Would you be less devastated if they cheated with the same gender?

[Editbee]

After reading a couple stories here and seeing how devastating it was for the spouse that got cheated, it made me wonder this:

 

To all of you, would you feel less devastated if they cheated with another person of the same sex gender. For men it would be your gf or wife cheating with another woman and for women it would you be your bf or husband cheating with another man. I have a feeling that since it's usually with the opposite gender, the cheatee feels so lost and would probably constantly ask what he/she failed in because there is a competition going but. However if it's the same gender, I'm guessing that since that's something you can't ever compete against I'm guessing the reaction wouldn't be the same upon discovering that type of infidelity.

Edited August 4, 2015 by Editbee

[d0nnivain]

That would freak me out worse. I would doubt myself & wonder why they dated me at all.

 

Not that they are the standard for anything but in Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner's whole transformation I really feel bad for Kris.

[jen1447]

I've found that it tends to be a slippery slope. Men in particular aren't as threatened by women with their female partners in general, but they should be and they often end up taking it worse bc there's really nothing they can do with or about it. A woman offers another woman sth a man can't, so if it's more serious than just a flingy type thing (what guys tend to assume), the chasm driven between partners is that much wider.

[S_A]

I've found that it tends to be a slippery slope. Men in particular aren't as threatened by women with their female partners in general, but they should be and they often end up taking it worse bc there's really nothing they can do with or about it. A woman offers another woman sth a man can't, so if it's more serious than just a flingy type thing (what guys tend to assume), the chasm driven between partners is that much wider.

 

Pretty much this. I think I had the same feelings as the above before I even had my first real GF.

 

I've never felt threatened by another guy in the least. My GF went out the last two Friday nights with male and female coworkers (they went to a lounge one Friday night and bar hopping the other Friday night) and there was a lot of drinking and flirting going on. My GF got hit on by a lot of the guys (most were male co workers) but I did not sweat it in the least. The girls told my GF how surprised they were that I'd "let" her go out to these events without me being present because of all the guys around. The fact of the matter is that I don't feel threatened by the guys.

 

However, there is a chick at my GF's workplace that does modeling (she does look good) and she told my GF something last Friday night (over drinks, and in a lower voice) that could be interpreted as an invitation for a "lesbian encounter." Something like that may make me sweat a bit lol.

 

And I know all this because my GF tells me these things during the course of telling me how her day went. As for the "Lesbian proposal", my GF said "yes" to the model girl but she did not realize what she may have said "yes" to until I pointed out that it probably meant something else (that something else being an invitation for some girl-on-girl action).

 

Edit: Model chick or not, I still trust my GF to go out and hang out without me.

Edited August 4, 2015 by S_A

[drifter777]

My wife cheated on me years ago so I know what it feels like. If she cheated with a woman it would have been ok with me. I'm not at all threatened by a woman. Even if she had been a closet lesbian and now wanted to leave me for another woman I would have taken it pretty much in stride. Sad & angry - yes - but I would also have been understanding and sympathetic with her. Clearly, the most damaging element - by far - of her cheating was the sex with other men.

[Clockwork]

I think you are devastated regardless. It might just be even worse if they leave you for another woman, because in that case you simply have no chance at getting back together. You aren't even the same gender that she wants. Think Ross from "Friends" when his wife left him, although I know they spun it around to make it funny.

 

 

You'd want to beat the guy up if she cheated on you with another man, in this case, you probably can't.

[deadelvis]

If my GF wanted to see a woman I would let her. Not a big deal IMO. Same gender doesn't count as cheating in my book

[Space Ritual]

Cheating is a dealbreaker for me regardless so initially my response would probably be the same...however... as much as I would like to say that it would not bother me any further, in all honesty if my GF was in an affair with another woman I would probably feel extra emasculated. But that's just me. Some people would classify it as not cheating at all, and that is their prerogative. But yeah I have to be honest about it. lol

[CarrieT]

I was married when I was 20 and at the age of 24, came home to find my husband in a people puddle of male flesh.

 

Another woman I could have competed with, but not that...

[Chi townD]

Doesn't matter cheating is cheating. You can look through this forum and discover that people are devastated that they were cheated on regardless of gender.

[anduina]

Cheating is a violation of trust so why would gender matter?

[MrMeh]

I can't believe how naive some people can be, particularly some males,

at how 'innocent' they think those type of relationships can be.

 

I guess they think lesbian relationships are exotic or somehow trivial. I wouldn't waste a second if my SO was P or E cheating on me with another woman.

[deadelvis]

I guess since I allow my GFs to be with other women and they are always honest about it... it's not actually cheating. Important distinction

[autumnnight]

The pain would be horrible either way, but the decision would be easier. If he is with a man, then I leave because a homosexual affair is NOT the same as a heterosexual affair (no matter what degreed person says it is). I agree with Carrie's thought. If my husband is gay, and I am not a man, then duh. It's over.

[No Limit]

No. It's the same, at least to me.

[Sastrugi]

My wife cheated on me years ago so I know what it feels like. If she cheated with a woman it would have been ok with me. I'm not at all threatened by a woman. Even if she had been a closet lesbian and now wanted to leave me for another woman I would have taken it pretty much in stride. Sad & angry - yes - but I would also have been understanding and sympathetic with her. Clearly, the most damaging element - by far - of her cheating was the sex with other men.

 

yeah, I am built the same way. I get much more competitive / hurt if a another guy is involved.

[road]

It depends.

 

 

Is the OW hot.

 

 

Did my WW offer to include me.

 

 

Serious the AP being SS would not make things better.