Mum caught me with my gf and kicked me out of home.

[Gloria25]

Of course we have had those discussions but not about anything major. She doesn't want me to drink at home or smoke pot and we have butted heads over that but we've always kept the dialogue open and worked through things. Having sex at home was never discussed but mum made sure I was on the pill and that I always have condoms before I go out so she clearly thinks there's at least a chance that I was sexually active.

 

So you smoke pot, drink and have sex...all while under 17 and under your mom's care? Also, you and your mom "butt heads" over stuff?

 

Again, I don't think this has to so with sexual orientation, your mom is probably fed up and this was the last straw.

 

Like it or not until you're on your own, your parents are legally and financially responsible for you. That's why parents make rules. Not cuz they are "mean" and/or "don't get you" and/or "don't know what you can handle". It's cuz with responsibility comes the perks you want (sex, pot smoking, drinking).

 

I think you should stop all the pot smoking, drinking, dating, and buckle down, concentrate on school and get you a job/jobs on the side and support your mum.

 

You should be kissing your mum's feet cuz that as a single mother, she's working hard to put a roof over your head. If it were me, as mum is walking through the door, I'd have dinner ready, he favorite pair of slippers and greet her with a hug and kiss on the regular.

Edited August 2, 2015 by Gloria25

[jen1447]

Did your mum eventually come around? How is your relationship with her now?

 

Our relationship's great. She wasn't as reactionary as your mom to begin with. Bscly I'd bring girls home and it was before she realized I was bi, so she assumed it was all just friendsy stuff, but then she caught me with one and that 'secret' was exposed. She wasn't real happy w/the fooling around and also to find out about my sexuality that way (I had only just started 'practicing bi' that year), but she didn't go nuts and also I was pretty bold from a young age so I think she knew she wasn't gonna win any battles at that point already. Plus I was going away to college soon so me living there was kinda moot. My dad was a little worse and still doesn't fully embrace it with me, but he's good about it in that the sh*t he gives me is good natured.

 

Anyway they both accepted it in their way and things got back on track quickly. Like I said, my mom knew it wasn't gonna change at that point so she embraced my GFs and just started treating them like BFs - feeding them when they were over and all that. It was a slower road for my dad but he knew he wasn't gonna win either so it was a battle that was never really fought.

 

It's funny that I only really figured this out recently but I'm pretty sure my older sister actually did the same thing before me.

[Giggle]

Geez. My daughter told me when she was 13. And that she'd made out with her bestfriend the year before. Ok then. Probably helps that I'd thought about it myself

 

 

Have you apologized to your mom for skipping school for sex??

[Robert Z]

You should be kissing your mum's feet cuz that as a single mother, she's working hard to put a roof over your head. If it were me, as mum is walking through the door, I'd have dinner ready, he favorite pair of slippers and greet her with a hug and kiss on the regular.

 

 

Haha, well that would make her the most amazing 17 yo in the history of the human race.

[Gloria25]

Haha, well that would make her the most amazing 17 yo in the history of the human race.

 

There "are" kids - even younger than 17 - who take on a "care taking" role - if you will.

 

I had to grow up quick. My parents - unlike the OP - were selfish and self-absorbed. One day my mum just "quit" cooking, cleaning, etc.

 

My sister and I (mind you I only said "one" sister) would cook (well, she'd cook) and I'd clean, wash, do bills, etc. I just wanted to "help" wherever I could in the house to make things happy and/or "normal" I guess.

 

Not every teen/tween is self absorbed and worried about themselves. So, I was hoping to enlighten the OP because I think she's seeing this as an issue of sexual orientation while I just see it as another 17 year old who wants things their way like Burger King.

 

See, depends on how her mum raised her too. I mean, as young as 3 yrs old, you gotta give your kids things to do (i.e. put up their toys) and as they get older you give them chores. You teach them that in a "family" we help each other.

 

I had that struggle with my little brother and mum. I would give him chores (i.e. doing the dishes) not cuz my mom couldn't do them - I wanted to teach him work ethic and that in this "family" we all help each other.

 

So, again, I think the OP needs to look at the bigger picture here. She has a single mum with the weight of the world on her shoulders and last thing she needs is a 17 yr old giving her more grief by sneaking out of class to make out with a person who is older than her and a legal adult (who also needs to get her act together. I mean, 22 yr old and still living with her parents too? ).

[Vicki and Astrid]

So you smoke pot, drink and have sex...all while under 17 and under your mom's care? Also, you and your mom "butt heads" over stuff?

 

I think you should stop all the pot smoking, drinking, dating, and buckle down, concentrate on school and get you a job/jobs on the side and support your mum.

 

I take your view on board but I just want to put this into some perspective.

 

I smoke pot very occasionally, like maybe once every 3 months.

 

I drink occasionally, like once a fortnight and mum knows this and buys the alcohol if I need her to.

 

I have sex, big deal, who isn't at 17? I have had three partners, my ex (4 months), a one night stand mistake and now my girlfriend (9 months). I'm hardly sleeping around.

 

I have a job (after school hours) but as any job for a young person the pay is pathetic. I have offered mum to pay board but she wont take it.

 

My school work is fine. I may not be a straight A student but my grades are in the top 20% and easily enough to get me to university.

 

I'm not sharing all this to argue against your view but just to add some perspective. I have plenty of friends around 17 (obviously) and I am an angel compared to some of them.

 

I might when I get some time type up a dialogue of what happened the other night so people can see exactly how and how much her attitude changed when she realised I was with a girl. You may be right and maybe there are some other issues that I am not aware of but her homophobia was/is real.

[Vicki and Astrid]

Geez. My daughter told me when she was 13. And that she'd made out with her bestfriend the year before. Ok then. Probably helps that I'd thought about it myself

 

You thought about making out with your 13 years old daughters best friend yourself ??

 

Ewww

 

<joke>

 

Have you apologized to your mom for skipping school for sex??

 

Not in person, but I have via text message. It's not as bad as it sounds though, we have 6 periods at school and on that day I had the middle two free and the last two a class where I am 2 months ahead on the rest of the class. The teacher has told me that I can skip class when I want as long as I tell him if I need to catch up on other subjects. So I only really skipped to first two periods.

[Vicki and Astrid]

a person who is older than her and a legal adult (who also needs to get her act together. I mean, 22 yr old and still living with her parents too? ).

 

Why does she need to get her act together? What is wrong living at home at 22? As explained earlier it is in a bungalow out the back yard, separate utilities, separate phone etc. She does all her own cooking, cleaning, shopping etc. Pays all her own bills. The only thing she doesn't have compared to if she moved out is that she has no rent to pay here which is saved towards a deposit for her own home eventually. I think your summation of her is harsh.

[crederer]

Well to be fair it's pretty stupid to have sex in an area where you are likely to get caught at your age. My mom would flip if I was 17 and banging a 22 year old in her kitchen because no mother wants to see their kid having sex. She'll get over it.

Edited August 4, 2015 by crederer

[Giggle]

Idk. Parents suck. Except me but I help my kids rebel and have strange conversations. So I'm always a little lost why people get bent out of shape about dumb things.

[Quiet Storm]

It was 1992. My husband (then BF) and I were having sex in his room. I was 16. We were listening to Pearl Jam "Black" on repeat. His mom opened the door and saw us both completely naked. She gave me a look of disgust. I got dressed and ran home in tears. I was so embarrassed.

 

About a month later, I had snuck out in the middle of the night and went to his house. We were in his room, when we heard pounding on the door. I looked through the curtain and it was my dad! This was when he did coke/crack. I laid under a pile of blankets on the floor, hiding. We heard my husband's mom answer the door, thankfully she told him I wasn't there. He left. Then she came to his room, opened the door. He was pretending like he was sleeping. All the sudden I felt her grab my foot!

