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My boyfriend is quite possessive and jealous. Is this good or bad?

Luna1

By Luna1,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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Luna1

Luna1

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I am with a new guy now.

He's younger than me. He is 22 and I am 24. He is beautiful in terms of looks. Has the most amazing eyes and is super talented. Most girls wanted to date him nad he is incredibly popular among girls.

 

So I never expected him to be insecure over me but he is quite a jealous type. He told me before we started dating that he is the most jealous guy in the world. After we started dating, he would always kiss me or get cuddly whenever he saw boys around me. He told me he did this intentionally so that the guys would get the message that I am his girlfriend. (He said this "I always kiss you in front of them because I want the guys to know that you are mine").. And he also keeps me away from men in general.

 

Once he even got into a fight with a guy friend of mine because my friend held my hand (it was Friendship Day) which my boyfriend didn't like and he clearly stated that nobody can touch me except him.

 

He doesn't fight with me over his jealousy issues but gets upset or gets all moody and I have to do something special to cheer him up.

 

Is this normal or not?

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PrettyEmily77

PrettyEmily77

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Is this normal or not?

 

 

Normal for a controlling, paranoid, jealous guy, yeah.

 

 

Not good or normal for a healthy R, though.

 

 

Some guys are just as hot as you think this guy is, but will also treat you with respect at the same time.

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Luna1

Luna1

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Normal for a controlling, paranoid, jealous guy, yeah.

 

 

Not good or normal for a healthy R, though.

 

 

Some guys are just as hot as you think this guy is, but will also treat you with respect at the same time.

 

You mean he is not normal? What is bad here? :o

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LoveRefreshed

LoveRefreshed

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first step is to isolate them. isolate her from her male friends on the pretense that if you loved me, you'd not spend time with other men. Then it's friends in general. Then sooner or later, they work on isolating you from your family.

 

 

Once they've done that, they start to chip away at your self esteem and self worth. They badger, insult, berate you until you don't value your own self. That's when the real abuse starts. They beat you because they love you. and now you have no one to turn to, you're already isolated. You don't feel like you can leave, nor do you feel like anyone would love you other than him.

 

 

Okay, maybe this is extreme, but your boyfriend is exhibiting similar behavioral traits like passiveness.

 

 

Healthy jealousy is healthy. It's not "I need to kiss you so they know you are mine." He seems really insecure to me. I'd not tolerate it.

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amaysngrace

amaysngrace

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You know something's wrong with him. That's why you're asking.

 

Trust your instincts.

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mrldii

mrldii

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You mean he is not normal? What is bad here? :o

 

 

Glad you asked.

 

"Being able to tell the difference between healthy, unhealthy and abusive relationships can be more difficult than you would think. No two relationships are the same, so what’s unhealthy in one relationships may be abusive in the next. Although there are many signs to pay attention to in a relationship, look for these common warning signs of dating abuse:

  • Checking cell phones, emails or social networks without permission
  • Extreme jealousy or insecurity
  • Constant belittling or put-downs
  • Explosive temper
  • Isolation from family and friends
  • Making false accusations
  • Erratic mood swings
  • Physically inflicting pain or hurt in any way
  • Possessiveness
  • Telling someone what to do
  • Repeatedly pressuring someone to have sex

If you or someone you know sees the warning signs in their relationship, talk to us -- we can help. Learn other ways how unhealthy and abusive relationships work by exploring our power and control wheel."

 

 

Warning Signs | Break the Cycle

 

 

 

 

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PrettyEmily77

PrettyEmily77

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You mean he is not normal? What is bad here? :o

 

It's all bad, hon. He's displaying signs of possessiveness rather than caring for you. I'm sure he's a normal guy; he's exhibiting bad behaviour tho, treating you like his thing rather than your own person.

 

 

What could feel like an ego boost for you atm (coz of the attention you get, him making you feel special and stuff) will become more of a turn-off as time goes by. Jealousy is not attractive when constantly and openly displayed non-stop like that.

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TaraMaiden2

TaraMaiden2

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You mean he is not normal? What is bad here? :o

 

Notice how he kisses and cuddles you when other guys are around.

 

Now, note WHY....

 

He told me he did this intentionally so that the guys would get the message that I am his girlfriend. (He said this "I always kiss you in front of them because I want the guys to know that you are mine").. And he also keeps me away from men in general.

 

Not because he loves you. Not because he desires you ar wants to kiss and cuddle you out of affection.

 

But because he wants to show other guys that you are HIS.

 

This has nothing to do with being a BF.

It's NOT healthy.

he is dangerously possessive and he needs to back off.

