I cheated and loved it

[darkbloom]

Why will I grow to despise myself and question my integrity?

 

You all might not think the same way as I do, or many people I know do, but infidelity in marriage is very much a common place thing. The idea that it isnt, the idea that it means this massive breach of character and the deepest of betrayals is all so very cliche and old school. I really guess I was expecting a more elevated level of conversation on the topic but instead I feel like I'm getting the type of responses based on personal anger and resentment. I will be ignoring the post as it just doesn't seem to be getting anywhere.

 

I don't know what type of elevation you were looking for. You have experienced people giving you sound advice and options to help you deal with the inevitable outcome of your poor decision making.

 

If you think of cheating and infidelity NOT being a massive breach of character and 'old school' then why did you get agree to the institution of marriage?

 

Your logic is flawed and you have lame reasoning.

[Clockwork]

I think you made a mockery of your marriage, but then again there are 37 million people on Ashley Madison, so I guess you'd fall into that category and are hardly alone.

 

 

I don't understand, you said your husband is a good man. Your marriage was going well before this was it not? Whatever medical complication he had I am sure there is a remedy to it. Viagara, etc. Or maybe it is psychological. It is something obviously. If you loved him you should have helped him try and figure it out.

 

 

A spouse who is perfectly healthy and shrugs off sex is a lot different than this situation.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Why not just be honest with him & tell him that you can't live without good sex and you are going to divorce him. Yes it might hurt him, but he will understand. If you love him, let him go so he can find someone else to be happy with.

[fireflywy]

Wow, it's amazing how sexist a couple people have been. If I were a man and posting all this, would you be asking if I was with my wife for financial reasons? I make a very good living, thanks.

 

I don't resent my husband and I don't resent him for not being able to perform. I don't resent someone for something that is beyond their control, but I also don't think I should have to say goodbye to him forever due to a change in his life neither of us could have planned for.

Again, I really REALLY REALLY feel like there is a lot of idealism floating around in these comments and it's lacking the realism I was hoping to find. I'm def not looking for high fives, but I also am not looking for people to say "Just divorce him and then you're free" I don't feel trapped at all.

 

Not idealism, we just won't perpetuate the fantasy that its okay to do what you did.

And yeah, I disagree with some others on here who say your aren't sociopathic because much of what you're saying SOUNDS sociopathic.

 

Honestly, if your interactiona with him are so callous and uncaring, if I were with you, I'd have a hard time getting it up too.

 

And yeah, divorce him. Your actions, regardless of how much you might refuse, resist, or deny, are illustrations you don't respect or love him. And yeah, you can say "I DO love him! I do!" But we can't read your mind to determine that nor can he as love is shown through external acts.

 

Let him go.

[understand50]

I think the OP has checked out of the thread guys.

 

No,she started a new one under the same subject under the marrage forum

[Tread Carefully]

Ok, so you did it once and didn't get caught.

 

How many more times are you going to scratch that itch? What kind of plan have you made? Was this a one time deal and you're done forever?

 

The more times you do it, the higher the chances of getting caught.

 

And just because I'm slightly confused, old fashioned and not an elevated thinker....how is breaking your vows and sharing your body with another man not disrespecting your husband?

 

Seriously, I'm curious.

[fireflywy]

"I don't feel trapped at all."

 

No, but he is. He's trapped in a lie with a Wayward Spouse.

 

 

Let HIM go. After this, HE'S the one who needs freedom, not you.

Edited August 5, 2015 by fireflywy

[DIFM]

Fitbitgirl,

 

It is not about what he doesn't know......it is about do you honor your agreements. If you are comfortable making promises and breaking them, if you can rationalize being unfaithful under the banner of "everyone does it", then what can anyone really offer. All that would be left is to say, do what your going to do because you are going to do it anyway.

[10thengineerharrison]

 

Anyway, I met [a man] at the gym and over the course of about 6 months or so I got to know him very well and his ex gf was quite the talker. I would be lying if the way she swooned over him and his anatomical advantages didnt make me curious.

 

Are there any women out there I could talk to? It seems like men just want details to jerk off to and I'm not here for that

 

Sounds like the ex gf would be perfect!

 

[aliveagain]

Just my opinion but I think this marriage is probably doomed anyway. I would wager to bet that her husband is having trouble getting it up because he's lost interest in her sexually, it happens. Most women would help their husband through this kind of issue, your making the problem worse by cuckolding him. Like they say, the first to leave a ship in trouble are the rats.

[Furious]

 

Again, I really REALLY REALLY feel like there is a lot of idealism floating around in these comments and it's lacking the realism I was hoping to find. I'm def not looking for high fives, but I also am not looking for people to say "Just divorce him and then you're free" I don't feel trapped at all.

