I feel a little lost in life

[down hearted]

I finished my first semester and i am officially brain dead tired but i can finally breathe! I met great people along the way and we had an amazing time along the way and laughed and cried together because the program is so intense. I feel bad though, I know people but at the end of the day i really don't have much of a social life/friends kind of thing. Ever since i moved back home after my divorce i feel so alone, i feel like a loser almost. When i finally started to get to know people i got accepted into the program of my dreams in school and started it and that was that social hour ceased to a stop. Now im off for the rest of the summer and i am so sad and i start thinking about my ex, and miss him despite the negatives and at times makes me want to reach out and that itself is a terrible idea that won't end well.

 

Just because i need an escape from all the stress i went through this semester, yet i don't have anyone to hang out with since the people i met before i started lost interest as i was in class this whole time and could do nothing about it.

 

I know one guy who would be willing to hang out with me a friend, but i don't like him as more than that and i don't want him to get an idea. He tried hooking up with like 2 other friends but they had not interest and then now is trying to "hang out" w/me is this what ive come down to settling to whatever? I don't want a relationship just a friend to hang out with and go to places with.

 

How do you deal with been alone? how do you enjoy your time? any advice? i feel so blah

Edited August 1, 2015 by down hearted

[StalwartMind]

I guess you'll find the best answer from someone who share a similar personality type, since people deal with solitude very differently. Introverted people often have less problems with adjusting to being alone and enjoying this time greatly. If you make it clear to this guy, you just want a friend to hang out with and no more than that, then I don't see a problem with this. He will either accept or not, sure he may develop feelings regardless, but you did already point out your interests are no further than a friendship.

 

It feels a bit far fetched to call this situation for settling or what it has come down to. I grant you that depending on where you live it may be more difficult to meet people or make friends, but it does depend on the effort you are willing to put into something. Not everyone needs to go out or hangout, especially all the time, but if you are someone who thrives mostly on doing things actively out and about, you should perhaps consider taking on some summer activity that makes you meet or deal with new people too.

 

There are always opportunities, we only limit ourselves because our mind either tells us we are unwilling to do what is required or maybe we just feel things should be more easy. Either way you do have to decide on some action, I've never had a problem with being a lone or finding friends or activities I enjoyed. It all depends on you, the more limited you are in your ways then naturally the less options you have. This goes for everything in life, if only people knew how much they prevent themselves from actually being able to enjoy it more.

[na49]

I don't really have many friends/a social life either. I also miss my ex because she was my best friend, and any social life I had was with her.

 

How do I deal with it? Well, I've just tried to stay busy to sort of mask it right now. If I'm constantly busy, then I won't have time to feel alone. The time I do have to myself becomes more enjoyable because it's not as common. It doesn't really cure it, but it helps sometimes.

 

Just remember that you're not alone. I'm just as lost as you are right now, and there are plenty of other people who are in the same boat.

[preraph]

I know it sucks when you have no one to bounce things off of and to share victories with. I'm sure it's only temporary though. Maybe you need to take a night class just to keep a connection to people. Or go do some volunteer work that sounds good to you (google your town name and volunteer and stuff will come up). That makes you feel good and you might meet some people.

 

Don't contact your ex OR get with that guy you know wants more. You know better! Meanwhile, go do things you enjoy alone. I do it all the time. Treat yourself to a nice meal or to a day at the zoo or casino. If you're broke, google nature walks and go take one. Go to a dog park and visit the dogs.

[Kellens]

I completely understand how you feel. I went through a terrible break up last year, I was with someone for 7 years, we lived and worked together and he was my best friend and confidant. To get over that break up, I started hanging out with friends I hadn't seen in a while, dating and just putting myself out there. I was dating someone kind of seriously for 2 months and after that ended I was a little depressed and wanted to take a break from dating. When I tried to get some friends to hang out with me, they were all busy or not interested. It seems like everyone in my life is going through their own thing and doesn't have time for me. I would much prefer to hang out with a friend and decompress than go out on a date with a stranger. However, since I don't want to be stuck home alone, I have done just that and it has only made me feel even more lonely. This weekend I was feeling particularly low and just as lonely as you have described here, my brain was moving in a direction that wasn't very healthy. I think it is easy to say to "put yourself out there", I definitely have and it really isn't easy to make new friends. Not everyone has a bubbly personality that attracts people to them. I go on long walks a lot to clear my head, I find that being outside in general can make you feel better. I thought about joining the gym, that might be a good way to meet new people and whip me into shape at the same time I would say to try to go for walks or even just walk around stores, anything to clear your head. Hopefully a clear head will bring you in the right direction. That is what I'm trying to do! Good luck!