 

She ended up loving me:).

 

I think your mom is just in shock. Give her some time. I know I'm not your mom, but it would not bother me at all if my kids are LGBT. I love them, no matter what.

 

If she doesn't come around, then you must learn to be on your own. Some people's parents will never understand them. Some people have parents that are toxic. Do you have other family members that will help you?

 

You also have to respect your mom's space. My son is 19 and one time my dog trotted out of his room with a used condom in her mouth. I didn't care about him having sex, but it bothered me that he was irresponsible about his cleanup (he has a 12 YO sister & 11 YO brother that saw a condom dangling out of her mouth). I didn't want it to be "in my face".

[Vicki and Astrid]

Do you have other family members that will help you?

 

I have been living with my Aunty (mum's twin) for the last few days. She spoke to mum on my behalf and since then I have spoken to mum on the phone. I am meeting her this weekend to discuss living arrangements. She is happy for me to come home but has set some (quite a few actually) house rules. I understand it's her house and I am happy to comply with all the rules except for one. No sex in the house, leave the door open to my room etc I will live with but she is demanding I break-up with my girlfriend before she will let me back home. I wont do that but I did offer to just never bring her around at all ever but that wasn't good enough for mum, hopefully we can reach a compromise tomorrow.

 

I did also learnt some rather startling facts about mum when she was younger and suffice to say she is being very much hypocritical with her stance now after the things I now know she got up to.

[Got it]

I have been living with my Aunty (mum's twin) for the last few days. She spoke to mum on my behalf and since then I have spoken to mum on the phone. I am meeting her this weekend to discuss living arrangements. She is happy for me to come home but has set some (quite a few actually) house rules. I understand it's her house and I am happy to comply with all the rules except for one. No sex in the house, leave the door open to my room etc I will live with but she is demanding I break-up with my girlfriend before she will let me back home. I wont do that but I did offer to just never bring her around at all ever but that wasn't good enough for mum, hopefully we can reach a compromise tomorrow.

 

I did also learnt some rather startling facts about mum when she was younger and suffice to say she is being very much hypocritical with her stance now after the things I now know she got up to.

 

Sorry that is life. I was taught their home, their rules, regardless of what they did at your age.

 

You don't like it then don't live there.

 

My parents were not fans of sex with my boyfriend/(future husband) when I was 17 nor when I was 22 if in their house. So I followed their rules until I had my own place.

 

Them the breaks kid.

[Robert Z]

I did also learnt some rather startling facts about mum when she was younger and suffice to say she is being very much hypocritical with her stance now after the things I now know she got up to.

 

 

I wondered. When a parent overreacts it generally indicates there is some personal baggage.

[sandylee1]

So if she still refuses to let you home because you won't break up with your GF, then what will you do?

Continue living with your Aunt?

How long can you do that.

 

There are things I did when I was younger, that I won't have my kids doing. It's not hypocritical, it's knowing you shouldn't have done it and not wanting them to go down that path.

 

Of course getting caught makes all the difference. I had strict parents and the only guy I actually brought home to meet them was my husband. That's not to say I didn't have a few other BFs .

 

I hope your discussions go well.

[Vicki and Astrid]

There are things I did when I was younger, that I won't have my kids doing. It's not hypocritical, it's knowing you shouldn't have done it and not wanting them to go down that path.

 

I have no doubt about that but having a same sex partner surely isn't one of those things. Anyway I am off to mums now, I am very nervous. I really want to go back home but I will not give up my girlfriend to do it.

 

And before someone here says it, I was told elsewhere that I should reconsider that because it probably wont last with my girlfriend. That may or may not be true, only time will tell, but who says the next person I fall for wont be a woman? And if it is then what happens then? I just hope mum understands.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Live somewhere else & have your mom pay you're room & board until you're an adult. If she refuses call social services on her. She has to either provide you a home or pay, until you're a legal adult. Tell her to piss off about your girlfriend. Send her a pic with you two kissing. She needs to get over her homophobia. Ask her if she wants to be disowned by you.

