I CAN'T FORGET HIM

[sussieblue]

I need some advise. I broke up with my boyfriend like a month ago. We've been together for a year and a half. Well what happenned was that he went out with a co-worker and he said that he was confused,and I told him that how he could went out with that girl if we had made plans together, we talked about marriage, and a life together. And he just threw this plans in a second, the minute that he asked her out. He told me later that he didn't love her he just saw her as a desire, but a few days later he told me that he couldn't get her out of his mind, that he got the best sex he ever had in life. And after that i just realized that even if I love him I had to give up because how he could be so untruthful, how he just fell for her in a day, how he was so untrue. Now i tried to forget him, to take him out of my mind, but I can't. For him it was so easy to forget me and why for me it's not so. My question is :Is Sex so important in a guy that could destroy a solid relationship, even if the girl he is with now is not considered a good girl in her workplace?. In a future relationship, sex has to be a major role? I am so confused because i always thought the feelings, good attitudes, and respect were important in a relationship, not just sex. Or do I have to be a sex expert?

[Persephone]

I understand what you are going through. It sounds like the guy you're after is a jerk. I understand that you love him and you want a future with him, but this man obviously isn't ready to set aside his own selfish desires to settle down. I know it's really much harder to do than to say, but you really need to let this guy go. It will hurt for a while. But, once all of the wounds heal, you will realize that if you pursued a relationship with this person you wouldn't be able to trust him anyway.

 

Persephone

[sparkle]

Hold up just one second.....this guy cheated on you, slept with some other girl, and on top of that, he had the nerve to TELL you that it was the greatest sex he had?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!

 

AND YOU SAY YOU CAN'T FORGET ABOUT HIM???? Honey, if that isn't reason enough to get this jerk out of your mind and out of your life, I don't think any advice we give you will help.

 

What a jerk!!!

 

Okay your questions...

Is Sex so important in a guy that could destroy a solid relationship, even if the girl he is with now is not considered a good girl in her workplace?.

Don't let what this guy did make you think that all other guys are like that. To some, sex is important, while others are looking for a companion and someone to have a meaningful relationship with, without sex being the #1 priority.

 

Some guys just screw up and risk everything they had for a few minutes' worth of pleasure. At least you know that you're better off without a guy like him.

In a future relationship, sex has to be a major role?

Again, it all depends on the person. While I know many guys that think sex is very important, I know quite a few that want to hold out on sex until they're married or in a strong relationship. I don't think most guys are after JUST sex.

I am so confused because i always thought the feelings, good attitudes, and respect were important in a relationship, not just sex.

I agree with you. All of the above are important to you and important to many guys out there. You just had misfortune of meeting a guy that didn't consider these things to be as important. But you should feel happy that you found out now before this went any further and caused heartbreak in the future. Don't waste any more of your time on him.

[Miss Mojo]

hi susie,

 

you can't forget who you THOUGHT he was. sure, you've had some really special moments with this guy and have some great memories. generally speaking, you guys probably get along great. it's so easy to hang on to what you dreamed of with him, but look at the situation as it stands here and now in reality - this guy is someone you do not want to marry and have a future with. thank your lucky stars that marriage etc were only plans that weren't carried through.

 

the worst thing, in a situation like this, is that you probably didn't expect for the life of you that something like this would happen and that he would treat you like this. hence, you can't forget what he *used* to be like with you.

 

you wrote:

 

but a few days later he told me that he couldn't get her

 

out of his mind, that he got the best sex he ever had in life.

 

frankly, i find that a pitiful, low and disgusting statement to make TO A GIRLFRIEND!!! what is this guy on? who does he think he is to go saying things like that to you? that shows NO respect for your feelings at all. i'm just picturing it now, and it's making my blood boil. i've never heard of anything so inconsiderate. phwoar, he is going to get his comeuppance oneday for treating a person like that....

 

is Sex so important in a guy that could destroy a solid

 

relationship, even if the girl he is with now is not considered a good girl in her workplace?

