Is commenting on someone else weight acceptable in some cultures

[Mizz Layta]

Today at work this one lady told the other lady that she gained weight in lunch room in full of other people. surprisingly,she was cool about it and she just said yep,10 pounds

 

 

When the lady left, I asked if she just said that in disbelief then she looked at me nonchalantly and she was like``why is it offensive``? I said yes some people would take an offense to that. She just said in their culture its not a big deal to comment on weight gain or weight loss....and that the lady she commented on her weight on is friendly with her ...she doesn't mind

 

 

There was also another lady sitting with us so I asked her for her opinion. She also agreed with her that in their culture its not big deal(they from same Country)however,in Canadian culture ,its big deal and its true that some people will get offended because they are sensitive about it

 

 

I decided to ask the other lady who is Canadian about it .She just said it depends who you say it to....and how you say it. Then she elaborated on how some people might get offend because they don't want anyone to notice that they gained weight. she also said its best not to say anything....people would rather be told that they lost weight than they gained weight

 

 

I don't know but I have always thought that it was rude to comment on someone else weight gain. Someone did something similar to what lady did years ago and I was offended. when I called them out, they apologized and acted all surprised that I took an offense to it

 

 

what`s your opinion about this

Edited August 2, 2015 by Mizz Layta

[Tayla]

When commenting on a persons physique, its often like stating the obvious. Not well received or necessary. Unless its to benefit the person or be of concern , Its not needed. Only scenario That comes to mind is when a co worker was going thru chemo and her weight zoomed in both directions. It was discerning. So when she did stop chemo, her weight improved and we were glad to see her with more energy and not so all bones. This is the only time that I say, its okay to shoot the messenger, because so few say it in a kind or caring way.

[Popsicle]

It is rude to comment on someone's weight gain. And I'll share something else with you, it's also rude to comment on someone's weight loss. It's best to avoid commenting on a persons weight at all. If you want to tell them they look good, then tell them they look good and leave it at that. If they look bad, just keep that to yourself.

[Iron Bubba]

Unsolicited advice is always uncool. Especially when it is mean.

 

If they ask then it is acceptable.

 

It is never acceptable to just walk up to someone and start criticizing people just because they are different than you.

 

How would you like it if a Christian just walked up to you and started calling you a nincompoop for being an atheists and started constructive criticizing you on how you should be a proper Christian and how it is irrational to be a non believer?

[kenmore]

Agreed Bubba, it's only the Mormons who have the right to do that! LOL

 

Mizz Layta, certainly different cultures will have different standards and if those ladies said it's OK in their culture, then it probably is and you should refrain from posing your Canadian beliefs on them. That said, (like popsicle I'm in the U.S.) I have the same belief system you have. I would have gritted my teeth too and awaited the splashback, and would have been amazed when it didn't come.

 

Not to be offensive (it seems my place lately), but certain cultures are less..um...cultured than ours. Also, some are just accepting of comments like weight gain maybe because in their culture, people who put on weight were at a much higher risk of dying from it, so when someone mentioned it it was considered looking out for their safety.

 

I'm gonna take a wild stab and say they are Asian.

 

Anyway, what's most important to you is what you say and what people say to you. I am sure you don't say things you feel would be offensive to others so am I right in assuming your concern is that one of these people will say out loud in a crowded room someday that you seem to have put on a few extra pounds? If so, work on your comeback. You have a real advantage, you know it may come! Think of what you will say to one of those people if they embarrass you like that. As an example, "STFU" may not be the best response lol!

 

Maybe "yes, thanks for your concern, I have been under a lot of stress lately but I'm correcting it" or "Thank you for bringing it up, I know I should work on that." Maybe "so are you, you fat cow." (reserve that for when you have had some drinks and she really pissed you off that day.)

 

Yes, I'm sure it's normal in some cultures. Mainly be thankful you are getting more worldly by knowing these ladies and be happy that it's just about weight gain and not husband stealing. Talk about uncomfortable!

 

Ken

[jay1983]

Yeah it's rude in the US. We have a whinny, easily offended culture here

[yajiuma]

In Korea they are not shy in telling you to your face that you are a "fatty" and should lose weight. A lot of foreigners from "politically correct" thinking countries where it is rude to comment on a person's weight/appearance are always shocked a this directness.

[RainDown]

I'm in the US, and while it's deemed somewhat rude to comment on the weight of an overweight or obese person, the reverse appears to most people to be completely acceptable. Many people have no trouble coming right up to me and saying, gosh you're so thin! How do you stay so skinny? How much do you weigh? Which I find completely rude. I'd never dream of approaching an overweight person (or any person for that matter) and asking those same questions.

[Popsicle]

I'm in the US, and while it's deemed somewhat rude to comment on the weight of an overweight or obese person, the reverse appears to most people to be completely acceptable. Many people have no trouble coming right up to me and saying, gosh you're so thin! How do you stay so skinny? How much do you weigh? Which I find completely rude. I'd never dream of approaching an overweight person (or any person for that matter) and asking those same questions.

 

Same here. It's completely shocking.

