What's the best way to end a flirtation?

[maddy]

I have been in a ltr with my bf for about three years. It is a great relationship and he will be moving nearby very soon. My problem is, there is this guy I see at work occasionally, and only for a few minutes at a time. I'm pretty sure he has a crush on me, and I have to admit I think he's attractive, but nothing more. There's a subtle but definite flirtation going on, though it's never been talked about out loud.

 

But lately it seems like it's heading toward a danger zone, mainly because he's getting slightly braver and my attraction to him is getting stronger. What is the best way to handle this? I don't want to make a big deal out of it, which would be awkward and embarrassing (and difficult to hide from coworkers), but often when I see him I blush, so I can't pretend there's nothing going on even though I'd like to. How do I cut this off before it gets too weird or, more importantly, endangers my relationship?

[SexKitten]

you stop it abruptly, without being mean and making an issue of it.

 

if he wants to know why you no longer reciprocate, explain.

 

and next time, think of how your boyfriend would feel if he knew this was going on, and how you would feel if your boyfriend was doing the same thing.

 

don't be in an ltr/ldr for the heck of it. do it because you love him and want to be with him, without having to flirt like a schoolgirl until he comes back in the picture.

[Marshbear]

I wouldn't just go cold turkey. It is unnessary and could cause him to get upset. I would gradually withdraw your contact with each other and become fellow associates. The flirting would have to stop. It would be a business relationship.

 

I would also ask why you started flirting with him in the first place?

It is bound to cause some tension between you two so I don't think you can expect a clean break with no hassle. It depends upon how he feels about you. If he has developed feeling their will be a bumpy ride...

[maddy]

Ok, a couple of things need to be clarified.

 

First, this flirtation began a couple of years before I met my boyfriend. It had been relatively harmless until recently. Even back then, I wasn't actually interested, I just thought he was kind of cute.

 

Next, I value my relationship with my boyfriend and had not intended to cause any problems. Of course I've already thought through all sides of the situation. That's why I posted, hoping for some advice from an objective point of view.

 

Finally, there's not going to be a "next time", and I appreciate the suggestions.

[BigB]

Get a big picture of boyfriend and put it on your desk

[SexKitten]

Originally posted by BigB

Get a big picture of boyfriend and put it on your desk

 

good suggestion, BigB!!!

[maddy]

Ok, I see how this works.

Thanks for all the insightful wisdom.

[mutton]

I'm not sure on whether you will be reading this, but I would like to share with you my point-of-view. I've been in many similiar situations and I realize that it is difficult to just cut off the flirting while maintaining a friendship/professional relationship without being too abrupt (i.e. making it too awkward). I suggest letting him take a hint or even several hints before you have to go "cold turkey." If he does not know that you have a serious relationship and boyfriend, start by mentioning your relationship. If he does know, it may help if mention your boyfriend more.

 

Perhaps he is the certain type of guy who thinks that flirting is fine during a relationship. If the both of you have developed a friendship, then perhaps you can be honest to him that now that you have a serious boyfriend, the flirting makes you uncomfortable. Any other direction taken will just lead to confusion and awkwardness on his part (not something you want to have with in a workplace). My best advice to you is to be direct and deal with it in a mature fashion and expect the same from your co-worker. If he does not respect your feelings then he does not respect you. In this case, he is not a worthwhile person for you to be associating yourself with.