[whichwayisup]

Hi, we realise this is a U.S based forum after reading some of the threads but we liked the look of the site and the advice given so we thought we'd post anyway. We are in Australia. When I say we, it's me and my girlfriend, we will both be reading any replies and both answering.

 

The simple question, if you don't want to read a more detailed explanation to come, is how do you deal with a homophobic parent? I don't like labels but if I had to classify myself I would call myself bi-sexual currently in a relationship with another girl.

 

We have been together 9 months and we have kept it pretty much a secret because we were unsure ourselves but have been "coming out" to our friends recently who all pretty much have a blasé attitude towards it.

 

I skipped school on Thursday to be with my girlfriend and we were home at my place. Mum came home, we didn't here her and she walked in on us. She screamed for us to get our clothes on and get out to the kitchen. I came out first apologising but mum just wanted to see "him" and when "he" came out and "he" was a "she" well mum lost it. I never thought for a minute mum was homophobic but she clearly is.

 

I was told to "get out" and so I have spent the last few nights at my girlfriends house. Her parents are really cool about it although she is a little bit older so maybe that has something to do with it? I have texted mum to tell her where I am, I have tried to ring as well but she is ignoring me. The only reply that I did get was to say she would be out of the house between certain hours and I should get whatever clothes I need then.

 

I love my mum, I want her in my life, how can I fix this? I am not going to throw away my girlfriend who I love just to get on my mums good side because even if I did that I am still bi-sexual (she has offered that btw). I know time will help but is there anything I can do in the meantime to help mum understand or to help speed up the process? I have been told I can stay here as long as I want but I feel like I'm intruding and in any case I want my room, my house and my mum.

 

I am really disappointed that my mum has this attitude but I fear confronting her with her bigotry will do nothing to help and only drive a wedge between us. On the other hand I believe I should be true to myself and be who I am and this is who I am so I shouldn't compromise.

 

I/We are open to any and all thoughts on this except please don't turn this into a God says it's a sin argument, we don't believe in that.

 

Thanks

 

I hope it's just your mom being angry that she caught you in bed PERIOD and that she would have had the same reaction if it was a boy. I hope she's not homophobic! And hopefully in a day or two she calms down and talks to you openly and with respect. good that your gf's family is allowing you to stay with them.

 

You are who you are and she needs to love and support you regardless.

 

Don't change who you are. Ever. Not even for your parents, this is YOUR life to live and you do what makes you happy.

[whichwayisup]

I have no doubt about that but having a same sex partner surely isn't one of those things. Anyway I am off to mums now, I am very nervous. I really want to go back home but I will not give up my girlfriend to do it.

 

And before someone here says it, I was told elsewhere that I should reconsider that because it probably wont last with my girlfriend. That may or may not be true, only time will tell, but who says the next person I fall for wont be a woman? And if it is then what happens then? I just hope mum understands.

 

Whomever told you that at another site is a complete idiot!!

 

You are open to falling in love with a guy or a girl and that isn't change by doing what your mom wants you to do.

 

Your mom will come around. She better!!

[Giggle]

There is a huge difference between not wanting your kids to do something you did and being an ass about it. Blowing up and insisting that she break up with her gf? That's bs and is gonna drive a wedge between them.

 

The one thing that hasn't been mentioned that I've seen is the age difference. That really bothers a lot of people and possibly the mom feels like the older gf is taking advantage and corrupting the minor..

 

If she sees the gf as pulling you into destructive behavior, I could see the insisting on breaking up. BUT. That is not a helpful stance to pull. And kicking you out of the house isn't going to help keep you from corruption. One of those narrow minded things that I hate to see. I think your compromise about not bringing your gf around was a good one. Though it seems your mom needs to grow the Fk up.

 

It is also possible that she feels you betrayed her trust by hiding the fact she was your gf and not just a friend. That is what would upset me. If my kids blatantly lied about that.