[stillafool]

I certainly would never comment on anyones weight whether they are over or under weight. I use to have people comment on how skinny I was and it hurt. People should mind their own business.

[RoseVille]

This is why I stopped getting my nails done at a particular nail shop. All the women who worked there (Vietnamese) had no issue commenting on my weight (gain or loss). I am not white and half-Asian, so I suppose perhaps they thought culturally it was okay to talk to me like that. It really wasn't.

 

Last time?

 

Nail lady asked where my engagement ring was. I told her he was no longer in my life.

 

"Oh, yo fiancé leff you cuz you fat now."

 

Um, no. He committed suicide in Afghanistan, and the depression I went into afterward caused this weight gain.

 

But I didn't tell her that. I just never went back. Or to any nail salon, regularly anyway. I hop around.

[kismetkismet]

I'm Canadian and it's definitely considered rude to comment on someone's weight gain. Particularly women (not saying that's fair, but that's how it seems to be). It's generally considered kind to comment on people's weight loss and skinniness however.. I don't think it is the same as telling someone that's fat that they are fat/have gained weight, because it's obviously something that is revered as a positive in our culture. However I still don't think it's appropriate.

 

I will comment on friends' weight loss if I know that it's something that they're comfortable with or would appreciate. I don't mind if people i know well comment on it in private, but i find it very uncomfortable when people i don't know comment on my weight in public, or on what i eat/how i stay thin etc.

 

I really don't think people should go around commenting on other people's bodies that they don't know in general. It's invasive and objectifying.

[Maleficent]

I'm not sure, eh. (hahah!)

 

To be honest, if I've gained weight, I ****ing know it and I'd really rather no one reminds me - especially in front of other people.

 

That being said, I lost about 30 pounds in the last year and love when people tell me they've noticed.

Go figure lol

[Ms. Faust]

My mom is Korean. She always talks s#!t about peoples weight to their face. It's embarrassing and I tell her it's wrong, but it's in one ear, out the other. Her Korean friends are the same way.

[mammasita]

Yup, Asians are quick to say "oh you've been eating well" i.e. getting chunky OR conversely "oh, you look so sick - eat some rice" when you've lost weight....absolutely no concept of whether it's healthy or not.

 

yes, this is my life.

 

Ultimately, in a business environment, everywhere I've been, it's not proper to comment in either scenario (gain/loss) as it can be misconstrued as harassment. Family situations are a free for all - culture centric, of course.

[autumnnight]

My basic question is why? I mean, unless you are the person's physician and it is a health issue, why is it necessary at all?

[Maleficent]

My basic question is why? I mean, unless you are the person's physician and it is a health issue, why is it necessary at all?

 

Because some people need to put others down in order to boost themselves up...

[Mizz Layta]

My basic question is why? I mean, unless you are the person's physician and it is a health issue, why is it necessary at all?

 

Ecxactly:confused:

[undercover_lover]

My long time boyfriend's family is Asian. Just the other day we went to visit them and I was told by two of his family members that I gained weight since the last time we met. I was offended. I think it's super rude to comment on someone's weight. Most of the time we already know and don't want it pointed out. It's was so awkward... I just said, "yeah, I've grown up since then" and when they continued to talk about it I just said "thank you"

 

What is the thinking behind that in Asian culture? Why do they like to comment on others weight? It almost seems as if they aren't trying to be rude but I can't think of any other reason one would point out another's weight gain other than to put them down. Does anyone know?

 

My boyfriends mom has also been known to say similar things, it really annoys and embarrasses him when she does.

[DatingDirection]

I'm Canadian, and my family tells me if i've gained weight and need to loose weight. My friend is Middle Eastern, and she also tells me straight out, i need to lose weight, especially if i want to have a husband one day. That to me is hurtful, but at the same time, it motivates me to lose weight, and knowing how other people see me, in truth, may hurt, but shows me, i don't look healthy and I need to get in shape.

 

It is awful though, because when i was super slim, people treated me differently, even my own sisters. They treated me, as if i was so sucessful some how, but now, they treat me like im a failure. This is a whole other issues. I think it's unfair, and mean. So, i don't really like convesing with one sister. But I am trying my hardest to look and feel my best, not for others but for myself.

 

Over all, it's not ok to tell someone, who you don't know, that they've gained weight. It is ok, though, to tell someone the truth, that they've let themselves go, and try to help them as best you can to, get healthy.

 

I wish we can boycott all the major fast food chains, and just have local farmers markets, and healthy food choices. I guess i will start with myself, and never eat at a fast food joint again.

[Gloria25]

nWhat's the issue here?

 

The woman stated a "fact"...

 

I don't know if she intended to offend or not...

 

But, what I found tacky, tasteless, and rude was her making the comment about the women's weight in front of people like that. If she had a genuine concern about the woman's weight, she should have said something to her in private.

 

I'm not one of those "politically correct" people for whom everything is "offensive", "judging" and/or "shaming", but I do believe in "white lies"...in other words, there's a time and place to tell someone the "truth" and/or a "fact". Let's say someone has an ugly baby, we all have been there and done that where we smile, and tell them "awww, how cute" when in fact we think the baby could be a double for Freddy Kruger.

