Younger cousin is too friendly with main tormentor, I don't trust the girl

[Navigatorgal]

Hi, I need advice regarding my younger cousin's situation at her school. She's now going to enter 8th grade and school starts by the 24th of August at 9am. Though it's been ages since going to school, I went to her same middle school.

 

The situation is that towards late June (a couple months after her 13th b-day) her parents and I learned that her classmates have been giving her a hard time since Oct of 2014 and she kept this a secret, lying to us, telling all of us that it's going well when we asked. I found this through someone else that informed me and I told it to the parents. In addition, I noticed that she hardly ever go out with anyone, except with this girl that I now don't trust after learning what happened during this whole school year, esp when I read her journal detailing all the events.

 

There's a girl in her school (several inches shorter and lighter than her) named Dania that has been making her school year miserable for many months. Though others bothered her, that girl was/is her main tormentor. Two months after getting picked on, Dania came with her other friends and issued her an apology (well she apologized on behalf of the other girls) and stated how they can be friends. My cousin believed it but the following week, Dania told her that they were never friends and that it was all fake and how they were just pretending.

 

Dania was endlessly looking for a fight with my cousin from the beginning. My cousin could have own that girl and even some guys too (she's very good with hitting and blocking upcoming hits) but she didn't want to. However, in March several classmates were telling lies about my cousin so Dania could fight her. Then those classmates told my cousin that Dania insulted her mother. When my cousin confronted her, the girl replied ''So what if I did, what you gonna do about it'' along with ''Yeah you're tall but you're stupid''. The others were pushing Dania towards my cousin and the girl kept mocking and mildly shoving my cousin, telling her ''what you gonna do about it''. My cousin at one point had enough and retaliated by pushing her and punching her on the shoulder. The girl then proceeded to slapping her before leaving. My cousin went to the office but both of them were going to get suspended.

 

This is when Dania was desperately pleading with her to please forget it. Anyway my cousin ended up crying too (she's always been a mainly A student who never ever got in trouble) and supposely the girl then apologized to her, making this the second time. They both shake hands afterwards and ever since, the girl has gotten friendly with my cousin. Though, she gave my cousin a false number when they exchanged number. My cousin confronted her about it the next day and the girl supposely said it was an error and this time gave her the real number.

 

I'm I right in not trusting that girl? My cousin already fell for her fake friendship trick once. I still think the girl along with her friends are going to take advantage of my cousin and make a fool out of her again. The problem is my cousin is too forgiving. I think the girl is just acting friendly because she's trying to avoid getting in trouble base on how emotional she got when nearly getting suspended. I don't think that's real remorse.

Edited August 6, 2015 by Navigatorgal

[Navigatorgal]

anyone????

[S_A]

Sorry, at that age you can't trust girls. Dunno if it's hormones or what. Also girls seem to hold stronger grudges than boys. If I got in to a fist fight with a boy, we were fine with it 10 minites later. We either became close friends or stayed neutral but showed each other respect moving forward (it all depends if the guy was a bully to begin with, as I don't make friends with "rehabilitated" bullies).

 

Girls don't operate this way. They can be snake-like. I have a baby sister going through a sonewhat similar situation.

Edited August 6, 2015 by S_A

[Navigatorgal]

Sorry, at that age you can't trust girls. Dunno if it's hormones or what. Also girls seem to hold stronger grudges than boys. If I got in to a fist fight with a boy, we were fine with it 10 minites later. We either became close friends or stayed neutral but showed each other respect moving forward (it all depends if the guy was a bully to begin with, as I don't make friends with "rehabilitated" bullies).

 

Girls don't operate this way. They can be snake-like. I have a baby sister going through a sonewhat similar situation.

Thank you for your opinion, which indeed makes sense.

 

 

Would you say it's jealousy the girl can still be having towards my cousin? We've all been introduced to her a couple times (back when I wasn't aware of the events) and from what I know:

- My cousin is prettier and taller than her...as well as also be one of the smartest student in the class

- The girl struggles with math and has asked my cousin for help a bunch of times...for my cousin it's an easy subject

- She seemed impressed with how we've all been brought up as she comes from divorced parents

- In the beginning, she would compliment the house a lot and all say how my cousin is so smart and a good friend (off course back then we all thought it was a sweet girl and how my cousin was finally making a friend)

 

Should my cousin still continue hanging out with her? We haven't felt comfortable ever since finding out everything, esp how she treated her. My cousin has said that she's changed and is her friend now but I don't know. IMO, my cousin is getting BS.

[preraph]

You can't trust her or the actions of your cousin. Middle school bullying sucks and so does the way every school I've ever heard of in the way they punish both people for it. Your cousin needs to be loyal to the friends that have been loyal to her and not see this as a chance to do any social climbing by hanging out with this girl, but just to be minimally polite. Chances are like many bullies, once she saw she wasn't backing down, she probably began to back off. Bullies are usually cowards, but sometimes they are also people who got used to rough treatment at home and are truly dangerous.