Heartbrokeninsd Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 Sorry for the long post. Written on my phone. I found out last week that my SO cheated on me. We have been committed for five months and are in a LDR (3hours). A couple of weeks ago she told me she had not been been feeling well. That she felt we lost some of the communication in our relationship. Well last week I felt something was off I snooped on her phone and found some strange looking messages. Things that she didn't tell me about. Not feeling well from drinking and other trivial information. I didn't say anything and went about my day. The next day I decided to look again and went into her photo album. I found two deleted pictures of another guy laying in her bed from two different days. I woke her up and asked here if here was anything she wanted to tell me a couple of times. She did not come clean. When confronted with actual information she actually came clean. We have gone over almost all of the details. How he spent the night four consecutive nights. How they went for breakfast one of the mornings. We have gone over most of the details and how much interaction there was. She says they never kissed and didn't have sex. I have asked her all the questions I can think of and she has answered everything. She revealed this was someone she kissed in the past. After looking further I also found out that one of the guys she frequently goes out with has feelings for her. I don't think she has any towards him but when we talked about that she brushed it off and said that he was drunk when he confessed his love. That there is no way he could love her. After talking about it some more she admitted to just ignoring the truth and that it was inappropriate. I have felt like **** listening to all the details. She has gone no contact but I don't think she told him not to contact her. I always tried to not be the jealous type but I have now asked she does not go out with any male friends alone. We have an open phone and social media policy, something which I also offered to her since it was one of my request. I'm trying to figure out what else to ask for. Should I try to talk to the other guy? Should I ask her not to delete any messages that he sends her. Do I ask her to notify me anytime a guy ask her out. It's been almost a week and I'm starting to feel better. She has talked with me everything I need to talk. She has given me an answer for all my questions. I still feel like **** and have moments of pure sadness. I have cried myself to sleep too many nights but she has been there to hold me. I tried very hard to give her everything she wanted. I have taken her to a few shows she has really wanted to see. Last night we went to a show with a bunch of my friends. We got really close to the stage and had a great time. Towards the end of the show I just thought about how hard I have worked to make her happy. In that moment she was having the time of her life. Then I was filled with rage. I felt so used, I felt angry. I actually left Her there and went to my car to have a smoke. I texted her that I would wait for her at the car. She found me when she got out and held my hand as we walked towards the car. I didn't say a word to her for the rest of the night. I try not to direct any anger at her but it's there. I can't help it. I just hide it well. I haven't told anyone. I don't know that I want to. I don't want people judging her and out relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 Ahhh dude. I'm sorry this happened to you. But; to be honest, this dude spent four consecutive nights and NOTHING happened?!?! In four nights sleeping in her bed alone with her? Dude, if you believe that, then I have a bridge to sell you. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 Ahhh dude. I'm sorry this happened to you. But; to be honest, this dude spent four consecutive nights and NOTHING happened?!?! In four nights sleeping in her bed alone with her? Dude, if you believe that, then I have a bridge to sell you. My thoughts too, 4 consecutive nights...why did he keep coming back? Because he was getting something! That's why. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 I found out last week that my SO cheated on me. We have been committed for five months and are in a LDR (3hours). While I may have advocated a 2nd chance if you were closer, cheating in an LDR indicates that the other person needs somebody closer. She can't be trusted not to stray & you aren't going to be there to catch her. You move forward by ending this & being thankful that you dodged a bullet early on, only 5 months. Then you find somebody local to date to avoid this problem. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 You just got handed a load of Shineola and if I were you I would re think this relationship. If she's cheating after only 5 months then it's obvious that this isn't going to work. One other thing. If this guy spent 4 nights with her, bet the house that they didn't just hold hands and tell stories. Just him being there with or without sex for four days when she's in a committed relationship is enough for you to know that she isn't who you would really want to be with, Move on and be done with it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokeninsd Posted August 6, 2015 Author Share Posted August 6, 2015 While I may have advocated a 2nd chance if you were closer, cheating in an LDR indicates that the other person needs somebody closer. She can't be trusted not to stray & you aren't going to be there to catch her. You move forward by ending this & being thankful that you dodged a bullet early on, only 5 months. Then you find somebody local to date to avoid this problem. We had actually talked about her moving down before this happened. Since I want to work things out she is moving down at the end of the month. I am the only thing she would have here. She is not moving in with me, she will have her own place. Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 We had actually talked about her moving down before this happened. Since I want to work things out she is moving down at the end of the month. I am the only thing she would have here. She is not moving in with me, she will have her own place. What were the consequences for her sleeping with another guy for 4 straight nights? Absolutely nothing! Bro.. Please please do not be so naive as to think that she just had this guy over and did nothing physical together. For goodness sake she took pictures with him in her bed! Never in the history of mankind has a guy spent the night at a girls place 4 nights in a row and now had sex. So your biggest hurdle is to get past the denial phase and accept the fact that another guy had sex with your gf. It happened. She only came clean after you confronted her with the evidence. Meaning she was not sorry at all because if she was she would've told you when you asked her if she had anything she wanted to tell you. Obviously once she's faced with the evidence she is going to apologize and lie to you to make it sound like nothing happened between them. You really can't be such a pushover to believe these things can you? The messages she's sending, the various guys she's talking to, the guy who she's having sex with in her bed for consecutive nights. She does all this and your reaction is to act like nothing happened and go out to dinner and shows with her?! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 Usual cheating GF response. Only admit to what you can prove. So she did not admit to all the sex. To get the truth schedule a polygraph test then tell her she has to take it. Then after you found out she cheated dump her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 HearthBrokeninsd: let me first agree with everyone here, there is absolutely no way the OG spent 4 nights with her taken pictures in her bed without having sex. it is normal for cheaters to only admit to what could be proven. with taht being said you have 2 options 1 toughen up and get out of this relationship it's only 5 months and BTW it is normal to have several bad relationships before you find the ONE. you haven't put any eggs in her basket yet. it will be hard first but you will move on 2 Stay with her: if you somehow decided to R with her, there is a define path to R and you should know it is not easy. it starts with her being remouresful and HONEST which is still not the case. good luck, if you were my bro or a close friend I would urge you to go with option 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zagan Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 Not only was she having sex with somebody behind your back for 4 days, she was basking in the fact that he was naked in her bed and taking photos of him. I'm sorry to be blunt but if you believe she didn't have sex with him then you're an idiot. I know that when it comes to the heart people often believe what they want to believe because it's easier than the hurt. In this case, you have the chance now to protect yourself from certain future hurt. If she has found it hard to stay respectful and loyal after only 5 months what do you honestly expect from this woman for a long term future? People shouldn't have to ban their significant other from being in the company of the opposite sex, they should be able to trust enough to know that it would never be an issue. It might hurt you, but you can heal, learn and move on and in time you will meet somebody who will not discard your feelings and most importantly will actually respect you. I don't think you or anybody else deserves any less. She will do it again, and this time you have a say in whether you will be around for that or not. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 Dump her ASAP and stick to NC with her for good. Then the feeling will just subside in time. Look, it's been just a couple of months and she's already cheating. And to make it worse, it's a LDR relationship, so you'll never know what she does anyway. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 Cheating 4 months in? This girl isn't into you. Of course she is not telling the truth. Remember she only told you when you showed proof. She would of never told you and continued. Now she'll continue but hide her evidence. She's a piece of work, he stayed 4 nights, went for breakfast, and she's telling you there was no sex, or kissing? I bet if you had proof she'd come clean to that, too. ..not worth the heartache & crying yourself to sleep. You deserve much better. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 I woke her up and asked here if here was anything she wanted to tell me a couple of times. She did not come clean. When confronted with actual information she actually came clean. She did not come clean either before or after you confronted her with actual information. All she did was change her lie to conform with the information that you knew and she could not deny. How he spent the night four consecutive nights. How they went for breakfast one of the mornings. We have gone over most of the details and how much interaction there was. She says they never kissed and didn't have sex. I have asked her all the questions I can think of and she has answered everything. She revealed this was someone she kissed in the past. Four nights in bed with a guy that she admits that she has kissed in the past. You caught her lying about it. Exactly what does it take for you to acknowledge that she had sex with this guy? If multiple photos of him in her bed is not enough proof, do you actually need a video of them doing it before you acknowledge what she, her lover, and most everyone on this site already know? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 Don't judge her? How can anyone not?? So she holds your hand, looks lovingly in your eyes and that makes her an angel??? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveRefreshed Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 Five months is nothing. In that time, she's cheated. She let another man stay in her bed four nights in a row. She admits to having inappropriate relationships with men who obviously like her. She's lied to you. Let's say this is the only 4 days it has happened. That is 4 days out of 150. She has spent three percent if your relationship in bed with another man. Dude, just ****ing move on. Break up with her. She's too immature for a real relationship with you, and you're only going to end up heart broken. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Young man, You have been given a gift, although you have not probably come around to that realization, yet. You have only Five months invested on a chick 3 hours away, who mind you, allowed another guy to spend 4 nights in her bed but of course nothing happened. It never does. That kid must have had a lot of cold showers over the course of 4 nights. Please, please, please! I implore you as a fellow human being to not subject yourself to one more second in the company of someone who would try to pull that crap on somebody. Have some self respect. No one deserves to be treated as you have been. It saddens me that you would even consider continuing in a relationship with such a toxic person. You have nothing to gain, but a lot of mental weight and baggage from her. RUN.....LIKE THE WIND! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 (edited) @OP: Does your idea of an exclusive relationship include allowing her to secretly date other men that she admits to have romantically kissed in the past, just as long as she does not have intercourse with them? Because from the other man's point of view, her spending the day with him, having dinner with him, and allowing him to share her bed with him, was at the very least one heck of a successful date. From my point of view, even without intercourse (which you are naive if you think there was no intercourse), secretly dating other men while in an exclusive relationship would be a deal breaker. Edited August 7, 2015 by Try 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokeninsd Posted August 8, 2015 Author Share Posted August 8, 2015 @OP: Does your idea of an exclusive relationship include allowing her to secretly date other men that she admits to have romantically kissed in the past, just as long as she does not have intercourse with them? Because from the other man's point of view, her spending the day with him, having dinner with him, and allowing him to share her bed with him, was at the very least one heck of a successful date. From my point of view, even without intercourse (which you are naive if you think there was no intercourse), secretly dating other men while in an exclusive relationship would be a deal breaker. Obviously it does not. I do have a plan to get the truth today 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Please do not worry about getting the "Truth". I know you feel like you need to get it, but for Pete's Sake, please use the time you would aste on seeking an uncertain answer on getting out and getting social. You seem like a really nice guy, and although it may seem hokey to you, I assure you that there are women out there that will not play games and she is right around the corner. Seriously. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
xcupid Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Very sorry to hear what happened, man. I can feel your pain and I know you're going through a lot of anguish right now figuring out what to do. The 4 nights this guy spent in her bed would be the deal breaker for me, sex or no sex. If a girlfriend did that to me it would be game over. Trust is broken. Hang in there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 I do have a plan to get the truth today If you use normal logic and common sense, you already have the truth, but she has you playing the cheaters game, where she wants you to ignore logic and common sense, as if the truth depends exclusively on what she (a proven liar) will admit. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Obviously it does not. I do have a plan to get the truth today You want something out of her ? 2 possible reasons : - you are the type who needs it written in stone to accept it - you do not have the self-esteem to do what needs to be done, don't think you can do any better and are procrastinating OTOH, she's a clear cheater. Take this viper to your bosom, and you have no right to complain of the obvious outcome. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
transparent_2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Young man, You have been given a gift, although you have not probably come around to that realization, yet. You have only Five months invested on a chick 3 hours away, who mind you, allowed another guy to spend 4 nights in her bed but of course nothing happened. It never does. That kid must have had a lot of cold showers over the course of 4 nights. Please, please, please! I implore you as a fellow human being to not subject yourself to one more second in the company of someone who would try to pull that crap on somebody. Have some self respect. No one deserves to be treated as you have been. It saddens me that you would even consider continuing in a relationship with such a toxic person. You have nothing to gain, but a lot of mental weight and baggage from her. RUN.....LIKE THE WIND! Very well said Space Ritual, this is the best advice i have ever read on this issue. Link to post Share on other sites
casa2015 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 She cheated... 4 consecutive nights sleeping in the same bed with a guy she once kissed in the past.. and you believe this guy didn't do/try/got anything with/from her? this guy who slept in her bed must be the slowest man ever!... i have slow friends who doesn't know how to pick up girls in bars and parties.. but they get some girls eventualy.. and none of them would be this slowpoke. stop being cheated and lied on... dump her, turn around and walk away from the explosion like a single self-respectful power ranger. Link to post Share on other sites
m.snow Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 If you want to pull the revenge card on her. this is a bad and evil advice, is she still willing to get on with you? does she still want to do it with you? are you still getting it with her? then keep her for now! no point in letting her go yet. if you can still enjoy her. why not. but she will never ever be marriage material. make it outside she your girlfriend but inside just a friend with benefits. so yeah use her, make love with her but don't invest in her. have her move with you. while with her try to look for a better woman. after you found one then just dump her. Link to post Share on other sites
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