ShatteredLady Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 What do you guys think about the old "I still love you but I'm not in love with you anymore" line? Is it just a cliche? When you're first together & everything's new & exciting we say "I'm falling in love!". As passion progresses & we're walking down the isle we say that "We're truly, deeply in love". As the years pass, dirty diapers, sleepless nights, school runs, kids activities, anniversary after anniversary we grow. Our love & commitment grows. We become 'FAMILY'. A truly deep bond. Unconditional love, partners, loyalty & support, 'for better or worse' really shows its true meaning. I love my husband. Truly, madly, deeply, passionately, unconditionally. LOVE. Is it the crazy, swooning, in love thrill? Not really. I consider it something stronger & deeper. Is it just the semantics of the words? Is the old cliche just a way of saying "You're like a comfortable pair of old slippers & I'm lusting after the latest designer stilettos!". Is it a midlife crisis yearning for the unknown & the passionate discovery of exciting & new? What exactly do people mean when they say here "I want a divorce! I love him/her I'm just not in love anymore"? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 What exactly do people mean when they say here "I want a divorce! I love him/her I'm just not in love anymore"? My take is that it means "I don't love you but care enough to let you down easy in an attempt to spare your feelings". Next often comes "it's not you, it's me" followed by "he's just a friend"... Mr. Lucky 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 It's a lie. Translation: I found someone new to pursue, but for whatever reason I still want you in my life, until I don't. When you hear that lie, your job is to say; OK, I understand. Then you go full NC & move on with your life. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 It's like how you love your grandma. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 'in love" temporary true love- eternal and transcending. One is a phase, One is a state of being. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Fireflynights Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 It's a lie. Translation: I found someone new to pursue, but for whatever reason I still want you in my life, until I don't. When you hear that lie, your job is to say; OK, I understand. Then you go full NC & move on with your life. I don't necessarily feel this is true. In my case there is no one else, but years of issues, letdowns and feeling lonely in my marriage have left me unable to describe how I feel any other way but that I don't hate him, and on some level still (and likely always will) love him, but I am not "in" love with him anymore. I am not looking to move onto someone else any time soon, my next step will be focusing on getting my kids and myself through a big adjustment so hopefully everyone can be happy again. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 The "ILYBINILWY" speech is straight out of the cheaters handbook. It usually means there's someone else. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 In a long term relationship there are always going to be peaks and valleys when feelings and passion wanes. Too many bring out that phrase too soon. That being said it is possible not to want to be in committed loving relationship any more and if that is true it is best to just end the marriage . Too many discover that line after they are caught cheating when asked "why" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 (edited) To me it says 'Sorry I thought I was in love with you at some point and got excited and too carried away with the thrill of it all but I actually was never in love with you in the first place and it's only just dawned on me. I'd still like to keep you in my life somehow because I feel bad about the way I treated you and because I think you're a nice person.' Edited August 4, 2015 by PrettyEmily77 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 Being 'In Love' is a time-limited neurochemical event. Love on the other hand, is not time-limited, and can grow and grow over a whole lifetime. Some relationships can progress from being 'in love' to love, but some can't. It depends on what remains after the euphoria has worn off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tamcat Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 (edited) My two cents... it could also mean "I am sorry, we were insanely in love at one time, but people change, and unfortunately sometimes they change so much that you eventually have two individuals who are better as friends, than what they are as spouses..." For me, it means that "We should have worked harder at making things work when we first realised there were problems, but unfortunately we didn't. And now we have a situation where there is nothing left to work with." Edited August 4, 2015 by tamcat 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 'in love" temporary true love- eternal and transcending. One is a phase, One is a state of being. That is incredibly profound and true. Thanks for posting. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 I don't necessarily feel this is true. In my case there is no one else, but years of issues, letdowns and feeling lonely in my marriage have left me unable to describe how I feel any other way but that I don't hate him, and on some level still (and likely always will) love him, but I am not "in" love with him anymore. I am not looking to move onto someone else any time soon, my next step will be focusing on getting my kids and myself through a big adjustment so hopefully everyone can be happy again. I think this sums up a lot of long term relationships, if the individuals were truly honest. I love you, but I am not crazy for you: I like you, but I am not feeling weak at the knees when you enter the room. Some will accept that as being the norm in a long relationship, some will move on to try to get that love "high" from someone else and divorce/split, and some will cheat. I do not think it necessarily means there is someone else in the picture. Cheaters use it because it sums up nicely how they feel, but the use of the term, I do not believe signifies a cheater. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 People want to be in love like in the movies. Problem is that is what people feel at the beginning of a relationship. And it's not being "in love" during that phase. It's being "in lust". One of my favourite quotes is: "Lust feels like love, until it's time to sacrifice." When you get the old "I love you but I'm not in love with you" it means they're not in lust with you anymore (usually because there is someone else they are in lust with). I hate to generalize, but I think people only fall out of lust. They don't fall out of love. Link to post Share on other sites
Be_Strong Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 People want to be in love like in the movies. Problem is that is what people feel at the beginning of a relationship. And it's not being "in love" during that phase. It's being "in lust". One of my favourite quotes is: "Lust feels like love, until it's time to sacrifice." When you get the old "I love you but I'm not in love with you" it means they're not in lust with you anymore (usually because there is someone else they are in lust with). I hate to generalize, but I think people only fall out of lust. They don't fall out of love. I agree. And just to add a bit, the "in love" feelings are hormones that our body releases in order to kick start a relationship. Without those hormones, it would be unlikely for men and women to ever develop a bond. But those hormones aren't needed forever. Once a long-term loving bond has developed, the hormones are unnecessary. The problem is when married people begin a new relationship with somebody outside the marriage and their body releases those "in love" hormones again. Once that happens, the person will equate the feeling from those hormones as "true love" and will realize that those same feelings are missing from their marriage, so they must not be "in love" with their spouse anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
midlifewife Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 I'm trying to figure out how to explain this to my H now and let him know I can't stay married. I feel like this explanation is so cliche. However, for me, it's so true. I absolutely don't have any kind of lust for him, and that has been for many, many years. I can have sex and it's fine, enjoyable usually (I almost never feel the desire to initiate). But I find myself only focusing on the physical sensations and sometimes fantasize about other people...I have a hard time even looking at him when we're having sex. It's not that I find him unattractive or repulsive, it's just that it's an instant reminder of how 'not connected' I am with him. I know lots of people just decide to live with this situation because it's not actively 'bad'. But, I've been doing it long enough that it kills me inside when I see him really putting in an effort towards our relationship and all I want to do is avoid and pull back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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