 

 

You cheated and loved it but seem irritated about "idealism" from the comments you've received. Ok...you love cheating but not going to divorce your husband because...oh yeah... you love him and don't feel trapped at all. It's all good, a win win for you.

 

You don't want hive fives for loving cheating, just somewhere to express the thrill of it and how good cake tastes without the "idealism" haters pouncing on someone as evolved as you are.

[Friskyone4u]

OP has not posted since page 3 so i guess she is gone.

 

Seems like she was looking for congratulations on her ability to fool her husband and humiliate him.

 

I'm sure on some forum she will find a cheering section.

 

She seemed to not even want to hear just either tell him you want an open marriage or divorce him.

 

Forget the infidelity. A 32 year old woman has a right to feel she needs sex. But no respect for her husband to be treated like an adult and not manipultated is worse.

 

We'll see what her attitude is if she gets caught.

[William]

Regardless of any interaction from the thread starter, postings shall still address the topic and be respectful of fellow members, as proscribed in our guidelines. This also applies to postings of members who are moderated and posting into our approval queue. Our guidelines apply site-wide, to all publications. Thanks in advance for your cooperation with this moderation directive.

[jen1447]

It happened finally and I will spare most of the details but it was the first sex I had in about a year and it lasted for 3 hours. Ive never in my life dreamed sex could be that good and I am just locked on cloud 9 from it. Guess I'm a sociopath since I dont feel any guilt :/

 

Are there any women out there I could talk to? It seems like men just want details to jerk off to and I'm not here for that

I guess I'll buck the trend here (and skip the unsolicited judgment) and just say congratulations on the great sex.

 

Interesting tangent in the "men just want details to jerk off to" thing. That is an interesting phenomenon ....I think cuckold tendencies aren't really that uncommon, at least in some circles.

[drifter777]

...

Interesting tangent in the "men just want details to jerk off to" thing. That is an interesting phenomenon ....I think cuckold tendencies aren't really that uncommon, at least in some circles.

 

Yes ^^^^ agree completely. In fact I was insulted by OP's assertion. I might throw up reading her story but would never, ever be sexually stimulated.

 

OP: you will get caught if you continue to cheat. And I'll add my vote to the just divorce him and move on with your life. You are proving you don't want to be in a committed relationship so why are you living that way? Oh, and never tell your husband about the affair if it isn't discovered before the divorce. There's no need to hurt him unnecessarily.

[veryconfused1]

Specifically where do you want to be? If you want sex there are plenty of guys that will use you and have no respect for you because when I was younger I met unsatisfied housewives and I did that to them and had zero respect for them. Admittedly he probably won't find out because women can mess around and since guys like free sex you probably won't find a guy to latch onto you which should make you feel bad. If you want to be married and mess around you will eventually hate yourself. I work in medical and I know at the very least the guy could get an implant or have the injections that ALWAYS work. You need to maybe realize you want a divorce. Do you want kids? How will you get them from a flaccid penis? Something isn't right here.

[Mrin]

OP: I strongly suggest opening the marriage or at least asking your husband to agree to it. I don't think you need to come clean with your transgression. Just ask to open the marriage and that way you can be more out in the open about it.

 

The reason I say this is because if you don't, and continue to have affairs, sooner or later your husband will find out. And when he does it will devastate him. He'll blame himself and his medical condition for losing you - because he can't satisfy/provide for his woman. To a man, that is about the worst most shameful thing a man can feel. Just look through this site and you'll find so many stories of WS being caught. Sooner or later, it will happen.

 

With that in mind, you're essentially playing Russian roulette with your husband's unsuspecting head. If the hammer ever lands on a live bullet, it will literally devastate this man you profess to still love. Don't do that to him. Give him the dignity and respect of having the conversation about opening the marriage. If he loves you like you say, he'll understand where you're coming from.

[World's.Edge]

Have you thought that maybe your husband just isn't attracted to you? I know that there's this commonly held belief that men just want sex but sex is also psychological with us. I can't have sex with someone I'm not attracted to either physically or as a person.

 

I think it is selfish that you allow him to believe that you're faithful while you're intimate with other people.

 

Maybe if you were open with him and you two agreed that it's okay for both of you to have sexual relations with other people, he would find success in having sex with other women.

 

You think that it might hurt him and crush him to find out that you're cheating but he could be okay with it if he's also able to sleep with other women.

 

There are more open marraiges than people care to think, and honesty is integral in them.

[happyman64]

If he loves you like you say, he'll understand where you're coming from.