 

I don't comment to women about their weight cuz I'm so afraid that even when I'm complementing them, it might be taken the wrong way. Shoot, I'm even suspicious when I get compliments on my weight/body.

 

And, can we just relax and stop already with the "political correctness police"? Sometimes we just talk and say things and don't mean to offend...

 

Recently I was at the doctor with a relative and when they put her on the scale, I was surprised she weighed that much cuz she didn't look like it...in other words, a "compliment". But I blurted out "what/why/how Xlbs?" And, I started laughing. Thankfully, she knew I meant it as a compliment Cuz I've commented to her frankly about my body and my "problem areas" - if you will.

 

A while back, I was in the military and you know, when they have us under restriction we can't buy "beauty" stuff we women need and they were gonna let us on break and one chick commented on how she was happy to finally buy X to take care of X and I said "yeah, you gotta do something about that" and she burst into tears....Come on already, I did not say it with intent to hurt or offend. Geeesh, can people relax already

[camillalev]

My mom is Korean. She always talks s#!t about peoples weight to their face. It's embarrassing and I tell her it's wrong, but it's in one ear, out the other. Her Korean friends are the same way.

 

Yes it's acceptable in Korean culture. They just have a different mindset and approach when it comes to outter appearance. they are pretty straight forward and it's not always meant to be mean or rude. To them it's the equivalent of "oh your hair looks different" when you get a haircut. They are not as touchy as U.S. Americans when it comes I weight. Their culture is very different from America culture. I say accept it and move on-your mom came from a different part of the world with a completely different upbringing and way of thinking.

[guest569]

This is rude and unacceptable, fat or thin or in between, no comments thank you especially not in the workplace, or even family and friends.

 

It can be so damaging even if the intentions are good. It is tough because these comments can distort your perception. I've had people tell me both extremes 'you're wasting away, eat' and 'you're a bit fat'. I have learnt to ignore these comments and focus on how I feel, and what I think is healthy. Nobody else's business!!

 

And culturally, although I'm from a very multicultural background, I am always shocked when I hear these types of things, along with 'how much do you earn', 'how much did you pay for x?', 'how many acres?' awkward. I don't understand why some people never learn that these types of questions are insulting in many cultures (and I refer to culture more as an individual/family/community thing too, not just different countries, It's called TACT!).

Edited September 11, 2015 by smiley1

[camillalev]

This is rude and unacceptable, fat or thin or in between, no comments thank you especially not in the workplace, or even family and friends.

 

It can be so damaging even if the intentions are good. It is tough because these comments can distort your perception. I've had people tell me both extremes 'you're wasting away, eat' and 'you're a bit fat'. I have learnt to ignore these comments and focus on how I feel, and what I think is healthy. Nobody else's business!!

 

And culturally, although I'm from a very multicultural background, I am always shocked when I hear these types of things, along with 'how much do you earn', 'how much did you pay for x?', 'how many acres?' awkward. I don't understand why some people never learn that these types of questions are insulting in many cultures (and I refer to culture more as an individual/family/community thing too, not just different countries, It's called TACT!).

 

As someone who is quit thin I also understand how comments can be detrimental regardless of weight. I've had someone suspicious of me after going to the restroom after a meal.

 

However when it comes to different cultures - they do not have the same value system, they don't have the same history, they don't have the same customs. Slurping noodles in japan is mandatory there, it's showing appreciation of the food, the louder the better. It's rude to do otherwise. Can you imagine doing that in America, UK, etc? People here might say not slurping away loudly at your food is tact as well. There's many parts of ither cultures that I don't agree with and in my opinion could change but I don't make a point to lecture someone from a world I don't understand and don't actively live in. I was the same way with my parents when I was younger and living with them. They said things that I couldn't believe and always expressed my annoyance with them. Now I understand some of those are ideas integral to them and will never change. Many Americans live with he idea of improvement, we always want better, healthier, shinier, happier., bigger .Ididn't realize how American I was in his regard(even living in 'foreign' household) until I traveled. Like I said Korean people WILL make comments about weight casually. I don't know a single westerner who moved there and wasn't shocked by it. Do I think it's 100% ok? No, but that's how their culture is and OPs question was whether it's acceptable in other cultures and it is.

 

As far as family asking meddling questions(how much do you make? Will you be getting married? Kids? Etc etc), I think any culture can experince that regardless of upbringing. Somehow family always feel comfortable asking questions they would never ask someone else. I agree it's annoying.

Edited September 12, 2015 by camillalev

[thefooloftheyear]

One of the many reasons I love being a guy...

 

Guys can say just about anything to one another, and its no tragedy...we even get a laugh about it...

 

But no, its never acceptable to do that to a woman..by a man or woman

 

BTW,I chuckled when I read the post about the Korean woman saying anything on her mind... I thought only Italian women did that, as my mom does that, and so do many of the women in my family....

 

 

TFY