1 month and in love.

[thebig-guy]

Hi there, been a good few years since I was last here! Back again hopefully for the last time, to try and get some outside thoughts on my situation.

 

You'll probably look at my situation and think it's really nothing. But it has actually seriously affected my mood and positivity in life. More so than my last relationship which was 1.5 years long.

 

To describe it briefly, I have been seeing a french girl for a month in the uk, she has been studying where I work and has recently returned to her home country to live with her boyfriend... (yes I know this is bad).

 

To clarify, we have not done anything sexual, just kissing & hugging. When we first met (at work) I realised she had a partner in her home country and she insisted it was not a problem for us even though I raised the issue. I accepted this and decided I would at least start a friendship.

 

Over the course of a month. Things quickly became very serious, it no longer felt like we were just friends. Talking all day at work and calling/seeing each other on a night. She would come over and we would watch films together and hug. Her english is pretty bad so most of the time we were just lieing with each other pretending we were together. She even wrote me letters telling me how she needs me in her life and wont let me go....

 

Without dragging this out too much, she has now gone home and has told her boyfriend that I am important to her and she has demanded that she still needs to talk to me. He has accepted this. He does not know about her coming to my house, he just thinks we're friends. I received an invite from her today to come to her house abroad, for her birthday. I declined this offer and explained that I would not be comfortable with this if her boyfriend is there as I feel like ive fallen in love.

 

I gave an ultimatum today that she can choose to see me or him, she quickly said him which broke my heart. I lashed out and told her not to message me again. I know she is now extremely upset.

 

Now I'm feeling terrible, I want to message her again just so I know we are talking but I know this is just stupid. throughout our time together she has said she is attached to me, and reminds me that there may be a chance of us being together in the future.

 

The inevitable has happened, she has gone home and I will likely never see her ever again. This thought is gutt wrenching so im just wanting to know if anyone here can clear the air a little for me.

 

I feel confused, angry and a little pathetic. How can I have fallen for someone this quickly? Should I feel ashamed that I have fallen for someone already in a relationship?

 

Thanks. x

[justwhoiam]

Hmm. I guess she's afraid of leaving the known for the unknown. He has seen you for just one month, while her boyfriend, we don't know how long they were together. Nevertheless, he seems not to be the one, because she was obviously attracted to you.

 

It can end up in two ways:

- she leaves him to be with someone else, because passion will be higher

- she stays with him and you'll be just a summer fling

 

If you really wanted to have a chance with her, you had to let her know that you could go out of your way to be with her. But it was just a month. You don't really know her. So I guess just forget about her.

[d0nnivain]

New relationships are tricky & it's easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of it all.

 

You need to engage your emotions and your intellect. You skipped the intellect part. You knew she had a BF back home yet you kissed & hugged her anyway. In essence you were the person she cheated on her BF with. You know she lied to her BF about what you to did & let him believe you were just friends. yet the lying didn't throw cold water on your ardor.

 

The reality is you dodged a bullet. Since this lying cheater chose her BF over the guy she cheated on him with. I'm sorry you are hurting but next time don't let your heart (or other parts) overrule your brain. Remember, if she cheated with you, she will cheat on you. You don't need that. Good riddance.

[thebig-guy]

Thanks for those comments. It means alot. Yes I think her current relationship (1 year long) will most likely end soon, regardless of if it wasn't for me or caused by me. But thats none of my business now, Ive blown it.

 

Also you are right with the bullet dodging! I will give her credit, she didnt cheat on him (sexually) but she was more than happy to come over and cuddle me! That is already frowned upon in any relationship in any country.

 

I just don't understand why she has expressed her need for me to be in her life still. Why would she want me in her life still if she has a boyfriend? I have expressed to her that I want her to be mine on a daily basis but she seems to prefer to have me where she wants me. Then when i loose interest she would suggest us becoming more serious.. Its like cat and mouse!

 

Im just writing here so I dont get the temptation to message her after telling her to never speak to me again.

[d0nnivain]

No problem. Here is way better then reaching out for her. She wanted you to stay in her life for the ego boost. She enjoyed having you pant after her. Don't give her the satisfaction.

[flordagirl]

Wow so there ARE men out there who fall in love easily! Just let her go. I know how you feel, because I've had men treat me the way your girl treated you; made you feel all special and like you were #1, chewed you up and spit you out. I believe in karma; those who treat us like crap with no regard towards our feelings will have the same thing happen to them. Go out and meet some women who are serious and un-attached. There are plenty out there, trust me.

[Chriskey2015]

Only a month? awh