The Magic of Making Up- Has anyone tried it?

[jellyfishmari]

My boyfriend of 2 years (and childhood friend since kindergarten) just dumped me yesterday. I'm wondering if anyone has used the "Magic of Making Up" course by someone called T Dub. I don't usually believe in these sorts of online programs, but I would like to believe that there is at least a small chance we can be together again- since we both seemed so happy in the beginning, I know that happiness together is possible. I just need advice on how to get it back.

 

I read reviews on this program and most of them are just created to help sell his book. Has anyone here tried this book and did it help you?

 

I don't want to spend any money on it until I find out whether it actually works. Any info would be helpful.

Edited August 13, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[d0nnivain]

Anybody who wants to sell you something designed to help you get your EX back is a scam artist. In addition to losing your SO, you will lose hard earned money on top of it with any of these so called programs.

 

I'm guessing you are relatively young. The relationship may have run it's course. Keep your dignity. Don't chase, beg or cry. In time -- several years -- you may be able to resume a friendship. For now focus on healing yourself & then what ever is next in your life.

[acapelo_dp]

When my boyfriend (then ex) broke up with me back in February I tried desperately looking online to find the perfect "get your ex back" program. Honestly please do not waste your money. Everyone on LS is right when they say start no contact and also work on yourself! Focus your energy on keeping yourself busy and doing things that make you happy. That is what makes ex's come back (if they ever do - don't get your hopes up this quickly...). My boyfriend and I broke up for 3.5 months and we got back together after 6-7 weeks NC and us just living our lives. It wasn't that much time apart but I never ever expected a reconciliation in a million years.

 

You can get through this! Please do not spend your money, those programs are all scams because they know you are in an emotional state.

[jellyfishmari]

Did he break it off or did you? Since he broke up with me, and he actually wanted out of the relationship (there was no measure of infidelity, violence, or abuse here, just to make it clear), I fear that I won't be able to get him back even with no contact. I mean, of course I do not want him to be sucked back into a relationship if it would make him unhappy. Which is why I plan to improve myself and focus on my own goals and personal growth so that he will actually WANT to be with me like he used to. I'm just scared that NC will push him away.

 

You see, he's been trying to text me and chat with me, all joking and loving as if nothing happened. He broke my heart and then acts as if to say "Hey, I broke up with you but that doesn't mean I don't like you. We're still friends." It's very confusing, and if I break contact and start ignoring him, I feel he will begin to move further away or dislike me.

 

I'm so lost I really don't want to ruin my chances with him

[TaraMaiden2]

..... I fear that I won't be able to get him back even with no contact.

You don't get exes back with No Contact.

That's not what it's for...

 

I mean, of course I do not want him to be sucked back into a relationship if it would make him unhappy. Which is why I plan to improve myself and focus on my own goals and personal growth so that he will actually WANT to be with me like he used to. I'm just scared that NC will push him away.

All you need worry about in NC is that you stick to it.

Read the link in my signature.

If he doesn't come back, it has nothing to do with you implementing NC.

If he doesn't come back, it's very simply becayse he doesn't want to.

 

You see, he's been trying to text me and chat with me, all joking and loving as if nothing happened. He broke my heart and then acts as if to say "Hey, I broke up with you but that doesn't mean I don't like you. We're still friends." It's very confusing, and if I break contact and start ignoring him, I feel he will begin to move further away or dislike me.

The reason he does this is entirely for his benefiut, not yours.

he broke up with you "for no resson" so he feels guilty. Being your friend - and you being his - relieves his guilt and eases the pressure off his shoulders for having dumped you.

 

Read the NC Guide. It's all in there...

 

I'm so lost I really don't want to ruin my chances with him

You don't have any.

He's shut the door on that.

He is the one who needs the chances, and the sincere and earnest entreaties and approaches can only come from him, not you....

[acapelo_dp]

Did he break it off or did you? Since he broke up with me, and he actually wanted out of the relationship (there was no measure of infidelity, violence, or abuse here, just to make it clear), I fear that I won't be able to get him back even with no contact. I mean, of course I do not want him to be sucked back into a relationship if it would make him unhappy. Which is why I plan to improve myself and focus on my own goals and personal growth so that he will actually WANT to be with me like he used to. I'm just scared that NC will push him away.

 

You see, he's been trying to text me and chat with me, all joking and loving as if nothing happened. He broke my heart and then acts as if to say "Hey, I broke up with you but that doesn't mean I don't like you. We're still friends." It's very confusing, and if I break contact and start ignoring him, I feel he will begin to move further away or dislike me.

