Aaron Posted March 21, 2001 Share Posted March 21, 2001 I have a coworker who I perceive as overly friendly towards me and I simply reciprocated it by flirting back but nothing serious I'd say. I didnt know her well and as I became interested and believed so was she, I 'safely' offered my help on a project of hers but she hastly declined and wouldn't even take my phonenumber when I gave it to her. But now, we work more often and usually alone so I have tried to take full advantage of that opportunity. She asks alot of personel and background questions but whenever I ask questions she rarely answers, instead she turns the question around on me and I am forced to answer it because I dont want to seem so distant or rude but she'll usually pass when I ask her again. I feel as if I am getting mixed signals because she constantly touches me at work and does ask alot about my background and beliefs and will answer those when I turn them upon her. But I have never brought up past endevors in love as I don't want to be the only one giving up info or further scaring her off. From coworkers I have recently learned that she has had a boyfriend for some time now about whom to me she has soley mentioned as a close friend but nothing in detail. I am just perplexed because I did not start any advances or flirting with her and simply reciprocate to her degree but it seems she is interested but she shunned my out of work contact and now I find out she has a guy...did I do something wrong, was there a window and is it still open or did I lose my opportunity to make it more serious then this mere playing around? Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Mojo Posted March 21, 2001 Share Posted March 21, 2001 hi aaron, even though you have developed an attraction to this lady, i would try and let this one slide. the thing that bothers me about your post is that she has apparently had a boyfriend for some time now who she has only referred to as a good friend. that is a bit of a red light. i personally wouldn't want to pursue anything with anyone who refers to a partner as a good friend to other people. it's highly likely her partner isn't even aware of the references she makes to him. and even if there relationship isn't what it's cracked up to be, people like this are always the kind to be wary of. if you got involved with her, what would she refer to you as? a good friend or a boyfriend? hmmm, i wouldn't want to find out if i were in your shoes. it certainly does appear that you are receiving mixed signals here. from where i sit, it doesn't appear so much that she is playing hard to get, but that she is teasing you (and not in a really playful way either). just give her vague answers about yourself from now on. don't feel pressured to go into any detail at all. if you want to ask her a question and she turns it around, tell her, "i'll answer that when you answer my question :)". she's probably also one of these girls who likes to flirt on her own level and when someone flirts back, gives the cold shoulder to a certain degree. like i said, she sounds like a bit of a tease to me. others might see it in a different way to me, but for the best part, i would probably steer clear of anything with her. the whole having a boyfriend who she calls a close friend is a little bit strange. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 21, 2001 Share Posted March 21, 2001 This lady is jerking you and your feelings around big time. If she has a boyfriend, she is doing nothing more than massaging her ego to see if she can get and keep you interested. Look back at her behavior and you will clearly see that she is not in any way interested in you in other than a target of her teases. Back off and don't be so kind with her. Keep things totally business. Talk to her but keep things at a business level. Because of her failure to disclose that she is in a relationship, this whole flirtation thing has been a one-way deal. I personally learned a long time ago not to let these kinds of things go on for long. There are many ladies out there who are real teases that just enjoy blowing up their egos and have no interest beyond that. They just use men as fools. Let her know you know she has a boyfriend but working him into a conversation. Say something like..."I wonder how your boyfriend would feel about this or that?" Keep bringing him up now and then to neutralize whatever sick thing she is trying to accomplish. This will surely flush her out and stop this foolishness. Move on and don't look back. She's not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Laurynn Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 If she has a guy, she's obviously not available. Maybe she's just playing games with you, maybe she's just a 'nosy rosie'....but if a) she has a boyfriend and b) she's not into sharing anything about herself, don't waste your time. Focus your energy on someone who's unattached and knows a thing or two about two-way communication. L Link to post Share on other sites
Aaron Posted March 23, 2001 Share Posted March 23, 2001 Thank you all for your responses, looks like I knew the right thing to do all along but just needed some reassurment from wise people:) I'm moving on... Link to post Share on other sites
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