 

it probably doesn't matter to him that she's got 'a reputation' in the workplace. he is just piss-weak and gave into temptation. he is also selfish and disrespectful. people in happy relationships will always find themselves attracted to other people. but whether or not they act on that temptation is a different story altogether. a lot of people can resist temptation and understand it's perfectly normal to be attracted to others, while other people succumb to temptation with no regards for the feelings of their partner whatsoever. and that latter is what your boyfriend has done. not to mention, this could be his way of telling you he's not ready to settle yet.

 

I am so confused because i always thought the feelings, good attitudes, and respect were important in a relationship, not just sex.

 

many people have these same views too. i think good attitudes, feelings and respect play a crucial role in a relationship, otherwise it just does not work. and it will not work the way you want it to with a shallow guy like him.

 

do I have to be a sex expert?

 

no, you don't have to be a sexpert at all. when someone truly loves a person, how good they are in bed or how experienced usually doens't matter at all, unless of course you are very sexually incompatible (different sex drives, like different things sexually).

 

sussieblue, please try and understand that in this huge, vast world of ours, there are millions of guys who would NEVER treat you like this guy has done. there are so many guys who have the same attitudes and values regarding sex that you do, and who will give you the respect you deserve. unfortunately, you stumbled across one who doesn't deserve you at all.

 

you will forget about him sussieblue. it will take time but when you start to get angry with him for what he's done to you, it will become a lot easier.

 

you will find your prince charming oneday. just be thankful this guy has stepped out of the picture to make way for a decent guy oneday and use this experience as one where you know what you will and will not put up with again.

[sussieblue]

I understand what you are going through. It sounds like the guy you're after is a jerk. I understand that you love him and you want a future with him, but this man obviously isn't ready to set aside his own selfish desires to settle down. I know it's really much harder to do than to say, but you really need to let this guy go. It will hurt for a while. But, once all of the wounds heal, you will realize that if you pursued a relationship with this person you wouldn't be able to trust him anyway. Persephone

Persephone, Thank you for your advice, it's hard to do,but I'll try. I hope you can see your ex as a friend or maybe during the time he hadn't been with you,he realized that you are the one. But for sure you are somebody special in his life.

[sussieblue]

Hold up just one second.....this guy cheated on you, slept with some other girl, and on top of that, he had the nerve to TELL you that it was the greatest sex he had?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!

 

AND YOU SAY YOU CAN'T FORGET ABOUT HIM???? Honey, if that isn't reason enough to get this jerk out of your mind and out of your life, I don't think any advice we give you will help.

 

What a jerk!!! Okay your questions... Don't let what this guy did make you think that all other guys are like that. To some, sex is important, while others are looking for a companion and someone to have a meaningful relationship with, without sex being the #1 priority. Some guys just screw up and risk everything they had for a few minutes' worth of pleasure. At least you know that you're better off without a guy like him. Again, it all depends on the person. While I know many guys that think sex is very important, I know quite a few that want to hold out on sex until they're married or in a strong relationship. I don't think most guys are after JUST sex. I agree with you. All of the above are important to you and important to many guys out there. You just had misfortune of meeting a guy that didn't consider these things to be as important. But you should feel happy that you found out now before this went any further and caused heartbreak in the future. Don't waste any more of your time on him.

Sparkle,I really thank you for the answer to my post. thanks for remind me how superficial he was in love.

[sussieblue]

hi susie, you can't forget who you THOUGHT he was. sure, you've had some really special moments with this guy and have some great memories. generally speaking, you guys probably get along great. it's so easy to hang on to what you dreamed of with him, but look at the situation as it stands here and now in reality - this guy is someone you do not want to marry and have a future with. thank your lucky stars that marriage etc were only plans that weren't carried through. the worst thing, in a situation like this, is that you probably didn't expect for the life of you that something like this would happen and that he would treat you like this. hence, you can't forget what he *used* to be like with you.

