BROKENOW Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 I have to get out and have had several offers. Kissing MM alone just made me so happy I can't imagine replicating that. Our kisses were better than any sex. In my whole life I've never felt such immense passion (I'm not without experience either) I miss intimacy, touching me though, his breath on my neck but I can't go without affection. Yesterday a man I met with friends... Lovely Guy, attractive, tried to kiss me goodnight. I felt dead) - : kill me.... Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Keep going... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 It takes time, probably about 6-8 weeks for the worst of it to pass off - as long as you're strict with yourself about NC. Also find wholesome distractions to stay busy so you can't brood. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Most of us go through a period after a break up where we're almost repulsed by anyone else, this is normal, it doesn't last forever. While some people say that you get over one person by getting under a new one, I don't find this to be true ., especially if you were in love or really attached to the first person. For me, rebounds usually repulsed me or any sense of relief was short-lived before I started comparing them to my ex and finding that they didn't match up. I think this is what's happening to you. You simply need more time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
norudder Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Most of us go through a period after a break up where we're almost repulsed by anyone else, this is normal, it doesn't last forever. While some people say that you get over one person by getting under a new one, I don't find this to be true ., especially if you were in love or really attached to the first person. For me, rebounds usually repulsed me or any sense of relief was short-lived before I started comparing them to my ex and finding that they didn't match up. I think this is what's happening to you. You simply need more time. Hoping miss bee is right. I'm feeling the same. Last few dates were a nice time but did nothing for me. There was a little attraction with one because I had a little history as a friend already and there was a kiss but if I hadn't had two glasses of wine I don't know it would've happened because I don't really desire to do it again even though he and the kiss were 'nice'. I don't feel I'm betraying mm anymore but the heartstrings are still there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 I'm in NC but would love for a man to kiss me. I think I am at a different place though. (I was once where you were so I understand) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 I have to get out and have had several offers. Kissing MM alone just made me so happy I can't imagine replicating that. Our kisses were better than any sex. In my whole life I've never felt such immense passion (I'm not without experience either) I miss intimacy, touching me though, his breath on my neck but I can't go without affection. Yesterday a man I met with friends... Lovely Guy, attractive, tried to kiss me goodnight. I felt dead) - : kill me.... Allow yourself to grieve and get over (ex)MM before kissing or dating other guys. You're in no shape to be intimate or let anybody close to you right now. Of course you felt nothing for this other nice guy, you're sooo not ready to date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 You will get over that or you aren't human. YOu just need a bit more time and distance between you and the end of the A. Poppy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BROKENOW Posted August 2, 2015 Author Share Posted August 2, 2015 The affair ended a year ago but we remain in contact. How can it take this long? I met him last about 3 weeks ago and he said he's not intimate with his wife even though he wants to just be friends. I should tell him to f... off. I hate him for H urting me so much Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 The affair ended a year ago but we remain in contact. How can it take this long? I met him last about 3 weeks ago and he said he's not intimate with his wife even though he wants to just be friends. I should tell him to f... off. I hate him for H urging me so much You've been split for a year, you should be getting over him. The contact is hurting you. And, unlike the others, with this much time, I'd argue to date... you don't have to get serious, but just to get out and meet others can help you take you mind off him. You might find someone going thru similar and can support each other. Just being friends with him for now will be hard on you. You CAN get over him, but will take some effort. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 As long as you still believe so strongly in this "fairytale" OM, you are not being fair to yourself or to anyone else dating at all until you work it out. You are not a safe partner for any unsuspecting man to be with. This is a struggle you should conquer with yourself. Until you are confident that if your Prince calls you and you will not go running, you will then start any new relationship in an EA in your mind. There is nothing wrong with missing an old flame a little. A lot of people do that. But right now all other men are "frogs" to your Prince Charming who is NOT with you because he has chosen his wife. Get yourself some serious IC and stop trying to use innocent guys as an "aspirin" until you can look at them as someone worthy of kissing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nikki76 Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 (edited) The affair ended a year ago but we remain in contact. How can it take this long? I met him last about 3 weeks ago and he said he's not intimate with his wife even though he wants to just be friends. I should tell him to f... off. I hate him for H urting me so much It's hurting you so much and you can't move on because you are still in contact with him.. It's not fair to you, if he has no intention of leaving his wife. Tell him to f... off and block the jerk. In my opinion, he doesn't even deserve that, just block him so you can start to move on with the rest of your life. The way xmm and I kissed was something I've never experienced in my life. That's what I missed the most. But, now i see, thise were just kisses. Being treated like a women, with respect and dignity will outweigh any moments of hot passInate kissing. You will one day see that. Edited August 2, 2015 by nikki76 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 The affair ended a year ago but we remain in contact. Then you are not in NC, like your thread title states. No contact is the only way you will move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
m4p Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 This is normal and this will pass to only if you let it! Unfortunately you're not in NC if you're still in contact. He's still holding on to a part of you and vice versa. That's not healthy if you really wanna move on. I went on a brief date a few months after the A with xMM ended.... The guy was someone I dated briefly a few years back and he was really really nice. we went to my place to watch a movie, I started CRYING when he made his moves on me. It was so embarrassing and awkward. Thankfully he and I understood that I'm just not ready (even for a kiss). I thought I was ready. But apparently I was not. This happens to everybody after an end of a relationship I guess. You just got to give it time and truly ask yourself if you're still harbouring any hopes on your xMM. A mental block is way more powerful than a physical one. Give it time! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 The affair ended a year ago but we remain in contact. How can it take this long? I met him last about 3 weeks ago and he said he's not intimate with his wife even though he wants to just be friends. I should tell him to f... off. I hate him for H urting me so much Why are you still wasting your time with this con man? Where is it GETTING you? Yeah, I thought so. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 The larger part of any affair is make-believe and fantasy. They exist on the very edge of reality. If you care at all about your own wellbeing, give up the fantasy, and replace it with something ( and someone) real. Stop kidding yourself that you're doing NC when you aren't, and do it for real. Then you can focus on your healing. Take care. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BROKENOW Posted August 2, 2015 Author Share Posted August 2, 2015 No it was no fantasy... We went through real emoitional trauma splitting up I'm in love with a man with no balls. I called the nice guy....i have to try . Thanks for trying to help me folks Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Hoping miss bee is right. I'm feeling the same. Last few dates were a nice time but did nothing for me. There was a little attraction with one because I had a little history as a friend already and there was a kiss but if I hadn't had two glasses of wine I don't know it would've happened because I don't really desire to do it again even though he and the kiss were 'nice'. I don't feel I'm betraying mm anymore but the heartstrings are still there. I am;). I know from experience. Multiple experiences at that lol. I know that NC, having your heartbroken, detaching, all those things feel awful and like it will never end and you'll always feel awful and think of MM and you won't ever be happy again with anyone but him....totally not true! It's the normal irrational thing you feel now as you're detaching, but as you keep going, slowly you see the light at the end of the tunnel and start feeling like a real person again who is capable of loving or simply being kissed by someone else. I in fact can remember the first time after the ending of each of my relationships when I began to feel "whole" again and when I first went out with someone that I actually liked and felt excited about without it being any kind of comparison, and then it's like wow....I feel normal! I am just a single woman dating again and I'm excited! It takes a bit of time but it eventually happens. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BROKENOW Posted August 2, 2015 Author Share Posted August 2, 2015 10 yeasrs is a big chunk. I saw and also spoke every dasy for the lasst 3. He never went on n holiday. I never thiught he'd stay. I can't believe in love. I miss him so much like he just died. In some wasy it wouild be eassuer if he had. ,(can't type for tears,) Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 The affair ended a year ago but we remain in contact. How can it take this long? I met him last about 3 weeks ago and he said he's not intimate with his wife even though he wants to just be friends. I should tell him to f... off. I hate him for H urting me so much You two can't be friends, how can you even begin to get over him if you're still in contact and meeting up with him? If the sex has stopped between you two and he's still a 'friend' this is now an emotional affair which just feeds your feelings for him, no wonder you can't date other men. You're nowhere near over him. Yes you should tell him to F OFF. He chose to stay married, the A is over so really there's no point in staying in touch. Go no contact after you tell him to leave you alone and to respect your wishes. Only then will you truly begin your grieving process. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 The affair ended a year ago but we remain in contact. How can it take this long? I met him last about 3 weeks ago and he said he's not intimate with his wife even though he wants to just be friends. I should tell him to f... off. I hate him for H urting me so much That is so CRAZY he is telling you such private info about his sex life. It doesn't seem like XAP appropriate behavior to be discussing his sex life. I couldn't handle that even if we were still together. Always kept intimacy with our spouses a private subject. I didnt want to know...he never asked. Its none of the others business...especially when A is ended. Id cut him out if you ever want to move on. A year later and a simple kiss with another is difficult? Your missing life. Regardless what he tells u, he IS intimate with his wife and meanwhile your still pining, come on now. Live YOUR life. Link to post Share on other sites
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