[Giggle]

 

Don't change who you are. Ever. Not even for your parents, this is YOUR life to live and you do what makes you happy.

 

this. Be YOU

[sandylee1]

. Tell her to piss off about your girlfriend. Send her a pic with you two kissing.

 

If you want to live with her, this isn't the way to go about it. It's just rude and disrespectful and won't go down well at all.

 

I'm sure you wouldn't do it anyway, you sound more sensible than that.

[jen1447]

True. You win that battle thru determination, not rebellion. Rebellion's for teenagers, determination and poise are for adults.

[crederer]

I take your view on board but I just want to put this into some perspective.

 

I smoke pot very occasionally, like maybe once every 3 months.

 

I drink occasionally, like once a fortnight and mum knows this and buys the alcohol if I need her to.

 

I have sex, big deal, who isn't at 17? I have had three partners, my ex (4 months), a one night stand mistake and now my girlfriend (9 months). I'm hardly sleeping around.

 

I have a job (after school hours) but as any job for a young person the pay is pathetic. I have offered mum to pay board but she wont take it.

 

My school work is fine. I may not be a straight A student but my grades are in the top 20% and easily enough to get me to university.

 

I'm not sharing all this to argue against your view but just to add some perspective. I have plenty of friends around 17 (obviously) and I am an angel compared to some of them.

 

I might when I get some time type up a dialogue of what happened the other night so people can see exactly how and how much her attitude changed when she realised I was with a girl. You may be right and maybe there are some other issues that I am not aware of but her homophobia was/is real.

 

Yah everything you are saying is accurate of how I was at your age. And if my mum caught me fuggin' I can guarentee you she'd still be pissed. You have to understand that just because you're doing decent for a person of your age doesn't mean your mom should accept you clam slamming on her kitchen table.

[Vicki and Astrid]

So I had dinner with mum last night and to be honest I'm not really sure how it went. Things are certainly different though.

 

Apparently according to mum it is all about trust. She has put her trust in me to make the right decisions, she put me on the pill in case I was going to have sex but trusted that I would pick the right time, she made sure I always had condoms in case I was going to have sex but trusted I wouldn't until I was ready. Look this went on for a while with a lot of different examples. She says she is upset that I didn't trust her enough to tell her I was interested in girls and then that the girl I was bringing home was my girlfriend.

 

You know what, I actually understood that and felt a little bit guilty.

 

As the night went on as much as mum tried by saying she accepts me and my girlfriend and welcomes her in our home there was the slip ups that show her true feelings.

 

Comments like "when you're finished with this little experiment" and "if you told me you were interested in girls we could have worked around it" (WTF does that even mean?!), "we'll have to sort something out to tell my (mums) friends" and "Isn't it much more fun with a boy". She just doesn't get it but I'm not sure she is so much homophobic more than just confused and maybe a little shocked.

 

She has asked me to move back home and says my girlfriend is welcome with some house rules which are fair enough but I'm not sure I want the constant snide remarks especially when I have my girlfriend over. I really want to move back home but mum clearly is not fully accepting of who I am. I don't know whether being home and having it in her face will help or hinder. I can just imagine after I finish my homework and I tell mum I'm going out for a while with my girlfriend that it will not just be a simple "ok enjoy yourself". But if I was going out with a boy she will be making sure I have taken the pill, I have condoms and give me a wink on the way out. Maybe that's not fair, maybe I'm exaggerating but that's what it feels like.

 

I told mum I would think about it and that I was staying at my Aunty's still and she burst into tears, I felt guilty leaving. When my girlfriend picked me up to take me to my Aunty's mum was all like "oh, so you're going with her". That doesn't translate well in words but it was vicious. I think that shows her true colours and makes a move home impossible at the moment.

 

How does everyone here read what happened. I can go into more detail if people think it will help.

 

I'm so glad I have friends that just couldn't care less if I was with a boy or girl. And of course my girlfriends parents are great and my Aunty but you know what, I want my mum.