 

You need to quit this, because soon (if it hasn't happened already) he will ask you to not wear a certain top, or certain jeans, or that particular skirt.... he will complain they're too sexy, too revealing too showy....

 

he keeps you away from men in general?

 

This is really creepy....

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Chi townD

Chi townD

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You need to talk to him, and make him understand that jealousy, at first is cute, but enough is enough. You need to convey to him that you chose to be with him, you are not interested in anyone else and at the end of the day, you are still his. But if he can't control this erratic behavior, then you're going to have to part ways.

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central

central

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It's bad. He will be controlling, limit your social connections and activities, isolate you from friends and family, and possibly become abusive if you don't follow his unhealthy boundaries.

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TaraMaiden2

TaraMaiden2

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You need to talk to him, and make him understand that jealousy, at first is cute, but enough is enough. You need to convey to him that you chose to be with him, you are not interested in anyone else and at the end of the day, you are still his. But if he can't control this erratic behavior, then you're going to have to part ways.

 

This will go one way.

he will simper, apologise, express his love, tell you that he does it because he couldn't bear to lose you, tell you he's sorry, that he will try to let go, be more relaxed, not interfere.... then it will all start again.... Bit by bit, he will start to reel you in again, suggest, hint, request, insist and then before you know it - BOOM.

 

You will have no clue, no idea just what to do or how to get out....

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PrettyEmily77

PrettyEmily77

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You need to talk to him, and make him understand that jealousy, at first is cute, but enough is enough. You need to convey to him that you chose to be with him, you are not interested in anyone else and at the end of the day, you are still his. But if he can't control this erratic behavior, then you're going to have to part ways.

 

 

With all due respect, isn't the bolded the last thing you want to say to a possessive guy?

 

 

OP, you're not his or anyone else's, you're your own person and you should be treated as such.

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Satu

Satu

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Jealousy is a critical personality flaw.

 

It is not amenable to reason or rational discussion.

 

It is also something that tends to get worse over time.

 

 

Eject, eject, eject.

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Clarence_Boddicker

Clarence_Boddicker

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Perfectly normal & healthy. Those traits are a sign of Alphaness & high testosterone. Abuse is another form of caring & desire.

 

 

Seriously, do you even have to ask? Of course it's not. That being said, does it turn you on or make you feel special?

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Vercetti

Vercetti

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I'm rather demanding ( don't do friends with ex's / don't keep gifts from ex's / ect ). Just kissing in public to make claim against strangers...that is out there. Kiss should be out of love, thinks you are cute, wants to be flirty. My god think how he would react to your posting. No not normal and I'm rather posessive.

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Alyssa_in_the_USA_58

Alyssa_in_the_USA_58

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This guy has some major insecurity problems. That is not a sign of love. You are being treated like a possession, not a person. Maybe he had a bad past experience of losing one or more girlfriends, and this is his reaction, but he needs to get some help resolving this...and you are not in a position to provide it. He is one of those who needs a girlfriend for his own self esteem, not because he is interested in making you happy. And, you will not be able to make him happy, either. I would move on to someone else who appreciates you for you, someone who makes you happy that you want to be with him, not because you have to.

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WomenWubber

WomenWubber

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You need to work on your self awareness, op.

 

You shouldn't have to ask this kind of questions to strangers. Take some time alone, look inside yourself and you will find the answers that are true for you.

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Chi townD

Chi townD

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With all due respect, isn't the bolded the last thing you want to say to a possessive guy?

 

 

OP, you're not his or anyone else's, you're your own person and you should be treated as such.

 

 

 

No not at all, our lives are still ours but we chose who we share it with. Or are you saying that when YOU enter into an exclusive relationship that you don't belong to him or her anymore than they belong to you? That you two aren't in and exclusive partnership?

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Sastrugi

Sastrugi

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It's all bad, hon. He's displaying signs of possessiveness rather than caring for you. I'm sure he's a normal guy; he's exhibiting bad behaviour tho, treating you like his thing rather than your own person.

 

 

What could feel like an ego boost for you atm (coz of the attention you get, him making you feel special and stuff) will become more of a turn-off as time goes by. Jealousy is not attractive when constantly and openly displayed non-stop like that.

 

Add in he is extremely insecure.

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casey.lives

casey.lives

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I think when people are together they should act in a way that lets the other be themselves but adaptive/modified to the well-fare of the relationship. We all know that if our guy was holding hands with his female friend .. a little to long.. issues arise. THE TEST: put yourself in the other persons shoe ..can you yourself handle it????!!! If you have such a different thresh hold maybe it just highlights how different your values are and that too is a major reason for concern.

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