QueenDafine Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 There's way too much to explain but im in a very rough situation with my ldr. I dont even know if I can call him my "boyfriend". Yes we've met and our chemistry and connection was so amazing it's just that things got so hard in our relationship as a result of really bad communication and we decided to take a break. It lasted for 2 months even though I was so miserable and missed him the first 3 weeks I didnt contact him at all and eventually I became better and things were starting to get normal and I was actually okay with him not talking to me. He broke the NC rule the first 2 weeks though and left me hanging after giving me hope we'd work things out , which made me a little resentful to him. So after 2 months of freedom and me feeling normal again, he goes and messages me! Apologising, asking how I was and adding a bunch of other romantic things. I wasn't even happy or excited as I would have been 2 months prior to be honest.. It was just like.. yup okay, and? I was a bit annoyed and frustrated that he also seemed to expect me to want him back straight away and not even thinking that maybe it hurt and I didn't feel the same anymore? I told him nicely and sympathetically that I just didn't feel the same, I got tired of waiting for him and I was just over everything with him. I admit I didnt explain it clearly and he ended up getting all angry and replied back with "oh so sorry I even bothered, you obviously dont care, i was so stupid to even think of messaging you blah blah blah". That pissed me righttt off. I just tried to tell him how I was feeling so I wasn't being fake and so I didn't dig the same hole that ruined things in the first place! Communication has been so bad between us so it would only make sense for me to explain how I was feeling. I was done with babying him and always feeling bad for him and always dealing with him getting angry when he never considered my feelings! So I got pretty nasty and said some bad stuff to which he reciprocated and made sure to say some stuff just as bad, which hurt bad and made me cry and have a few sleepless nights through the 4 day long argument. In the end I was the one who had to apologise (as alwayysss) and I told him how I was feeling AGAIN and that he didn't understand and that sure I didn't feel this way before the break, but I had time to figure things out for myself and that I just didn't feel the same as before. We resolved that and began talking as friends afterwards (even though we never actually said we'd be friends)and I was pretty fine with that until he started to send me romantic and flirty things again and I started feeling all the strong feelings I'd put down for two months. I made sure to distance myself a little and he did too after he traveled to Bali with his friends. He called me the first few nights of the trip after he got really drunk (which I didn't pick up). We actually haven't spoken on the phone for 3 months. We messaged briefly but he wasnt on much because he was out alot. I broke when I saw some pictures of him on facebook. Him at a club surrounded by girls, one he was dancing with and then another with him in a cab with of one of the girls. that ****ing did it and i felt so angry and just so hurt that he couldve possibly gone out and hooked up with this girl. He's actually a virgin and I know he woulnt just give it like that (also knowing i wouldnt stand for it) but he was drunk with friends and some girl??? Like I shouldn't have been angry but I was because I have feelings for him ffs. And it's my fault for letting myself fall back into this trap and let all these bad toxic feelings come back after I was doing so good and I was getting myself together. After I realized how ****t I was feeling and how it was not good for me at all I decided to use the NC. I haven't talked to him for 3 weeks. I'm still having pretty bad withdrawal symptoms and I miss him really bad but Im finding it easier to not contact him even though I get bad anxiety about him possibly talking and being with other girls.. I dont know for sure what happened with that girl but I dont even know if I want to ask or know. He's back from Bali now but I'm still seeing photos of him up. It hurts. So he wasn't on for a week after I ignored his message but he just recently started coming on facebook five days ago, since he just got back now. He saw I didnt text him back and it's been 3 weeks. But 2 nights ago he called me at 2am. No other messages (I'm pretty sure, I haven't been into the messages) which I woke up to but ignored. I always text him after he calls but I didnt. the thing is we have such a strong bond. He's not only been one of my lovers, he's ultimately one of my bestest friends and friend or not, he's apart of me and always has been. So i did end up going online this morning to check my other messages but have stayed off whole day. So he then goes and calls me again just about 4 hours ago. I dont know if he sent me a message too because i blocked notifications from him. I know hes only trying to get my attention but i dont know what to do. I want to reply so bad also because if I don't we might not ever talk again. I mean we will but it won't be the same again and I dont want to lose the connection I have with him. The thing is I'm seeing him in less than 2 months when I travel to see him for a soccer comp. We made plans for me to stay an extra week with him but I dont know what to make of those plans now. The thing is I want to see him and be with him and I know things will be prefect between us but I just don't know what to do. I dont even know how I'm gonna message him because I don't know what to say? There's no excuses for me not to message him for 3 weeks and I'm also afraid that im just going to mess things up for myself again. I can't stand this feeling of anxiety and hurt and anger and stress I get everytime I talk to him and think of him but I also can't stand the thought of ruining things between us even more and that's worse. So it's really killing me right now and I dont even want to go on facebook where he'll see im online and probably message me. I have no idea what I'll say to him or If I should at all? Sorry this was so long but it's something that been bothering me for days.. what do I do?? I mean I get Anxiety from the fact that I think he's talking and being with other girls and anxiety from thinking he doesn't want me or has lost feelings for me.. and alot of fear that he'll disappear again and leave me.. i've never been like this and it was never like this and I was so strong in the relationship. Before i never had any real insecurities with him like this at all. It's just so hard for me because I'm so lost and confused and it sucks. Also the thjng is he probably doesnt even know im feeling like this. I meaan ive never been so open with my emotions and thoughts with him because he doesnt really understand and stuff mostly. I want to message him and I probably will but I dont even know what to say..Thoughts and advice? I feel so suffocated by emotions and yeah.. I feel that talking to him might make me feel better about myself and get over some of those negative feelings Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 I'm sorry...its impossible to read this huge wall of text without paragraphs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beyond Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 I'm really sorry but that is such a big wall of text to read. Could you condense it a bit and break it up into paragraphs? Much more chance of people reading and replying to you then Link to post Share on other sites
beyond Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 I'm sorry...its impossible to read this huge wall of text without paragraphs. I Should have read the replies before I wrote mine! Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Wow. What a wall of text... 1) Have you ever met this guy? 2) If so, how many times, how often? 3) How far are you from one another? 4) How long were you in a "relationship" with him? 5) How did you meet him? Meanwhile, here's my comments: a) You broke NC, and that messed up your mind, right when you had reached a good balance b) Due to him breaking the NC, you now have false hopes c) You're also considering just being friends, when he's NOT ready for that (he keeps pursuing you) d) It's not clear if his intentions are serious, exclusive, etc., so I'm assuming it's not worth it. e) You need to block him everywhere (FB, IMs, e-mails, whatever) and move on with your life f) You saying he's a virgin, went to Bali with friends but are sure nothing happened, AND you saw pictures of him with girls there in a club and in a cab, etc, plus him getting drunk... is quite ridiculous. It's wiser to assume that he had a fair share of "contacts". BUT that's not your business anymore. You broke up. Remember? Link to post Share on other sites
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