 

Ha!

 

 

If he loves her he is going to quickly realize she has already opened the marriage without ever discussing it with him or seeking his approval.

 

 

The guy is having operating difficulties in the dick department. I have been there.

 

 

When I admitted the issue to my wife she did not run out to the gym and bang some other member.

 

 

She got up the next day, called the Dr. and went with me to a few specialists. Turned out I am a diabetic.

 

 

Want to know the best yet to come? She told me we will deal with the issue. That our marriage was not built on sex and that life would go on.

 

 

We found a solution once my diabetes was brought under control.

 

 

So if FitBit comes back maybe she will realize what a real woman that loves and respects her husband might do.

 

 

And FitBit just a little advice. Never say your spouse will not find out you cheated on him. In many cases they eventually do. And then you are going to understand what hurt looks like on someone you supposedly love and respect.

 

 

Honesty is always the best policy. Try it.

 

 

HM

[Discjockey80]

It 'is' the details and intensity of the sex that would bother me. The ultimate feeling is knowing that you stack up well in the bedroom with your spouse. All details aside here Fitbit essentially all but said the other man was hands down one of the best lovers she has ever had. And her husband somehow isn't allowed to give her that experience. And she thinks that's okay because it shouldn't matter to him. Well, that's just not how men work (And probably ALOT of women). Sorry....

 

 

The fact that Fitbit has experienced this type of sex apart from her husband has now severed the primal bond between her and her husband. If there ever was one.

 

 

The lies and deception are bad too but since I don't believe in open marriages, at least for me, there is no point in asking for that. Defeats the purpose of marriage for me.

Edited August 5, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[William]

For any members who find their posting privileges curtailed, let that be a lesson in taking a swing after a directive from moderation.

[TX-SC]

I feel that a marriage is indeed "for better and for worse" and those fidelity bonds should not be broken over physical issues that the husband obviously has no control over. I do understand the frustration and the need (desire) to be fulfilled sexually. It should be your job as his wife to help him through this or at least try to work out a plan, such as an open marriage. The same should be said for any man married to a woman who has physical sex issues or emotional issues due to childhood trauma or some other issue.

 

I guess what I'm saying is that infidelity is a horrible transgression in a marriage. It undermines the entire marriage. The emotional bond, the trust, and the love is damaged.

Edited August 6, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Just a Guy]

Hi Fitbit, I have avoided posting on your thread till now and I am sorry that you are getting hit from all sides. I guess most people on this board have had bitter experiences in their relationships and are naturally bitter about it. It would be very difficult for them to be sympathetic to your situation or to give you objective advice. Firstly, I think the essence of what most people here are trying to say is that you are guilty of betrayal of the trust reposed in you by your husband and that that trust is the cement that binds your relationship into a tight bond. By cheating on your husband you have effectively chipped away at the cement and thus loosened the bond which holds you together and that eventually this bond will just wither away.

 

Secondly I have to agree with some posters that you should have a heart to heart talk with your husband and discuss opening up your marriage. Maybe you could include your husband being present when you have your te ta tes' with your lovers ( if of course your husband is willing to do so) so that there is no chance of secrecy and going behind his back and also maybe to re-ignite his dead battery libido! In any case by bringing everything above board you will be at ease and your husband will have no reason to be suspicious of any agenda he thinks you may have. I once read of a case just like yours where the wife was able to convince her husband who suffered from low libido, to let her satisfy her needs outside the marriage and was able to get him to be involved such that he would always be present in the room next to the one where she was with her lover in the hotel. The fact is that after every episode where the wife spent a night with her lover, her husband would be charged up enough to have a reasonable roll in the hay with her which helped both of them to bond together. It may be worth trying.

 

I would also like to draw your attention to the thread by Recent Change as I find great similarities between your case and that of hers. You should find her post on page 2 of this forum if I am not mistaken. Maybe you can exchange notes with her since she will at least be sympathetic to your situation. In any case I wish you the very best as you go forward. Hope you do read this.

[DIFM]

I guess most people on this board have had bitter experiences in their relationships and are naturally bitter about it.

 

Perhaps said another way. I guess many people on this board have had their spouse betray their trust, similar to what you are doing, and can relate to the pain your husband would feel if he knew.

 

There is no judgment in that or bitterness.

[No Limit]

You're just doing your very best to avoid negative feelings like guilt. Cheater-pattern, nothing special.

 

I guess I'm just trying to understand how lying is the problem.

 

Read this line alone, for example. It should tell you enough about the critical state of your mind.

 

What I also find very interesting that not once do you consider getting caught. But there have been many before you who believed that as well.