Does my boyfriend love me or his ex girlfriend?

[Serenaa]

I previously posted on this website and received great responses. However, I just wanted to give an update on the situation but I forgot my login details. Hence, why I had to make a new account. My previous thread was:

 

"My boyfriend of 18 months is on Tinder. Should I be okay with him using Tinder? He matched with his ex girlfriend on it and he was asking her weird questions. They were together for nearly 3 years and he was asking her if she hates him. Why does he care? He said he wanted to see how she was and if she hated him. Is he even emotionally invested in me if he's thinking about his ex girlfriend, wondering how she is and if she hates him. I found out he's on Tinder as she told me. He started cussing her, saying she's stirring and he didn't ask her if she hates him. My boyfriend said his friends messaged her as a joke, she was a part of a game. They didn't speak for 17/18 months though and I find this very suspicious. Does my boyfriend still love his ex girlfriend? He's unmatched her of Tinder and blocked her on WhatsApp"

 

UPDATE:

 

He sent me the conversation they had where he asked her if she "hates" him.

 

He said: "do you hate me 8-) lmaoooo"

She (his ex girlfriend) said: "LOL I think it's best if I don't answer that"

He said: "Why LOL"

She said: "Take a guess.."

He said "Cus we ended?"

She said: "No, because you cheated?"

He said: "Huh When"

She said: "My name?"

He said: "I got with her when I told you that were going to finish? Lol and also I never got with her until I told you Plus we weren't even going out at the time."

 

He went on to ask how her sister is, what she's been doing and if she's at University. She told him that they shouldn't be talking and there families wouldn't be happy because of "caste".

 

He said: "I know kid stop talking"

She said: "You spoke to me first?"

He said: "Behave you liked my profile don't act innocent with laughing emoji and tongue one"

She said: " It was a accident LOL I am innocent"

He said: "Naa you loved it we shouldn't be talking"

She said: "LOL that's true One question, why did you speak to me?"

He said: "Just seeing how you are and if you hate me"

She said: "I don't hate you lol"

He said: "LOL that's good then"

She said: "Yes it is,now you can finally sleep peacefully"

He said: "Oh don't worry I never lost sleep over it"

 

She then asked him: "Aren't you with ....?" He has stopped using Tinder and deleted his profile. However, in the conversation with his ex, she asked him if he's still with "me" and he responded "yeah and told her he liked her profile a long time ago when we broke up". He even told her he had Tinder ages ago and "best not talk" when he spoke to her FIRST. Fair enough, if he liked her profile when we broke up but BEFORE he matched with her he was "active 12 minutes ago". So even without her in the picture, he must have spoken to other girls.

 

She said: "Loll, I was just asking generally, I haven't forgiven you! It's a bit late for that but I'm happy for you .. Hope it works out for you both!"

He said: "Looool I haven't forgiven you either and thanks".

She said "what do I need to be forgiven for?"

He said "How you spoke to me"

She said: "I'm not being sarcastic but can you explain? I really don't remember this :/"

He said: "U was cussing me"

She said: "Was this before after we broke up?"

He said: "Both"

She said: "I'm sorry about cussing you when we were in a relationship! .. However, in my defence after we broke up I'm not exactly going to be happy"

He said: "LOL it's okay"

 

I really don't know what to make of this situation. He claims he wants to be with me and not her. They broke up for a year and a half, they haven't spoken or seen each other since except this conversation and prior the one where he unmatched her of Tinder and blocked her on WhatsApp. His family don't approve of her because she's a different "caste". Me and him are the same "caste" so his family would approve of me.

 

Surely, after being broken up for so long you can be "friend?" The worst thing is, he dumped her and got into a relationship with me.

 

If you were me what would you think and do?

 

Do you think he's still in love with his ex girlfriend?

Edited August 5, 2015 by Serenaa

[d0nnivain]

I can't tell from that whether he still loves her but it does have unresolved feelings for her. Seems to me like if she was willing he'd leave skid marks across your body rushing to be with her.

 

 

In the end, it doesn't really matter. What should bother you is the fact that your BF was on Tinder in the 1st place.

[darkmoon]

what is a caste?

[Serenaa]

I can't tell from that whether he still loves her but it does have unresolved feelings for her. Seems to me like if she was willing he'd leave skid marks across your body rushing to be with her.

 

 

In the end, it doesn't really matter. What should bother you is the fact that your BF was on Tinder in the 1st place.

 

Thank you for your view, I completely agree. I had no idea he was on Tinder in the first place. That was a shock and now this is a even bigger shock.

 

I do think deep down he wants to sort things out with her and be forgiven for what he did to her. However, in reality his family wouldn't accept her so he doesn't see a point in being with her or communicating with her.

 

Maybe, by speaking to her it reminds him of the feelings he has for her?

[Serenaa]

what is a caste?

 

Caste is in some religions, it's where you are divided into. It's a hierarchy of castes which older generation believe in. His family believe that he should marry in his own "caste" and not a lower caste because of pride.

[d0nnivain]

what is a caste?

 

 

It's an often inviolate social structure in certain cultures, where if you are a member of a high caste you are forbidden & will be shunned by your family & peers for being with somebody of a lower class.

 

 

To put it in more Western terms, it's why the Lady of the Manor doesn't marry the gardener.

[hakim]

A basic rule of thumb for me is: if they're still involved with their ex, they're still in love.

 

So yeah, based on that, he clearly still has extreme feelings for his ex and isn't invested in you. It seems like, for the moment, you're simply a rebound.

[Serenaa]

A basic rule of thumb for me is: if they're still involved with their ex, they're still in love.

 

So yeah, based on that, he clearly still has extreme feelings for his ex and isn't invested in you. It seems like, for the moment, you're simply a rebound.

 

 

Thank you for your view! .. May I ask why do you think he has extreme feelings for her?

 

I agree with you, although he said he's unmatched and blocked her of WhatsApp. So atm, he hasn't spoken to her at all. That doesn't change the fact, he was on Tinder in the first place and asking her weird questions like that. Maybe, he's trying to show to her he's moved on when he "hasn't"?

 

Last year in July ish time, we were together for 10 months by then. He got his friend to check up on her for him. She even asked her "how's you and ......." she responded very harshly with "I'm glad it's over etc", I think he was deeply upset by this.

 

Hence why, he asked her if she "hates" him

[d0nnivain]

You also have to acknowledge that they are not apart because he voluntarily chose to break up with her. They are apart only because he wasn't strong enough to stand up to his family.

[Serenaa]

You also have to acknowledge that they are not apart because he voluntarily chose to break up with her. They are apart only because he wasn't strong enough to stand up to his family.

 

That's true, his family don't know he's spoken to her recently. I just realised I forgot to mention our ages, she's 20 and he's 22. I'm 20 as well. I think "eventually" he might stand up to his family because his feelings still haven't gone after been broken up with her for a year and half with no communication or seeing each other

[elaine567]

That's true, his family don't know he's spoken to her recently. I just realised I forgot to mention our ages, she's 20 and he's 22. I'm 20 as well. I think "eventually" he might stand up to his family because his feelings still haven't gone after been broken up with her for a year and half with no communication or seeing each other

 

Ok so he broke up with her, due to the reason of her being of an incompatible caste and almost immediately started dating you, is that correct?

[Serenaa]

Ok so he broke up with her, due to the reason of her being of an incompatible caste and almost immediately started dating you, is that correct?

 

Yes, they were together for nearly 3 years (2 years and 9 months to be specific).

[sandylee1]

Yes, they were together for nearly 3 years (2 years and 9 months to be specific).

 

He still has feelings for her. He's with you as trying to move on , but she had his heart. Personally, I don't like being in such a position. You're very young and I wouldn't hang about with him if it were me.

 

I'd simply say that I don't feel you're really over your Ex and as such I'm ending it ' ' take care and all the best for the future'.

[Serenaa]

He still has feelings for her. He's with you as trying to move on , but she had his heart. Personally, I don't like being in such a position. You're very young and I wouldn't hang about with him if it were me.

 

I'd simply say that I don't feel you're really over your Ex and as such I'm ending it ' ' take care and all the best for the future'.

 

That's true, I don't think he's moved on. I guess if his family approved then he'd be rushing to be with her.

[elaine567]

That's true, I don't think he's moved on. I guess if his family approved then he'd be rushing to be with her.

 

Yes I agree.

Do not accept second best, he will resent you for not being her.

[Serenaa]

Yes I agree.

Do not accept second best, he will resent you for not being her.

 

You're completely right, that's true. Although, I do feel sorry for him as he can't be with the woman he loves because of his family. That's harsh and rough at the same time for him.

[elaine567]

You're completely right, that's true. Although, I do feel sorry for him as he can't be with the woman he loves because of his family. That's harsh and rough at the same time for him.

 

Yes, but you cannot base your life on pity for him and his situation.

YOU want a man who loves YOU, not one who is spending time hankering after his ex.

 

YOU could say you will wait for him, but he may never get over her, and where does that leave you, your children, your family...

 

Relationships that are unrequited due to external forces, can have a significance well above what they deserve.

Had they just split due to incompatibility, he would be well over her by now, but this frustration of HAVING to do the right thing due to family pressures, will elevate their "Love" to great heights and I guess you or some other girl will always struggle to compete with that.

[Serenaa]

Yes, but you cannot base your life on pity for him and his situation.

YOU want a man who loves YOU, not one who is spending time hankering after his ex.

 

YOU could say you will wait for him, but he may never get over her, and where does that leave you, your children, your family...

 

Relationships that are unrequited due to external forces, can have a significance well above what they deserve.

Had they just split due to incompatibility, he would be well over her by now, but this frustration of HAVING to do the right thing due to family pressures, will elevate their "Love" to great heights and I guess you or some other girl will always struggle to compete with that.

 

That's true, I need to move on for my sake because it's been over a year and half since they broke up and he STILL hasn't moved on.

[Zagan]

From reading the way he talks, it seems to me he just wanted his ego stroked, and if that's the way he is then I very much doubt he loves either of you.

[Serenaa]

From reading the way he talks, it seems to me he just wanted his ego stroked, and if that's the way he is then I very much doubt he loves either of you.

 

Maybe, hmm.