 

I'm so lost I really don't want to ruin my chances with him

 

He broke up with me because he was going through a really stressful time - financially providing for his family and having money issues. The relationship became stale and routine so to speak. He felt like he lost himself. Through the three months we were apart he made it absolutely clear he didn't want to be in a relationship period, with anyone. But would text me every few weeks to ask me how I was doing, act like a boyfriend when we were together. I soon cut that off and went NC for six weeks. I reached out one night due to boredom and we had an amazing date together. Then he asked me on another date...and another...and then we slowly became exclusive again. The factors that have changed is that he is no longer financially supporting his family and we are now communicating.

 

Communicating with him regularly will only hurt more and he needs time to miss you. Trust me, you don't forget about someone that you loved and you dated. He won't forget about you. Don't ignore his texts but simply tell him "I don't think it's a good idea to communicate anymore or to be friends. I want to focus on myself and I really need time, and it will only hurt more. Take care." and then go no contact. Once you start doing things for you and keeping busy one of two things will happen 1.) you will both move on and no longer want him back or 2.) you will work on yourself and slowly start to move on and he will want you back. Usually number 1 happens the most. Either way you will be okay

[NVO]

If you want it, go get it. By sitting around, implementing NC to get your ex back, you won't succeed. You will heal with NC. The choice is completely up to you. Try NC for a couple of months, and make your decision when your head is not clouded by emotions anymore. By reading your posts I can tell you that you are not ready a bit for the confrontation with your ex right now. You can't show up while your broken, your ex will probably see right through your act. If you want to impress your ex you have to show up with a completely different attitude and also prepare yourself to get hurt. That's why it's very important to boost your confidence before you see your ex. But reading that eBook will explain that in detail to you.

 

To answer your question, I will share my experiences with you. I'm not trying to get my ex back though, but I'm keeping all my options open. Who knows what might happen. I already lost her and I'm doing fine without my ex. Feeling comfortable with this positive attitude.

 

I want to meet up with her because I care for her and want to know how she is doing. She broke up with me about three months ago, for some background information. But I also want to avoid getting friend zoned, since she has been pressing for being 'just friends' lately. And I'm fed up with discussing this kind of issues by text, because that's her immature way of dealing with it. So I'd rather take on the confrontation and talk to her about it face to face. But even though I do not plan to get my ex back, I took the preparations (boosting confidence and self-esteem, making sure I'm over the break-up, etc.) very seriously.

 

The next step was to set up a date / meeting. I would talk about it to your ex like it is a meeting, just to keep things neutral. Saying you want your ex to go on a date with you might scare him / her away. On the other hand, the advantage of the more direct approach is that you are being clear with your intentions from the start. So I'll let that choice up to you, just do what feels right. I wanted to call her, but I decided to text her because, well, I already mentioned her 'text addiction.'

 

Our conversation was as followed:

Me: How are you doing? Are you able to enjoy the nice weather lately?

Ex: I'm doing ok. I have been working a lot. How are you?

Me: I'm doing just fine. I was about to call you but I thought that might scare you off. Was wondering if you would like to go get a lunch and catch up?

Ex: Haha, how sweet. I would like that. I don't want to sound rude, but considering our last conversations, with you suggesting that keeping in touch gives you hope, I don't want you to get your hopes up with me agreeing to see you.

Me: You don't sound rude at all. I know what I am doing. And I'm not doing this for some kind of reconciliation. I respect your decision to end things and I consider it a selfish act to force something like that upon you.

Ex: All right, a lunch it is!

 

So, we decided to grab a lunch on Tuesday this upcoming week while I asked her out on Friday. I did this on purpose, so that I can ease up a bit through the following days. You want to maintain your relaxed and confident you. I want to show up like I'm feeling: I'm doing fine, handling this whole thing well and happy to see her.

 

She does not want me to get my hopes up, and that's fine because I won't. The trick to all of this is to not get ahead of your ex' feelings. If she does not want to get together, neither will I. If she is considering getting back together, so will I. And so on... But, as I suggested earlier in this post, I do have some kind of plan and goals for this meeting.

 

My strategy is as followed:

• The date / meeting will not last longer than 1 1/2 hour;
  
• I will make this meeting about her, trying to get some emotional connection, being a good listener and observing her body language;
  
• My goal is to keep her talking, let's say 70% of the time. The other 30% will be my part in all of this;
  
• I will make it clear that I can not be 'just friends' and I am not planning to be friend zoned.
  
• Not over-analyzing my ex' words and actions;
  
• Last but not least: Confidence, confidence, confidence! I will be very relaxed and happy during the date / meeting.