 

you wrote: but a few days later he told me that he couldn't get her out of his mind, that he got the best sex he ever had in life. frankly, i find that a pitiful, low and disgusting statement to make TO A GIRLFRIEND!!! what is this guy on? who does he think he is to go saying things like that to you? that shows NO respect for your feelings at all. i'm just picturing it now, and it's making my blood boil. i've never heard of anything so inconsiderate. phwoar, he is going to get his comeuppance oneday for treating a person like that.... is Sex so important in a guy that could destroy a solid relationship, even if the girl he is with now is not considered a good girl in her workplace?

 

it probably doesn't matter to him that she's got 'a reputation' in the workplace. he is just piss-weak and gave into temptation. he is also selfish and disrespectful. people in happy relationships will always find themselves attracted to other people. but whether or not they act on that temptation is a different story altogether. a lot of people can resist temptation and understand it's perfectly normal to be attracted to others, while other people succumb to temptation with no regards for the feelings of their partner whatsoever. and that latter is what your boyfriend has done. not to mention, this could be his way of telling you he's not ready to settle yet. I am so confused because i always thought the feelings, good attitudes, and respect were important in a relationship, not just sex. many people have these same views too. i think good attitudes, feelings and respect play a crucial role in a relationship, otherwise it just does not work. and it will not work the way you want it to with a shallow guy like him. do I have to be a sex expert? no, you don't have to be a sexpert at all. when someone truly loves a person, how good they are in bed or how experienced usually doens't matter at all, unless of course you are very sexually incompatible (different sex drives, like different things sexually). sussieblue, please try and understand that in this huge, vast world of ours, there are millions of guys who would NEVER treat you like this guy has done. there are so many guys who have the same attitudes and values regarding sex that you do, and who will give you the respect you deserve. unfortunately, you stumbled across one who doesn't deserve you at all. you will forget about him sussieblue. it will take time but when you start to get angry with him for what he's done to you, it will become a lot easier. you will find your prince charming oneday. just be thankful this guy has stepped out of the picture to make way for a decent guy oneday and use this experience as one where you know what you will and will not put up with again.

Miss Mojo; I really thank you for the words you said and the way you told me your thoughts,it was like you really cared for what I've been going through. Really when i read what you guys wrote to me, there were tears running my cheek, for being so fool in holding on to him. He didn't act well and loyal in our relationship and even if he calls or want to see me I have to be strong and remember always what he did so i can't give him any space in my life. I'll try now. It's hard but it's how it has to be.

 

THANK YOU GUYS!!! for helping me. I'll reccommend this place to friends. You are GREAT!!!

[sussieblue]

hi susie, you can't forget who you THOUGHT he was. sure, you've had some really special moments with this guy and have some great memories. generally speaking, you guys probably get along great. it's so easy to hang on to what you dreamed of with him, but look at the situation as it stands here and now in reality - this guy is someone you do not want to marry and have a future with. thank your lucky stars that marriage etc were only plans that weren't carried through. the worst thing, in a situation like this, is that you probably didn't expect for the life of you that something like this would happen and that he would treat you like this. hence, you can't forget what he *used* to be like with you.

 

you wrote: but a few days later he told me that he couldn't get her out of his mind, that he got the best sex he ever had in life. frankly, i find that a pitiful, low and disgusting statement to make TO A GIRLFRIEND!!! what is this guy on? who does he think he is to go saying things like that to you? that shows NO respect for your feelings at all. i'm just picturing it now, and it's making my blood boil. i've never heard of anything so inconsiderate. phwoar, he is going to get his comeuppance oneday for treating a person like that.... is Sex so important in a guy that could destroy a solid relationship, even if the girl he is with now is not considered a good girl in her workplace?

