sounds more like you miss that whole physical aspect of having a bf. right now it is more an abstract thought, cause he is not with you.

 

but why would you deliberatley screw both you and him over by seeing some other dude?

 

if it is not going to work LD, take a break while he is away...... at least be fair to him and tell him.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

How do I tell him this? It will crush him, no it will kill him if he doesn't do it to himself. He's miserable on this job but the money is good. He's self employed, and feels he has to do this to get his business on track. Yet, the other day he made a comment that "its not about the money" So wtf? I haven't asked him this yet.

 

He emailed me and said to "keep myself busy". I don't want to - I want HIM. The sex is amazing, his body is beautiful, he says things to me nobody has ever said.

 

I think you're right about the physical contact. I'm so scared that I am doing this because I don't believe he will have time for me when he comes back. He lives an hour away, and that makes it hard too. But on the other hand, because my separation is fairly recent, we haven't had time to allow our relationship to grow, and meet each others familys and friends. But who's to say he'll find time or make me important then? UGGGHHHH I'm so lost.

[laRubiaBonita]

so instead of you getting hurt ny him.....you will jump the gun and hurt him, which you really do not want to do, but it is better than you getting hurt.

 

so, you KNOW that you are screwwing your relationship over if you continue the way you are. And YOU are the one who needs to exhibit some self control over your impulse actions.

 

And they are JUST impulses!

 

You doo need to keep yourself busy.....why not wwrite a letter to your current bf, and yourself on how you feel. You do not need to mail it.

 

but uit will help get this stuff out, and then you can reread it and try and evaluate why your are feeling this way, what you think you want and what you actually need.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Ha i have to laugh every day I type out a long email and don't send it to him for that reason.

 

Then I feel good, then he doesn't call or email, or if something he says sits with me the wrong way, then I go online cuz I'm all upset and can't concentrate on anything or feel like doing anything.

 

I have course work to do, my housework, i can go to the gym if I don't have the kids, but still find myself back online because I like the compliments and attention that I get.

 

Yeah self control has always been an issue for me. And maybe this is all part of that roller coaster from my marriage breakdown and has nothing to do with him?

[Daisydoodles]

You've dated this fellow 7 months, and he's been traveling for some time. Four months after starting to date this man, you separated from your husband, who I presume is someone else? So you are still married, because you didn't say "divorced", you said "separated".

You've managed to screw around on your boyfriend, with whom you screwed around on your husband, and you don't think maybe there is a problem here?

I don't mean to sound insensitive, but this sounds almost like a troll post. I am baffled by the whole story.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

My husband and I are legally separated. In the eye of the courts we are free to screw around as you say.

 

We had agreed to separate about a month or so after we both knew the marriage was over but hadn't verbally acknowledged it, and by that time I was seeing my bf.

 

Yes, I have problems and I don't deal with them properly. I need help with this. I know I need counselling, but I don't have time right now. I cry alot, and I think that is a step in the right direction. With my bad marriage the last few years, I never cried, not once until about a month ago when I started missing my bf.

 

Sex with the bf is ten times better EVERY time than it ever has been ANY time I've had it with anyone else. Even this past weekend (oops I did it again!) See?

 

It's obvious that I can't wait for him after what I've done. I'm going to have to tell him when he calls tonight that I need to not be in a relationship, not even long distance, and no expectations for when he gets back. If we hook up when he gets back, it will only be if he can show that he has time for me, and I have to know myself that I am ready.

 

Wish me luck. What a mess.

[nancyrosa123]

I know exactly how you feel.

I fell out of love with my husband a long time ago.

I cultivated an online affair, in desperation.

I needed to feel loved and adored the way my husband had once loved and adored me.

I didn't feel guilt about it at all.

Which is unusual for me.

I am crazy in love with the man that I met online, and we have met in person.

He is married as well, and I have no expectations where we are concerned.

It is the first time he has stepped outside of his relationship, like me, and I would not have done that, if I thought it wasn't real.

I feel for you completely, and I understand what you need to obtain from your relationship.

We are all human, and we are all imperfect.

We try to get through each day with whatever fragments of sanity and knowledge we can get through.

You may cry on my shoulder if you want.

Let me cry on yours.

Then once we've done that, we can move onward with life and greet each day with the zest and passion that life has intended.

 

Good luck in your situation.

I hope it all works out for you in the best way possible.

Don't let the judgement of others impede your understanding of yourself.

You deserve happiness just like everyone else in this vast reality of ours.

It's okay to be human.

Always remember that.

 

All the best to you

 

 

Nancy:)