 

Guess you will hear more from me after our date / meeting this Tuesday. Also please note I'm not advocating open communication lines instead of staying NC. You just have to do what feels right for you. If you want to take matters in your own hands and take on the confrontation, just do it. If you want to keep NC and move on, that's also a very clever choice. The point of all this is that you will never be sure of the right thing to do. Nobody can help you with this, you just have to find out for yourself.

Edited August 9, 2015 by NVO

[ThorntonMelon]

I'm not trying to get my ex back though

 

But I also want to avoid getting friend zoned

 

I do not plan to get my ex back

 

I don't want you to get your hopes up with me agreeing to see you.

 

trying to get some emotional connection

 

I will make it clear that I can not be 'just friends' and I am not planning to be friend zoned

 

I realize you're not the one asking for advice but I wouldn't go anywhere near that date/meeting. You're in no shape to meet with her. Actually, canceling it would be the alpha move (compared to the total beta move of showing up trying to observe her body language).

 

There is nothing wrong whatsoever with being in love with someone who doesn't want to be with you. There is just a problem trying to sell to someone who isn't interested.

[NVO]

I realize you're not the one asking for advice but I wouldn't go anywhere near that date/meeting. You're in no shape to meet with her. Actually, canceling it would be the alpha move (compared to the total beta move of showing up trying to observe her body language).

 

There is nothing wrong whatsoever with being in love with someone who doesn't want to be with you. There is just a problem trying to sell to someone who isn't interested.

 

Well, I thank you for your advice! I know what you are trying to say, and I let it cross my mind. I went anyway and just got back. I just want to clarify something: I'm not trying to trick her into loving me again. I read this eBook and I don't like the manipulating aspect of it. I did this for myself, and would like to share my experiences with you all. Ofcourse I was curious if there was some spark left between us, and this eBook did help me to get the right attitude. If it pays off? I don't know. But I have to admit: it is one hell of a dangerous game to play.

 

Since I asked her out, I did not contact her. Did not feel like it actually. Last night she texted me, she send a picture of my house and saying: 'I can see your house.' She was standing up on a high building near my house. This morning she texted me again, asking '2 o'clock right?' Normally I would be overanalyzing her texts, but I found it pretty easy to stop doing that. Guess I've made some progress here. Proud!

 

So, we met up and had a lunch. Sticked to my plan, let her do most of the talking. Actually, it was nice and fun. About half-way through, it did hit me that I like this girl. A month ago I would be devastated, but at that exact moment I also realized that I don't want her back right now. She told me about her plans to travel around the world, and besides this I mean come on, even if she would like to get back together, after all that **** she put me through I'm not going to take her back so easily. This was a strange feeling, but it also made me feel confident and more relaxed. She does not want me back, I don't want her back. That's fine.

 

She told me that she had seen a mutual friend of ours, and told her that we were going to have lunch. Our friend thought it was cute, and by the way my ex was telling me this, it sounded like our friend thought it was cute because she thought the lunch was about us getting back together. I find it hard to explain this in English, I hope you all can make something out of it haha. I did not respond to this though, I just kinda laughed. But, I did not bring up the friendzone issue. I just enjoyed myself the whole time. I figured that it's my own responsibility to set up and respect my own boundaries. Maybe I will regret this later on, maybe not.

 

At the end of our meeting we hugged. This hug was different than the one at the beginning of our meeting. She hugged me firm and long, and when I walked away she told me 'See you soon.' I just told her 'alright.' Do I want to see her again? I honestly don't know.

 

But what I do know is that I feel great! The period of NC healed me so well, but at the same time it also made me somewhat scared. Every time my ex would contact me, I was slightly tripping. To take this 'fight' to her was such a great feeling. I chose to deal with this sort of anxiety, and just confront my ex. And yes, of course it still hurts that she broke up with me. And yes, meeting up with your ex will definitely bring some of those feelings back. But man, knowing I can handle this makes me feel so powerful. It was definitely worth it!

Edited August 11, 2015 by NVO

[DJOkawari]

I'm glad it went well . Would you mind posting your thoughts in a few days, as well? I find that people conceive things a bit differently given a few days in situations like this.

[theredpill]

Think people rationalise to themselves that these books make things better, sure it will stop people doing the bad things, crying, begging all of which kill any future reconciliation.

 

The real indisputable fact is moving on and living your life, having fun... works far better than anything out there at not only getting you ready to meet someone else, but to attract the ex, if that's really what you want.

 

I would only ever think of reconciling if 99% of the problems were of my own causing and I'd taken steps to address them, otherwise it's gonna be short term.