 

it probably doesn't matter to him that she's got 'a reputation' in the workplace. he is just piss-weak and gave into temptation. he is also selfish and disrespectful. people in happy relationships will always find themselves attracted to other people. but whether or not they act on that temptation is a different story altogether. a lot of people can resist temptation and understand it's perfectly normal to be attracted to others, while other people succumb to temptation with no regards for the feelings of their partner whatsoever. and that latter is what your boyfriend has done. not to mention, this could be his way of telling you he's not ready to settle yet. I am so confused because i always thought the feelings, good attitudes, and respect were important in a relationship, not just sex. many people have these same views too. i think good attitudes, feelings and respect play a crucial role in a relationship, otherwise it just does not work. and it will not work the way you want it to with a shallow guy like him. do I have to be a sex expert? no, you don't have to be a sexpert at all. when someone truly loves a person, how good they are in bed or how experienced usually doens't matter at all, unless of course you are very sexually incompatible (different sex drives, like different things sexually). sussieblue, please try and understand that in this huge, vast world of ours, there are millions of guys who would NEVER treat you like this guy has done. there are so many guys who have the same attitudes and values regarding sex that you do, and who will give you the respect you deserve. unfortunately, you stumbled across one who doesn't deserve you at all. you will forget about him sussieblue. it will take time but when you start to get angry with him for what he's done to you, it will become a lot easier. you will find your prince charming oneday. just be thankful this guy has stepped out of the picture to make way for a decent guy oneday and use this experience as one where you know what you will and will not put up with again.

[Miss Mojo]

hi sussie,

 

what is so wonderful about this place is the many caring people who post responses to advice when it is requested.

 

even though i don't personally know you, what i wrote came from me as though i was saying it to a good friend of mine. if i had a friend of mine who was in the same situation as you, i would have said exactly the same thing i said to you. people do care, and that's why people respond to posts empathy is a wonderful trait to possess. we are all human with emotions, we all need advice and that's what i love about this place - the genuine advice of strangers who don't know you from a bar of soap, but still have your best interests, as a person, in mind.

 

i hope all goes well for you sussie, and just remember to hold your head high and tell him where to go if he doesn't leave you alone. he wouldn't know what loyalty and respect were if they jumped up and bit him on the bum. but you do, and that's where you totally have it over him. with your values and attitude, and a bit of time on your side, you will find the happiness you deserve. a lot of us here can relate to the pain you're feeling, but i promise you, you will get over this.

 

:)

[sussieblue]

hi sussie, what is so wonderful about this place is the many caring people who post responses to advice when it is requested. even though i don't personally know you, what i wrote came from me as though i was saying it to a good friend of mine. if i had a friend of mine who was in the same situation as you, i would have said exactly the same thing i said to you. people do care, and that's why people respond to posts empathy is a wonderful trait to possess. we are all human with emotions, we all need advice and that's what i love about this place - the genuine advice of strangers who don't know you from a bar of soap, but still have your best interests, as a person, in mind. i hope all goes well for you sussie, and just remember to hold your head high and tell him where to go if he doesn't leave you alone. he wouldn't know what loyalty and respect were if they jumped up and bit him on the bum. but you do, and that's where you totally have it over him. with your values and attitude, and a bit of time on your side, you will find the happiness you deserve. a lot of us here can relate to the pain you're feeling, but i promise you, you will get over this. :) God. This is one of the best things that happened in life. To find friends with good advices, without knowing you and feeling the problem and giving you points of view that help see it more clear. It's like a familiar chat or a very close dialogue with people well oriented. I don't know how I came here, but that moment will become one of my favorites precious moments in life. I came here because i didn't want to talk with my friends about this problem again. I felt like they had too much with it, because they saw me sad, confused or asking me if he had called me again. But even i said to everybody i was ok., i wasn't honest because the pain was still there. I don't say now that i forgot him but i'm working in that process. You really helped me a lot. I consider your advice very professional. Thank you from the deep inside of me!!!I hope that next time i will give you better news, and of course i wish that you have a great life because you are a special bright person. I'm gonna try to encourage myself to give advice to somebody who needs help too. THANK YOU!!!