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Is this a way for my boyfriend to get more attention?

enchanted771

By enchanted771,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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enchanted771

enchanted771

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I am in a new relationship- I would say about 5 weeks in. Well, we can talk about everything and I don't get mad because I am secure enough in the relationship to know that he wont stray. For example, he can talk about exes and I wont get jealous. Tells me about women who checked him out and I don't give much of a reaction and I don't feel threatened. But lately, I feel like its a way for him trying to get more attention from me. He compliments me and shows me a lot of PDA, and I think I should be giving him more compliments than I do. I don't not do it yesterday.

 

 

For example, yesterday were walking and then there's another couple in front of us. I made a comment about the girl and he said yeah she is walking like that to get my attention. I laughed and said WHat?!! no she isn't. Not every girl on the street is looking at you. then he tried to play it off like he was joking and said well, you don't notice me. So then that kind of put an alert that he has been exaggerating things. I don't want to call him out on it, because then it will look like I am not confident and jealous. But I think I need to do something the next time he brings up that this or that girl looked at him on the train. I don't want him to feel he has to say that to get my attention or keep me around.

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PegNosePete

PegNosePete

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This sounds like silly game playing to me.

 

You have only known him for 5 weeks. That's nowhere near long enough to know his true personality. It sounds like he's talking quite disrespectfully about other women in your presence. Most would consider that total douchebag behaviour and a deal-breaker, especially so early in a relationship.

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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He sounds insecure. Really. I know a girl who does the same (ie. mentions every guy that even looks in her direction) but I also know she's got quite low self-esteem so saying these things out loud makes her feel desired. Since we are friends, I've also happened to be around when these guys apparently check her out. Half the time, I have no idea how she interpreted their behaviour this way.

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enchanted771

enchanted771

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He sounds insecure. Really. I know a girl who does the same (ie. mentions every guy that even looks in her direction) but I also know she's got quite low self-esteem so saying these things out loud makes her feel desired. Since we are friends, I've also happened to be around when these guys apparently check her out. Half the time, I have no idea how she interpreted their behaviour this way.
Yes, I agree its silly. I actually called him out on it yesterday. On one hand, I don't like to react and give in to it, because he is seeking attention. I figure if I ignore it or change the subject and act like it doesn't bother me, then he will stop. If you give in to the behavior then they will see its getting a reaction.

 

 

But on the other hand, were in a relationship and communication is everything. If something is bothering me, I kind of feel I should say to him that I don't like it and I would appreciate him not bringing it up anymore. I don't want to look like I am insecure. Its not an everyday kind of thing. In fact everything about him is perfect except for that one small aspect. So its not a deal breaker. Its something I can either ignore and see if the behavior stops or if it continues then have a heart to heart with him.

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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Yes, I agree its silly. I actually called him out on it yesterday. On one hand, I don't like to react and give in to it, because he is seeking attention. I figure if I ignore it or change the subject and act like it doesn't bother me, then he will stop. If you give in to the behavior then they will see its getting a reaction.

 

 

But on the other hand, were in a relationship and communication is everything. If something is bothering me, I kind of feel I should say to him that I don't like it and I would appreciate him not bringing it up anymore. I don't want to look like I am insecure. Its not an everyday kind of thing. In fact everything about him is perfect except for that one small aspect. So its not a deal breaker. Its something I can either ignore and see if the behavior stops or if it continues then have a heart to heart with him.

 

I don't think you'll look insecure. You'll look like you don't like to play games. Simply ask him why he feels the need to share that with you. Let him fill in the blanks. If he's got a clue, he'll take the hint and knock it off.

 

How old is he?

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enchanted771

enchanted771

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I don't think you'll look insecure. You'll look like you don't like to play games. Simply ask him why he feels the need to share that with you. Let him fill in the blanks. If he's got a clue, he'll take the hint and knock it off.

 

How old is he?

Thank you. I will do that. He is 39
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Spectre

Spectre

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I don't get him talking to you about exes. I never understood why people do this. Beyond something like "yeah, I dated this person, it didn't work out" what else needs to be said? If the person you are with asks about an ex that is one thing.

 

This is a nearly 40 yr. old man playing games and acting like a 15. yr. old boy.

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PegNosePete

PegNosePete

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if I ignore it or change the subject and act like it doesn't bother me, then he will stop. If you give in to the behavior then they will see its getting a reaction.

Nop, if you ignore it he will think he can get away with it and carry on.

 

Thank you. I will do that. He is 39

Seriously?? From the original post I had you both down as late teens / early 20's. This kind of stupid game does not belong in adult dating life. I would move on to someone a little more mature.

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smackie9

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I know it's early into your relationship and yes no matter at what age, some get insecure when they start to fall in love, so this could be just a phase.

 

If it were me I would ask him flat out at what benefit he has by saying things like that. Communication is vital to preventing a relationship from being difficult needlessly.

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jen1447

jen1447

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Don't say it accusingly tho, say it indulgently, like a parent or teacher taking up an issue with a child or student. Retain the mommy pants. ;)

 

(i.e. you act like an adult about him acting like a child.)

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enchanted771

enchanted771

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Don't say it accusingly tho, say it indulgently, like a parent or teacher taking up an issue with a child or student. Retain the mommy pants. ;)

 

(i.e. you act like an adult about him acting like a child.)

Thanks Jenn, you are right. He is actually a good guy, contrary to what others may think. I think given his last two exes cheating on him is the reason he is behaving in such a way. But I don't want to over react or accuse, because I don't believe he is trying to hurt me at all but to make me look at him and see he is a good catch...
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Space Ritual

Space Ritual

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I am secure enough in the relationship to know that he wont stray.

 

Really, then why did you write here in the first place? You know, you being so secure and all.....:lmao:

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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Thank you. I will do that. He is 39

 

Seriously?

 

I was expecting someone much younger. That would turn me right off.

 

You're both adults. Talk to him and just ask him why he does this. It's not because his previous exes cheated on him. (I have also been cheated on. I don't do this) If he's trying to make himself seem like a good catch by telling you how other women check him out and by talking about his exes, he's got some growing up to do. What does he say about his ex-girlfriends?

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mrs rubble

mrs rubble

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I had a boyfriend like that once. One day he was bragging about how all the women were checking him out as he walked down the street, I told him they were only looking coz he walked funny. That seemed to cure his big head.:)

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enchanted771

enchanted771

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I had a boyfriend like that once. One day he was bragging about how all the women were checking him out as he walked down the street, I told him they were only looking coz he walked funny. That seemed to cure his big head.:)
Yes, seemed like I am going to have to deflate his head. I know what is why he is doing it, but I don't like it. I was going to hold off discussing the matter, but it is early in the relationship and I need to discuss some things with him while they are small issues before they become big ones.
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