 

If your partner had issues that turned you off, they're still going to be there, stick a fork in it.

[EverLastluv]

Yes I did many times with my fiance. The loving is sweet for the first two weeks then its back to square one. So before I consider taking his call again I think about the unresolved situations instead of great love making

[NVO]

I'm glad it went well . Would you mind posting your thoughts in a few days, as well? I find that people conceive things a bit differently given a few days in situations like this.

 

Thanks, and I will keep you posted.

 

I must admit that I feel some kind of urge to contact her right now. But since I am moving on, I can resist it. Besides that, I think it will only make matters worse. I'm giving it some time.

 

The 'See you soon' thing may be a hint to contact her, but I don't know if I will do that. I'm guessing that if she is interested, she will initiate contact. And maybe I will act on that. Any opinions?

 

Think people rationalise to themselves that these books make things better, sure it will stop people doing the bad things, crying, begging all of which kill any future reconciliation.

 

The real indisputable fact is moving on and living your life, having fun... works far better than anything out there at not only getting you ready to meet someone else, but to attract the ex, if that's really what you want.

 

I would only ever think of reconciling if 99% of the problems were of my own causing and I'd taken steps to address them, otherwise it's gonna be short term.

 

If your partner had issues that turned you off, they're still going to be there, stick a fork in it.

 

Exactly! You have to make the decision to move on and act from that position. I don't believe that those books will make things better either, but since I read this eBook I can relate to people who use it like some sort of guide. But the part that addresses you, as a man, to have sex with your ex asap because it will commit her to you is a big turn-off. I simply can not understand someone would have the nerve to write that kind of crap.

[NVO]

The day after I had a lunch with my ex, I finally got a call and I was invited to a job interview! I know it's nothing, but after weeks and weeks of writing application letters it sure is a very positive sign! And I'm enjoying it. I have a bachelor degree in Corporate Communications, but the market here in Holland really sucks at the moment.

 

It's been so hard the last few months, but it seems life is giving me some positive vibes! Let the good times roll! Feeling confident, and I just might give my ex a call tomorrow. Don't know how that will turn out, but if I don't try I will never know I guess.

[NopeNah]

I have a bachelor degree in Corporate Communications

 

Not to stray the thread,and without me googling...what is this?

[NVO]

Not to stray the thread,and without me googling...what is this?

 

Haha, well Corporate Communications is roughly translated from Dutch: 'Bedrijfscommunicatie.' It's about marketing communications, internal communications, PR communications and some (corporate) journalism.

 

I got the bachelor degree for completing my university of applied science. If you complete a university in Holland, which is one level higher than my educational level, you get a master degree.

Edited August 13, 2015 by NVO

[NopeNah]

Haha, well Corporate Communications is roughly translated from Dutch: 'Bedrijfscommunicatie.' It's about marketing communications, internal communications, PR communications and some (corporate) journalism.

 

I got the bachelor degree for completing my university of applied science. If you complete a university in Holland, which is one level higher than my educational level, you get a master degree.

Yeah...That confuses me..Thus,why I have my own companies..

[NVO]

So I just had contact with my ex. The second date is not happening. Ah well, at least I gave it a final shot. This way I will never have to blame myself for not asking or trying one last time. It's probably for the best and I rest my case.

 

I feel relieved actually. Relieved in a way that I don't have to worry about her anymore. I like her but since the focus was on her these days, I also became more aware of her flaws. She does not know what she wants. One day it's A, the next day it's B. So I realize that there was a great chance of her letting me down all over again. It also reminded me of the way she broke up with me, with a text in the morning saying it was for the best if we stopped seeing each other, out of nowhere. Sure, she also said that she wanted to talk that evening, but she dropped the bomb with a text. Very offensive and immature, after a almost 2 year relationship. I forgave her, but the memory is still there.

 

I gave it my all and although I made mistakes, her not communicating with me about her issues and making up her mind on her own without even letting me know what is going on, well I guess that's not something I am looking for in a girl. I don't know if I'm being idealistic right now, but if a relationship is about picking up signs instead of honest communication, I'm not in to it. At least we are on good terms, and I still enjoyed my lunch with her. It also gave me the opportunity to walk away after leaving a positive impression.

 

I'm very looking forward to my job interview and focusing on my career. Somewhere down the line there will be someone who is my match. And who knows, maybe it's my ex after all. But not now, and I'm definitely not taking the first step anymore. Back to NC, and keeping the focus on me like I have done the past weeks!

Edited August 13, 2015 by NVO