Bisexual Girlfriend has Expressed Interest in Hooking up with Another Woman.

[elaine567]

However, she recently explained to me that because she has had these feelings her entire life and has never acted on them, she feels a void in herself, like an entire avenue of her personality has gone unexplored. I was initially supportive despite some trepidation, but the more time I've had with the idea, the more it upsets me. I love her very much, and I know she loves me too. I want her to fulfill this urge (she told me "it feels wrong but necessary"), but I know I'll feel a lot of jealousy if she does. I'm a pretty possessive person as it is.

 

To make matters worse, her best shot at fulfilling this is a girl she met recently at work, a lesbian who is currently in an unhappy relationship and wanting to break it off. The girl admitted to having feelings for my girl a little while ago but the two continue to text and chat at a pretty consistent rate. I think it would be worse if she hooked up with a friend as opposed to a stranger.

 

 

She has already set up the "other woman", and my guess is she wants to or already has taken this further. Hence the bi conversation with you.

 

Your "permission" may be irrelevant here.

 

I feel this is most likely an unstoppable tide - if it is not this woman, it will be another.

As your MO is monogamy, then this is not going to work, is it?

[eric1]

She wants permission because she is already in an emotional affair with her work lesbian.

[BelaTarr]

She wants permission because she is already in an emotional affair with her work lesbian.

 

This is ultimately my greatest fear. She texts this girl upwards of 20 times a day, claiming they're all completely innocent. She's been honest with my about them, even going as far as showing me the texts. But they text so often, it would be unrealistic for me to always be monitoring. And they see each other a lot throughout the week as well.

 

Maybe this is my karma. She technically hadn't broken things off with her ex when her and I started seeing each other.

[TaraMaiden2]

This is ultimately my greatest fear. She texts this girl upwards of 20 times a day, claiming they're all completely innocent. She's been honest with my about them, even going as far as showing me the texts. But they text so often, it would be unrealistic for me to always be monitoring. And they see each other a lot throughout the week as well.

 

Maybe this is my karma. She technically hadn't broken things off with her ex when her and I started seeing each other.

 

It's not Karma.

Trust me, as a Buddhist I can tell you that.

(see also the link to the thread it was begun from....)

 

She lets you see the texts she lets you see. Careful editing will eliminate texts she may not want you to see.

I did it with my ex-H when we were discussing christmas presents for the girls... if they saw our texts, they would have known our plans for them....

Edited August 4, 2015 by TaraMaiden2

[jen1447]

I've been dating this girl for about 3.5 years now, and I've always had suspicions that she was bisexual, and those suspicions were recently confirmed by her. "Cool", I thought in the moment. "This doesn't change anything."

 

However, she recently explained to me that because she has had these feelings her entire life and has never acted on them, she feels a void in herself, like an entire avenue of her personality has gone unexplored. I was initially supportive despite some trepidation, but the more time I've had with the idea, the more it upsets me. I love her very much, and I know she loves me too. I want her to fulfill this urge (she told me "it feels wrong but necessary"), but I know I'll feel a lot of jealousy if she does. I'm a pretty possessive person as it is.

 

To make matters worse, her best shot at fulfilling this is a girl she met recently at work, a lesbian who is currently in an unhappy relationship and wanting to break it off. The girl admitted to having feelings for my girl a little while ago but the two continue to text and chat at a pretty consistent rate. I think it would be worse if she hooked up with a friend as opposed to a stranger.

 

She has explicitly stated that threesomes are off the table as is the possibility of me straying from the relationship with another person of either gender (I am also bi). I dont even want to be with anyone else, but itd be nice if she would grant me the same freedom shes requesting.

 

Ultimately, I don't know if she'll ever even be put into the position where she'll have the opportunity to hook up with another girl, but it occupies my thoughts quite often. I want her to be happy and experience this thing she feels is lacking from her life, but I don't know how I'll ever be comfortable with it.

 

Any advice or similar stories would be greatly appreciated.

Sorry Bela but you're not a good candidate for being in an open relationship. You stated pretty clearly what the dynamics are - she wants to sleep with another woman and you're not comfortable with that (even if you do want her to be fulfilled). It's good you're being honest with yourself and that you're considerate of her needs but that honesty is making the conclusion clear - if she sleeps with another person it'll be hard on you. That likely means the R will ultimately fail, bc you can't go around feeling frustrated and have a healthy R. The ppl who handle open Rs well are able to let go of the exclusive physicality thing and remain secure in the R.

 

I guess the question then becomes, is there any future anyway if she wants this and she'll be frustrated w/out it but you can't abide it. My guess is maybe not.

 

This is ultimately my greatest fear. She texts this girl upwards of 20 times a day, claiming they're all completely innocent. She's been honest with my about them, even going as far as showing me the texts. But they text so often, it would be unrealistic for me to always be monitoring. And they see each other a lot throughout the week as well.

 

Maybe this is my karma. She technically hadn't broken things off with her ex when her and I started seeing each other.

 

Sounds like she's definitely invested in the other girl. Sometimes the honorable thing to do is just let her go.