GoodOnPaper Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 If you have never read the introduction to The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida, you might find it interesting. I'm a big believer in compatibility along the masculine/feminine spectrum. Yes, you are trying to overthink things, but I'd suggest that you listen to your instincts -- she may not be quite far enough on the feminine side of the spectrum as you are on the masculine side. Even a slight mismatch can set off your Spidey-sense. You'd feel it, too, if a woman was further on the feminine side of the spectrum than you are on the masculine. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Pogo--give it about 3 more dates. One experience of her isn't enough to make a judgment on her character. She is something new to you--and it may be a very refreshing change, if you're not one of those who cares what other people think of the woman you're with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PogoStick Posted August 2, 2015 Author Share Posted August 2, 2015 Sorry but statistics I found say women earned about 1/3 of the PhD in math over the last decade. I'm not saying women can't be good at math, but it's factually a male dominated profession. She may have busted men/me plenty, but she didn't let women off the hook either. She made fun of girls for looking pretty and saying "oohhhh math is so hard". And, I'm sorry to those who don't like her being described with masculine energy, but she even said it about herself. She described herself as "being like a guy". That being said, I'm not saying she's devoid of femininity either. The sexual chemistry is pretty strong IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 This thread makes me sad... It confirms what I think most men see about me and get turned off...that I'm too "masculine". Well, while I would not have conducted myself like this woman did on a date...when a guy spends time with me, he finds out things that I share in common with this woman. Then, I guess he gets to the point where he gets a feeling that I don't need him, when that is far from the truth. So, I often end up overcompensating - which ends up in turning them off even more - hence, where they may also say I have low-self esteem beneath all that "confidence" I'm educated, independent, don't like a lot of contact, am passionate/sexual, and do a lot of "masculine" things. I've tried to show these guys that I have a very "feminine" side (i.e. cooking, cleaning, nurturing, nails done/sweet smelling) and that "all of the masculine and feminine" is me. I know how to treat a man, but I have to take care of myself if I don't have a guy around. I mean, I'm not like my gfs who "befriend" males who can do handi-stuff for them. I grab a wrench and do it myself or hire someone to do it. What's wrong with that? Too masculine for you? If I had a man, of course I'd take a backseat and let him be the man... **Sigh** I just wish that guys would take the time to get to see "all" of me and not be afraid of the masculine traits that I developed simply in order to survive. But seriously, not sure about the OP's date. She does seem pretty off-putting. Maybe give it a few more dates before throwing in the towel? Gloria .... That's not what we're saying, dear. We're not saying a woman has to check all of the feminine boxes on the LoveShack Gender Role Survey in order to be dating/marriage material. What I believe the men are objecting to is the "trying too hard to be tough" persona from this woman. Something doesn't sit right about that. Doesn't feel right. My feelings have nothing to do with a woman being smart. I LOVE SMART WOMEN! I've said that on this site many times before today. Nothing to do with a woman not wearing makeup, wearing flannel, shoveling snow, fixing stuff around the house ... none of that stuff makes a woman masculine. Nobody is trying to shove women into traditional gender roles only. It just seems this particular woman may have some underlying issues that may make it challenging to have a relationship with her. Even you picked up on that. I think many of the male commenters are the same way. Spidey-sense going off. Somethings not right. Some of us have seen it before with these "try hard" women. They can be tough to deal with, but it's not really about gender roles. It's about her attitude toward men and relationships. That's the real problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PogoStick Posted August 2, 2015 Author Share Posted August 2, 2015 Who says she will want me for 4 dates? If it makes everyone feel better they can talk about my female energy. I'm compassionate, empathetic, and enjoy emotional connection. I'm definitely not the alpha male archetype. Some women would say I'm not strong masculine. On the other side. This is the 2nd professor I've ended up involved with (never from my school). The other was interesting as she was bi, and was also a strong dominating personality. With women she would take on the dominant role. With men she's submissive. Interestingly, she described me as masculine and said she wouldn't be attracted to me if I wasn't. Link to post Share on other sites
pie2 Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Sometimes women who have been sexually abused can be "over sexual" at first. But down the line, sex can begin to take on patterns of abuse (i.e. being a victim to an "abuser" again). or can become a weapon, or another dysfunctional dynamic can crop up. Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Sorry but statistics I found say women earned about 1/3 of the PhD in math over the last decade. I'm not saying women can't be good at math, but it's factually a male dominated profession. She may have busted men/me plenty, but she didn't let women off the hook either. She made fun of girls for looking pretty and saying "oohhhh math is so hard". And, I'm sorry to those who don't like her being described with masculine energy, but she even said it about herself. She described herself as "being like a guy". That being said, I'm not saying she's devoid of femininity either. The sexual chemistry is pretty strong IMO. I am sorry but you need to see this always ads https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhB3l1gCz2E the society implants this idea in girls mind.. but I bet if you told her you are man, she'll be sad or upset it's fine if she said it but the minute you start treating her like a man she won't like it.. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 I am sorry but you need to see this always ads https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhB3l1gCz2E the society implants this idea in girls mind.. but I bet if you told her you are man, she'll be sad or upset it's fine if she said it but the minute you start treating her like a man she won't like it.. What a fabulous and important video! Nearly brought me to tears! Thanks for sharing that... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 The only thing that bothers me about this woman is how she seemed to complain about men in general. To me she seems to be the equivalent of men who complain women don't know what they want, are playing hard to get etc etc. It's an instant turn off to me so I understand why similar behaviour in a woman would be a turn off. Now sure how this translates to 'masculine energy' but I'm not the one who met with her so... Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 The only thing that bothers me about this woman is how she seemed to complain about men in general. To me she seems to be the equivalent of men who complain women don't know what they want, are playing hard to get etc etc. It's an instant turn off to me so I understand why similar behaviour in a woman would be a turn off. Now sure how this translates to 'masculine energy' but I'm not the one who met with her so... Women complain about men all the time....come hang out at my work and listen to the ladies in the office lol. There is nothing masculine about women complaining about men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Do you pay for men on dates? [/QUOTe] Basically this: I haven't "paid to date a man" if that's what was meant. I have at times historic, paid my share, had him pay and paid for him depending on circumstance. I've worked since I was 16 and at various times dated students etc. So it totally has depended on what was realistic etc. If I knew I had a decent paychecks coming in, felt like going out and knew that .BF. wasn't set financially the same way, I had no issue paying. If he wanted to go out and asked if I minded paying, no problem. If we went out and he assumed I would cover a whole bill because I have money, I would view that as inappropriate. My husband periodically has made or less than me. It doesnt either me in the least. It only bothers me when I've seen him slacking on education or employment. I generally figure that if both people think like they have to put in 60-40 into a relationship, that the overlap makes up for the fact that we aren't always on top of things and that both US and our partners can not always see us at our best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Women complain about men all the time....come hang out at my work and listen to the ladies in the office lol. There is nothing masculine about women complaining about men. That's real. Funny thing is there's like a reverse thing going on on this forum. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 oh yeah. I shovel snow too. yikes. LOL Gloria .... That's not what we're saying, dear. We're not saying a woman has to check all of the feminine boxes on the LoveShack Gender Role Survey in order to be dating/marriage material. What I believe the men are objecting to is the "trying too hard to be tough" persona from this woman. Something doesn't sit right about that. Doesn't feel right. My feelings have nothing to do with a woman being smart. I LOVE SMART WOMEN! I've said that on this site many times before today. Nothing to do with a woman not wearing makeup, wearing flannel, shoveling snow, fixing stuff around the house ... none of that stuff makes a woman masculine. Nobody is trying to shove women into traditional gender roles only. It just seems this particular woman may have some underlying issues that may make it challenging to have a relationship with her. Even you picked up on that. I think many of the male commenters are the same way. Spidey-sense going off. Somethings not right. Some of us have seen it before with these "try hard" women. They can be tough to deal with, but it's not really about gender roles. It's about her attitude toward men and relationships. That's the real problem. Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I also have a PH. D. In Engineering and im a professor but I don't project a masculine energy. I find it to be a stereotype that women are not good at math. I was born in a communist country and never before moving to the U.S. heard of that notion. The communists somehow made more egalitarian societies and if you look it up those countries send much more girls at math Olympics than the US. It's incredible how few years ago in historical terms, women started to even have the right to be a full person with the same legal rights as men. As in being able to, say, buy a house without the husband signing with her. And no, we're not in Saudi Arabia. Thus, it is not surprising at all that women are still not fully into traditionally male dominated professions and it's not because they are inherently not good at that, we just need more time to eradicate stereotypes. I was, for example, the first woman who earned tenure in my department, ever!! That was in 2011!! If I am a pioneer of sorts it shows that we are not that far ahead on women being at their full potential in society . Anyway, as a woman , there is no need to act overly aggressive . I actually don't like overly aggressive men either. Just don't like that style. This woman just seems to also have an avoidant personality. Most people like someone kind and warm. That's not feminine, it's just pleasant . I like these traits in men too. Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 But no, my real instinct is to pull the hair on the back of her head and physically dominate her in the bedroom. Pretty sure she'd enjoy that. Awesome idea! You should definitely do that! Don't hesitate. I have two friends who have a male "vibe", even though they both have an utterly feminine physique. It's on their mannerisms. And they both looooove this kind of lover and they don't respect the sensitive ones. Strangely, both of them had a kind of weak-willed father, so this is their way to spot a strong boyfriend. They do sh*t tests to men often too! Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Man, honestly, these kind of chicks are a major turn off for me. If I wanted to f dudes, I'd go to a bath house. Most of these types are usually just compensating for their low self-esteem, but there are some real testosterone driven chicks out there. If you dig it, that's cool, but it's a deal breaker for me. Just be careful and don't get emotionally involved because these chicks tend to be cold as ice, especially if you cross them. Remember, these chicks f you, not the other way around. Same here...this is a demonstration of how a lot of so-called "independent" women these days are establishing "I'm a woman hear me roar" and when you refer to "male energy...the turn off for men. A male friend of mine was kind of discouraged at the number of women he meets that are less "soft", soft meaning, less feminine and this woman with the PhD is just an example. When I see a woman write what they write in their profile, this makes me think they lack compassion or missing some kind of element of feminine emotion that makes them even less attractive. They seem to have an axe to grind apparently and likely make for crappy relationship, much less marriage material and mostly good as a friend with benefits. Male players, on the other hand, LOVE these kinds of women as they have no problem NOT texting them frequently and likely are drawn to them because they know they can bang 'em and duck out early and she'll likely not have a problem with it. I know a woman in real life (met her at a Meetup), that's too busy for any kind of relationship as she's home schooling her kid, so the kids is around 24/7.....and she works from home. She is "seeing" a guy, but this guy is known to be of the non-commital variety and they are seeing each other only once month, even though they live locally. She claims a she intimidates a lot of men due to her "independence" but the so-called "intimidation" is really that these men feel the coldness coming from these rigid women. masculine energy Yep...a lot of women are loosing their feminine ways. This is indeed a turn off to men. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Okay, I'm confused. How exactly does someone "ball bust" with their "food and music preferences"? Like, if she says she likes beer, is she "ball busting" you? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 That's real. Funny thing is there's like a reverse thing going on on this forum. So it's safe to say these guys are being feminine for complaining about women lol. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 So it's safe to say these guys are being feminine for complaining about women lol. Where did you come up with this idea? Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 So it's safe to say these guys are being feminine for complaining about women lol. This is tongue-in-cheek but I think you are very close to the mark. I think you'd find that a common theme among us with "nice guy" issues is that we're overly sensitive and overly analytical when it comes to dating/sex/relationships -- a very feminized mentality. I know we are supposed to just flip a switch and turn those things off to be more successful with women but I have never understood how you can turn off the sensitivity and still be able to feel, connect, and bond like one should in an LTR. The interesting thing that comes out of this is that hypermasculinity is apparently the answer to everything. We learn as teenagers that the most feminine girls are attracted to the most masculine boys, but even the more "masculine" women want hypermasculine men. I have two friends who have a male "vibe", even though they both have an utterly feminine physique. It's on their mannerisms. And they both looooove this kind of lover and they don't respect the sensitive ones. Strangely, both of them had a kind of weak-willed father, so this is their way to spot a strong boyfriend. They do sh*t tests to men often too! I wouldn't expect the complaining about women to end anytime soon. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Where did you come up with this idea? when I go lol, that means I'm laughing....It was a joke.... Oh but look a fellow male person actually did make something out it...... interesting analogy GoodOnPaper. I like it Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 So it's safe to say these guys are being feminine for complaining about women lol. LMAO Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I wouldn't expect the complaining about women to end anytime soon. both of my friends have definitely missed out on great guys because of their preference. Especially one of my friends looks down on men who are obvious about liking her. She thinks there must be something wrong with them. This is rooted on a really low self-esteem. Who are we to judge? Link to post Share on other sites
Author PogoStick Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 (edited) Okay, I'm confused. How exactly does someone "ball bust" with their "food and music preferences"? Like, if she says she likes beer, is she "ball busting" you? Do you not know what ball busting is? Sht testing? She's on a very specific diet and into exercising (and well read on the subjects, she understands the science of what's going on). I have an exercise science degree, lots of biology, so we can have a good discussion on these things. We get into discussion of eating and she goes into how she can't date a guy who is super picky "because half of all dating is eating together" (and explains specifically about a guy she had to drop for this reason). Of course this necessitates breaking down my eating habits. You see, immediately after saying it's a deal breaker I'm being tested. I tell her I don't like Indian food, don't like curry. "How can you not like curry, ok what kind, green, red, yellow, you know there's different kinds right"? I tell her, "I don't know, I don't like it so I don't eat it, I don't like cumin (and I think that's in all of them)." And then, "Ok what did you eat today?" I, "some ground beef, a little salt, pepper, and msg." (along with some separate fruits and vegetables) Her "So you didn't mix anything with the beef, that's it just beef? And msg? Just straight msg, not mixed in some kind of spices? You just have a bottle that says msg on it?" Me, "that's exactly what I have, a bottle of msg." I held my frame, this is what I do, not apologetic, take it or leave it. But hey, I at least got points for healthy fruits and veggies. You see, it's this grinding, constant challenging. That was only 1/2 the food discussion. Is she hyper, is she ball busting? Maybe she's just detail oriented, that's a kind spin. Edited August 3, 2015 by PogoStick Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I'm trying to figure out how having a PhD and being smart is a "masculine" trait..... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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