Crazy_Love Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 It's been more than 7 weeks no contact, after a four year relationship. MM has tried every trick in the book to get me back but I've stayed firm. I know that NC is the only way to go. But, after spending every day with him/ 8 hours a day, the feelings have yet to fade. I miss him like crazy. I try to move on with life and not think about him, but I still do as much as in the beginning. It's been hell on earth. Please, someone tell me, when does it start to get better? When does the pain go? When will I think of him less? Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 I don't know but 7 weeks is amazing 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 It will go away . It will probably be slow because your relationship was a long one. I was with MM on and off for 7 years. I am 5 weeks NC and don't miss the chaos being with him brought to my world. I actually don't miss him either. Hang in there. Poppy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jaskiegs Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 To understand what you are going through, it may be useful to understand the biology. I’ve found, at least, that by understanding the science, I can cope with things a bit more. It’s kind of like a broken leg…can you imagine dealing with that pain if you didn’t know about bones and how they heal? When it comes to falling in love, you understand how it works. You start to feel that kinship that grows into desire and need. When you think about him while falling in love, you physically release endorphins that make you feel warm, excited, in love. Those are biology’s tools for creating strong bonds that allow us, as a species, to procreate. These tools are situated in the limbic system and represent our early, animalistic self that seeks pleasure and avoids pain. When you break up, you are facing the exact same thing but in reverse. When you think of him, your body releases endorphins that are intended, on a biological level, to cause you (and him, incidentally) to reconcile. There is pain associated with not acknowledging that need and there is pleasure when you accidentally think about it (followed by more pain when you realize that you cannot embrace it). For some, it is easier to ignore and stop the chemical response; for others, it is difficult. There is no set time limit but by focusing on the biology, you can slowly train your mind to overcome it. Try this…the next time you feel that painful longing and need to contact him, say to yourself (perhaps even out loud), “Thank you brain for the reminder of things but I have decided to go in a different direction. Even though you, Ms. Brain, will not stop reminding me, I am going to treat you like a sunburn…I know it hurts but I’m not going out in the sun again.” Perhaps by personifying your own thoughts, you can engage your second level of your mind, the reasoning mind, to stave off the what your limbic system is doing to you. FWIW, I am going through this as well and it is sometime effective and sometimes not. But seven weeks is amazing. I focus on 7 hours and struggle at times. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 after spending every day with him/ 8 hours a day are you saying that this was a workplace affair and you're still working together? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Crazy_Love Posted August 5, 2015 Author Share Posted August 5, 2015 No, we don't work together. He was getting his Ph.D and I work from home (or at that time, his place or mine together) so our days were together. I have not seen nor communicated with him in over 7 weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts