The bathroom bikini selfie - a online dating "don't"?

[Robert Z]

Perhaps that is why I am known as a man eater rather than a sheep?

 

And you take pride in that? A man eater? Sounds abusive and mean to me.

[Toodaloo]

And you take pride in that? A man eater? Sounds abusive and mean to me.

 

If by being honest and direct with them, listening when they are down and offering support in a way that they feel appropriate, regular massages, regular blow jobs and sex that is often initiated by myself, cups of tea, paying my way, taking them out to the rugby, bringing them a beer when they are tired, scrubbing their backs in the bath, picking them up from the pub when they have got absolutely bladdered with their mates, cooking meals, cleaning the house, sorting out their taxes and insurances, bringing them silly things that I have seen that they would like, surprising them when they feel down, celebrating each and every achievement that they make, being there and supporting them with projects and ideas that everyone else tells them are impossible...

 

If all of that sounds "abusive and mean" to you Robert then I am afraid we have very differing views on what is "abusive and mean" and what is not. To be perfectly honest, many men and women simply do not know how to take being treated with respect and care. All I ever ask is that I be treated in the same way that I treat them.

 

Going by my past exes, please bear in mind that every single one has said that I deserve better. The vast majority are still good friends.

 

Thats right.

 

EVERY SINGLE ONE HAS SAID THAT I DESERVE BETTER.

 

As in me not them.

 

Even the last one who was a total tool. He actually wrote it several times, said it several times and text it once.

 

I have never once asked them, or any other person to "validate" me or boost my ego. I don't need it. If I can be proud of the person looking back at me in the mirror then I am good. If my friends and family, whos opinions matter to me, can be proud of me, then I am happy. I have simply gone about my life in the way I see fit.

 

Why in the hell should I care if some random stranger thinks I have great tits? He doesn't know me. He doesn't care about me. He isn't invested in me. So why should I care and why should I degrade myself to becoming just some superficial object rather than a human being with purpose?

 

People will treat you in the way you treat yourself. Why should some random bloke give a damn about you as a human being if you are portraying yourself as nothing more than a hole to poke a penis into? Looks fade, they can be taken away and if you behave that way all you do is leave yourself open to feeling rejected, hurt and unworthy just because you get old... Sad.

[Heatherknows]

Yes, I would say validation. I had uncheck the "following" button on some women on Facebook because they kept posting selfies of themselves every frickin second "on their way" to doing something.

 

"This is me, on the way to the gym!" "This is me on the way to work!" "This is me walking to the bathroom at IHOP!" "This is me on the crapper at the IHOP!", "This is me flushing the toilet at the IHOP!"

 

LOL..I'm just exaggerating on the last few, but it's not hard to make fun of these people.

 

OH, and the duck faces.

 

I mean, if you're going to take a selfie, at least use some context. LOL It just further enhances the person's narcissist behavior.

 

Recently, I've seen this FB arguement happen between this attention wh**ring woman and another woman. She was posting pics of herself in lingerie outfits.

 

She asked, "Is this too risque?" in the caption...of course, it may have been a rhetorical question, but this woman remarked , "So, how does your husband and step-daughter feel about you doing that?"

 

That didn't go over well. LOL

 

But hey, ask for an opinion on FB, you're likely to get some that aren't what you like.

 

I hear what you're saying. I'm not advocating that taking selfies and posting them online all the time is appropriate or healthy. But I do like compliments and approval.

[impatiently_patient]

Bring em on!

 

Much prefer to know what I'm getting into than to waste time only to find out I'm not attracted physically.

 

I have a single shirtless selfie in my profiles online too. Doesn't seem to slow down the responses. Increases them, actually.

 

And.. the responses are more concrete.... they know they want to meet you, rather than than write on a "maybe" feeling.

 

Yeah, but do you think it's of any value if you're not a pumpy (pretty sure you are from your pic). 98% of guys I know don't jack weight all that seriously. I feel like the shirtless thing is really specific to bodybuilders. I could be wrong though.

[GunslingerRoland]

I think it kind of screams of, hey look at me I'm a sexual creature, look at how good I look almost naked.

 

I don't know if you need to push the point that hard on a dating site... I'm imagining a good looking woman who does that will be overwhelmed with guys trying to get those last tiny pieces of cloth off, whereas for a man, if you aren't exceptional looking it can turn women away, but even if you are, it may look overly cocky.

[AlurOne]

I have about 100 sexy selfies, some taken in a mirror, some with my arm stretched out as far as I can manage. Maybe, I'm desperate?

 

What exactly am I desperate for? To have other people look at my body and tell me I'm attractive? Sexual approval? Validation? Sounds about right.

 

Tomorrow, I'll try taking a selfie of my personality.

 

Its not attractive to me when a woman needs this validation. Contrived sexy selfies are almost always a pass.

[Heatherknows]

Its not attractive to me when a woman needs this validation. Contrived sexy selfies are almost always a pass.

 

That's fine. You pick who is right for you.

[Popsicle]

whereas for a man, if you aren't exceptional looking it can turn women away, but even if you are, it may look overly cocky.

 

All he needs is one swimsuit photo, just one, not ten.

[HereNorThere]

Whether we like it or not, humans are very tribal and categorical. When we look at profiles, we tend to determine what tribe the person belongs to. This can work for or against you depending on what you're looking for.

 

If you are attracted to the Instagram, duck face, risqué photo tribe, you'll attract the same by putting that vibe out. If you want to attract a higher class mate, you'll need to put out a higher class vibe.

 

There's nothing wrong with either, but don't be surprised if you attract the wrong type of person or end up being wrongly categorized. These categorizations are made on a more primal, less logical part of your brain. Meaning, no matter how open minded people are, they will likely base this judgement on deeply rooted instincts meant to increase their chances of survival.

 

I think Dave Chappelle summed it up nicely -

 

“The girl says "Oh uh-uh, wait a minute! Wait a minute! Just because I'm dressed this way does not make me a wh0re!" Which is true, Gentlemen, that is true. Just because they dress a certain way doesn't mean they are a certain way. Don't ever forget it. But ladies, you must understand that is f-ing confusing. It just is. Now that would be like me, Dave Chappelle, the comedian, walking down the street in a cop uniform. Somebody might run up on me saying, "Oh, thank God. Officer, help us! Come on. They're over here. Help us!" "Oh-hoh! Just because I'm dressed this way does not make me a police officer!" See what I mean? All right, ladies, fine. You are not a wh0re. But you are wearing a wh0re's uniform.”

[LookAtThisPOst]

Whether we like it or not, humans are very tribal and categorical. When we look at profiles, we tend to determine what tribe the person belongs to. This can work for or against you depending on what you're looking for.

 

If you are attracted to the Instagram, duck face, risqué photo tribe, you'll attract the same by putting that vibe out. If you want to attract a higher class mate, you'll need to put out a higher class vibe.

 

There's nothing wrong with either, but don't be surprised if you attract the wrong type of person or end up being wrongly categorized. These categorizations are made on a more primal, less logical part of your brain. Meaning, no matter how open minded people are, they will likely base this judgement on deeply rooted instincts meant to increase their chances of survival.

 

I think Dave Chappelle summed it up nicely -

 

“The girl says "Oh uh-uh, wait a minute! Wait a minute! Just because I'm dressed this way does not make me a wh0re!" Which is true, Gentlemen, that is true. Just because they dress a certain way doesn't mean they are a certain way. Don't ever forget it. But ladies, you must understand that is f-ing confusing. It just is. Now that would be like me, Dave Chappelle, the comedian, walking down the street in a cop uniform. Somebody might run up on me saying, "Oh, thank God. Officer, help us! Come on. They're over here. Help us!" "Oh-hoh! Just because I'm dressed this way does not make me a police officer!" See what I mean? All right, ladies, fine. You are not a wh0re. But you are wearing a wh0re's uniform.”

 

Sums it all up in 1 word: Perception.